Later, when she returned, she turned off the lights and crawled into bed beside him. He was sound asleep. Smiling, she pulled the covers up over his shoulders. She knew he’d gotten up early today to work in the barn before they headed to Gabe and Emma’s for dinner. She smiled happily, when he pulled her close to him and wrapped his arms around her.
“Are you awake?” she whispered.
“Uh huh, sorry I fell asleep.” He kissed the top of her head.
“It’s all right. Frank hopes I can get home by Christmas.”
“I’m sure you’ll be happy to get back to your home and job.”
That wasn’t anything like what she’d hoped to hear. She wanted him to tell her he didn’t want her to leave. That she should stay in Clifton. That she should stay with him. She blinked tears away from her eyes.
“Do you…do you want me to leave, Ryder?”
“It’s where you belong, Kelsey.”
She sat up pulling the covers with her. “Is it?”
“Yes.”
“Why?’
Ryder sat up and leaned back against the headboard. He rubbed his hands across his eyes and sighed. “Because this will never amount to anything in the long run. I told you I wasn’t interested in getting married and having kids. You’re the kind of woman who wants all that and more, and frankly, you deserve to have it. I’m not the one to give it to you.”
“You’re crazy if you think you’re anything like them. You’re nothing like them.”
“How the hell do you know?” Ryder shouted.
“I know you would never hurt anyone physically. Not a woman and certainly not a child. You’re not them, Ryder, and never will be. Frank and Grace raised you into the man that you are.”
“I have their genes. I’ve read up on it. It could be hereditary...and I won’t take that chance.”
“Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds? I’m sure you’ve gotten angry many times over the years. Have you ever struck out at someone? The first night I met you, that big lug at Dewey’s came after you but you didn’t hit him, until he took a swing at you.”
“You’re not going to convince me.”
“So, you’re going to be alone for the rest of your life?”
“If it’s for the best, then yes. Let it go, Kelsey.”
“I will not. Don’t I have any say in this?”
“No. Not in this you don’t.” Ryder swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He didn’t look at her. “Go home when you can. It’s the best thing that can happen here.”
“After we—”
“Do not go there! I told you from the beginning. Before this even got started. You knew, Kelsey. You knew nothing would ever come of it.”
She got out of the bed, pulled her robe on, and walked toward the door. She spun around and glared at him.
“Yeah, I knew but I didn’t plan on this either. I didn’t plan on falling in love with you—”
“Don’t!” He held his hand up as if to stop her from speaking, but he wasn’t going to stop her.
“Fuck you, Ryder. I will say it. I love you and you’re a fool if you let someone like me go.” She left the room, slamming the door behind her and walked to the bedroom she’d slept in when she first arrived. She crawled between the cold sheets and wept.
****
“Son of a bitch,” he growled at the empty room. Damn her. She had to go home, didn’t she understand? She might not think he could be like his biological father. But what if he was? He’d want to die if he ever hurt her, or a child. There was no way he was willing to take that chance.
Shit! He knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep now. He crawled back between the sheets and glanced at the clock. Only midnight. It was going to be one hell of a long night.
He lay there staring at the ceiling. He decided he’d call Frank tomorrow, hell, later today, and let him know she was returning to Atlanta. Frank would watch out for her. Damn, the only thing wrong with that was, Frank and Grace were on a cruise until the first of December. And she’d said her parents were in Canada, so now what? Well, she’d have to stay here until either her parents, or Frank and Grace returned. Whether she wanted to or not. Hell, whether he wanted her to or not. He couldn’t let her go back home and be there alone in case that maniac decided to go after her again.
Ryder frowned. He wondered if the creep was he still looking for her. Had he found out where she was? No, how could he? Why would he think she’d gone anywhere? Unless he’d called the hospital and found out, she wasn’t there. No one would tell him where she’d gone. Or would they? Were the police still actively looking for him? Or had they lost interest in the case? He couldn’t just disappear. He had to be somewhere and someone had to know where he was. Ryder was sure they’d checked with the man’s family, so where was he?
Suddenly, he wanted to call Frank and find out more about this jackass. He wanted to know who he hung out with, his friends, family—hell, his enemies. Every fucking thing he could. Kelsey couldn’t return home with that maniac still on the loose. She wouldn’t be safe. He could just be waiting for her to return but then again, he could have taken off, never to return. Somehow, Ryder didn’t think that was the case.
Chapter Eight
“I’m going home. I’ve called the airlines. You can take me to the bus station,” Kelsey announced as she entered the kitchen.
Ryder wasn’t in the mood for an argument as he was working on very little sleep.
“You’re not going anywhere until either your parents, or Frank and Grace, get home.”
“Nothing is going on. I’m going home. Either you take me to the bus station or I’ll get a cab,” she shouted at him from where she stood her back to the counter, and her arms folded across her chest.
“I’ll tie you to the damn bed if I have to. You’re not going anywhere,” Ryder shouted back.
“Ha! That’s the only way you’ll ever get me in your bed again!”
Ryder reached her in two strides and stared down into her face. She closed her mouth and her eyes widened. “Really? Should I prove you wrong, darlin’?” he said lowering his voice. He heard her gasp as she dropped her arms to her sides then clasped the edge of the counter as she leaned back.
“Back away, Ryder,” Kelsey said between clenched teeth as she glared up at him.
He grinned down at her, leaning in slightly. “Afraid I’m right?”
“No. I know you can make me want you. I love you, so why wouldn’t I want you?”
Ryder stepped back from her, feeling as if he’d been slapped. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s true and whether you want to admit it or not, you love me too. I know you don’t want to have kids, and I’m fine with that, but you’d never hurt a child, or me. I know that in my heart.”
“You don’t know shit. I’m not having this conversation with you yet again. It’s done and over with. I will never get married, and I will never have kids.”
“Then I’ll live with you. I don’t have to be married.” Kelsey shrugged. “I only have one close friend in Atlanta, Anne Llewelyn, and I’m sure she’d understand me deciding to stay here with you.”
“God damn it, Kelsey,” he roared wanting to punch something. “You just don’t get it. Just because we wouldn’t be married, doesn’t mean—”
“Bullshit, Ryder,” she interjected then sighed. “You know what? I’m the one who’s done. I’ll stay until the first, when Frank and Grace get home. It’s only a week. Don’t touch me or talk to me unless it’s absolutely necessary.” Kelsey spun on her heel and started to walk away when she suddenly stopped and turned back to look at him. There was disappointment in her blue eyes and it tore at him to see it there. “You’re a coward, Ryder Wolfe. A great big coward.”
Ryder watched her walk away until she disappeared down the hallway. He winced when he heard the door slam. She just didn’t understand. It would most certainly kill him if he ever hurt her, and it wasn’t a chance he was ever willing to take. He’d sp
ent so much time on the Internet and in libraries reading about how abusive behavior could be passed down generation to generation that he knew it was very possible he was just like his father. How could he ever take the chance? Shaking his head, he knew he couldn’t. He’d live alone for the rest of his life before he’d take the chance of hurting anyone the way his parents had hurt him.
****
A week later, Frank called to let Kelsey know he and Grace were home. Kelsey’s heart broke in to another million pieces. She knew the minute she walked out of this house, and Ryder’s life, it would break beyond repair. She was sure Frank knew something was up by the way he talked to her.
“Are you sure you’re all right, Kels?”
“Yes. I suppose I’m just nervous about coming home,” She was lying to him and somehow, she knew he knew.
“You’re sure that’s all it is?”
Kelsey cleared her throat. “I’m fine, Uncle Frank. Really. I’m just anxious to get back to my apartment, my job, and my life.”
“We’re all very happy to have you coming home but if something happens again, you’re going right back to Ryder’s place. Understood?”
“I’m sure I won’t be coming back here.” Her throat was closing up, threatening to choke her. “I need to get going for now but I’ll call you when I know what flight I’ll be on. Tell Aunt Grace, I love her. Goodbye.”
Kelsey placed her hands over her face and sobbed. Where was she going to get the strength to call the airlines and make that reservation? When she’d told him she had a week earlier, she hadn’t really because she’d hoped he would ask her to stay. She’d hoped she could get him to see that he loved her too but he was the most stubborn man she’d ever met. Now the thought of leaving Ryder and never seeing him again tore at her like a knife through her guts. How was she going to survive without him? No other man would ever completely own her heart because Ryder would always have it.
Taking a deep breath, Kelsey gathered the strength to call the airline and make a reservation. She then called the bus station to reserve a ticket, and then order up a taxi to pick her up first thing in the morning to take her to the bus station. It took every bit of her willpower not to break down over the phone.
She pulled herself to her feet, took out her suitcases, and began to pack. It was a good thing her mother had sent an extra suitcase when she’d sent extra clothes. The thought of asking Ryder for assistance in getting her belongings home just went against any sense of pride she had left.
Kelsey couldn’t keep the tears from falling as she packed. The hardest part was going to be telling Ryder she was leaving but she had to do it. She may be angry with him but she couldn’t just leave without saying goodbye. She closed the suitcases and after wiping her face off, she left the bedroom to find him. It was time.
She walked to the living room but didn’t see him there, so she headed to the kitchen. He wasn’t there either. Opening the back door, she listened. Since it was Saturday, she was trying to hear if she could hear his saws running, but she heard only silence. It seemed strange and made the ache in her heart worse.
Grabbing her coat from the peg, she put it on, and walked outside. The weatherman had said there was more snow moving in tomorrow, but she’d be gone by then. She’d come to love the snow. Ryder thought she was crazy for it, but she enjoyed it. Smiling sadly, she entered the smaller barn but the lights were out. Leaving there, she entered the main barn and after letting her eyes adjust, she walked down the aisle toward his office. Stopping along the way to talk with some of the horses and pet their velvet noses.
When she reached the door of his office, she stopped. He was in there. She saw him through the window. She knocked and poked her head in. He glanced up at her. She stepped into the room.
“I’m leaving tomorrow. I ordered a cab to pick me up and take me to the bus station tomorrow then I’ll take the bus to Butte.” He didn’t say anything as he continued to stare up at her. She blew out a breath. “I’ll be leaving first thing in the morning. The cab is picking me up at six.” Still nothing, he didn’t even blink. Kelsey could feel her temperature rising. “Say something,” she shouted at him, hoping for some kind of reaction.
Ryder stood slowly leaning his hands on his desk. “There’s nothing to say. You told me not to speak to you unless it was absolutely necessary.”
“You’re a real prick, Ryder Wolfe.” She brushed a tear away from her cheek.
“I may be a prick, but I’m an honest one. I told you how I felt, from the very beginning.”
“Fine. Goodbye then. Enjoy your life all alone. I may love you until I take my last breath, but I won’t be alone. I’ll find a man who will love me and give me children because he wants to.”
“I’m happy for you. Goodbye.” He sat back down, picked up a pen, and bent over a sheet of paper.
She was right. Her heart shattered. Damn him. Damn him to hell. He refused to look up again. He just went on working as if she’d told him the weather report. She turned, threw the door open wide, and ran out through the barn. Once inside the house, she ran to her bedroom, slamming the door once inside. Falling across the bed, she sobbed until she fell asleep.
The next morning, Kelsey carried her suitcases outside to the waiting taxi. The driver took her suitcases, and then helped her into the backseat. She glanced around but didn’t see Ryder anywhere. What did you expect? He told you goodbye. She quickly blinked back the tears and stared straight ahead. She never wanted to see Wolfe Ranch or its owner again.
Liar! Mentally shaking her head, she sat back and watched the countryside passing outside the window of the taxi. As she passed by each Stone property, she wanted to cry for the new friends she’d made but would never see again. She’d come to love the little town of Clifton, Montana. It would be a wonderful place to live, but that dream was gone. Just like Ryder Wolfe.
****
Ryder stood in the barn and watched as the taxi took her away from him. It was for the best, he kept telling himself. He knew he couldn’t give her what she wanted. She’d been right. He loved her, and he was a coward.
“Son of a bitch,” he muttered to himself.
“You let her go?” Cookie asked from behind him.
Ryder spun around surprised by the man standing there. “Yes. What the hell was I supposed to do?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Marry the woman, maybe? You’re in love with her, Ryder. Anyone with half a brain can see that.”
“Mind your own fucking business, Cookie,” Ryder growled as he started past him.
“I can see how it’s going to be around here now,” Cookie said making Ryder stop in his tracks.
“Yeah, well, if you don’t like it, then leave.”
Cookie laughed. “Like that’s ever gonna happen.”
Ryder shook his head. He shouldn’t be taking his anger out on anyone, especially a friend. He had the problem, not Cookie. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You know damn well I know you didn’t mean it. But damn it, Ryder. You love her.”
“I can’t give her what she wants, Cookie.”
“What’s that? You? The hell you can’t give her what she wants.”
“I can’t chance it. I’m not good for her.”
Cookie sighed. “Ryder, you’re nothing like that son of a bitch, or your mother. He’s a mean ass and she’s a drunk. They didn’t raise you. Hell, you were too busy raising yourself and taking care of their lazy asses. And when you couldn’t do it anymore, Frank and Grace did, and they made you into the good man that you are now.”
“I just can’t chance it,” Ryder repeated shaking his head.
“Then you’re going to be a miserable cuss to work with, that’s all I’m saying. I’ve got work to do.” Cookie walked away down the aisle of the barn shaking his head and mumbling.
Ryder watched him walk away. No one seemed to understand what he feared. They hadn’t lived what he had. He’d just have to go on without her. He could do it. He had t
o.
You sure as hell can’t! He took a deep breath in and blew it out. His heart ached and he couldn’t make it stop. She was right. He was a stupid fool for letting her go. But he was scared. So fucking scared. What if he lost his temper and hurt her? Physically hurt her. It would be far worse than the hurt he was causing her now. He’d hate himself.
Ryder walked through the barn and decided to work on the furniture. Maybe it would keep his mind off her. He had to concentrate completely on the wood, so he knew he’d at least get her out of his mind for a few hours. He dreaded tonight though, when he tried to sleep. Hell, he dreaded walking back into the house at all. It was going to feel empty. He’d never paid attention to being alone before but now, with her gone, it was going to be hell. Damn, he hated that she was so right.
Three hours later, he walked into the house and the silence surrounded him. No food was cooking. No radio was playing. There was nothing but deafening silence. Even the dogs seemed mad at him for sending her away. They lay on the floor with their heads on their paws and stared up at him with sad eyes.
“What? You knew she wasn’t staying.” Ryder stared down at them. He raised his eyebrows when they both stood, left the kitchen, and headed into the living room.
“Wonderful. Now my dogs hate me too,” he said aloud.
He thought about getting something to eat but he didn’t have an appetite. After taking his hat and coat off, he decided to shower. He walked to the bathroom and stripped out of his dirty clothes. He turned the shower on and soon steam filled the room. As he started to step into the stall, he saw her shampoo on the shelf. She’d forgotten it. Fuck!
Ryder Men of Clifton, Montana Book 5 Page 11