by Chant, Zoe
Euan shuddered. He’d failed the most basic test as a shifter – not to mention as a member of the Agency. He still remembered the way the lion’s furious anger had torn through him, obliterating everything in its path: all rational thought, all logic, all sense. All he’d known was the lion’s rage.
There was no way he could take on Delilah’s request to be her bodyguard. She needed someone who could keep her safe. And right now, Euan knew he was the last person for the job.
It didn’t matter how much turning her down caused a wrenching sensation in his chest, or how warm her hand had been on his shoulder. He just couldn’t do it.
“Oh – but, well, most bodyguards don’t turn into animals, do they?” Delilah stuttered after a moment. “I mean, unless there’s something I don’t know.”
“You’d be surprised,” Trent piped up. “I mean, those guys you sometimes see standing around in the background when the Prime Minister’s off visiting somewhere where someone might ask him a difficult question?”
Delilah nodded, wide-eyed.
“Shifters,” Trent said.
“O-oh. Right.” Delilah blinked, before laughing shakily. “Okay. Well. That’s… interesting.”
“It’s also for his own safety,” Euan said. Surely, now Delilah would understand why he wasn’t the man for the job? “So that’s why I’m asking you to choose someone else.” He swallowed. “Anyone else.”
Saying the words felt like dragging barbed wire through his guts. Especially when Delilah turned her beautiful black eyes back to his, blinking at him from behind her long fringe.
But it’s for the best, he told himself. The only thing that matters is her safety.
“Hmm. Euan, mind if I have a word with you? In private?”
Euan frowned, looking up at the sound of Hector’s voice.
Hector was looking at him with a mildly confused expression on his face, his eyebrows drawn together. Euan wouldn’t exactly have called Hector his friend – he was a work colleague he knew he could rely on, they weren’t friends – but he knew his reputation for being kind of hot-headed and impulsive. He’d calmed down a lot since meeting his mate, Myrtle, and the two of them had begun raising their adopted daughter Ruby together. But still, he’d rarely heard Hector picking his words so carefully.
Why? What do you want? were the first words that rose up in his throat, but he pushed them down as he saw Trent nodding along.
“Yeah. A word in private, Euan. Robb, can we use the office down the hall?”
Robb gave a quick, curt nod. “Of course.”
Euan looked at each of them in turn, annoyance rising within him.
What the hell is going on here?
The look in Robb’s eyes was hard, though, and Euan knew he couldn’t get out of whatever Hector and Trent were doing unless he wanted to clash with his boss.
Whatever it was they wanted to talk to him about, it wasn’t worth that, Euan decided, as, exhaling in irritation, he stood up from behind the kitchen table, following Hector, Trent and Rhys from the room. Unable to help himself, he glanced back at Delilah. She was gazing back at him, eyes wide, a slight frown on her lips, as if she was thinking.
“Brooke, would you mind showing Delilah around a little?” Euan heard Robb ask, followed by Brooke’s enthusiastic agreement, before he entered the meeting room down the hall, and Hector closed the door behind him. That done, Hector immediately turned to him, crossing his arms over his chest and giving him a level stare.
“What’re you doing, Euan?”
Euan frowned, returning his stare. What the hell is he talking about?!
“What do you mean?” Euan was aware he sounded angry, but right now, he just didn’t care.
Hector frowned, and Euan felt his hackles rising, readying himself for a confrontation. In the past, Hector wouldn’t have let being spoken to like that slide without firing back just as angrily. But now, to Euan’s surprise, he just shook his head.
“Euan, I’m not trying to downplay what happened to you, but…”
Immediately, Euan felt a growl rising in his throat.
The words you don’t understand the first thing about what you’re talking about crowded onto his tongue. He wanted to spit them out with as much venom as he could muster, but before he could, Trent cut in.
“I’m with Hec,” he said, nodding. “Euan, why’re you doing this?”
This time, Euan couldn’t hold himself back. “Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Euan, we all know what happened with you,” Trent said, his tone cautious, but softer than Euan had ever heard him speak before. “You told us you can’t shift, and I didn’t want to bother you with extra questions about it. I know if that happened to me, the last fucking thing I’d want to do is play twenty questions with my workmates about it.” He paused, swallowing. “So we haven’t bothered you about it. We’ve given you space. But clearly, it’s time we stopped doing that and staged an intervention.”
Euan’s mouth went dry. “What’re you talking about?”
“He’s saying everyone’s had enough of you moping around the office feeling sorry for yourself,” Rhys said bluntly, crossing his arms over his chest.
Hector shot his younger brother an angry look. “Rhys, that’s not very fucking helpful, mate.”
Rhys looked like he was about to start arguing, but seeing the look on Hector’s face, swallowed down whatever he might have said.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said gruffly a moment later. “I just meant people’ve been worried about you. And that it’s about time you got back out in the field.”
Anger bubbled in Euan’s chest, his fists clenching involuntarily. Didn’t they understand what had happened to him?!
He didn’t want to talk about this. It’d been hard enough admitting what’d happened to Robb and Brooke. He still didn’t know when he’d be able to forgive himself for what happened to Sam – or whether he’d ever be able to. He hadn’t been able to save him even with his shifter powers. How could he make a commitment to Delilah to protect her now that he didn’t have them?
“I can’t shift,” he growled out, leveling a furious stare at Hector, Rhys and Trent in turn. “I can’t feel my lion at all. Obviously that means I can’t use my shifter senses. And if I can’t use my shifter senses, then how am I supposed to keep Delilah – or anyone else – safe?”
The thought of Delilah in trouble – Delilah dying – because he wasn’t able to help her felt like a hot brand being seared into his chest. Just the thought of it left him gasping for breath, his heart hammering wildly.
Why does she affect me so much? he thought, shaking his head to try to clear it of the panic that was clouding his senses. Aside from anything else, the feeling was too close to how he’d felt when he’d had no choice but to push his lion away – push it so far down inside himself that it had never returned. The only other choice had been letting it take over his senses, his mind, and losing his human side forever.
But now, Euan wondered if it had been worth the cost.
“Euan, you don’t know that your lion’s gone forever,” Trent said, voice quiet. “You were able to get through your first shift back when you were a kid, weren’t you? That’s the real test – when you have to figure out if you can balance your animal and human sides. If you could get through that, then I don’t think your lion could be gone for good.”
“You don’t understand,” Euan shot back – and really, how could he? It wasn’t even something Euan felt he could explain. To reach for the animal that had been the other half of him, who had been with him for his whole life, and to find – nothing. Just a blank void instead of the companion he’d known. It was like suddenly not being able to access a whole section of his brain.
And more than that, it was almost unbearable to know that he was to blame, for not being able to control his emotions and keep his shifter side in check. And the guilt of knowing that even if he didn’t have his lion, at least he was still aliv
e, but not even being able to feel properly grateful.
Unworthy. I’m unworthy of her. I couldn’t protect Sam, and I won’t be able to protect Delilah.
“You have no idea –” he started to say, before Hector cut him off.
“Euan, he’s trying to help you. Don’t be an arsehole.” Hector’s voice was level, but it held a note of warning – but, more than that, Euan knew he was right.
He didn’t want to admit it. But he wasn’t sure he could go on denying it for much longer, either.
He looked down, gritting his teeth.
They’re trying to help me. They’re all trying to help me.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked after a long moment of silence. Frustration bubbled in his gut, but it was at himself, and not at them. Euan took a deep breath. “I know you’re right. I can’t keep on doing what I’ve been doing. But getting back out into the field when I’m like this –”
“I want you to take Delilah up on her request.” Trent’s words were simple and clear. “Clearly, you impressed her earlier. You were there when she needed you before. You got her safely away from whatever was chasing her. And –” a sly smile started to creep over Trent’s face, which Euan wasn’t sure he liked “– she’s clearly taken a shine to you. Why are you so resistant to taking on the job of bodyguarding her now?”
Euan shook his head. “No. Any job, but not that one.”
Hector and Trent exchanged a glance.
“Any particular reason?” Trent asked. “I mean – is it because she likes you and you’re not interested?”
Even though he’d already known what Trent had been going to say, hearing it aloud was still like being kicked in the chest by a horse. An angry horse. With a grudge against him personally.
Of course I’m interested!
He’d felt the warmth in his belly when Delilah touched him. She was a beautiful woman – possibly the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen in his life. And more than that, Euan had never seen someone with so much life in their eyes. Her personality shone through in them, lively and caring and utterly irresistible. There was no way he wouldn’t be interested.
“No, it’s not that,” Euan muttered, looking away.
“Then what?” Rhys asked.
Euan squeezed his eyes shut, before opening them again and forcing himself to look at his work colleagues.
His friends, who were trying to help him.
“What if,” he started, the unfamiliar experience of expressing himself openly and honestly to other people making his tongue feel heavy in his mouth, “what if I don’t sense some kind of danger? My shifter senses are gone, and they’re not coming back.” He swallowed. “What if Delilah gets hurt because of me? She needs someone who can make sure she’s safe.”
“Then we’ll be here to back you up.” Hector’s voice was sure and steady. “Delilah chose you. And what’s the alternative? You’re just going to give up?” Hector asked, his golden eyes glowing fiercely as he stared at Euan. “Say ‘Sorry, can’t do it’ and chuck it in? Excuse me, but that’s fucking garbage. Sitting here throwing a tanty isn’t going to fix anything. You owe it to yourself to at least try.”
“Try what?” Euan asked, his voice emerging from his throat sounding sharp and gravelly.
“Try to get your shifter form back.” It was Trent who spoke next, his voice softer than Hector’s. “And taking on the bodyguard job seems to me like the perfect opportunity. You don’t know that your shifted form is gone for good. Maybe taking on a job where you have to use your instincts will help you recover it. And if it doesn’t come back now… well, you’ll have us there to help you.”
Euan stared at him, his heart thudding in his chest.
He wanted to believe it. Desperately. But could he let himself hope like that? Could he let himself believe that he’d ever find his lion again?
Part of him wanted to tell Hector, Trent and Rhys to keep their noses out of his business. They didn’t know what he’d been through.
But a larger part of him knew they were telling him these things because they were trying to help him.
Because, for some reason, they care.
Euan had never been much of a team player. He’d heard others around the place calling him a lone wolf, and other, way more unflattering things besides – mainly variations on arsehole and thinks he’s too good for the rest of us.
That had only gotten worse since he’d lost the ability to shift. Not many people knew about it, and Euan had wanted to keep it that way. He didn’t care if people thought he was a standoffish prick. He did care about people staring at him with pity in their eyes, knowing his pathetic, shameful, shifterless state.
Looking around at Hector, Trent and Rhys now, Euan didn’t see any pity or sympathy in their faces – just determination to make him face up to his responsibilities.
Euan swallowed.
Delilah chose me. And no matter what I might think of myself, she has the right to make her choice.
And she had the right to feel safe while they tried to figure out just what the hell was going on here, and how she’d been caught up in it. If being protected by him was what made her feel safe, then he had to believe her and trust what she said.
Despite everything, he knew what Trent and Hector had said was right. He couldn’t run from this.
Shaking his head, he sighed.
“All right. All right. You’re right. I know you are.” The words were difficult to say, but as soon as they were out, Euan felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his chest. He forced himself to lift his head, looking each one of them in the eye in turn. “I’ll agree to be Delilah’s bodyguard.”
Hector nodded, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. “It’s the right choice, Euan. She seems pretty special, doesn’t she?”
“I know that,” Euan said. “Which is why I want to keep her safe.”
“Rhys and I will be back out there looking for whatever this mystery danger is in an hour or so,” Hector said. “We’ll have your back if anything goes wrong. What you need to do now is try to convince Delilah you’re not a surly dickhead with a face like a kicked biscuit tin.”
Euan’s heart sank.
Of course, Hector was right. Perhaps Delilah had changed her mind by now – he wouldn’t blame her at all if she had.
“I wouldn’t give up hope just yet,” Trent broke in. “Euan, the sooner you go start trying to fix things with Delilah, the better. Go tell her you were wrong, and you were acting like a tool, and you’re absolutely going to be her bodyguard.”
If she still wants me, Euan thought, his chest tightening, but he pushed the thought aside.
Nodding, he took a deep breath, and turned toward the meeting room door. As his hand hovered over the handle, however, Euan turned back, forcing himself to look Trent, Hector and Rhys in the eye.
“I just wanted to say… thank you. To you guys. I know I haven’t always been the easiest guy to get along with. So I appreciate you… taking the time to talk to me here, and help me get my head on straight.”
Getting the words out was tough – Euan wasn’t used to talking about his feelings very much. His father hadn’t been that kind of man, and his mother had died when he’d still been very young, caught in an illegal trap set by hunters while she’d been in shifter form. He didn’t have any brothers or sisters. He was used to being on his own.
Sometimes he envied Hector and Rhys – despite their competitiveness, it was obvious their love for each other, as well as for their older sister Evelyn, who ran the family cattle station with her mate Penny, ran down to the bone. They always knew they’d have each other.
Trent’s own background was a bit more mysterious, but Euan could see how easy it was for him to get along with people, and how quickly they liked him. He had a kind of laid-back, casual charm that Euan simply didn’t possess.
He was still getting used to the idea that he could really rely on anyone.
But I can still do my job.
Delilah had just had a hell of a scare, and then he’d acted like a wanker with his head up his arse when he’d refused to help her.
But he could try to make up for that now. If she still wanted him, he’d do what he could for her.
If it isn’t too late already.
Euan couldn’t stop himself from jogging a little as he made his way up the corridor toward the kitchen. He could hear Brooke and Robb’s voices from inside, so that must mean they were still there –
He rounded the corner, not bothering to seem as if he hadn’t been hurrying. Brooke and Robb looked up as he entered – but when Euan looked to where Delilah had been sitting, he found the padded bench empty.
She’s gone.
“Delilah, where did she –” he blurted out before he could think, his mind racing.
Did she leave after all?
It didn’t matter if she had, Euan thought in an instant. He’d go after her, find her, say whatever he needed to say to undo the damage he’d caused –
“She went to bed,” Brooke said, raising an eyebrow at him. “Unsurprisingly, she was pretty exhausted. So I showed her to the bedrooms and gave her some PJs. I’m sure she’s fast asleep right now, what with everything that’s happened.”
Euan felt himself deflating a little as Brooke spoke, his pent-up energy left with nowhere to go.
Did I miss my chance?
Euan shook his head. Hector was right – that kind of defeatist thinking wouldn’t get him anywhere. He had to try to prove to Delilah that he was a man worth her time after all, no matter how much, right now, he might appear not to be.
“Thanks for taking care of her, Brooke,” Euan said, meaning it sincerely. That was one thing he knew he could definitely count on – Brooke’s professionalism and kindness. At least he knew someone he could count on had been there for Delilah when she’d needed it.
“You should go talk to her in the morning,” Brooke said after a moment, her gray eyes piercing at she looked at him. She cocked her head in the direction of the meeting room he’d just come from. “I assume they dragged you off to go talk some sense into you.”
Ordinarily, Euan might have bridled a little at the fact that everyone was poking their noses into his business – and part of him still did. But just for once, he swallowed his annoyance down, and simply nodded.