by S. H. Kolee
“I’m sorry,” Kristina said, her expression changing from anger to simpering adoration. “I just want you to know the truth. You and I had something real before she came into the picture. You told me you loved me, and wanted to marry me and have kids with me. The only reason you got back together with her is because you felt guilty since she was so depressed about killing her best friend.”
“You bitch!” I lunged towards her to scratch her eyes out, but before I could make contact, Logan grabbed me and swung me away from her. I pushed on his arm around my waist, trying to get him to release me, but it was like an iron manacle.
An anger like I had never felt before overwhelmed me. It was bad enough that she was here to manipulate Logan, but I couldn’t bear to hear her speak about Cassie.
“You stupid pathetic bitch! You can’t accept the fact that Logan chose me, not you. And don’t you ever talk about Cassie again. You know nothing about her!”
I screamed in frustration, angry that Logan was still holding me back. I felt out of control and wanted to hurt Kristina as much as her words about Cassie had hurt me. Logan turned around so his back was to Kristina, and she was no longer in my line of sight.
“Shhh, calm down,” he said softly. “Calm down, Maddie.”
I froze at his words. It was the first time he had called me Maddie since waking up from the accident. Could he possibly be regaining his memory?
I twisted my neck to look at him, my heart blooming with hope. He had a concerned expression on his face as he looked down at me.
“Logan?” My voice was hesitant but hopeful. “Do you remember me? Is your memory back?”
He frowned and my heart sank. “No. Why do you ask?”
All the fight went out of me and I went limp, turning back around so I wasn’t facing him. “You called me Maddie,” I whispered.
Logan dropped his arm so he could turn me around to face him. His brows were furrowed. “Is that significant?”
I shrugged my shoulders, not wanting to go into it in front of Kristina. “That’s just what you always used to call me. You haven’t called me that since you lost your memory.”
Before Logan could reply, Kristina interrupted us. “Just because he’s calling you by a nickname doesn’t meant anything,” she said scathingly. Her voice turned gentle as she walked closer to Logan. “I want to help you, Logan. She duped you once into taking her back. I’m not going to let her do it again. You deserve to be happy. We were happy together.”
Logan took a step back from both of us. “Listen, this is a little too much for me right now. I’m really not in the mood to be in the middle of a tug-of-war. I want help getting my memory back, but not if it’s going to result in a cat fight.”
His words hurt. I wasn’t special. I was just another girl fighting over him. I felt my emotions shutting down. I didn’t know how to deal with this, and I began to detach myself from the situation as a matter of self-preservation. I stared at him with an expressionless mask on my face.
“I’m sorry,” Kristina said, looking penitent. “It’s just hard for me not to get emotional, because you’re so important to me.”
Instead of replying to her, Logan looked at me. I didn’t know what to say. I could argue that Kristina was lying, that he hadn’t left her because he felt sorry for me. I could tell him that the love we shared was the type that happened once in a lifetime. That he had told me time, and time again, that life was meaningless without me. But they were just words, and I had no way to prove any of it. So I said nothing.
“Maddie, maybe I should talk to her for a few minutes. It’s probably better if you leave the room for a little bit, because I don’t want you guys to start arguing again.”
Betrayal ran hot and deep at his words. It was even more painful to hear him dismiss me when he was calling me Maddie. The Logan I knew and loved would never do that.
I turned and walked out of the room, afraid that if I said anything I would burst into tears. I walked blindly down the hall, not even sure where I was going, when I bumped into someone.
“Sorry,” I muttered, not even looking at the person I had run into. I stepped to the side and continued walking, my head down.
“Madison.”
I looked up at my name, surprised to see Mack standing there.
“What are you doing here?” I asked numbly.
He held up a bag of food. “Lunch. Today it’s Thai food. I hope you like spicy.”
Mack grinned at me, but I just frowned. “Shouldn’t you be at work? I didn’t realize being a lawyer gave you so much free time.”
His expression turned concerned. “What’s wrong? You look like someone just told you Santa Claus doesn’t exist.”
I sighed heavily. “Kristina’s here. She’s trying to convince Logan that he’s only with me out of guilt. He asked me to give them some time to talk alone.”
Mack’s expression turned sympathetic. “Logan is just confused. He’ll get his memory back sooner or later. Even with his memory loss, I saw the way he was looking at you yesterday. Kristina doesn’t stand a chance.”
I gave him a weak smile. “I appreciate the vote of confidence. I’m sorry I’ve forced you to become my personal pep talker. It must be tiring, always having to cheer me up.”
Mack laughed. “It’s okay. You’re just lucky I’m so charming. Imagine if you got stuck with a dud to cheer you up.”
I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help laughing. Mack was indeed charming, and I was grateful not to be alone.
“Why don’t we grab a cup of coffee at the cafeteria while we wait for Logan to crush Kristina’s hopes and dreams?” he asked with a jaunty grin.
“Sounds good to me,” I said, feeling some of the gloom lift. Mack was right. Sooner or later Logan would recover his memory, and he would realize Kristina was filling his head with nonsense.
We made our way to the cafeteria and sat down at an empty table after we got our coffee.
“Have you decided when you’re going back to California?” I asked, as I took a sip of the scalding hot coffee. I grimaced at the strong, burnt taste, but it was better than nothing.
“There’s more work than I anticipated, so I’ll be staying for at least another week,” Mack replied, making a face when he tasted the coffee. “Is this coffee or tar?”
“They’re making you work through Thanksgiving?” I asked, ignoring his comment about the coffee. “That’s awful!”
He shrugged. “I could fly back to L.A. for Thanksgiving and then come back, but there’s no point. I don’t really have many relatives except for my grandmother and my uncle and his family. We’ve never really made a big deal about Thanksgiving. Some years we get together and some years we don’t.”
“What about your parents?”
Despite disparaging it, Mack took another sip of his coffee. “They both passed away in a car accident when I was in middle school.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” I said, putting my hand on his arm resting on the table. I realized that I knew little about the person who I had been leaning on so heavily these past few days. I wanted to ask more questions about his parents, but I also didn’t want to pry into his private business. Having his friend be in a car accident not once, but twice, must have been traumatizing for him, considering his past.
“It was hard losing them both at once, but sometimes I think maybe it was for the best. I don’t think either one of them would have wanted to live without the other.” He smiled at me. “They loved one another like you and Logan love each other. Logan jokes around about me dating a different girl every week, but there’s no reason to settle until I find that same kind of love.”
“I knew it,” I said, smiling back. “It’s all a guise, because you’re a romantic at heart. I bet The Notebook is your favorite movie.”
Mack laughed loudly. “I’ll have you know I’ve never even seen that movie. When it comes to romantic movies, Say Anything is more my speed.”
“I love that movie! Growing up, I
always wished that someone would hold up a boombox outside my bedroom window to profess his undying love to me.”
Mack raised an eyebrow. “That’s all it takes to win you over? Logan should’ve tried that years ago.”
The mention of Logan sobered my thoughts. For a moment, Mack had taken my mind off my troubles, but now I was consumed with wondering what Kristina was saying to Logan.
Mack must have noticed my mood change because he steered the conversation to lighter topics, but I was distracted by my worried thoughts. I checked my watch. It had been almost an hour since I had left Logan’s room. That was plenty of time for them to talk.
“Maybe we should go back,” I said. I nodded toward the bag of food. “Plus our lunch is getting cold.”
“Sure,” Mack replied, grabbing the bag of food and pausing to throw out our coffee cups before following me out of the cafeteria. We were silent most of the way back to Logan’s room, but cardboard cutouts of turkeys decorating a bulletin board behind the nurse’s station reminded me about Thanksgiving.
“Since you’re not going home for Thanksgiving, why don’t you spend it with us?” I suggested. I hoped that plans with Logan to spend Thanksgiving together weren’t going to be changed because of Kristina. “I’m not the greatest cook, but I can make a crack at making the turkey.”
“I’d like that,” Mack said with a smile. “Thanks.”
I didn’t say anything else because we had reached Logan’s door. I took a deep breath before opening it. I steeled myself for another confrontation with Kristina, but Logan was alone in the room.
“Where’s Kristina?” I asked, hoping that she was gone for good.
“We talked and I told her it was for the best that she leave for the day.” Logan didn’t explain further, and I was itching to know exactly what had transpired between them. I couldn’t resist digging for details.
“What did you guys talk about?” I felt pathetic for asking, but I had to know.
“She just told me about our past relationship. She made it sound like we had a great romance akin to Cleopatra and Mark Antony.” Logan gave a mock frown. “Maybe that wasn’t the best reference since they both ended up dying.”
I didn’t know how to take Logan’s levity at the situation. On one hand, it was good that he didn’t seem to be taking Kristina seriously. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure I liked him joking about such a serious matter. My emotions were being put through the wringer while Logan made light of the situation.
“Are you going to see her again?” I hated asking the question and I felt embarrassed that I looked so desperate in front of Mack, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
Logan’s expression turned serious. “I think it’s a good idea for me to talk to as many people as possible to help jar my memory.” He walked a few feet to close the gap between us and raised his hand, cupping my cheek and brushing his thumb against it. “But you have nothing to worry about. Even without my memories, I know that she’s no comparison to you. Even if my mind can’t remember, my body knows that you and I belong together.”
I swallowed hard at his words. I anticipated his kiss when he leaned down, but the sound of someone clearing his throat made me freeze. I had completely forgotten about Mack behind me.
Logan straightened, looking annoyed, but it was replaced with a smile when he saw Mack. “You, again. Didn’t you say you were in town for work? How much work can you get done when you’re always here?”
Mack held up the bag of food. “Hey, we all have to eat, even someone as impossibly awesome as me.”
Mack’s joke set the mood and we had an enjoyable lunch, although my mind kept straying to Kristina. I wondered where she was right now, and what she was planning to do. I wasn’t naïve enough to think I was rid of her. I wanted to give Logan the third degree about their conversation, but it would be too desperate. Besides, Logan had already reassured me that I had nothing to worry about. If only I could believe him.
Mack had to return to work after lunch, leaving me and Logan alone.
“Are you looking forward to going home tomorrow?” I asked.
“Absolutely. I’m tired of being confined to this room, and every time a nurse comes in, she tries to make me lie down.”
“Mack is extending his trip and will be in town next week. I invited him to spend Thanksgiving with us.” I paused before continuing, hoping our plans hadn’t changed with the appearance of Kristina. “Do you have a preference of doing it at your place or mine?”
“Why don’t we do it at my apartment,” Logan said, leaning back against the couch. “I want to be someplace familiar.”
I wanted to tell him he was plenty familiar with my apartment, considering he spent half his time there, but I didn’t push it. It was frustrating for him not to remember, but getting upset wouldn’t help.
I stayed a few more hours before leaving. I had offered to come back the next day to help Logan home after he was discharged, but he insisted it wasn’t necessary. Truthfully, I was afraid that Kristina would show up again, but Logan said he would prefer it if I just came over to his apartment later in the day. I wanted to argue, but I had to remind myself that despite Logan losing parts of his memory, he wasn’t a child, and he was more than capable of getting himself home.
Emily called later that night and we spent over an hour on the phone as I told her about everything that had happened today. She then dropped the bomb that there was a chance she was moving to New York. Her boss wanted to open another office there, and she was considering sending Emily to help set it up. I was enthusiastic and encouraging about the prospect because I knew Emily was excited about it, but I was scared to lose her. There was already the possibility of losing Logan, and now my biggest support system was possibly moving. I swallowed my fears and told her I hoped the move happened for her sake, although I would miss her.
Between my anxiety about my relationship with Logan, and Emily potentially moving, the only way I was able to fall asleep that night was with the aid of a few sleeping pills. I promised myself I would give up the crutch of pill popping to fall asleep, but for now it was the only way to get some peace.
Chapter Nine
I anxiously waited for Logan’s call the next day. He had said he would contact me once he was back at his apartment so I could come over. As it got later in the day, I began to worry that he was with Kristina and that was the reason he wasn’t calling me. I couldn’t help but feel angry. Just when things were going well for me and Logan, the unthinkable happened to put us back to square one. Despite his earlier pledge that he knew we belonged together, the reality was he had no loyalty to me. How could he when he didn’t even remember who I was? Sure, we still had a physical connection, but was that enough to sustain a relationship, especially with Kristina breathing down our necks?
I felt like I was going to burst from nervous energy when my phone finally rang. I snatched it up, relieved to see that it was Logan.
“Hi. Are you back home?”
“Yeah, sorry I didn’t call earlier but the doctors insisted on running some tests before discharging me. They finally let me leave when everything came back normal.”
It was a relief to hear Logan’s voice, and I was even more relieved that his delay in contacting me wasn’t due to Kristina.
“Do you want me to come over?” I asked hesitantly. It was the strangest sensation to feel so close to someone, yet also feel like they were a stranger. Prior to his accident, I wouldn’t have thought twice about coming over. Now I had to worry that I wasn’t imposing myself on him.
“Of course. I’m looking forward to seeing you. I assume you know where I live.”
I laughed. Now that I knew he wanted to see me, some of the tension left my body. “Considering I probably spend more time at your apartment than mine, I’m pretty sure I can find it.”
I was eager to see him and rushed to grab my things and shove them into an overnight bag after we hung up. I hadn’t asked whether he wanted me to stay over
, but I made the assumption that I would be spending the night. Now that he was out of the hospital, I needed to push him to remember, and there was no better way than being intimate.
I caught a cab to his place, not wanting to wait for the L train. I waved to his doorman, who smiled and let me up without question. I forced myself to calm down before I rang the doorbell. I had a key I could use, but even though I wanted to push his boundaries, I thought it best not to just barge into his place.
I drank in the sight of him when he opened the door. Seeing Logan against the backdrop of his apartment was so achingly familiar that it sent a rush of emotion through me. I would do anything to get Logan’s memory back.
“Thanks for coming over,” he said with a smile as he stepped back to let me in. Our interactions had a weird mix of formality and intimacy. We had shared an amazing kiss, yet Logan still treated me like a polite acquaintance at times. I was going to make sure that changed tonight.
“Of course,” I said as I dropped my bag next to the sofa. Logan followed me into the living room, stopping a few feet in front of me.
“Would you like something to drink?”
I hadn’t expected this awkwardness coming over to his apartment tonight. I thought once he was out of the hospital, the familiar surroundings would make things easier. Instead, it just made me uncomfortable. I was used to treating Logan’s apartment as my home, and here he was asking if I wanted a drink like I was a guest. It had been easier at the hospital where it was neutral territory.
“Sure,” I said, masking my awkwardness with a smile. I reminded myself that this was a work in progress. It would take some time for us to be completely comfortable around each other again. “I’ll take some of the cabernet sauvignon.”
Logan quirked his mouth. “It sounds like you have a better idea of what I have to drink than I do. I wasn’t even sure I had wine.”
I smiled at him. “We pretty much spent every waking minute together. Actually, the non-waking ones, too. We spend a lot of time at each other’s apartments.”