He arrived at FBI headquarters at six that night. When had he last slept? A bit on the plane when Jack took over flying.
He didn’t care. His life was falling apart around him.
Noah greeted him at the door. “You look like shit.”
“Good to see you, too, Noah.”
Noah almost said something else, but didn’t. “I would have waited until tomorrow, but we have a time crunch, and I need my ducks in a row before I talk to the judge tomorrow. But the most important component is Jesse.”
Sean pushed Lucy out of his head—as much as he could. His fears still clouded his head, but if Jesse was in trouble … He had to be able to fix one thing in his life.
“What happened?”
“Hooper and I took his statement. Do you know what he knows?”
“Some.”
“He figured out what Spade was doing and has some dangerous information. He’s a witness. Hooper doesn’t think we need him to testify against the Flores crime family, but they’re going to know he could potentially testify.”
“RCK will do everything to protect him.”
“Spade agreed to turn state’s evidence. He’s working with the AUSA now putting together his statement. He’s going to testify so Jesse doesn’t have to—on the condition that he and his family are put into witness protection.”
Sean stared at him. He might be slow tonight, but he knew what that meant.
“That bastard.”
“Sean—he knows a lot. We can take down not only the remaining Flores cartel members, but others.”
But if Jesse was in witness protection, Sean would never see him again.
He was losing both the love of his life and the son he barely knew.
“Let’s sit down,” Noah said and steered Sean into his office. He closed the door. “What’s going on?”
There was no way in hell Sean was telling Noah about what had happened between him and Lucy.
“It’s been a long fucking week.”
“Jesse had a lot to say.”
Sean didn’t say anything.
“He sees you and Kane as practically superheroes.”
“We didn’t do anything we wouldn’t have done for another kid in trouble.”
“He doesn’t want to go into witness protection. He refused, in fact. Had some choice things to say about his stepfather. But at the core, he realized that if he goes into witness protection, he’ll never see you again.”
Sean had no idea what to do or say. He didn’t know how to fix this. He didn’t know how to protect Jesse and get Lucy back.
“Hooper is bringing Madison and Jesse here. I think you are the only one who can convince Jesse that this is the best thing for him.” Noah paused. “Sean—RCK is the best in the business, but can you honestly say you can protect Jesse and his mother? Because Madison made it clear if Jesse doesn’t go, she won’t go. And Carson Spade made it clear if his wife and stepson aren’t with him, he’ll go to prison before turning state’s evidence.”
“Which puts Jesse in danger because he knows too much. Goddamn that bastard.”
“Where’s Lucy?” Noah asked.
I don’t know.
“Home.”
Noah stared at him. What did he know? That Sean had fucked up? That he was losing the only good thing in his life? Sean couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said, what he’d done, how he’d screwed up. He thought … Hell, he didn’t know what he was thinking. When he was in Mexico, it was so easy to believe that when he told Lucy, she would understand. She’d listen, she’d realize that he hadn’t had a good opportunity to explain before he left …
He’d lied to himself. Just like he lied to Lucy. He knew he should have told her the truth from the beginning, but he was scared. He didn’t know why. Lucy would never have left him because of Jesse. She’d never have walked away.
She’s leaving you because you lied to her.
He wanted to take it all back. He didn’t know how to fix it.
“Are you okay, Sean?”
“No.”
He didn’t elaborate. He couldn’t. This was Noah Armstrong. He was half in love with Lucy; he’d told Sean before he didn’t think Sean was good enough for her.
“Did Lucy tell you what happened in Laredo?”
“I don’t want to talk to you about Lucy.”
“I don’t care what you want, Sean. You need to listen.”
“You were just waiting for me to fuck up.”
“Get over yourself. You did this, Sean. You fucked this up. But Lucy loves you.”
“Don’t. Just … stop.” Every muscle in Sean’s body was coiled and ready to pop.
“I’m not your rival. I’m your friend. More, I’m Lucy’s friend. She went through hell these last three days. You went through your own crucible. I’m not judging you. I was in college once. I’ve made mistakes. We all screw up, Sean. But right now, this isn’t about you. It’s about Lucy. This case was horrific. It affected me, and cases don’t affect me. None of us working this have slept much in four days. But through it all, Lucy went above and beyond. She needs time. She needs you.”
“I fucked up, Noah.”
“I know. Fix it.”
“I don’t know how.”
“You’ll figure it out. You always do.” He slid over a newspaper. “The unidentified FBI agent in the article is Lucy. I’m going to check on Hooper. I’ll get you when they’re here.”
Noah left Sean alone in his office. Sean picked up the newspaper and read the article Noah pointed to.
Laredo, TX—A violent shootout Wednesday night resulted in seven dead, six injured—including two Webb County sheriff’s deputies, one of whom is in stable but critical condition—and three arrests.
Webb County Assistant Sheriff Adam Villines reported that at approximately 0900 hours, he and two officers canvassed a neighborhood where they believed a woman was being held against her will. When they approached a ranch house on the 1800 block of Westwood Avenue, they were fired upon. Officer Tom Franz was shot twice point-blank in the chest and thigh. He’s in critical but stable condition following surgery.
After a short but tense standoff, the suspects began to shoot hostages. Three of the six hostages were killed before SWAT was able to secure the scene. During the assault, four suspects were shot and killed and three were taken into custody. Two were transported to the hospital but are expected to make full recoveries.
But the hero of the night was a rookie FBI agent whose name was withheld for her safety. One of the hostages was a pregnant woman who was used as a shield by Lance Dobleman, one of the suspects. According to witnesses, Dobleman shot the unidentified pregnant woman in her neck before SWAT officers immobilized him. With her dying breath, she begged the officers to save her baby. The paramedics were en route, but the life of the infant was at stake. The rookie FBI agent, who has had some medical training according to her commanding officer, performed an emergency C-section with the assistance of the SWAT medic. According to Dr. Laurel Davidson with the children’s hospital, the quick thinking of the officers saved the baby’s life. Unfortunately, the mother died from her injuries.
“If the FBI agent didn’t perform the surgery immediately, even in the horrific conditions, that baby would have died,” Davidson said. “Even so, it’s a miracle that the baby survived.”
The nurses at the hospital are calling the miracle baby Lucia.
Villines said that this is the end of a black-market baby criminal organization that has resulted in the sale of more than six dozen infants over the last two years. The FBI and Webb County Sheriff’s Department have been working together …
* * *
Noah brought Sean to where Jesse was sitting in one of the FBI conference rooms. It was late, so no one was in the office except for them and the small team Dean Hooper was working with in the White Collar Crimes Division. “Hooper is talking to Madison. You have about ten minutes.”
Sean looked Noah in the eye and said, “Thank
you.”
Noah squeezed his shoulder. “Sean, it’s going to be okay. Things will work out the way they are supposed to.”
Sean closed the door and sat down next to Jesse. He looked tired, scared, and determined.
“Hey.”
Jesse looked at him. “I’m not going.”
“They can’t make you.”
He seemed surprised by Sean’s comment. “Exactly.”
Sean wanted to tell him about Carson Spade’s selfish ultimatum. He wanted to tell Jesse that he could live with him. He wanted it … but in the back of his mind, he knew that wasn’t the right call. There were too many things going on, too many people involved, too many dangers.
“You have to want into the program, follow it, or it doesn’t work.”
“I hate Carson.”
“You don’t.”
“Don’t tell me what I think. You know what he said? He said he talked to my mom all week. But he didn’t. And then he said the phones weren’t working so I couldn’t call her. He just didn’t want me to talk to her at all. To ask about you or tell her what was going on. And now I know he’s a criminal, that he was working with those people. And that they do really bad things.”
“He’s going to risk his life to testify against them.”
“Only because he was caught. Why should he go free?”
Good question.
“Jesse, I’m not going to defend what your stepfather did.”
“Carson. He’s not my stepfather. I refuse to call him anything. It’s not fair.”
“Life isn’t fair, Jess. It’s not. It sucks sometimes.” He didn’t know how to get through to him. “Look, Carson did some shitty things. But there are worse people out there, and what Carson knows will help catch them. Put them in prison.”
“But why do I have to go? Why can’t my mom and I just leave him?”
Because Carson is an asshole.
“You and your mom will always be in danger.” Sean paused, assessed his son. When he was growing up, he hated when people talked around the real issues. Like the overdose of his older sister, Molly. Or why Kane left the Marines to become a mercenary. Things Sean may have been too young to know, but that he should have been told. “Did anyone tell you the danger you are in?”
“Because of Carson.”
“Because of what you know. You, Jesse. You witnessed things … saw people you probably should not have seen. Heard things. We don’t know the fallout from what happened at the Flores compound, but we do know from past experience that there is always someone to fill the void. Carson put you in a dangerous situation, but you’re a smart kid, and you know too much. Things that could put you and your mother in danger. I don’t know that I can protect you.”
Jesse’s lip quivered. “I … I don’t want to never see you again.”
“It won’t be like that.”
He slammed his fist on the table. “Yes it will!”
“We’ll work something out. I have friends in high places.” Sean couldn’t bear the thought of losing Jesse. He’d just found him.
“My mom said I can’t see anyone I know, that we’ll be moving someplace, a different city, different names, different everything—and I would never see you again.”
Sean wanted to throttle Madison, and not for the first time.
“Jesse, I won’t let that happen.”
“You won’t have a choice. Only I have a choice. I … I … I want to see you again. I mean, I guess it sounds weird, but I feel like, I don’t know, I don’t really know myself because I never knew my real dad.”
Sean’s heart was breaking. He had to be strong. “It doesn’t sound weird.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
Sean put his hand on Jesse’s arm, and then he said, “Can I hug you?”
Jesse put his arms around Sean’s neck and Sean squeezed him tight. Tears burned, and he didn’t know how he was going to fix anything. He didn’t even know if he could promise Jesse anything. But dammit, something had to go right for once. Something had to work.
Sean took a deep breath and settled Jesse back in his chair. “I can’t promise anything, but if this is important to you, as important to you as it is to me, I’ll move heaven and earth for visitation. The US Marshals must have dealt with something like this before.”
Jesse sniffed and wiped his eyes.
“You’d do that for me?”
“Yes—I’m doing it for me and you. I just found you, Jess, and I don’t want to lose you.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I’ll go. I’ll do the stupid program—on one condition. I get to talk to you. I get to visit.”
“I think that sounds reasonable. And fair.”
“You said life wasn’t fair.”
“It’s not. That’s why you always have to work to make things right.”
* * *
It was nearly midnight before Sean got home. He hadn’t heard from Lucy, hadn’t talked to her or seen her; he didn’t know where she was going or who she was staying with.
Her car was in the garage. For a split second he had hope … but what if she had a taxi pick her up? Or a friend? Who would do that?
Anyone in her office. Or Brad Donnelly, the DEA agent she worked closely with.
That twinge of jealousy hit him again—the same kind of jealousy he had with Noah. Two federal agents who had more in common with Lucy, who liked her, who would move right in if Sean walked out.
But Sean wasn’t walking out. Lucy was.
But her car was there.
Please, God—I haven’t talked to you since I was a kid, but please, I need her.
The lights were off downstairs. He walked to his bedroom—their bedroom—and Lucy wasn’t there.
But a dim light came from the small room off their bedroom, the sitting room that Lucy liked to use as her office.
He opened the door.
She sat in her comfy chair looking out the dark window. The comfy chair she read in, she worked in, and sometimes she fell asleep in. She was fully dressed, but her shoes were kicked off into the corner.
Maybe she was a mirage. Maybe he just wanted to see her, so he did. Tonight he’d been hollowed out, torn apart, and he feasted on her with his eyes.
He had so many things to say to her.
I thought you were leaving me.
I’m sorry.
I failed you.
Instead, he said, “I love you so much.” His voice cracked and tears that had been burning inside poured out.
She got up and walked to him. She kissed him. He grabbed her, held on tight, and cried. “I can’t lose you,” he said. “I hate myself for hurting you.”
“Shh,” she murmured and led him to her chair. She sat him down and climbed into his lap.
“Don’t leave me.” He didn’t want to beg … but yes, he would beg. He was wrong. He had to convince her he regretted everything.
“I love you, Sean. We’ll work through this.”
She held him close, like he’d often held her, and he ached. How could he explain anything he felt? Lucy was the most important thing in his life. More important than his life. Without her, he was an empty shell without meaning. He’d been searching for something intangible for so long, and when he found Lucy he knew she was it. She was his beginning and his ending; she gave him hope and purpose and a deep joy he couldn’t explain. And he’d fucked it up.
But she had forgiven him. Or she was forgiving him. Maybe it would take him time, but he would spend every moment of the rest of his life showing her that her forgiveness was warranted.
It was several minutes before Sean could speak. “They’re going into witness protection.” His voice was a squeak.
“The Spades.”
“I want to be in Jesse’s life.” He took a deep breath, trying again to control the intensity of his feelings. “I may never see him again.”
“You will.”
He could hope, but if Madison didn’t agree to it, it
would never happen. He wasn’t even on Jesse’s damn birth certificate. As far as the world was concerned, he had no rights to Jesse. No rights as a father. Anything he got now would be because of Madison, and that pained him. Sean had promised Jesse he would do everything he could to ensure that he had visitation rights, that the marshals could make it happen … but Noah and Dean weren’t certain they could make it work.
They would try, though. They wanted to make it work, almost as much as Sean did.
Lucy shifted and he grabbed her and pulled her closer. “Don’t leave.”
“I’m not leaving,” she said. “I think we should make dinner or something.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Sean, why are you so terrified that I’m going to leave you?”
“Because you said you were.”
“I was hurt and angry,” she said. “I was ready to walk away to clear my head. But you know I love you. You’ve always known, from that first moment when I came to your house in DC in the blizzard almost two years ago.”
“Nothing sticks to me.”
“I don’t understand.”
He was already an emotional wreck. But saying it out loud … it was still hard. “You know my parents died in a plane crash. What I’ve never told you was that I was also in the plane.”
“In the plane crash?”
“My mom died on impact. My dad was … broken. I had bumps and bruises but that was it. The plane was a goner, but I salvaged what I could. I worked day and night on the radio and fixed it. I purified water, I killed rabbits to eat, and I made a fire. I fixed everything, except my dad. He died three days later. I didn’t know how to fix him. We were in the middle of nowhere, and I couldn’t fix anything. If only I was smarter, if I could have fixed the radio faster, if I knew what to do to help my dad…” He took a deep breath, trying to stop the waves of guilt and regret and pain that rushed over him. “I buried them together.”
“You never told me.”
“No one knows, except Duke and Kane. And … I never told them my father survived for three days. I couldn’t accept that I couldn’t help him.
“I think that’s why Duke has always been hard on me. Not just because I was a fuckup as a teenager and in and out of trouble, but because he blamed me somehow for what happened.”
The Lost Girls Page 38