by Kelly Ethan
Xandie shook her head. The pet show circuit was a regular soap opera. Villains, blackmail, affairs and murder. A writer could make a financial killing with these storylines.
“Well, well. If it isn’t the prodigal granddaughter lurking outside the grooming tent. We’re dishonored by your presence.” Elspeth Harrow stood, tapping her pointed black boot on the muddy ground.
Xandie took in the sartorial cliché her grandmother was currently sporting. A thick burgundy velvet cloak with a voluminous hood landed mid-calf. Glittering rings in a variety of gaudy colors adorned Elspeth’s fingers and black-and-white striped stockings with sharp pointed leather ankle boots completed the witchy picture. “Which wicked witch are you?”
From the depths of the hood, Elspeth intoned. “One you’ve never encountered before, librarian. Cross me and I will hex your laces so you always trip.”
Family... “Okay, what I did I do now?”
Elspeth shoved the hood back, revealing today’s neon green wig. “Talent practice. Remember? Except Xandie Meyers didn’t show because she’s consumed with catlike curiosity about death, which will probably get her offed someday.” Elspeth wound down with a huff.
“Your lung capacity for an older witch is impressive.” Xandie sighed. Getting mouthy with Elspeth never worked, but cowardly crawling did. “I’m sorry, my wise and talented grandmother. You’re right. I was occupied. But I’m here now, what do you want me to do?”
Mollified, Elspeth sniffed. “That’s more the attitude. This is a team, Xandie, everyone pulls their weight.”
“How’s the gumshoe going kiddo? Lassoed any suspects yet?” Colin climbed out from underneath Elspeth’s cloak and scratched behind his ear with a rear leg, dislodging his black top hat.
“Colin, be careful you don’t get your costume dirty.” Elspeth chided the pug and grabbed his hat from the ground, dusting it off.
Colin and a black top hat and tie did not bode well for the talent stage. Xandie shuddered to think what Elspeth had picked, considering her crazed choices of disguise. “I’m getting there. I’ve got a suspect in mind and I’m sure I know who turned Lorelei LaRue to stone.”
“Progress kid. Nothing to sneeze at.” Colin let out a belch and adjusted his bowtie with a paw.
Winifred jogged up, chest heaving as she gasped out her news. “Have you heard? A Basilisk’s been sighted near Point Muse Academy. Police and the shifters organized a hunting party. The cops are press-ganging all creature experts into the hunt. Did you want me to run the practice while you speak to the chief, mother?”
Elspeth flipped the hood back over her head and mumbled something noncommittal.
When did her blunt, devious grandmother suddenly become evasive? “Elspeth? Why would the chief want to speak to you?”
“I have no idea. I’m innocent. Why does everyone always blame me?” Elspeth’s voice squeaked as she played the persecuted witch in a superb performance.
Winifred glanced between Xandie and her mother. “Mom’s an expert on Basilisk controlling and care. She’s the only licensed operator in the district besides Amelia. Basilisks are such dangerous animals; certified handlers must own or treat them. And the only way is to use control magic through a specially made amulet. Elspeth’s the best there is.” Winifred beamed at her mother.
“Elspeth Harrow. What have you done?” Xandie glared at her grandmother. If the elder witch was such an expert, she would have known from the beginning, what killed LaRue. And she hadn’t said a word. To anyone.
“Ratted out by my own daughter. It’s your father’s blood getting back at me.” Elspeth sighed and then gave in. “I may have had an order for a Basilisk control collar from a not so savory contact.”
Damn her grandmother and her black-market shady connections. “And?”
“I only work through referrals but...” Elspeth cleared her throat. “Fresh cash was needed for a certain project, and it wouldn’t matter this once to break my rules.”
“We need the name of the person who requested that collar. They could be our mastermind behind these killings.”
Elspeth winced. “About that… The referral was by a third party Witchweb broker. I’ve no clue who was the eventual recipient.”
Xandie threw her hands up. “Why do I feel like the I’m the only adult here? Find me that name ASAP, Elspeth Harrow.”
“Or what?” Elspeth sounded interested in Xandie’s answer.
“I’ll ask Pastor Ezekiel to drop off a heavenly choir at your door and let them loose with their angelic trumpets every morning at dawn. You’ll never get any sleep.”
Elspeth gasped. “You’d do that to your poor grandmother? Xandie Meyers, I’m proud of you.” Elspeth shook as she forced back fake tears. “Finally one of my grandchildren is resorting to the threat of torture. This is my proudest moment.” She held a hand to her heart.
Winifred took one look at Xandie’s exasperated face and steered her mother away while still clutching Colin. “Mom, why don’t you head back to Harrow House to research and I’ll help Xandie and Colin practice.”
Elspeth wiped away a tear and agreed, yelling over a shoulder as she went. “You’ve always been my favorite. It’s the human blood that adds deviousness to the mix. I’m sure of it.”
Xandie rubbed her forehead as her grandmother disappeared into the distance.
“Soon as I met that dame, I knew she’d give someone a brain tumor,” Colin offered from his inappropriate perch next to Winifred’s chest.
“I do not have a tumor.” Xandie yelled the last word. Her patience tested by Harrow deviousness and a mouthy pug. Déjà vu. She’d confused the bookie dwarf with the same argument. Now she knew how frustrated that poor dwarf must have felt.
Xandie needed to find the killer as soon as possible and then a long grandmother free vacation was on her cards. She needed Elspeth, SPAFS, and the killer to cooperate.
Some days she could see why her mother had married her no-nonsense, stable father.
Point Muse plus Harrow blood always equaled chaos and mayhem.
Fourteen
“I’ll never be able to wipe this from my memory. It’s burned there forever,” Xandie wailed, trying to cover her eyes.
“He’s a star, isn’t he? Blazing too bright for us to stare at. We must only worship from afar,” Winifred gushed.
“Like I said, doll-face. If you’ve got it, flaunt it.” Colin waggled his short curly tail and twirled a small silver baton on his little nose.
The routine Elspeth had planned and choreographed was the secret weapon to slaughter the competition. The same competition composed of only one other animal. Princess, the purple sparkle angora rabbit. When George Moon scratched his goose, it’d only left two competitors to fight it out. Elspeth had designed a special routine that would shoot them up to equal first place. A dance routine that seemed to be part baton twirling part stripper. You’d never be closer to experiencing torture than if you’d watched a talking pug grind his way through a jazz hands tune.
“This is in the bag, baby. No rabbits gonna out swivel me.” Colin rolled his hips and back end at Xandie, while still balancing his baton.
“Three hours. Three hours of a blinding headache and a grinding pug. What did I do to deserve this?” Xandie mumbled to herself. This was Elspeth’s bad karma rebounding onto her. Life wasn’t fair.
“Cheer up. I’m here with liquid refreshment.” Lila grinned and waggled a takeaway cup from her bakery under Xandie’s nose.
“I don’t think there’s enough chocolate in Point Muse to deal with this visual atrocity.” Xandie waved a hand at Colin’s gyrations.
“That’s why I added a shot of Witchshine to it. Enjoy.” Lila beamed and waggled the cup again at Xandie until she grabbed it and swigged a mouthful down,
shiivering as the warm liquid burnt its way down. Xandie took another small mouthful before placing it on the table out of reach. She needed all her faculties’ sharp if she wanted to survive a killer and her grandmother.
“Elspeth strikes again?” Lila nodded at Colin.
“I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or run away,” Xandie admitted.
“Probably all three. At least it’ll be over soon. For us, anyway. You might have to deal with the fallout for a while longer.”
“Our grandmother holding a grudge is the least of my worries. I have a nasty feeling we're going to see more bodies. I can’t stop this killer.”
“Elspeth’s going through her records and applying pressure on her Witchweb broker for a name, but it’s going take a while.”
“Time we don’t have.” Xandie cradled her cup, lost in thought. Shan was behind all the bodies, and the accidents centered on Hannah. She was sure of it. He seemed the most likely suspect right now. But how could she prove it? She needed to bait Shan out into the open and get a confession. Then bam, lower the Elspeth boom on him.
“Elspeth boom?” Lila shot a wide-eyed glance at her cousin. “Maybe you should put your drink down for now. I think it’s gone to your head.”
Whoops. Those last few words must’ve been out loud. “Thinking ahead to when I take our killer down.”
“And Elspeth’s your muscle?”
Xandie rolled her eyes. “Sadly yes. No way do I want Chief Braun sweeping in and saving the day and the heroine.”
“You are definitely a Harrow, the way you hold grudges is epic.”
Xandie jutted her chin out. “He’s an annoying pain in my...”
“Five minutes to talent stage.” Winifred tapped her watch. “Let’s get our star out there and ready to go.”
Xandie frowned. Who’d be more traumatized after this? Her or the judges. At least Davros had convinced Moonshadow to stay. She’d seen him mumbling to himself behind the makeshift stage earlier. Penny pincher SPAFS must’ve coughed up a little more cash for the flight risk judge.
“Ta da,” Colin sang the words as he wiggled his back and pranced around the makeshift stage.
Xandie covered her face with sweaty palms as the pug passed wind in excitement. The front row occupants jerked back and covered their noses. She’d warned against that last cream cheese and red pepper canape, but when it came to food Colin was all stomach.
Alex Pennywort, host of the show, coughed and stepped forward, his eyes watering. “Thank you, Colin the Pug, for your memorable performance. Now we’d like to call Princess, handled by Lulu Moon, to the stage.” Alex led the applause, which died down as no one appeared. “Ms. Moon?” he called again and waited for a few moments more. “I’m sorry, but as per our guidelines, the competitor and handler must be on the stage ready to perform within a five-minute interval or forfeit that stage.” Pennywort paused again, but there was no sign of Lulu and her purple rabbit.
Pennywort took a breath and declared, “With no other choice, because of scratching’s of other competitors and the non-attendance of Princess. I declare Colin the Pug, the winner of the talent contest. I will announce final rankings at the last stage, which is a static stack for five minutes in front of the judges.” Pennywort nodded to a cavorting Colin. “Congratulations again, Colin.”
Colin bopped over to Xandie, who stood at the end of the makeshift stage. “What did I tell you, doll-face? Colin’s got the moves.”
“You won by default, because everyone else dropped out and the rabbit didn’t show.”
Colin sneezed a goblet of green snot in Xandie’s direction. “Still counts toots. Equal first, wahoo.”
The pug would never come down from this high. They’d have to widen the doorways at Harrow House to accommodate his ego.
“Can’t bring me down, chickie.” Colin wiped a fake tear away with a paw. “Elspeth would be proud.”
God save her from the dramatics of a hyperactive pug.
“My precious Colin. Mother will be excited.” Winifred rushed in, and crouched next to Colin, covering his head in kisses. “Who’s a talented boy?”
Colin belched a cream cheese and red pepper cloud into Winifred’s face, causing her to retch. “Told you I had it handled. You call a pro in when you need the job done right.”
Waving a hand to bat the belch cloud in front of her, Winifred grabbed Colin and stood, cooing at him until Xandie cleared her throat.
“Should we tell Elspeth about Colin’s default win?”
Winifred waved off Xandie's suggestion. “Oh, she’ll have scried it out already. She’s preparing her victory speech for the competition already.”
“Elspeth’s avoiding me, isn’t she?” Otherwise her grandmother would have been down here in disguise, tormenting her.
“Your grandmother had a minor difficulty tracking the name of the person you wanted, but she’s still digging.” Winifred frowned as she sniffed Colin’s coat. “What’s that stink?”
“Colin dived into the prawn cocktail at lunch. The seafood odor might have stuck.”
Winifred shook her head. “No. That’s not appropriate for our winner. He needs to smell of victory, not fish. There’s a spray bottle eau du Elspeth in the grooming tent. Could you fetch it please, Xandie, dear?”
“Sure, back to that damn tent. That’s what I’m here for.” Xandie stomped off, mumbling, “fetch and carry for an oversexed crime against nature. That’s what my job’s down to.” She ducked into the grooming tent and sagged. Thankfully, the show was almost over. Xandie couldn’t wait for life to get back to normal. Well, as normal as it could be for Point Muse.
Xandie rummaged through Colin’s grooming tools, and sighed as Elspeth’s perfumed spray bottle failed to appear. “What a surprise. Nothing is going right today.” Giving up, she checked Amity’s treatment room in the hopes of finding something to combat Colin’s fishy stench. She flicked the door flap open, and headed for a set of makeshift cupboards. “There has to be something here that might work?” Reading the labels of the different colored labels as she searched, Xandie crowed as she came across one labeled stench away. “Eureka! Colin stink is a thing of the past.” Xandie spun and tripped over a pill bottle laying open on the floor. Her arms flayed in the air and she grabbed onto Amity’s treatment table in the middle of the room. A squeak slipped from Xandie as she realized what was behind the table. Lulu Moon’s prone body laid out on the floor, with Princess in a cage next to her.
Dumping Colin’s stench bottle on the table, Xandie kneeled to take her pulse. Nothing. Lulu Moon was stone cold dead with a bunch of pills ring ringing her body. Xandie moved back. The flap of the treatment room lifted, and Winifred poked her head.
“Don’t worry about the scent bottle, I found ours in my handbag.” Winifred frowned at Xandie’s white-as-a-ghost complexion. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”
“I found Lulu and Princess.” Xandie pointed a trembling finger behind her. “You need to call Braun. We have another body.”
Winifred jerked back, hand to her mouth, before jogging away as fast as her plump body would allow.
“Poor Princess.” Xandie took a step toward the cage to check on the rabbit, but the animal calmly chewed on her carrot. She stepped back and stood on the empty pill bottle again. Bending down, she used an abandoned comb to nudge it around so she could read the label. The last thing she needed was to add her fingerprints into the mix.
Xandie squinted and read the words. “Kava, chamomile and vitamin b complex. Once a day for anxiety. Doctor Amelia Harrow, Harrow vet clinic and holistic healing, Point Muse.” Holy rabbit nerves. Her aunt Amelia prescribed antianxiety tablets for Princess. The same date Velma Mystic had died. Lulu must’ve been the emergency patient Amelia had worked on that night.
And now, Lulu lay dead with Amelia’s pills all around her. This wouldn’t end well.
“Seriously Meyers. You have a death addiction.”
The not so dulcet tones of police chief Zachary Braun grated on Xandie’s last nerve. She glared at the broad-shouldered policemen and ignored the way his floppy sandy brown hair hung over deep blue eyes. “Not death addicted. Catalyst, remember? Not my choice to find another body.”
Braun crouched down to take Lulu’s pulse, but his hand dropped away when he found nothing. “And yet I always seem to find you in the vicinity.” He rolled the pill bottle over so he could read the label. Braun sagged after reading. “I’m sorry Xandie, but you know what I have to do now.”
Xandie slammed her hands on her hips. “You know Amelia isn’t the killer.”
He straightened and stared at Xandie, remorse oozing out of his every pore. “Too many coincidences are adding up to the fact Amelia’s involved. I can’t sit on this evidence. I have to arrest her. Get her things together and come down to the station with her. I can at least give you that.”
Xandie growled. “This isn’t right, Braun.”
“Murder never is Meyers.” He turned to call his deputy brothers in, but paused without looking at her. “I don’t want you investigating. But if someone found evidence to suggest another killer with motive? Well, I’d be able to use that to leverage Amelia’s release.” He turned his back to the body and Xandie as his deputy’s piled in.
Xandie pushed past Zach’s brothers. She had an aunt to clear and a killer to stop.
It was time to bring in the big guns.
Fifteen
Who’d have thought big guns meant her talking cat, Theo, and a bottle of her favourite champagne?
“Are you sure you got the spell right?” Xandie shuffled the hexed alcohol behind another bottle on the shelf behind the kitchen counter.
“Please, I can follow directions. Besides, Elspeth brewed the honesty curse. I decanted it into the champagne bottle. It’ll work.”
Elspeth swore the honesty hex would turn Shan’s tongue blue and force him to answer questions. “And Elspeth promised it would work on a Kitsune?”
Lila stared at a spot behind Xandie's shoulder. “Again, yes. No issues. Stop worrying.”
Xandie rolled her eyes. “Except for Elspeth, Harrows make terrible liars.”