Songbird

by Victoria Escobar

  Nicholas twisted to look at me. “Songbird, why do you eat something you don’t like so often?”

  That seemed like the perfect moment to stuff my mouth. Fitz did make good tacos but he normal cooked those from scratch. These were almost as good or would be if I didn’t have lead in my stomach and bile rising in my throat at the thought of the calories in one bite.

  Nicholas waited for me to swallow. “Well?”

  Juliette smiled and shrugged at the death glare I sent her. She mouthed an, “Oops.” However, she didn’t look one bit sorry about the slip.

  The truth was the only option left now that I was backed into a corner. “Because I’m fat.”

  His anger was likely going to scare our guests at the table. However, instead of anger Nicholas responded with a wicked smile and the look that certainly said he was undressing me in his mind. I shifted feeling the heat rise in my face and squeezed my legs together to calm the sudden ache that wanted more than his eyes.

  “We all know how I feel about that and I’m the only one that fucking matters.” He nudged my plate closer. “Eat your tacos.”

  Trying to please Nicholas, I took another bite and had to force myself to swallow not spit it out. My stomach revolted when I did manage to swallow and I reached for the water to wash it back down. There was no way I could eat another bite.

  Nicholas leaned over and whispered in my ear. “You’re beautiful, Bianca. I would crawl over hot coals for a single touch from you. I would kill a man for a single taste of you. There is nothing on this earth that compares to the glory of your body; your scent,” his tongue flicked out and licked my earlobe. “Your taste. There is no one that you are required to impress or please but yourself. Are you telling me you’re not happy with who you are?”

  Heat rose in my face as the others around the table pretended to not watch Nicholas molest my ear. His words however, struck a chord as I imagine he intended to.

  I was happy with me. My job was great—when Nicholas wasn’t being a child; my friends were here with me. There was no reason to be unhappy. With a sigh I picked up the taco again and nibbled.

  Juliette leaned over to Arc and whispered loud enough for the whole table to hear. “Does she know he likes her?”

  Arc replied in the same tone. “I don’t know. It’s really hard to tell.”

  “Knock it off.” Taylor and Max bellowed in unison.

  Laughter spilled unchecked from my mouth. God, this was real family. Right here. I had almost forgotten what they felt like.

  Nicholas leaned over and brushed his mouth over my temple. “You think we can sneak out when you’re done?”

  “Not a chance.” Taylor pinned Nicholas with serious eyes. “There’s still work to do.”

  Nicholas grunted and sent Taylor a mildly annoyed look. “Cock block.”

  “That’s my sister you’re trying to sneak out with. So yes. Yes, I am.” Taylor grinned and didn’t apologize.

  Halfway through the meal, someone knocked on the door and stepped in without waiting for a response. Henry held a long white box like a parent would hold a child for a nap. Flowers? Here?

  “Miss Sheridan these were delivered for you.”

  My brows drew together as I studied the box. The only men that would even think to send me flowers were sitting at this table. I stood, walked over and took the florist box.

  “Thank you, Henry.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Driven by curiosity I opened the box where I stood. The box came from a local florist, but there was no tape or seals. When the light struck the roses my heart stopped. The world spun and a scream escaped as I threw the roses away from me. White noise filled my ears. I staggered, stumbling like a drunk as my stomach churned and nausea rose choking any sound I could have made. I barely made it to the bathroom before my stomach emptied what little lunch I choked down.

  “Get rid of those fucking things,” Taylor’s voice ripped through the room.

  I closed my eyes but I could still see the roses. Dried white roses, hybridized with red that looked like they had been dipped in red paint that now dripped down the petals. Darker stains spotted them. I didn’t need a closer look to recognize them as blood.

  Tyler’s blood? Or was that dad’s? Why would Benjamin have kept the roses all this time?

  The last play, those last moments swirled in my head. But above all the chaos the damnable song looped in my head.

  The roses, the roses, they must be red;

  The roses, the roses. We’ll all lose our head.

  The clock winds down,

  Do you hear the herald’s sound?

  Here comes the Red Queen; we’re all dead.

  Strong arms wrapped around me and lifted me from lying on the floor into his lap. “Bella, come on. It’s fine. It’s fine, bella.” Taylor crooned and rocked gently.

  “What the hell is going on?” Nicholas voice cut through the noise both angry and hurt.

  “Get a bottle of water.” Taylor didn’t stop rocking as he barked orders. “Come on, bella. Open your eyes.”

  I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t look into his face. Not yet. Not into the face he shared with Tyler.

  My heart slammed against my rib cage As if trying to break free of the confinement. My lungs burned and nausea churned my stomach harder but there was nothing left to expel.

  “Nicholas.” I reached out a hand blindly. Strong fingers linked with mine and I was pulled away from Taylor and against the firm and familiar form. I shuddered and buried my face into his chest. I let his scent fill me even as terror ripped at my soul.

  “I’m here, Songbird.” His hands stroked up and down my back.

  I wrapped arms and legs around him and holding tightly I wept.

  Male voices woke me. I was still cocooned around Nicholas but he was furiously whispering.

  “I can’t tell you Bella’s past. I’m sorry, Nicholas, but that’s not for me to tell.” Taylor sounded tired and almost defeated. “I can tell you all the years I’ve known her she’s never asked someone to hold her. When she’s ready to tell you everything, she will. Be grateful that she hasn’t shut you out. That’s her normal mode of defense.”

  Nicholas snorted. “No fucking chance of that.”

  I sighed and spoke without moving, “I suppose it’s too much to ask we all get along?”

  “Hey.” Nicholas’s hand rose and stroked my back. “How are you feeling?”

  “Hollow.”

  “I found a place that serves soup and sandwiches. We’ve got you a turkey sandwich and some chicken rice soup. If you’re hungry we can get it heated up for you.” Taylor’s hand brushed my shoulder.

  “How long was I out?” Slowly, because I did feel hollow and frail, I opened my eyes and pulled away a little. Nicholas stretched out on the sofa in the dressing room. He sat upright a little against the arm and his outside leg was bent at the knee and the foot rested on the floor. “You can’t be comfortable.” I tried to push the rest of the way up but Nicholas held tight.

  “I’m fine.” His eyes searched my face in some unspoken question.

  I leaned up and pressed my mouth lightly to his, without taking my eyes off him I addressed the matter of food, “Taylor, the soup sounds good.”

  After purging my stomach, I knew I needed something. The sandwich sounded too heavy but the soup broth should be okay.

  “All right. I’ll be right back.”

  I kissed Nicholas a little deeper after the door closed. “Thanks for not losing it over my freak out.”

  “Why did you freak out, Songbird?”

  I sighed, and then curled back into him—dammit I was still human. I felt safe there against him. Telling him might be bearable if I listened to the steady beat of his heart while I did so.

  The hand on my back shifted to my ass and his other linked fingers with mine. He didn’t pressure for more, so I had a few minutes to listen to the steady strength of his heart.

  “I told you a lunatic killed Tyler.”r />
  “Yeah.”

  “We were the last ones out of the theater. Tyler, Taylor, and I. Closing night of The Red Queen. I wrote the production based on Alice in Wonderland but more like the way Wicked was written.”

  “Good book.” His fingers played with mine and the casual touch gave me comfort.

  “The roses, they were part of the prop for one of the scenes. We were carting them out to donate them.” My voice broke and I inhaled slowly and deep then let it out.

  “Thank you for telling me.” Nicholas shifted us and stroked my back again. “I get the rest. You don’t have to relive it again.”

  “I was so proud of that damned production.” I squeezed my eyes shut forcing the tears back. “It wasn’t Dorian Gray but just as phenomenally accepted. Tyler died because of it. I nearly died. Taylor was badly injured.”

  “Not your fault or the play’s.” Nicholas’s hands squeezed gently. “Lunatics can’t be predicted.”

  I didn’t have the strength or the courage to tell him why it was my fault. Why I insisted on bearing the weight of that albatross. I couldn’t—not yet.

  “The lunatic is back.” My voice was muffled into his shirt but the words were still clear.

  “I get that. We’ll deal with it.”

  “Just like that?”

  Nicholas kissed the top of my head. “Just like that.”

  Waiting for the other shoe to drop fucking sucked. With time to think about the cruel act I realized that’s exactly what Benjamin wanted. He wanted me to wait; he wanted me to wonder—wanted me to fear.

  Benjamin wasn’t the brightest crayon. He could get to me this once, but I wouldn’t play into his hands a second time. Without Dad goading him on, Benjamin could be a manageable bully.

  My reaction had been poor. I hadn’t expected to see those damned roses after all this time. The shock factor had been a well applied slap. I doubted he had anything else as punishing in his arsenal.

  The lingering unease made focusing on Nicholas, on the tour difficult. If Benjamin had any inkling that Nicholas was important he’d change targets. I needed to step back. I knew that.

  I watched Nicholas play and the thought of leaving squeezed my heart. Getting involved was a mistake I unsuccessfully avoided. Being attached to Nicholas…that was even worse.

  When nothing happened in Albuquerque nerves made me throw cautious glances over my shoulder. When we arrived in Austin, I called Ezra after putting the guys to bed. I needed to speak to an unbiased party that knew some—maybe all—the details. He had told me in Nashville it was his job to know people. Let’s see how well he actually knew me.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi, Ezra.”

  “That’s not a happy voice.” His voice didn’t sound too happy either. “What’s wrong now?”

  I sighed and rubbed at my eyes. “My brother showed up in Denver.”

  Ezra paused for only a moment. “And?”

  I huffed in frustration. “What do you mean what? What am I going to do?”

  “Manage the tour and shoot the fucker if he comes close?” Ezra suggested.

  I growled and flopped onto the sofa. “Really? Just like that?”

  “Just like that. You’re worrying over nothing. You have the power to change the game board but you’re letting him run it. Why is that?”

  “I just want peace.”

  “Peace isn’t handed to you on a platter, Bianca. Peace has to be fought for then maintained.” His chair squeaked slightly, as if he’d leaned as far back as it would go. “You haven’t really had peace since leaving New York. You’ve been retreating. So the new question is are you going to continue retreating or are you going to put an asshole in his place?”

  “You make it sound easy.” I wanted to scream at his logic but apparently Ezra had done his research well. He wasn’t wrong.

  “It’s only as hard as you make it. And,” Ezra cleared his throat, “I have it on good authority that Nicholas is rather attached to you. Our boy is no push over. You need to have more faith in him as well.”

  I rubbed at tired eyes. “I can’t believe you’re okay with this.”

  “You’re both otherwise single, responsible adults. The tour is running as smooth as predicted and you haven’t killed each other yet. I consider all that good signs.”

  “He annoys the hell out of me,” I grumbled.

  “Here’s a hint, Bianca. He’s supposed to. Get some sleep.”

  “I wanted to ask before now but, how many of the tour reviews include some snippet or picture of me?”

  Ezra cleared his throat again and guffawed. Then coughed and I could swear he was shifting his feet.

  I sighed. “All of them?”

  “Pretty much. You were never meant to be an anonymous person. You’re too vibrant for that.”

  “I’ll deal with you when I get back. I’m going to bed.”

  “Good night, Bianca. Sweet dreams.”

  “Good night.” I paced after hanging up. The eleven hour drive hadn’t been ideal for thinking. Between the guy’s snoring and Nicholas’s newfound clinginess, I didn’t have time to think and consider.

  I stood in the window and looked out over the parking lot. The guys would sleep for a few more hours, then we’d go to lunch. The rest of the evening was free for whatever.

  I trailed a hand absently over the piano I stood next too. Nicholas had insisted on having one in every suite since Vegas. Maybe I would do some writing of my own.

  The lone figure standing next to the buses caught my attention. He turned and glanced up at the hotel and I saw his face clearly. What was that saying? Speak of the devil?

  The sight of him hadn’t done what the roses had done. He looked older of course and Nicholas had more muscle than he did. Benjamin wore casual summer clothes and at a first glance seemed harmless enough.

  Ezra’s words rang in my ears. Changing the game board wouldn’t be easy or pleasant but it was up to me to do it. No time like the present.

  I didn’t bother getting dressed. Nicholas liked me in his clothes so I often wore his tee shirts and sweats on off days. Today was one of those days. I checked my guns, and since Nicholas’s sweatpants and tees were loose enough tucked a second holster at the small of my back. After making sure the guys were still sleeping I wandered outside alone. The lecture later for being out without security would be worth it if I could get Benjamin to leave.

  “I was wondering when you’d show your face.” His back was to me and I watched him jolt and whirl around. I lifted a brow and leaned casually against the front of the bus. I curled my lip as bitterness rose in my throat. “Long time no see, big brother.”

  “BB. Look at you.” He sneered. “Whoring out again I see.”

  “What do you want, Benjamin?”

  “Did you like my flowers?”

  My stomach tightened but I shrugged easily, “I prefer fresh cut.”

  His mouth twisted angrily and he stepped forward.

  I pulled my gun and pointed it. “Forgive me, Benjamin, but I don’t trust you. For obvious reasons.”

  “I’m family.” He growled. “You’ll respect me.”

  “I’m not required to. Especially since your idea of respect was abuse.”

  “You’re riding pretty high right now. Maybe you need to be taken down a few notches.”

  “There’s nothing you could do to me you haven’t already threatened me with, Benjamin. But what the hell, I’ll humor you. What’s your threat this time?”

  “Feeling real big cause you have a gun. You won’t be so big when your hot shot boyfriend drops you like hot coals when I tell him your daddy fucked you senseless, and your brother got you pregnant once upon a time.”

  “I think Nicholas has more character than that,” I spoke dryly though my pulse skittered. “Rape is rape, and senseless is a good word since I was beaten to the point of unconsciousness first. Let me help you out some. Nicholas knows I was abused. It hasn’t changed his mind.”

  “We lov
e you,” he hissed and stepped forward again.

  Very deliberately I clicked off the safety. “I don’t suggest coming any closer if you want to keep your balls.”

  “We love you.” His voice rose and sounded almost pleading. “You are mine. You will always be mine.”

  “No,” I spoke flatly, “I belong to myself. No one else. Who I chose to share myself with is my decision, but they don’t own any part of me.”

  “Daddy taught you better than that. You need to be reminded who’s boss.” He lunged and I jerked back and fired without hesitation.

  He howled as he slammed into me and knocked us both to the ground. The gun slid across the asphalt disappearing under the bus. I kicked out with my foot and pulled out the Ruger from the corset as I rolled away.

  “You fucking bitch.” He shoved to his knees and clutched at his bleeding arm.

  “Let that be a warning.” I remained crouched with the Ruger pointed. “Stay the fuck away from me and mine. I have no problems finishing what was started in New York.”

  “Not sure where it came from.” The voice was close but not close enough. I recognized it as Henry’s.

  “You’re wanted in New York city for murder. I think you need to cut your losses. If the rest of your sordid past surfaces you could be detained for any number of things before murder becomes an element. Assault, Grand Theft Auto, Grand Larceny… Should I continue?”

  “I will fucking kill you.” He shoved to his feet.

  “Not before I kill you. I promise you that. Beat it, Benjamin. And don’t come back.”

  As feet came closer I lifted a brow and he hissed and ran. I waited for him to be clearly gone before holstering the Ruger and crawling under the bus for the Berretta.

  The blacktop felt greasy and gritty under my hands and the heat off the still cooling bus intensified the Texas temperature. For not even being noon yet, the asphalt was hot and I didn’t even want to think about what was transferring to my—Nicholas’s—clothes.

  When I turned to shimmy back out, the boots crossed at the ankle made me want to stay under the bus and possibly die there. What the hell was he doing out of bed? With great reluctance I slid out and pushed up to my knees.