I didn’t realize the room had gone silent until my breathing evened out completely. Turning sideways on the bench I studied all the wide eyes and stunned faces. I ran a hand over my hair and rubbed the back of my neck.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you guys,” I spoke the floor, unable to meet their startled gazes.
A notebook fell into my lap and I frowned at the hasty markings.
“I think I got it all.” When I looked up at him, Nicholas was smiling. “It was hard to do as fast as you were going but I’m pretty sure it’s all there.”
Music. My music. Lifting the notebook for a better look, I slowly thumbed through the pages. Somehow having someone else write while I played had never occurred to me. I would have written a lot more music if I had. On occasion I set up a recorder, but that had mostly been on melancholy days.
“That wasn’t country.” Arc stretched his arms over his head.
“No, it wasn’t.” I studied the music. Silently I accepted the pencil Nicholas held out and began cleaning it up.
Arc linked his fingers and dropped his hands to the top of this head. “We’re country boys; maybe next time you can play something country.”
“I liked it.” Max nodded. “Different, with more panache then we normally have.”
Someone knocked before pulling the door open. Taylor stuck his head in. “Show time, guys.”
Nicholas held out a hand that I accepted, rising to my feet. He dropped his head and rubbed his cheek against my hair. “You gonna kiss me for luck?”
“I think you’re a pretty lucky guy already.” I pulled away with a laugh.
His eyes glowed with wicked humor. “You’re probably right. Kiss me anyway?”
I rolled my eyes. “Since you asked so nicely.” I teased him with a light caress before walking towards the door. “Curtains up, Walker.”
He caught the end of my braid and before I could evade pulled me back in to devour my mouth. A ball of fire and need consumed me. I clutched at his shirt to keep my knees from buckling.
“I’ll finish this later.” He bit down on my lip before pulling back.
“Don’t make me get the belt, Walker.” I stared up into his eager face.
A devilish humor swirled with the passion in his gaze. “We haven’t tried that yet. If you spank me, I get to spank you back.”
Taylor cleared his throat. “Can you finish the foreplay later? There’s a concert to perform.”
Nicholas pulled away and scowled at Taylor. “Don’t be jealous.”
Taylor shrugged and I didn’t like the grin that split his face. “Can’t be jealous when she was mine first.”
Nicholas stalked over and I rushed to grab his arm before he swung the white knuckled fist.
“Stop. Stop. Nicholas you know he’s my oldest friend. You know this.” I pulled him around Taylor. “Taylor will always be my oldest friend. There’s no changing that. You need to remember whose bed I’m spending my nights in.” I gave him a pointed look. “And whether or not you want that to continue.”
Nicholas turned his angry eyes to mine.
I squeezed his arm. Enough was enough. “I’m not going to be with someone who sees my friends as enemies.”
“Ultimatum, Songbird?”
I jerked my chin.
Nicholas pulled his arm out of my hand when the crowd roared. “I have a show to perform.” He stalked away without another word.
“Temperamental bastard.” Taylor watched his retreating back.
I snapped around to give him a hard glare. “You need to be nice too. Stop goading him. You know his temper.”
Taylor didn’t look the least bit remorseful. “I haven’t decided if he’s good enough for you. Until I do, I’ll continue to test him.”
“You don’t have that right.” I crossed my arms.
“Bella, my flower,” Taylor placed both hands on my shoulders and looked directly at me with serious eyes, “I am the only man on this planet that has that right. We both know it.”
I sighed and dropped my head to his shoulder. “It’s only temporary. I don’t know why you have to be so damn mean.”
“Oh, bella.” Taylor kissed the top of my head. “Have you been paying attention? Have you looked at him?”
“I do look at him.” I shifted my feet and moved my arms around him in a hug. “I can’t stop looking at him.”
“Look closer.” Taylor suggested.
The conversation wouldn’t stop replaying in my mind. I didn’t like that Taylor had the power to make me question everything I’ve done. I pulled it apart and picked at it even as I cleaned up music, watched Nicholas and monitored the activity on stage. I didn’t need this kind of distraction.
The music was probably the angriest I’d ever composed. There was underlying pain, and sadness. The damn thing was depressing and I should toss it away, but Nicholas had taken the time to write it down for me.
With something close to panic rising in my stomach I flipped to blank scores and pondered for a moment before letting my heart do the writing. I needed something calmer, sweeter. Something that could compare to Nicholas’s sweet tooth. Sappy even. I had no idea what I’d do with it when I was done. With either of them. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go back to the life of composer and playwright.
My anonymity was gone, the tour would be over in four weeks and I had no idea what I was going to do when we made it back to Nashville. My focus should be on the tour and instead my mind wandered into what about me mode? Everything was coming to a head more quickly that I wanted and some of those problems needed to be wiped away before they became life altering.
“You’re wearing your serious face.”
I smiled but didn’t look at Juliette. “Why aren’t you on the panel?”
“Fitz kicked me off the monitors. He’s running lights and monitors right now. It’s a small show.”
A glance out to the stage confirmed Nicholas sat on a stool playing acoustically. Because it was Juliette, I could speak without worrying about sounding like an idiot. “My life is going to hell.”
“Your life went to hell a long time ago, flower power.” Her gaze followed mine, “But you’ve picked up an interesting passenger. If I had someone like that riding shotgun, I don’t think I’d complain much.”
“He’s not going to ride along forever. Not his circus, not his monkeys.”
“Funny you should say that.” She waved a hand encompassing the stage area. “Aren’t you riding shotgun in his circus and wrangling his monkeys? Why shouldn’t he do the same?”
“This is work.”
“This is life.” Juliette shook her head. “His life and yours.”
“Only for another four weeks.”
Juliette patted my shoulder. “I think he’ll surprise you.” And then she wandered off. So much for the moral support of my friends.
Since we canceled the backstage passes, I squeezed in a short interview in Dallas. The interview went much like the Austin one. I couldn’t dismiss it the way Nicholas had, but I didn’t make a fuss like I had before. He’d simply turn it around.
Benjamin hadn’t shown his face again, but I had no doubt he would. Eventually. There was no real reason to worry about that until it happened. And a little part of me hoped the bullet grazing him was enough of a warning that he wouldn’t fuck with me anymore. That still left the rest of my life in a chaotic mess though.
“You’re pulling away.”
Hmm. I pulled out of my thoughts and looked over at Nicholas. “I’m sorry, what?”
“What’s worrying you, Songbird?” Nicholas asked and linked his fingers through mine. I stared down at our joined hands. Such a simple act but one with so many meanings. What did he mean when he did it? Why was I even wondering about it?
“Bianca?” Worry threaded his tone.
“I have some life choices to make.” I shrugged it off, hoping he would too. “The tour is going well, and we’re almost done. It’s time to think ahead is all. I’m sorry
for being out of it.”
“Like?” He slid across the seat to take up some of my personal space.
“I never took music classes.” I drummed the fingers of my free hand on my thigh. “My degree is in business science. It was the practical thing to do.”
“How’d you learn to read and write it?”
“Self taught. Library books. For obvious reasons I wasn’t allowed to take classes in my youth.”
“Pretty cool. I took music theory classes plus composition and crap in college. I don’t think they helped me. Your way is probably less costly and more fun.”
“What I’m saying is I have no real credentials to continue composing.”
“The music speaks for itself, and says otherwise.” Nichols squeezed my hand. “Your music is great, and it obviously comes from the heart. If you wanted formal training now you could do that.”
“I suppose.” I stared out at the rain damp city. “But it’s not really practical when I already have a degree. I think Taylor might ask me to come back to New York. To do my job as partner and he’d have every right to do so.”
His entire body went rigid and his voice was oddly clipped. “Do you want to go back to New York?”
“I fled to New York from Annapolis. To hide.” I laughed without humor. “See how well that worked? I hated the city. It’s not the city I fell in love with. As difficult as my start in Nashville was, I love the slower pace. I love the accents and the general relaxed atmosphere of the country people. It’s so different than the city.”
“Tell me about it,” he requested quietly.
“I came to Nashville on a bus. I left everything in New York except a single bag of clothes. My name, my car, my money, everything stayed in New York. I didn’t want any of it.”
“How’d you survive?” No judgment. Just curiosity.
“I spent the first few months in a shelter. I got a crappy job that paid next to nothing, and started from scratch. Eventually I got a better job, was able to buy a new car, and managed to finally rent a place of my own to get out of the shelter.”
“You’re one of the strongest women I know.” Nicholas kissed my knuckles. “You can do anything you want, Songbird. I don’t understand what all the stress is over. You’re a powerful, intelligent woman with skills and experience to make any job she chooses work for her.”
My self-depreciation protested at the words but I couldn’t deny the sincerity in them. Something in my chest unknotted. Even as I fought to believe the words, part of me needed to hear them.
“Do whatever you want to, Songbird. Don’t let society or whatever dictate what you have to do. You want to write music? Then write it. Fuck everyone else. You want to manage a tour? I’m sure Ezra would be thrilled to utilize another pair of hands like yours. Or hell, start a branch of Gracing in Nashville. The world is yours to conquer however you see fit.”
I laughed a little at myself. He was right. Leave it to Nicholas to cut through the bullshit and lay everything out.
“Maybe I should do all three.” I contemplated the idea for only a moment. Doing all three would be exhausting and I wouldn’t be able to give my all. Picking one was safer.
“More power to you.” Nicholas leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Better?”
Surprisingly, I was. In the end, he was right. I only had to decide what I wanted to do, then do it.
I nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.”
“Any time.” He attempted to stretch his legs out in the Lincoln and scratched his stomach, “Is it time for lunch yet?”
I coughed to hide the laugh and shook my head. “A few hours yet. I might have a candy bar in my bag.”
“Nah. Want a burger. With bacon.” He sat forward. “Henry is there a burger place close?”
Henry met my eyes in the mirror and I shook no ever so slightly. He turned back the road. “I don’t believe so, Mr. Walker. Once we arrive at the venue, I’m more than happy to take a look at the map to see what’s available.”
Nicholas threw himself back with a disgusted sigh. “Why is food easier to find at home?”
“Because you know the area.” I squeezed his hand trying to comfort.
“I suppose. I suppose.” He eyed me. “I guess I could eat desert first.”
I squealed when he lunged.
Two o’clock in the fucking morning and I was looking for Nicholas. Again. I found him standing shirtless, his face lifted to the sky. In the rain. In the middle of the night?
The exasperation slipped from my lips before I could check the huff. “You’re supposed to be on the bus. We’re about to pull out.”
“Feels good.” He tipped his head and smiled. “Concert was great wasn’t it?”
“One of the best. You’re going to catch a cold.” I lifted my umbrella enough to cover us both. “Come on. Onto the bus.”
He hadn’t drank that much had he? The stage beverages were sealed water bottles and I only saw the one shot of Bacardi 151 when they concluded the concert. Arc had suggested toasting the crowd for an awesome show and surprisingly the others went with it. Had there been any other alcohol?
“You’re not still mad at me are you?”
I would not blush. Mad wasn’t really the word. Henry had heard a lot more than was appropriate. I hadn’t been able to look the security guard in the eyes since.
He faced me fully and hugged tightly. “I don’t want to sleep alone tonight.”
I sighed. “You’re getting my suit wet.”
“Please don’t make me sleep alone tonight.”
“Come on. We need to board the bus.”
“I’m not moving until you agree to sleep with me.”
I snorted. “I think we’re past that point. I don’t recall you asking for permission the first time you crawled into my bed.”
“Will you crawl into mine?” He nibbled on the lobe of my ear. “Please.”
“No hanky panky. The day is full tomorrow.”
He chuckled. “Hanky panky?”
“If I kill you, Ezra will be able to triple the price on your work.”
“Yes, but then you’ll miss my penis.”
I choked on the laughter. “Maybe. Come on. Let’s get some sleep. We start at seven in the morning.”
“I can blame you for this right?”
“Radio show, so blame Ezra.” I hugged him back because I understood the hate for the morning hours. “We’ve got time for a nap between ten and two.”
I knew Nicholas wasn’t a morning person. When push came to shove, neither was I, but duty was duty. At six thirty, I merciless woke him. If I had to be awake in misery so did he. Wasn’t there a saying about misery loving company anyway?
He groused, and bitched and was generally not nice. The bathroom door slammed and I didn’t bother with a sigh. Early morning days were always the hardest to get through.
He was sluggish but otherwise well behaved for the radio jockey. From the station we went to the conference interview. He leaned against his window with eyes closed.
“Nicholas?” I reached out and touched his arm. He jumped and I pulled my hand back. His arm had been unusually warm.
“Tired.” He said and rubbed his eyes. “Nap after this right?”
I nodded watching him carefully. “Yes.”
He dropped right into bed the moment we got back, kicking off his boots without bothering with the rest of his clothes; all of that was bizarre for him. Nicholas didn’t sleep in clothes, as a rule.
Feeling a little bad for the long day, I didn’t wake him at two. He hadn’t moved from his face down position since collapsing. Sound check wasn’t until four so he wasn’t needed right away.
He woke on his own a little after three. “Why didn’t you get me up?”
I looked up from the laptop where I was working on a business proposal for Ezra and Taylor. I had an idea I was toying with and wanted all the details in black and white. That way, I could review it for flaws before moving forward.
Nicholas was bleary eyed and a
little pale. His hair tousled in wonderful ways but I could have done without the scowl.
“You were tired. You’re not technically needed until four anyway.” I saved my work and closed the laptop. “If you want to clean up before going over you still have some time.”
I walked over to him and he stepped back. I frowned. “Nicholas?”
“I stink.” He spoke quickly. “I’m going to clean up.” He spun and marched back into the bathroom. Well, that was weird.
Something was wrong with Nicholas. He’d snapped for no reason twice already and had gulped down at least a gallon of water only halfway through sound check.
“I don’t know what the hell has crawled up his ass today.” Taylor crossed his arms and scowled.
“Let me take care of this.” I walked out to the stage with yet another bottle of water. I gave the guys a look and the relief on their faces was palpable. No one wanted to work with Nicholas today.
“You’re breaking a rule.” I handed over the bottle and took the empty one.
He stared over my shoulder. “I’m fine.”
“Nicholas. The rule. You’re required to talk to me, remember? You’re obviously not fine. No one wants to be around you today.”
“You’re standing here.”
“Because I care. Talk to me.”
His eyes finally drifted to mine and held. After a long second he breathed a long exhale. “It’s nothing. I’m tired, really tired. Makes me cranky.”
“I see that. But you had a five hour nap.”
“Naps sometimes make it worse. I’m fine, Songbird. Just outrageously tired. I don’t feel like being up here today.”
“Tomorrow’s an off day.” I hoped that reminder would help. “No work tomorrow or the day after actually.”
His lips quirked without the dimple. He couldn’t bluff me but I didn’t say so. “That will be nice.”
I reached out to touch his arm and he stepped back holding out the now empty water. “Can I get another?”
“Sure.” Confused, I took the bottle and walked away. Nicholas was officially acting out of character and I would get to the bottom of it.
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