by S. Moose
Copyright © 2014 S. Moose
Vision of Destiny (Infinity #2)
All rights reserved. No part of this publication, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, included photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used factitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Cover Design by K Keeton Designs
http://www.kkeetondesigns.com
Photography by Golden Czermak
http://www.onefuriousfotog.com
Model: Nate Tebow
https://www.facebook.com/natetebowfitness
Interior Design by EmCat Designs
https://www.facebook.com/EmCatDesigns
Editing by B.Z. Hercules
Original Lyrics by Liz Starczewski
Other books by S.Moose
Never Letting Go Series
Reaching Out For You
Holding Onto You
Next to Forever
Teach Me Love
Infinity Series
Vision of Love
To every reader who fell in love with Nicholas and Karly’s story. This book is for you. Thank you for loving them as much as I do. I hope you keep Nicholas and Karly in your hearts, like I will forever.
Remember love is never easy. When you fall in love, real love, keep them forever in your heart. Fight hard and never give up because the power of love strengthens your heart and soul, showing you the beauty of life beneath the hurt.
Vision of Destiny Playlist
If You're Not The One - Daniel Bedingfield
Come Wake Me Up - Rascal Flatts
Like a Knife - Secondhand Serenade
You Will Be In My Heart - Phil Collins
You Were Meant For Me - Jewel
Love Me Again - John Newman
Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart - Alicia Keys
When You're Gone - Avril Lavigne
Come Over - Kenny Chesney
Bleed - Hot Chelle Rae
The Mess I Made - Parachute
Save Me - Automatic Loveletter
The Sun Is Rising - Britt Nicole
Bye Bye Bye - N Sync
Against All Odds - The Postal Service
Wanted You More - Lady Antebellum
Stay - Florida Georgia Line
Adore You - Miley Cirus
Titanium - David Guetta Feat Sia
Human - Christina Perri
Lost Then Found - Leona Lewis
Marry Me - Jason Derulo
Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran
I'm Yours - The Script
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
About S. Moose
I USED TO LOVE BEING IN THE SUN AND FEELING THE RAYS ON MY SKIN. Sitting outside by the pool with my friends, boyfriend, and daughter, life was great and perfect. I was happy – truly happy. For the first time in my life, I was happy. It took giving my heart and soul to a man for me to realize what love is and how it feels to have a family. We laughed. We loved. We cherished each other and made promises of forever.
But all that can change when the past meets the future.
I miss him.
I want him.
I need to feel his arms around me.
I need to hear him tell me he loves me.
I want it all again, but the damage is already done.
I’m alone.
Our words play on and on. I hear his broken voice. I see his sad, brown eyes, but he’s the one who let me walk away. When you love someone, you don’t let go without a fight. True love is supposed to win and conquer the obstacles of life. Wait; true love conquers all. Maybe today is a sign. Maybe Nicholas doesn’t love me. I could’ve been a distraction from his true feelings. You know, keeping the bed warm for Jamie. There’s no competing with her. She’s known him since they were in high school. She has a piece of his past that I’ll never get to know. Yet the memories we shared are too strong not to notice and feel.
Actions speak louder than words.
It’s not easy to admit that we’re over. Everything we’ve been through is out the window. It’s all one big fucking lie. But it doesn’t add up. Why’d he come back last night and make love to me? He cherished my body like never before. He whispered that he loved me and didn’t want me to leave. Yet, he did.
His eyes are on me. “Karly,” he whispers. I can’t turn around. This is too much for me to handle. “You didn’t trust us enough to stay.” When I turn around, the tears run down his face.
“Go back to sleep, Nicholas. Only in our dreams our love will be strong and alive. When you close your eyes, you’ll see me.” I walk over to him, placing my hand on his heart. “This is where we can live and be happy.” Kissing his forehead one last time, I run my fingers down his face, closing his eyes. The void in my heart grows. I’m losing the love of my life and I hope I’m doing the right thing.
He stayed in bed, looking at me as I walked away.
The more I think about what happened, the more I begin hating myself for not fighting for answers. If he wasn’t going to tell me the truth on his own, I should’ve done something more. But then again, the truth was right in front of me.
My eyes stay on the door to the apartment. I’m stuck in the same spot and can’t move. My body shakes with pain and I feel myself about to be sick. I open the car door, emptying whatever’s left in my stomach. Sitting back up in the car seat, I slam my head against the headrest, shutting my eyes from the outside world. Our last moments play in my mind as chills run down my body, down to my very core. I am immobilized with gut-wrenching pain and heartbreak, thinking about his words and the look in his eyes – the look of pain and regret. It confuses me and nearly makes me sick again.
Nothing makes sense. Since leaving our house – wait, his house – everything has been up and down. He can’t want this, not when he said he loves me and wants forever with me. But he’s the one who let me go. I know that our love isn’t conventional or anywhere near perfect, but to me, it meant the world to have him. Our relationship started and ended fast. I don’t want him to leave. I want him to stay with me and fight for me because he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a lover, a best friend, a soul mate, and a forever.
Each time I close my eyes, I can’t breathe, and it comes rushing through and intensifies with each memory of Nicholas and me. Slowly opening my eyes, I realize I’m still in the car. Nicholas is in the apartment. He didn’t come out and chase me. I’m not sure what I want right now. I refuse to be his side chick as he lives in the house we built with Emma. I have to hold in all of my feelings for Nicholas and
start my life over, but I feel lost and alone. My life seems empty and hopeless.
Does this pain have a name? Does it ever leave? Pain is the face of Jamie and she has stripped everything away from me. Nicholas and Emma were my family and now I don’t have anyone. She came back leaving me feeling powerless and broken.
I stare outside, looking at nothing in particular, breathing in the scents around me. The morning sun beams its rays in my car. It floods in and I will it away. All of my emotions are unraveling. A splitting pain in my chest causes aches all over. The radiating pain fills my heart and soul. Do you know what it’s like to feel nothing?
This is my fault. I did something wrong. Maybe I gave in too soon or I believed that we were forever and nothing was going to get in the way of our happiness. When I look at my life and how I want it, I see Nicholas. He’s the one for me. Realization hits me – I’m not good enough for Nicholas; I’m not good enough for love. I shut my eyes and remember his smile and the look of love in his eyes. I remember his deep, sexy voice circling around me. I touch my lips and remember his kisses. I close my eyes and the love we made last night comes to me again.
I miss him.
I want him.
A little girl with the prettiest smile invades my mind, pushing away the pain.
Emma.
What am I going to do without her? My Princess. My daughter. I don’t give a shit that I didn’t carry her in my womb or give birth. That doesn’t matter because I know I’d give her more love than Jamie ever will. Who the hell does she think she is? How the hell can she come back and take away what’s mine?
I slam my fists against the steering wheel, screaming Nicholas’ name. Slowly, I turn and stare at the apartment doors. This isn’t happening. I’m dreaming. I pinch myself and feel pain.
Damn it.
This is real. This is my life right now. I’m not dreaming or sleeping. I’m fully awake.
After waiting for over an hour, I turn on my car, put it in drive, and head off somewhere…anywhere.
“If You’re Not the One” by Daniel Bedingfield plays through my iPhone as I listen to the words of want and need. As I drive through town, I can’t stop thinking about the events from yesterday. Something isn’t right. But then again, love’s a foolish game we play. We don’t want to get burned, but it happens. It happens fast and, if we’re lucky, it stays, but when love fails, where does that leave us?
My story with Nicholas Landon Hayes ends with me losing. I begin panicking and my heart is racing, beating wildly in my chest. I pull over to the side of the road, open the door, and let out an agonizing scream. My mind is grasping for anything to calm me down, but there’s nothing to hold on to. My life is slipping from my fingers and the darkness begins to take over and clouds my vision. Getting back in my car, I start driving again.
Suddenly, I find myself in the one place I know I shouldn’t be, but I need answers. I need to know the truth. I run out of my car and, using my key, I enter the house and run to the kitchen.
Jamie’s sitting at the kitchen table with her head down.
“Why are you back?” I cry.
Her head shoots up. “Karly?” Her eyes are wide as she slowly gets up from the chair. Her eyes are bloodshot with dark circles underneath.
I walk over to her, never taking my eyes off hers. “Why. Are. You. Back?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“How can you sit there and take away everything? You said you were okay with me being in their lives.” I try so hard not to break down. I need to be strong. “I don’t get it, Jamie!”
“It’s complicated, okay?”
“No! It’s not okay! You’ve destroyed all of our lives.” At this point, I let it all out, shouting at the top of my lungs. “Nicholas will never love you! Don’t you get it? You have something over him or else he wouldn’t do this. I’ll get to the truth.” Not being able to stand and look at her, I turn around, about to head out.
“Mommy?”
As soon as I hear her little voice, I run to the stairs and take her in my arms and hold her tight. She wraps her little arms around my neck and cries, asking me why I left and if I’m coming back. I don’t care if Jamie’s here; she’s not taking this moment away from me.
Moving her curly blond hair from her chubby cheeks, I look at her, really look at her, hoping she knows this is breaking my heart. “I love you, Emma. So much. Don’t ever forget that.” I pull her away from me and place my hands on her tiny, round face. Her eyes are full of sadness and emotions. I hate that this is going on. She’s only a child. “You mean so much to me and, no matter what, you’re my Princess.”
“Are you leaving again?” She sobs, placing her forehead against mine. Her hands touch my face as we softly sing “You Will Be in My Heart” from Tarzan. Emma’s second favorite Disney movie.
“Mommy! Come on! It’s about to start!”
Grabbing the popcorn from the microwave, I run to the living room and plop down next to Emma. She curls up next to me and, soon, the movie starts playing. Everything’s quiet until Kala names the baby Tarzan and sings “You Will Be in My Heart” to him. Emma jumps up and down, singing and dancing. Honestly, this little girl!
“Mommy, will I always be in your heart?”
“Of course, Princess. No matter what, I’ll always be here for you. I’m never leaving your side.”
This is breaking my heart. I’m about to break my promise to Emma. She’s going to think I never cared or loved her.
“Even though I’m leaving for a little bit, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you, because I do, Emma. I love you so much. You’ll always be in my heart.”
“I love you too, Mommy. You’ll always be in my heart too.”
I slowly turn around. Jamie’s behind us, watching, not saying anything. Her empty gray-brown eyes stare at us. I hate her. I despise her. She’s a sad excuse for a woman.
Turning back to Emma, I hug her again and, when I have to let her go, it takes everything for me not to take her out of the house and bring her with me. “Be a good girl.”
“I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you too, Princess. Always. Go upstairs, okay?”
Emma walks up the stairs and looks at me before going to her room. I turn and look at Jamie again. “Is this what you want? Do you see what you’re doing to her?”
“It’s complicated and I wish I could tell you, but I need you to understand that I’m here and I need this. I need my family.”
Anger spews from my body. “Your family!? You left them, Jamie!” I turn around, running my hands through my hair. “I hope you can live with the damage you’ve caused.”
I walk out the door and, once I reach my car, it all hits me again. I fall to my knees, bend my head, and cry again. The bile in my throat escapes. When my stomach is empty, I lean against my car with my eyes closed. I can’t stop the tears from fleeing my eyes. Through my closed eyes, I watch my life pass by and the frozen pictures of Nicholas and me. Everything I know is in the house.
I need to get away from here. Without thinking, I dial the number I never thought I would, but I need him.
When I park my car in front of the beach house we used to come visit, it brings back memories of how life was before I came to Wilmington. The hour and a half drive to Myrtle Beach lets me think and figure out what I’m going to be doing. Did it help? Not really. I still don’t know what the best thing to do is and if I should even go back. All my things are at Nicholas’ house. I should’ve grabbed my things, but I needed to get out of there before I killed Jamie.
When I get out of my car, he comes to my side, putting his arm around me. “I’m sorry about everything.”
I pat his arm. “Not your fault, Bradley. Thank you for coming out here with me.”
Walking into the dark house, we start turning on the lights and check to make sure everything is still in good shape. It’s been so long since I’ve been here. This used to be our second home; at least here I can feel somewhat
comfortable. I wasn’t sure who to call. I knew he would be there for me and help me through this. Even though we’re still trying to mend our friendship, he’s part of me. We shared so much together in the past. I felt comfortable with him. He is my safety net, for now, until I can face reality.
I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this. Everything in me told me to run and get away from the place I called home. There were voices in my head – a little voice – telling me I was never going to be good enough. I found myself leaving and driving to a place that held my peace and solitude. But standing here, I don’t know who I am without him.
“Thanks again for doing this.” I touch his arm. “I appreciate it.”
He brings me in for a hug, holding me tight. “You’re welcome. You don’t have to thank me. I know this is gonna be hard, but you’re making the right decision. So I’ll stay with you for as long as you need. All right?” I nod my head. He kisses the top of my head as we get our things unpacked.
“No, Bradley. I’ll be fine. I need to be alone and ...” I break down, not able to finish my sentence. His strong arms wrap around me and we fall to the ground. “I can’t do this, Bradley. I ca-can’t.”
The silence is what I need. I don’t want to hear that I’ll be okay or just be patient. Losing the one you love isn’t easy. My eyes feel heavy and it feels like a vise is tightening around my chest. I lean against Bradley, tugging on his shirt. The violent sobs rack my body. Pain radiates through me as I gasp for air. My head is pounding and my vision is blurry. The idea that I have to go through each day without Nicholas leaves me feeling nothing except pain.
“Come on, Snuggles. Let’s get you to bed.”
Bradley picks me up as I lean my head on his shoulder. He brings me upstairs, placing me on the bed, facing the ocean. The light breeze comes in as the sun shines through. I grab a pillow and bring it to my chest.
“I’ll be downstairs if you need me, okay?” I nod my head. I watch him walk out of the room. Without thinking, I pull out my phone and click on a picture of Nicholas and me. Setting it next to my face, I close my eyes and will myself to sleep.
“I love hearing you laugh.”