by S. Moose
Jensen Toscano – even his name is sexy! We talk and get to know each other. He’s from New York City, but moved to Wilmington to accept a job as a surgeon. Saving people is his passion and he’s worked hard to succeed in life. At only thirty-three, he’s a world-renowned doctor and has published several articles about medicine and best practice.
“Pretty impressive, Jensen Toscano. Looks like you’re a big deal.”
He smirks. “I believe that if you’re patient and work hard, it all comes together for you in the end.”
“That’s deep.”
“I try.” He laughs. “Hey, I’m gonna go to the gym later. Do you wanna join me?”
I am about to take a bite of my omelet and I quickly put it down, feeling self-conscious. I’m not fat, but I’m far from having a perfect body.
“No, no! That’s not what I mean,” he quickly adds. “I mean, look at you,” he stammers. “You have an amazing body.”
Okay, cue pink cheeks. He is not complimenting me right now. Holy shit, this isn’t happening. Am I really smiling like a schoolgirl?
“Thanks.” I smile. “So do you.”
We settle back into a comfortable conversation and I agree to meet him tonight for a workout. I can do this. I can have a sexy male friend who has a body like no other – this will be simple.
This isn’t going to be simple. Jensen’s been coming over every day, keeping me company, and helping me around the house. He drives Lexi and me everywhere we need to go and had us spend a day at the spa.
He works overnights, so I get to see him during the day until he has to leave for work. He’s really sweet and takes my mind off Nicholas. It’s comfortable with Jensen and I can see myself with him. Even though it scares me, thinking about moving on, but I have to remember I’m living for me.
Sitting at the kitchen counter, I have my Kindle in my hands, reading my newest romance novel, A Lot Like Love by Julie James. Man, this woman can write! Totally loving the “FBI/US Attorney” series! I seriously need a Nick in my life! Maybe Jensen can be my Nick. Hmmm. I swoon with all the sweet moments. Why can’t guys be like our book boyfriends?
“What are you reading?” Jensen asks, squeezing my shoulders and kissing my cheek.
Well, speak of the devil. “Why, good afternoon.” It’s noon and he’s looking extremely well rested and hot. “Sleep well?”
He rolls his neck side to side and I can’t take my eyes off him. “Yeah, but I was lonely. Why can’t I come here after work and sleep in your bed with you?” He smirks, making me blush all different shades of pink.
“What?” I push him away. “We’re friends!”
“For now.”
Laughing, I scoot out of my chair and take a seat on the couch. Having Jensen around is nice, but sometimes I think about Nicholas and what he’s doing. I wonder if he’s thinking about me or I’m still in his heart.
“You’re moping.” He sits down next to me. “Talk to me.”
I look in his icy blue eyes and feel a connection; whether it’s a love connection or a friend connection, something ignites. Can I trust him? I don’t talk about Nicholas too much unless it’s with Lexi or Larry.
“It’s nothing.” I try to muster a smile. “Long story.” Nervously, I laugh, picking at the lint on my yoga pants.
“Hey.” He places his hand on my cheek and his other hand rests on my knee. “Like you said, we’re friends. I’d like to think you can talk to me if you need to and it looks like you need to get something off your chest. So talk.”
Trying to remain calm and not break down, I tell Jensen everything about Nicholas and me. Our rough start, falling in love with him and Emma, and breaking up when Jamie came back. Throughout telling him, I notice how attentive he is, keeping his hand on my knee and looking in my eyes. Talking to Jensen makes me feel better, as if a weight is being lifted from my chest.
“You have me now. Friends stand by each other and that’s what I’m gonna do. You’re pretty amazing, Karly Erikson.” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Don’t forget that.”
“I’m not that special.” I hide my face, afraid to hear his reaction.
“To me, in my eyes, you are special. And if no one else sees that, they’re missing out on a great woman because you are extraordinary and I’m glad I’m in your life and you’re in mine.”
“You’re a good friend. I like hanging out with you.”
“Me too. I don’t know what it is about you, but when we’re hanging out, it’s nice. I don’t have a lot of friends, you know?”
How doesn’t he have friends? “How is that possible?” He shrugs. “Well, you have me and Lexi!”
“Yeah, you two keep me busy.”
“You love it.”
“That I do.”
JANA AND LEXI STARE AT ME FROM ACROSS THE TABLE. It’s girls’ night and we decided on sushi. Poor Lexi is eating hibachi while we’re enjoying the yumminess of sushi.
“Who the hell comes to a sushi place and orders hibachi!?”
“Well, a lot of people do.” I point at some tables. “You’re not the only one.”
Lexi pouts and we laugh at her. Pregnancy is not her thing. She complains about everything and I’m pretty sure Larry’s ready to kill her, so taking a night off away from the guys is a good thing. Probably something we should do often since Larry handed me his credit card and said to make sure Lexi is happy and comes home with a smile on her face.
As Lexi sips on her water with lemon, Jana and I enjoy a glass of wine. “I’m pretending this water is vodka and I’m slowly getting drunk,” Lexi says, fluttering her eyes close, letting out a sigh. “Yes, vodka. Mama missed you.”
“You’re crazy!” The three of us laugh while watching Lexi make love to her straw. It’s actually kinda disturbing watching her. “Can you stop please? You look like you’re giving your straw head.”
She looks at her straw and frowns. “You know I wonder if a grown man has a dick like this? You know tiny and short.”
“Something I don’t wanna think about, thank you!” Jana states, finishing her wine.
I need this night away from everything. It’s been really confusing. I haven’t been crying or dreaming of Nicholas since Jensen. I’m not sure if this is okay, but it should be, right? I mean, Nicholas has Jamie and I can’t sit and wait for him. I deserve to be happy too!
“What do y’all think of Jensen?”
Lexi’s and Jana’s eyes go wide. “I thought you two were friends?”
“We are.” And it’s true. He’s a great friend. He listens to me and we push each other while we’re working out. We’re both trying new things, like us getting tattoos. He got the serenity quote on his side and I made up a quote for the artist to put on the back of my shoulder.
“Even through the pain, she rises and spreads her wings. Nothing will keep her down. She’ll rise from the ruins and fly because she believes.”
“I mean, we’re friends. He wants to take me on a date, but it’s too soon!”
Jana looks at Lexi, then back to me. “If Nicholas can, you can too. I don’t give a shit about what society says. You are young and fucking hot, girl. Jensen is sweet and sexy. You need fun in your life. Now, we’re here for you, but don’t you think it’s time for you to move on too?”
“She’s right, babe. My brother is an idiot, there’s no doubt. But you can’t live your life in fear and be scared. Move on and try to be happy. You deserve it.”
They’re right. I do deserve to be happy. I shouldn’t be questioning this or thinking it’s wrong. There are no rules when it comes to dating. I have to do what I feel is right. Sure, I don’t love Jensen. I like him, though. He’s sorta like my Bradley, but without the feelings.
“You think I should go out to dinner with him tomorrow night?”
“YES!” they both respond.
Getting the courage, I send Jensen a text message.
Me: Looks like I’ll be taking you up on that dinner date.
Jensen: Don’t
play around, girl. My heart can’t take it =p
Me: You’re so weird!
Jensen: Na, I’m funny. Alright; tomorrow night?
Me: Sounds good.
Jensen: I can’t wait.
Me either.
The next afternoon, I decide on a spa day with Lexi and Jana. Apparently, I look like a hot mess and I need a makeover. Only they’ll tell me what I don’t want to hear.
“See; don’t you feel better?”
Signing the credit card receipt without looking at the outrageous price, I smile and nod. It’s nice to have some “me” time and be pampered. I hate spending money on these things. I guess once in a while it’s okay, though. Plus, I have a date tonight and I don’t want to look frumpy.
“Shopping now!”
“Lexi! I just spent so much at the spa! And now you wanna go shopping? Seriously?”
“What? Jana, tell her she needs more clothes.”
“You need more clothes.”
“The both of you are dumb! Ugh, fine! Let’s go.”
We spend the rest of the day in different boutiques, trying on clothes and matching the outfits with shoes and accessories. Another jaw-dropping amount spent and done. I don’t know how some women do this on a daily basis. If I spent that much money a day, I’d be broke fast. But I won’t lie it’s nice to do something for myself.
After dropping off Jana, we head back to the house and I start getting ready. Lexi comes in my bedroom, taking the curling iron from my hands. She takes a strand of my hair to curl.
“How are you feeling?”
Not sure how to answer, I smile.
“I know you’re nervous. You can tell me.”
Am I nervous? Yes. But mostly I’m scared. It’s too soon to start dating and I’m not over Nicholas.
“Fine; don’t talk. But as your best friend, I will tell you this…again. It’s okay to date, Karly. You can’t wait for him forever, you know.”
I’m not waiting for him, though – well, I am, but I don’t plan to wait forever. I know that one day, I’ll have to move on and find happiness with someone else. Yet, right now, I want to hold on to the possibility that Nicholas still loves me and will come back.
“Just don’t think you have to stay sad and broken. You’re a beautiful girl, Karly, and I know you’ll be okay.”
“Thanks, Lexi. I needed to hear that.”
JAMIE’S BEEN ASKING FOR ME TO TAKE HER OUT TO DINNER. I’ve been avoiding one-on-one time with her. Since telling Jamie about Karly, she’s been on edge and constantly needing my full attention. My sleep is all over the place and I’ve been sharing a bed with Jamie because of her nightmares. She wakes up screaming and crying, telling me she doesn’t want to lose me and Emma.
Not being able to take this, I head to the pharmacy and buy sleeping pills. Let’s say I’m waking up well rested and without being punched in the face.
“Nicholas? Are you ready?” she asks, interrupting my thoughts. “Mom came to pick up Emma and I’m ready.” I look up from the kitchen counter and see her walking towards me, wearing a simple purple dress and heels. “Like what you see, husband?”
“You look nice.” I try to smile, hoping she doesn’t sense I don’t want to do this tonight. “Well, we should get going. We have reservations at seven.”
Jamie takes my hand, but I push her away, putting my hand in my pocket.
“Asshole,” she mumbles.
“I know I am,” I smirk, heading to the car. Frankly I don’t give a shit what she thinks about me now.
The drive to the restaurant is quiet. Each move she makes I block. We haven’t been sleeping in the same bed either. I’m back on the couch and she’s still in the guest room. With Karly back in town my focus is on her and getting her back.
“Thank you so much for taking me out tonight, Nicky. It’s nice to feel wanted.” She takes my hand in hers, holding it tight.
I push her away again. “Sure, but don’t get this twisted.” Being honest with Jamie is what I need to do. I can’t let her think anything about this dinner.
“God, Nicky, I’m trying to be nice. You can do the same.”
I pull into the valet area and hand the keys over to a teenage, pimply kid. Overjoyed, he takes the keys to my Audi and drives away. Entering the restaurant, Jamie puts a smile on her face and takes charge. We’re seated in a booth and, instantly, I feel her nearby.
Karly. She wouldn’t be here. Who would she be here with?
I look over to Jamie. She seems content to look through the menu, not minding what’s around her. Looking around, I try to find her, and I’m about to stop but, like a dream, there she is. I glance her way, wishing she’d look at me too. Fighting everything inside me not to get up and take her in my arms, I look away and focus on Jamie for a little. She puts her phone away, asking what I’d like to order for dinner. Not being able to focus, I quickly respond and, when our server comes to the table, Jamie rattles off a list a mile long.
“What’s on your mind?”
“Nothing. It’s been a long few weeks at work.”
“Well I’m doing okay in case you’re wondering. The meds make me really tired and sick, but I think it’s going well. Dr. Toscano is a great doctor.”
“Okay.” I hear her laugh; my Angel’s laugh. I watch her throw her head back, covering her mouth. Damn, she’s beautiful. But then there’s someone sitting next to her and I didn’t see him until now. Who the fuck is she with?
I’m finally really looking at her and am about to kill someone. Who the fuck gave her a low-cut dress? And where the fuck is the back of her dress? Alexis! I swear I’m going to kill my sister.
She doesn’t need to be wearing sexy clothes for other fucking men. I’m the only one she should be wearing those clothes for. There’s very fucking little to the imagination with that sexy-ass dress. Fuck! My dick twitches, wanting her. Only her. I take a healthy gulp of my beer and nearly choke when his hand caresses her face. My Angel. My love. Back the hell away, cocksucker.
Her laughs belong to me. Her smile is mine. She’s mine.
Cocksucker leans in and places his lips on hers. I grip the table to keep myself from getting up. Jamie touches my arm, pulling me towards her.
“Is that Karly?” I nod. “Wow, she looks great, Nicky. I can’t see who she’s with, though. Do you know him?”
“I don’t.”
“Take a breath, Nicky. You both moved on and I know this isn’t ideal, but she’ll come back to you. Don’t worry, okay?” I nod again, not wanting to say what I want to say. “I’ll be back.” She leans over and kisses my cheek before leaving me alone to enjoy this fucktastic view.
I’m taking this game back to my side.
“Hi, Karly.”
She quickly turns her head and her eyes are wide with shock. “Nicholas?”
“Yes. You look nice tonight. Enjoying your company?” I know I’m being harsh, but she doesn’t want me to say what’s truly on my mind. If we weren’t in a crowded area, I’d take her over my shoulder and bring her back to our house where she belongs.
Karly moves her hands to her lap and looks at Cocksucker, then back at me. “Are you going to introduce me?”
“No.”
“Well, why not?” I extend my hand to Cocksucker. “I’m Nicholas Hayes.”
“Jensen.” He shakes my hand back, looking at me, then back at Karly. She’s avoiding both of us. Damn right, Angel. You’re mine and I’m glad this is making you uncomfortable. Jensen shoots me another look. “I’ve heard about you.”
“Oh, is that right? So you know that she’ll be mine again?”
“Nicholas, stop. This isn’t the place for this!” she seethes, but I don’t give a shit. Let her hate me. She needs to know I’m not going to sit back and let another fucking man touch what’s mine.
“He should know that you’re mine, Karly. Don’t forget that.” I kiss the top of her head and walk away before she can respond.
Sitting back at my table, I turn around and s
ee that Karly’s gone. Cocksucker’s at the table, looking like a fool. Where the hell did she go? Before I can get back up, Jamie returns and, within seconds, so does our dinner.
I’m fucking glad I made their date, or whatever the fuck they’re doing, uncomfortable. She’s mine. Her body is mine. Her heart is mine. Everything that’s Karly Erikson is fucking mine.
Excusing myself from the table, I head outside and look for her. I know she likes to be outside when she’s upset. I look around and find her sitting on the bench. Fuck, her hands are covering her face. Why did I do that to her? I slowly walk to her, kneeling in front of my Angel, stroking her arms.
“Angel?”
“Why’d you do that, Nicholas? Can’t you please leave me alone? This is so hard and you’re not making it easy. I need to move on with my life like you have.”
“Talk to me.” I kneel in front of her. My hands are resting on her knees as her hands cover her face.
“What do you want me to say? I’m leaving you alone and giving you space. I respect your marriage and I won’t be the other woman.”
“Do you still love me?”
She sighs. “You know I do.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you. When I saw you with that cocksucker, I lost it. He needs to know you’re mine. No one can take what’s mine.”
“I’m not yours, Nicholas,” she whispers, barely uttering the words. “I was yours, but not anymore.” She gets up from the bench, wipes away her tears, and begins to leave. “We’ll always have us.” I stand there, frozen. She’s right; we’ll always have us.
After struggling to get some sleep, I finally wake up and get up from the couch. I slowly head upstairs and check on Emma. Her little body is peacefully sleeping as she lies on her side with her hands tucked under her face. I brush her hair from her face and sit on the floor, watching her sleep.
“I’m sorry, Princess. I wish I could turn back time and bring Karly back to you.”