by S. Moose
Holding in my anger so I don’t wake up Emma, I turn and look at Jamie. “Let’s get one thing clear. Yes, I agreed to help you and support you, which I am, but do not for one second think that I want to be near you. I’m paying for all of your medical bills and ensuring that you’re comfortable. I lost the love of my life for you, Jamie.” Walking closer to her and keeping my eyes on hers, I say, “If you think you can come back and play these fucking mind games, you have another thing coming. So back off, Jamie. You do not want to cross me.” Every notion about me loving her again and us being a family flies out the window. There’s no more me and Jamie. I need to focus on getting Karly back and my daughter.
I head to my office, shut the door, and lean back in my chair. The gifts before me catch my eyes. I reach for Karly’s bag and open her gifts. Inside, there are a few wrapped boxes and a card. Sliding my finger through the envelope, I take out the card and smile.
Karly hates buying cards so she always makes them for whatever occasion. Watching her at the table with markers and paper tools made me love her more. She made an event of everything – to her, the little moments were what mattered.
On the front of the blue-colored card is “Happy 29th Birthday, Nicholas. One more year until 30.” There are sparkles and glitter on the card – typical Karly. When I open the card, her words hit me as I hear her voice in my mind.
“Happy Birthday, Fiancé.
Today marks your birthday, a special day because we’re celebrating your life. I wish things were different and we get to spend it together as a family. I know things are pretty shitty now, but I told you I’ll wait for you and that’s what I plan on doing. You can’t get rid of me that easily, Nicholas.
I hope today brings you so much love and happiness. I can’t wait until the day we say ‘I do’ and we get our forever.
You’re my life, my love, my infinity. Please believe me and never doubt me or our love.
Always & forever, Nicholas. I love you.
Forever yours.”
Me: Thank you for my card, Angel.
Karly: You’re welcome, babe =) I had a great time today.
Me: I’m glad you did. God, I miss you so much. I wanna be with you right now.
Karly: I know; me too. I’m in bed and it’s so lonely without you.
Speaking of bed…
Me: So you and Jensen had sleepovers?
Karly: Okay, it’s not like that. You know you’re the only man I’ve been with ;) Always.
Me: Good. But you had him in your bed?
Karly: Nicholas, stop. Yes, he slept over after working because we WERE dating. I’m yours now, Nicholas, and that’s not going to change. You have me; please don’t be mad.
I think about how I’m feeling and let out a breath I’ve been holding. I hate the fact that Jensen was there for her when I couldn’t be. But now he’s out of the picture and she’s agreed to be my wife, so as soon as we can get married, we will.
Me: I’m not mad…anymore. I love you, Angel. I have to get going. Dream of me.
Karly: Always xo I love you <3
After a week from hell, I decide to head to the gym in the morning and release all the stress that is building. After an hour of cardio and an hour of lifting, I sit in my car, aimlessly staring ahead of me. My phone vibrates with text messages from Jamie asking where I am and what time I’m coming back.
Another doctor’s appointment.
I rub my face with my hands, start my car, and head back home. When I get inside, Jamie’s on the couch, sobbing. I walk over to her, kneeling down. “What happened?”
“It’s getting worse and there’s nothing else they can do. They gave me meds to make me comfortable, but that’s it. Nicky, I’m really dying and it’s coming fast.” She throws herself on me, crying and needing me to hold her. I touch her back and her cries get louder.
“It’ll be okay. Let me talk to your doctor. I need to understand this.” Jamie stills in my arms. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she says, drying her tears. Her entire mood changes and anger fills her eyes. “Why do you need to talk to my doctor? Don’t you believe me when I tell you what’s wrong and I don’t have that much time? He’s not going to tell you anything differently, Nicholas.”
The door opens before I can say anything. Emma comes running into the house with a smile on her face. She’s holding balloons and a teddy bear.
“Hi, Daddy! Hi, Mom!” Mom?
“Hey, sweetie. Did you have fun with Jensen?” Jensen? What the fuck is going on?
Jensen walks into the kitchen, putting down bags. Why is he here and why was Emma with him?
“What’s going on, Jamie?” I harshly whisper, trying to remain calm.
“I had my doctor’s appointment and couldn’t reach you to watch our daughter. Jensen’s good with her, so be nice.” Jamie quickly gets up, picking up Emma and hugging her.
“I thought Jensen’s your doctor.”
“It was with my oncologist.”
“Which is? Why haven’t I met this doctor of yours?” First having a surgeon as her doctor and now she’s telling me about her oncologist. Now I understand Lexi and my family’s fear that something is off. “You never told me about your appointment. I never know who you’re meeting and when, so what’s going on?”
“Nothing, all right?”
Cautiously looking at the three of them, I know something isn’t right. Emma’s face contorts with pain and, suddenly, I take her from Jamie and bring her outside.
“Emma, talk to Daddy. What’s going on?”
She shakes her head. “Nothing, Daddy. I mean my arm itches in the cast, but Uncle Jensen said it’s okay and he kissed it, saying that’ll make it feel better. Everything’s fine. Uncle Jensen took me out because Mom said you were busy.”
“Princess, I’m never too busy for you.” I kiss her cheek. “So you’re saying ‘Mom’? That’s good.”
“Yeah,” she whispers. “Uncle Jensen kept telling me he loves me, Daddy. I didn’t say it back, though. He seemed sad.”
Rushing back inside, my fist connects with his face. Jamie screams, telling me to stop. “Stay the hell away from my daughter. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“She’s my fucking daughter!”
He’s crazy. He’s fucking crazy. There’s no way Emma’s his daughter. I look to Jamie and see the pale in her face. My world begins to fall apart. Emma, my daughter, the child I raised and loved, isn’t my daughter?
LOOKING AT THE CLEAR RESPONSE, I NEARLY FAINT. Questions run through my mind. I can’t believe this.
Pregnant.
It’s Nicholas’, but when? I sit on the bathroom floor, head in my hands, as I think about our times together. I’ve always been good about taking my birth control pills, but then it hits me.
May. Hawaii. We never used condoms, since my medicine bag was confiscated. Missed period in June. No period so far in July. Oh fuck me sideways into next year. Stupid, Karly! Stupid!
This isn’t good. Not good at all.
When I leave the bathroom, I head outside and sit down with Lexi. I look at her and start crying.
“Oh my God, what’s wrong?” I tell her everything and she sits in front of me with her mouth wide open. “You’re pregnant? Does Nicholas know?” I shake my head. “You need to tell him!”
“I can’t! Not yet! He has enough on his plate and I can’t bring this to him too. Jamie has cancer and he needs to help her out. I can wait, Lexi.”
Keeping this from Nicholas for now is the right thing to do. Jamie hates me and she’ll do everything in her power to keep us apart. Even though we’re engaged, it won’t be real until Jamie’s out of the picture. It sounds terrible, I know, but it’s the truth. Jamie has him for now, so she can spend her last months on Earth with Nicholas and Emma. I know he loves me and wants a future with me. For Nicholas to be part of my life and his child’s, there needs not to be any more drama and complications. I can’t go through life dealing with all the problems t
hat attack us. He promised Jamie that he’ll take care of her, so I have to wait and be there for him when he has time for me.
“It’ll be okay, Lexi. I’m okay. I promise.” And I am okay, for now.
Lexi’s able to get me an appointment with her OB-GYN for the next day. She’s holding my hand as I’m sitting on the table, waiting to hear the news.
Before the appointment, I threw up a few times and felt weak. I read about difficult pregnancies and I was scared. What if something was wrong? What was I going to do? Another important thing was whether or not I was going to tell Nicholas. There’s so much going on. I can’t add to his stress. He’ll accuse me of doing this on purpose to keep him.
The door opens and a nurse walks in. She’s short with ombre black and red hair. Her dark brown eyes shine as she walks in, bubbly and happy.
“Congratulations, Ms. Erikson. You’re pregnant.”
Those two words make my heart jump to my throat. I’m pregnant. Touching my stomach, I close my eyes and try not to cry, but it’s too late. I’m a bucket of tears and emotions. Inside of me is our baby. A little person we created with love and care. A baby.
Lexi squeezes my hand and tells me to be excited. This isn’t a bad thing. I know I’ll be a great mom and my baby will know love every single day. I plan on showing him/her what it’s like to have an amazing life. I’m financially stable and will provide a great life for us. When the time’s right, Nicholas will know and he’ll be a great dad to our Nugget, our Baby Nugget.
“But I’ve been drinking. Will my baby be okay?”
“Well, the doctor will be in shortly and you can discuss that with her. Congratulations again and don’t worry, okay?” I nod and smile, watching her leave.
“Everything else okay?” I shake my head.
“Lexi, what if I have a complicated pregnancy? I feel weak all the time and, right now, I feel like I’m going to be sick.” I hold my stomach and slowly count to ten. It’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.
“You need to tell Nicholas. He deserves to know.”
“I know and I will. I’ll tell him soon.” And I am going to tell him. I love him and Lexi’s right; he deserves to know the truth. We’re going to have a baby and Emma’s going to be a big sister. Our family will be whole soon.
After the appointment, we head to lunch and I feel so much better. Everything seems okay and right on track. I’m due around February and I can’t hide my overwhelming emotions. Doctor Lake wants to see me in a few weeks since I’m about twelve weeks pregnant. Wow, pregnant. I still can’t believe I’m carrying a piece of Nicholas and me.
It’s only been two days since finding out I’m pregnant and I’ve been in bed the entire time. I can’t keep anything down and my head’s spinning. This isn’t what I was expecting to go through.
Larry’s been caring for Lexi and me, but the poor guy looks like he’s ready to lose it.
“Can you please tell him you’re pregnant? I can’t do this anymore,” he complains.
I wish I could tell Nicholas the truth. I hate hiding this from him. He’s Nugget’s daddy. It’s been hard without him. The torture is getting to me. I’ve been close to texting him, but stop myself. I have to be strong, not just for me, but for my baby. My little Nugget. Touching my flat stomach, I imagine myself growing every day and little Nugget growing inside of me. Will Nicholas ever get to find out the truth? I can’t be that girl to deceive him and I know I need to tell him soon, but it’s hard. He has a life now with Jamie and Emma while I’m the other woman. I’ll always be second best.
I never believed in love or soul mates and Nicholas changed all of that for me. Even being with Jensen doesn’t compare. There’s no comparison. There’s only Nicholas and he’s the one with my heart.
“I am begging you,” Larry yells at us, bringing me back to reality.
Lexi and I laugh, listening to him complain. He’s been making twice the trips to the store and attending to us, day and night. It’s nice to be with my best friends. Bradley hasn’t been around. He knows I’m pregnant too and told me he needs time to be alone. It kills me, knowing Bradley won’t accept this. Jana’s trying to explain to him that I’ll be okay. I’ve tried texting and calling him, but he’s not answering me. Maybe one day he’ll see why I’m keeping my baby.
While we’re eating lunch, the door opens with Nicholas and Emma. She’s in his arms, sleeping, but his face is pale and his eyes are bloodshot red.
“Nicholas?” Lexi gets up and runs to her brother. I stay in my chair, watching them. She takes Emma and he walks to the living room. Something’s wrong.
Larry leaves the kitchen and runs to the living room. They’re both talking and I’m trying to listen. Suddenly, the words hit me.
“Emma’s not my daughter. Jamie cheated on me with Jensen.”
Get. The. Fuck. Out. I rub the pain I’m feeling and my heart breaks. After five years, this is how he finds out. Straightening myself, I slowly get up and walk over to Nicholas. Sitting down next to him, I place my arm around his shoulders, and he falls on my lap and cries. Nicholas, my strong Nicholas, is breaking.
Rubbing my hands on his back, I look at Lexi and Larry for something…anything. All of us are at a loss for words. How could Jamie do this to him?
“No matter what, Emma’s your daughter. You’ve raised her from day one and you’ll continue to do just that. It’ll work out. It’ll be okay.”
“How could she do this and then come back?” Nicholas gets up, cupping my face with his hands. “I am so sorry for everything.” He gulps, resting his forehead against mine. “Thank you for everything, Angel. You’ve been my constant throughout this fucking mess. God, I love you so much. I don’t deserve you. I really don’t.”
“Shhhh, it’s okay. We’re together now and that’s what matters.”
Everything around us remains quiet and dark. The deception and lies come out and no one’s left okay. The pain Jamie and Jensen have brought is unforgiveable. They’ve ruined so much, but now the truth is out. Our love isn’t lying in the ruins anymore. We’re going to be stronger and make it until forever. I know that now isn’t the right time, but I need him to know I’m not going anymore. No more running. No more hiding. I’m fighting for my man. I can forgive him because he didn’t have a choice. He left me because he felt like he had to. This all makes sense. He wouldn’t have done this on purpose. I knew Jamie had an ulterior motive. That bitch; if I could see her and put my hands around her lying neck.
“Nicky, what time was her appointment?” Lexi asks, looking weird.
“I don’t know. This morning, I guess?”
“Hmmmm.” Lexi gets up, pacing the room. “She was with Jensen and Emma today, though. Me and Mom saw them having breakfast or whatever.”
“What?”
“Yeah, Nicky, I don’t think she had the appointment today.”
Holy shit. Would Jamie lie about having cancer?
“I think we should all go and find out,” Larry says as if he can read my thoughts.
“You three go. I’ll stay here with Emma.”
Nicholas quickly gets up, taking my hand. “You and me…”
“Until forever.”
Heading outside, we get in Larry’s car and drive away. Nicholas is quiet throughout the entire ride. I’m holding his hand and think about everything. I don’t get it, though. Nicholas went to her appointment and Jensen told them she has cancer and they had a plan and everything.
“So Jensen went along with her plan,” I simply state.
“Seems like it, Angel.”
Larry quickly pulls up the driveway and we run inside. There’s yelling inside, mostly Jamie’s voice. Nicholas runs inside, pushing me to Larry and telling me to stay behind. Fuck that; I’m going in. I grab his hand, letting him know we’re in this together. As soon as we run in, Jensen’s on the ground and Jamie’s holding a golf club.
“Jamie, what the fuck! Put it down, now!” Nicholas yells, holding me back. Jamie looks at us and, I’m not
going to lie; I’m scared out of my mind. She looks like she’s ready to murder all of us. Holy fuck.
Jamie gazes at me, swinging the club back and forth; there’s no emotion in her expression. The club settles by her side. She’s gripping it tightly. Her eyes don’t leave mine. Slowly, I look down and see Jensen carefully sitting up against the wall with his hand on his head.
“Jensen, are you okay?” I weakly ask. He nods, looking at us and then back to the floor. As much as I hate him and what he did, a part of me feels horrible. If he’s Emma’s dad, maybe Jamie had something on him and he went along with her plan so he could see her. Either way, this whole situation is fucked up.
The hairs on my arms prickle with fear as I look at Jamie again and pray she puts down the club.
“Jamie,” I croak, clearing my throat. “Talk to us, please. Stop this so no one else gets hurt.”
She points the club at me. “You! You were supposed to be with Jensen and leave my family to me. This was my chance to redeem myself. Do you know Nicholas was falling back in love with me? He was forgetting you, Karly.”
“No, Jamie. I did this because I thought you were sick. I thought you didn’t have help, but now I see you need more help than I can give you.”
Larry walks to Jensen, helping him into a chair and handing him a bag of frozen vegetables from the freezer. Good, maybe he can feel a little better.
“You’re Emma’s mother and I thought giving you a chance to spend time with her would’ve been good, but now I see you for who you really are. You play games for your own satisfaction.”
“Nic….”
“No! You will NOT talk, do you understand me? This ends now, Jamie. We are getting a divorce and you are to leave Wilmington. Just. Leave. I will raise Emma with Karly and you will never fucking see her again.”
“You can’t do this, Nicky! I need you! I have nothing and I really am in trouble! Please,” she begs, falling to her knees and sobbing. “Please, Nicky. They’ll kill me if I don’t have them.”