by Rinna Ford
Around 5:30 I ran out of things to do and I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything in over 24 hours. I still wasn’t hungry, but I knew I needed to eat so I pulled my sandwich out of my purse. I ate slowly, not really tasting it. Great. Even my taste buds were numb.
My phone beeped, waking me up from the trance I was in. I looked down and saw that it was a text from Tessa.
Tessa: Hey roomie! Ready for your b-day w/end?
No. No I wasn’t. Tessa would want to go out and party, while I would rather stay in and do nothing. But, it would be the best way to take my mind off of him, right? I decided it would be a good idea to get out of Savannah for a few days.
Me: I’m coming to ATL for the weekend
Me: I’ll leave after my morning shift
Tessa: Yay!! I’ll have ur drink ready when u walk n the door!
Me: See you tomorrow afternoon
I sent my mom a text letting her know about my change in plans for my birthday. It took my mom almost a half an hour to respond. That wasn’t good.
Mom: If that’s what you want to do.
She was hurt. It was obvious even in a text message. I sighed. I hated hurting her, but I needed a break.
Me: You were right. He left yesterday. I need to get out of town for a few days and have fun with my friend for my birthday.
Mom: Oh, honey. I’m sorry. But I’m glad he’s out of your life.
Ugh. She had to go there.
Me: Got a customer.
I lied to my mom. There really wasn’t a customer in the shop, but I needed to end that conversation. I turned off my phone in case she wanted to respond anyway. I stared out the front window, watching the people as they walked by. I saw some people having conversations, others smiling and laughing. Their happiness seemed so foreign to me in that moment.
I wondered what he was doing. Had he made it back home yet? He never really told me where he was from, only the name of the town. He kept so many secrets. Too many secrets. He probably wasn’t even the man I grew to love. Why couldn’t he give me a reason? What was he hiding? Was it another woman? A girlfriend? A wife? I grew sick with the thought of cheating with someone, even him.
The clock on the counter read 7:03, letting me know it was time to close up for the night. I was back on autopilot, doing all the things I needed to do before walking out into the parking lot to my jeep.
I got in and sat behind the wheel, and as I went to turn the key, I saw something that looked like a rock on the passenger seat. I picked it up and looked at it carefully. It wasn’t a rock at all, but a purple shell like the one he picked up for me at the beach. How did it get into my car?
I opened the door and stepped one foot back onto the parking lot surface. I looked around hoping to see him, but all I saw was night. I got back into my jeep and put the shell in my purse. I knew I would get into a car accident if I left it where it would be visible, because I wouldn’t be able to stop looking at it.
When I got home I went straight to my bedroom and pulled the shell out of my purse. I put it on my desk and looked for the shell from that day at the beach. It had to be the same shell. I probably just forgot that I left it in the jeep this morning. But, I needed to make sure.
I searched for almost twenty minutes until I found it in the bag I used every time I went to the beach. I picked it up carefully and took it over to my desk. I laid it next to the shell I found in my car. How was this possible?
I picked my purse up off the floor and got out my cell phone. I powered it on and waited for it to start up. There was another text from my mom, but nothing from him. I stared at the two shells until I decided I needed to ask him about them.
Me: I found another purple shell in my car tonight. Was it from u?
I waited for a response, but nothing came. I went to the kitchen and made myself a bowl of cereal. I checked my phone again with no new messages.
Tired of waiting, I realized that I needed to pack a bag for the weekend. I gathered enough clothes and shoes for a few days, including the red dress Tessa got for me. I would pack the rest in the morning before leaving for work. I checked my phone again. Nothing.
I turned my phone off and got ready for bed. I set my alarm and crawled under the sheets. Sleep came easier than it did that morning. I didn’t dream all night long, and I was fine with that.
The next morning I got ready for the day, putting on a green and yellow sundress and leaving my hair in loose waves down past my shoulders. I needed to feel like I was put together on the outside, even if I felt hollow on the inside. I packed up my makeup and toiletries and put my suitcase by the front door. Then I went back into the kitchen to have breakfast with my mom before leaving.
She handed me a cup of coffee and sat down at the table, waiting for me to join her. I went in search of cereal first and poured myself a bowl.
“I’m planning on taking you out to dinner when you get back,” she said. I swallowed my bite of cheerios and gave her a little smile.
“That sounds great,” I told her and took a sip of coffee.
“I really am sorry about Brogan.” I winced at the sound of his name. I was doing pretty well, considering how my heart was completely broken, but the sound of his name was too much for me.
“Thanks. I’ll be okay.” I ate another bite of cereal, eating it quicker. The sooner I was done, the sooner I wouldn’t have to have this conversation any more and I could leave.
“I know you will,” she smiled. “You’ll see, you’ll be over him in no time.”
Mom smiled her beautiful smile. I grunted in false agreement as I finished my breakfast. I got up and put my bowl, spoon, and mug in the dishwasher.
Mom stood up because she knew I was leaving. I gave her a hug and sighed. No matter how annoyed I was with her, I still loved my mother’s hugs. They were the best.
“Be careful,” she said. “And call me when you get there.” Such a mom.
I laughed for the first time in a day and a half. “I will, Mom.” I gave her another hug before loading my suitcase into the jeep and going to work.
Chapter Eighteen
Work was uneventful as usual. I got a few phone and internet orders, but not a lot of customers walking in. I stayed busy, but I was ready to get on the road and see Tessa. I needed my best friend.
I left for Atlanta right at 1:00 and only stopped once along the way to get gas and a snack for the car ride. I realized that I made good time when I saw that it was a little after 5:00 when I pulled into my apartment complex. I parked my jeep next to Tessa’s little white hatchback in my usual spot. Most of the parking lot was empty because a lot of people living there were college students who had gone home for the summer.
I texted my mom to let her know that I made it as I got out of the jeep and walked toward the trunk. I looked around as I got my suitcase out of the back of the jeep and noticed Jesse’s shiny blue sports car parked a few spaces away. Great. I forgot about Jesse. I hoped that he would leave me alone, but the odds weren’t in my favor.
I lugged the suitcase up a flight of stairs and found my apartment door. I put my key in the lock and let myself in. Trying to be quiet, because I didn’t want a certain ex to hear through the shared wall that I was home, but Tessa was anything but quiet.
“Alya, is that you?” she yelled from her bedroom. I sighed in defeat. So much for stealth.
She came barreling around the corner, wrapping me in a bone-crushing hug. For someone so small, she was definitely a beast.
I smiled at her, but she knew something was off about it because she gave me a strange look.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “You look like you haven’t slept in days.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Thanks, friend. You look great too.”
She sputtered a laugh and picked up my suitcase and took it into my bedroom, throwing it on my bed. Like I said, she was a beast.
“So, how’s Brogan?” she asked in a cutesy voice.
I winced. I wanted to wait to talk abo
ut him, but it seemed like we were going to do this within the first 5 minutes of me being home.
“I figured you’d be too wrapped up in him to celebrate your birthday with me.” She gave me a sassy grin.
“He left,” I said plainly. I unzipped my suitcase and started taking out my belongings.
“What do you mean he left?” she asked, taking the makeup bag out of my hand. Her smile fell and her eyebrows scrunched together.
“He left.” I repeated. “He went home and I’ll never see him again.”
I looked into her eyes. She could see the pain and the hurt looking back at her. Tessa cleared the suitcase off the bed and sat me down, with her sitting next to me.
“Tell me what happened,” she demanded. I took a deep breath and let it out, willing myself not to cry.
“I knew he was going to leave because he told me when we started seeing each other. But he left two days early and didn’t tell me that he was leaving until after we, we....” I hugged a pillow to my chest, hoping it would help make my heart hurt less. “He got a call from his superior officer right before coming to my house. He said he was still processing it when he got there, and that’s why he didn’t tell me.”
“Why couldn’t you guys still be together, even with him going home?” It was the question I kept asking myself over and over again since he drove away. Even before that.
“He said that it wasn’t allowed. He couldn’t stay with me and I couldn’t go with him. No real explanation.”
“Well, that’s bullshit.” Tessa said. I fully agreed with her.
“He probably has a wife or something.” I spoke with no emotion in my voice. I stared down at the comforter on the bed, lost in my own head.
“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.” She put her arms around me in another hug. “I really thought he was the one for you.”
“Me too,” I whispered. She hugged me for a little while longer, only letting me go when her phone beeped a half dozen times in a row. She gave me a tight smile then went into her room to retrieve her cell. She was looking at the screen when she walked back into my room.
“It’s Joe,” Tessa said. Her eyes got bright when she said his name. “He’s inviting us over for Chinese food and a movie.” I gave her a sour look. “He says Jesse won’t be there.” I sighed. She was so in love with Joe and I didn’t want to disappoint her by staying home tonight. Because if I stayed home, she would too. She was just that good of a friend.
“Okay,” I said. “As long as I don’t have to deal with Jesse.” Her face lit up and her fingers flew over the keypad.
“I promise, it’ll be fun,” she smiled. I gave her a small grin then finished unpacking my bag.
Joe was just paying the delivery guy when Tessa and I walked out our front door and turned toward his apartment. Tessa took the bag of food from Joe’s hand as we passed into the kitchen.
Joe and Jesse’s apartment was laid out exactly like Tessa’s and mine, only reversed. The kitchen was just off of the front door leading into the living room. The hallway, off to the left, led to two bedrooms and a bathroom that they shared.
Tessa sat the bag down on the counter and started removing the contents, looking at each item as she did. I was watching her, when I felt Joe come up from behind me, wrap his large arm around my neck in a sort of hug, and kissed me on the side of my face.
“How are you doing, sweetheart?” he asked as he moved away. He walked toward the counter and glanced over at me. Joe was such a great guy, and definitely perfect for my roommate.
I gave him a tight smile. “I’m good,” I told him. I didn’t elaborate. “How are you?”
He took a couple of the containers to the coffee table and went back for the rest. When I was dating Jesse, and even before when we were just friends, the four of us would order take out and eat it off of the coffee table, sharing everything. No plates were allowed. It looked like we would be eating that way tonight.
“I don’t have anything to complain about except an idiot roommate,” he smiled and picked the chopsticks off the counter. He picked up a container of lo mein and dug in. Tessa and I joined him around the coffee table and she started eating the delicious-smelling food.
Tessa sat next to Joe on the couch, watching me with a concerned expression. I picked up a box and started eating, not really caring what it was.
Joe put the food down long enough to pick up the remote and turn on the TV. He found a comedy on Netflix, then went back to eating. I turned my eyes toward the screen and watched the movie without really even seeing it.
About two-thirds of the way into the movie, Tessa and Joe were laughing at a funny part of the movie when the door flew open. Jesse strolled in and looked around the living room. His eyes locked onto my face.
“Hey, Alya,” he said, not really looking surprised to see me. It was like he knew I’d be there.
“Man, you weren’t supposed to be home until late.” Joe got up and walked toward Jesse, cutting off his line of sight from me. I really loved Joe.
Jesse’s eyes cut to his roommate. “I had to change my shirt,” he told him. Jesse then walked around Joe and straight over to me. He sat down next to me on the loveseat, making me move back.
“Can we talk?” he asked me, his eyes pleading with me.
“Leave her alone, Jesse,” Tessa told him. “She already told you, more than once might I add, that she doesn’t want to get back with you.”
He gave her a sharp look then his eyes were back on me. “Please,” he begged.
I sighed. “No, Jesse. We broke up, remember?” I so wasn’t in the mood for his bullshit.
“Of course I remember.” He was getting angry with me. “I can’t seem to forget it.”
“I’m sorry you’re hurting,” I told him, “but I can never agree to what you proposed. And I’d never get back into a relationship with you because of what I found out you were doing behind my back.”
He sat there next to me fuming. I had never seen him that upset. The thing is, I really didn’t want to hurt him. But the fact of the matter is that I wasn’t someone he could walk all over. He was starting to learn that.
I looked over at Tessa, then to Joe standing by the kitchen counter. “Thanks for the dinner, Joe. I’m going to go home and get in bed.”
I got to my feet leaving Jesse to sit on the loveseat alone. He was sitting forward with his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together. I tried to walk by him, but he grabbed my leg. I stiffened.
“Let her go, Jesse,” Joe warned. He had taken a few steps toward us. His hands were balled into fists.
Jesse sighed and let go of my leg. “I’m sorry, Alya,” he said in a low voice. I nodded to him, then walked past him and out of the apartment.
When I got back into my apartment I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I needed to unwind and showers always helped me relax. I took off my clothes and stepped in, closing my eyes as the water sprayed over my face. I thought about Jesse and what he put me through. I realized I wasn’t sad about it anymore. I wasn’t even angry at him. I didn’t think of him as a friend, because a friend wouldn’t hurt another friend like that, but I didn’t hate him. I finished my shower and stepped out onto the bathmat and grabbed for a towel. I wrapped it around my body and walked into my bedroom.
As I finished putting on my pajamas, I heard the front door close. A few seconds later, Tessa walked down the hall and leaned against my door frame.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “I know you didn’t want to deal with him on top of what you’re going through with-”
I cut her off with my hand. “Please don’t say his name. I don’t like hearing his name right now.” My eyes started glistening with unshed tears.
Her eyes got big, making her eyebrows raise up her forehead. “Okay. I won’t say his name again.”
I nodded. “Thank you.”
“You’re really torn up over him, aren’t you?” She seemed sad for me and I loved her for it. I was sad, so she was sad.
Tears were streaming down my face as I spoke. I loved him so much, but I needed to move on. It wasn’t healthy. I tried to rationalize that it had only been a few days and I was still in mourning. I should be allowed to grieve what I lost. But the relationship he and I had was never meant to last. I knew that going into it and I fell anyway. I just couldn’t help myself.
“I’m so sorry, hun. I didn’t realize it was that serious. But I should have known though with how you carried on about him.”
“It is what it is,” I shrugged. Tessa gave me a tight smile. Then her eyes lit up like she came up with an idea.
“How about tomorrow, I take you out for smoothies for breakfast, then we spend the day at the pool.” Shit. I almost forgot that my birthday was the next day. “We won’t do anything crazy tomorrow night since I know you won’t want to. Okay?”
“Okay.” I really loved my best friend.
We said goodnight and she closed my bedroom door behind her. A few seconds later I heard our front door open and close. I knew she was going back over to Joe’s. Those two really needed to figure things out, I thought as I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Nineteen
When I woke up the next morning and got out of bed, I saw that the floor was completely covered with colorful balloons. I smiled, and I mean really smiled for the first time in days. I forgot what that felt like. My best friend was truly amazing.