by L. B. Reyes
I went to my en-suite, taking a good look in the mirror. My lips were swollen, my cheeks were flushed and I still couldn't fathom breathing normally; I couldn't remember how. I undressed, needing a very cold shower, one that could erase his lips from mine, cool down the blazing trail his touch had left behind.
My eyes closed, remembering the way he'd felt against me, the way that he'd been so hungry for me. The way just his kiss had promised to give me so many things if I only let him.
The shower didn't seem to help. I needed something, needed him and couldn't figure out how to have this thirst I had quenched. I changed into my pajamas, heading back downstairs in search of…something. Hannah sat at the island, her laptop in front of her.
The wife of the man I'd been kissing in a dirty basement. I didn't say anything, walking to the fridge in search of more cold things, something to make me forget the warmth that had settled in my belly. Taking a tub of ice cream in my hands, I sat at the dinner table eating my comfort food in silence. Hannah turned to face me with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“Aren't you going out today or something?” she asked, closing her laptop.
“Nah, not today.”
“That's a first.” She sighed, running her hand over her tired face, but I could tell she was getting ready to say something, ready to throw a stone. “Listen, that move, you dating Josh Nicholson, it's smart. It'll help business.”
“How do you know about that?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. I doubted Nathan had said anything to her and I sure as hell hadn't.
“His mother told me. We've been trying to get them to sign up with us for months already, get them to use our company. This will help.”
Always an ulterior motive.
Her reasoning didn't really matter, not when I could barely get her husband out of my head.
“You can't tell her who to date for your convenience,” I heard Nathan say from behind me. He placed his hand on my back, a gesture that would have seemed innocent had it not been for what happened earlier.
I stood up, shaking my head in disbelief. He couldn't possibly be getting involved in this also. “Could the both of you stay out of who I date?”
“Hey, I'm just saying,” Hannah said, standing and picking up her laptop. “You can do something for this family, can't you?”
Holding the tub close to my body to prevent me from slapping her, I replied, “I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that, Hannah.”
“I did, Evelyn. Think about it.”
“You've got to be fucking kidding me,” I ground out, walking away without looking back at Nathan and Hannah. With everything going on I couldn't even listen to myself thinking, hell, I could hardly even think at all.
I ate the ice cream in my room, sitting on my bed and considering the situation I was in. The more I thought about it, the more reality set in. I was going to go insane living under the same roof as them, seeing him every day and knowing I couldn't be with him.
Ultimately, the safest option was to move out, get as far away as possible from them. After brushing my teeth and locking the door to my room, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. When it finally won me over, it was as if I was reliving his lips on me…and more.
I woke up in the middle of the night, knowing I had to get the hell out of there.
CHAPTER 10
Evelyn
“You look hot tonight.”
I looked up at the boy looking down at me. Josh smirked, twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers, eyes sparkling.
Two weeks had gone by since my kiss with Nathan, a kiss that had set my whole world upside down. I kept avoiding him but the past few days it had proved complicated since my sister hadn't been around, preparing the get together that we were now a part of.
Different business partners crowded the house, including Josh's parents, making the air harder to breathe. I had to walk out and take a seat outside. If I heard about one more business deal, my head was going to explode.
Nathan had been making small talk with people, but his gaze would always fall on me, making me feel nervous.
I wondered what he thought about the kiss.
I wasn't experienced, not at all, as my virginity was a testament. Sure, I'd kissed boys and that was the issue, they had been boys. Nathan was a man in every sense of the word; that kiss only showed it. He'd left me feeling things that I'd never felt before, not after a kiss, not after just a heated stare. He knew exactly what he was doing and I knew that if his lips ended up on me, I'd give in to him willingly, without any hesitation.
“You don't like these social events, do you?” Josh asked, scooting next to me.
He was trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I relied on him for the past few days, trying to get my feelings for him to grow, trying to ignite a spark that just wasn't there.
As Nana always said, though, you can't force something that doesn't exist.
“No,” I replied to his question after a few seconds. “I don't. They bore me, and I find them pointless to be honest.”
Josh nodded even though I knew he didn't mind these “parties.” He would be forming part of his parents business officially in just a year or so and had been participating ever since I could remember. It was his way of picking up girls back then.
“Do you want to get out of here?” Josh asked, nudging me with his elbow.
“Go where?”
“Out for a drive or something. Anywhere that isn't here.”
“Really?” I asked, finally smiling after such a complicated night.
“Yeah,” he said with a smirk. “I brought my car, we can go out for a drive in the city, eat some dinner. Do you want to?”
I stood up, placing my hand in his and smoothing out my gown. He admired me for a few seconds before he led me inside, his hand on my lower back. Everyone turned to face us, but the only gaze I could feel was Nathan's. His glare was directed at the way Josh held me and only intensified as we neared him and Hannah. They spoke with Josh's parents who seemed amused by the fact that we were together.
“We're leaving,” Josh said to the group. Nathan's gaze was fixed on my face, accusing…jealous.
“Where to?” Mrs. Nicholson asked, showing off her diamond-covered purse as she took a sip of her wine.
“To the city,” Josh said with a smile.
“Are you sure you want to leave?” Nathan asked with a raised eyebrow. The question was directed toward me.
“Of course she does,” Hannah said before I could even answer. “You know Evelyn hates these types of parties.” She interlocked her arm with Nathan who grimaced at the contact. “You take care of my sister, Josh.”
Two faced.
We said our goodbyes to the small group and started walking away when Nathan followed behind us, taking hold of my arm.
“Could you give us a minute?” he asked Josh.
Josh forced a smile and said he'd wait in the car. We were alone outside except for Josh, though that didn't mean anything, not with Nathan's harsh glare. No one would find this interaction suspicious, it probably just seemed like a brother-in-law looking out for his family.
Little did they know…
“What do you want?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. Every time I was near him I felt so vulnerable, exposed. I hated it.
“Where the hell are you actually going with him?”
“That shouldn't matter to you, Nathan,” I replied with a sigh.
Nathan placed his hand on my bare arm, gently caressing it. I had to do my best not to melt into his touch, pretend like he was causing nothing in me.
“You keep avoiding the conversation we need to have,” he hissed, his voice low but his gaze firm and unwavering. “If you keep avoiding this, it'll eventually blow over, you know that.”
“Okay,” I said, shrugging myself out of his touch, “We kissed. So what? It's done, it's over. What do you want to say? There's nothing left to talk about and there's no point in reliving it. It was just a kiss.�
�
Nathan snickered, taking a step toward me. “Just a kiss, huh?” I swallowed, watching how his gaze flickered to my lips. They parted as if silently inviting him once again. “Just a kiss that you've been replaying over and over again in your head. And now, you're leaving with that boy to try to forget it, aren't you?”
“It's not like that.” I averted my gaze. “Besides, don't you have a wife to be with?”
A slow smile crept on his face as he ran his hand through his hair. “When you're ready to talk, we will. Maybe then you'll be ready to listen and stop making assumptions about things you know nothing about.”
What the hell is he talking about?
As curious as I was, I turned around to see Josh still waiting in the car. Nathan nodded towards the vehicle, jaw tensed and hands in his pockets. “Go be with that boy,” he said. “When you're ready to talk like adults, I'll be here.”
He turned around, walking away while I stood there like an idiot, staring after him. “Oh,” he said, facing me once again, walking backward. “See if he makes you feel the same with just one kiss. I bet he won’t.”
***
We drove around for a few minutes with Nathan's words replaying in my mind. He had been so confident in the way he spoke, as if he just knew what he was saying was true. I was so deep in thought that I didn't even realize when we arrived at a local drive-in theater.
Josh then went on to buy us drinks and a few snacks while I waited in the car. Strangely enough, there weren’t many people there despite it being a weekend. I didn't know what movie was playing and wasn't interested anyway.
When Josh finally returned, he sat next to me, placing his arm over my shoulder as best he could.
It felt strange.
It's not as if I hadn't been on dates or kissed other guys, but being with someone else, kissing someone else now felt wrong. I felt out of place.
Glancing over only to find him staring at me, I shifted awkwardly on my seat. “What?” I asked shyly.
“I'm glad we're getting to spend this time together, Evelyn,” he replied.
“Yeah,” I smiled, not missing the way he leaned in closer.
Oh no.
He's going to kiss me.
Tentatively, he cupped my face in a hand and leaned in, grazing his lips over mine. I closed my eyes for the hell of it, in an attempt to feel something. His lips touched mine and his hand lowered to my thigh, which thankfully was covered by the dress.
I wanted to feel something.
Anything.
At least a fucking sparkle, but there was nothing.
Still, I tried to kiss him back to no avail. His hand started to go upwards to my waist and goosebumps began to cover my skin. Not the type that happened with Nathan though. I broke the kiss, but he didn't stop, letting his lips travel down to my jaw.
“Josh,” I said, placing my hands on his chest with the hope he'd get the message. “Josh, please stop.”
He hummed against my neck, his hand going further up to my ribs. “Come on, we finally have the chance,” he insisted.
My eyes widened at his intentions and I immediately tried to push him away. He chuckled, the sound piercing my ears with the silent threat behind it. He brought his hand up to my breast, cupping it over the clothing I wore and making my heart race in fear. Josh's grip tightened around me as he tried to get me closer to him, to the point of almost having me straddling him.
“I said no, Josh,” I said, shoving against him, adrenaline beginning to rush through my veins at the feel of his teeth nipping at my skin. A hand roamed while the other held me in place, my mind struggling to come to terms with what was happening.
I said stop, didn't I?
“Stop pretending you don't want to,” Josh mumbled as he pulled on my dress in an attempt to expose my breast. The material gave way, ripping with the strength of his grip. I gasped, feeling his hand groping me.
That was it. I forced myself to ignore his wandering hands and clawed my fingers down his face, his back, anywhere I could. He roared in anger, removing his filthy mouth from my neck and meeting my eyes with a glare. “What the fuck, Evelyn? I thought we were going to fuck?”
“I said no,” I hissed, trying to push back the tears that threatened to spill.
“You asked for it,” he snarled, leaning back in the chair, running his hand over the fresh blood from my scratch.
Ignoring the cruel sting of his words, I attempted to open the door only to find that it was locked. Refusing to give in to fear, I did the first thing that popped in my mind. “Let me out or so help me God, Josh, I will scream until my lungs give out.”
“You wouldn't.”
“Try me. I'll make sure that you end up on the streets, better yet in, in jail. Let me out.” He glared but unlocked it. As soon as I could I stepped out of that vehicle and ran. It wasn't long afterward that I heard his car take off, leaving me alone and a good distance away from home. With a trembling hand, I took out my phone and dialed Carter, whom I knew would leave whatever he was doing to help me.
“Miss Evelyn, do—”
“Can you come to get me, Carter? I'm at the drive-in.”
“Aren't you with Mr. Nicholson?”
“Please Carter, and don't tell anyone.”
I could just picture him speeding through the roads. He made it to the drive-in in record time, never had I been so thankful to see him. He took in my unruly appearance, a mask of anger covering his face as he helped me into the passenger door.
“I'm taking you to your Nana's,” he stated.
I nodded, thankful that he knew me well enough to not ask any questions or take me back to my sister's house. When we arrived at Nana's house she opened the door, taking one look at me before pulling me into her caring embrace.
CHAPTER 11
Evelyn
“Here,” Nana said, handing me a cup of tea. I'd changed into a set of pajamas she had for me, unable to stop my hands from trembling and yet to still my crazy heart. I felt dirty, used. I closed my eyes, taking a sip of the hot liquid. I'd yet to explain to her what happened, but it didn't take much guessing, not when the dress was all wrinkled and the top part was torn.
Carter looked down at his phone that rang for the thousandth time. “If you need to get back, you should,” I said to him quietly. He'd done enough for me.
“It's Nathan.”
“You should pick up,” Nana said, a silent understanding passing between both of them.
I leaned on Nana's shoulder, closing my eyes and listening to the conversation that Carter had with Nathan. By the times that Carter kept repeating for him to calm down, it was obvious Nathan was exasperated.
“She's with us,” Carter said once again, giving me a small smile. “I see.” He stood up with a hardened look on his face. “No, she's fine…I will. Let me know if anything happens.”
I saw the way Carter paced back and forth, looking as if he wanted to punch something. I'd grown up with him, seen his playful side, the caring aspect of his, but never had I see him so furious.
“We can go to the police if you want, Evelyn,” he finally said, kneeling in front of me. “You say the word and we'll call the cops, do something.”
“No,” I said. “Just…can I sleep? I don't want to talk about it anymore.”
Carter didn't look too happy about my words, but nodded, deciding to give me the space I needed. I curled up on the sofa, laying my head on Nana's lap and closing my eyes, feeling her hands run through my hair. I let the tears I'd been holding back escape silently, wishing the feel of his dirty hands off of me.
Neither of them said a word, simply letting me cry it out.
Perhaps it was my fault for not listening to other peoples’ warning, but I was pretty sure Josh knew the meaning of the words “stop” and “no.” He didn't rape me and still, I felt like I'd been taken advantage of, like what I felt didn't matter.
In that moment for the first time in a long time, I desperately wanted my mom to be with me.
***
About half an hour went by before there was a strong knock on the door. Carter stood up, opening the door immediately. Nathan barged in, hair disheveled and a bleeding lip.
“Where is she?” he asked, his eyes crazily searching for me.
I stood up, taking in his messed-up appearance. His tie was loose around his neck, his knuckles were bloodied, and he was carrying my purse in his hands.
“You left this in that fucker's car,” he hissed, throwing it on the sofa. Nathan ran his fingers through his hair, taking a deep breath while he slammed the door closed behind him. Fists clenching and unclenching, he paced around the living room, searching for some self-control.
“You left Hannah's gathering,” Nana stated calmly.
With his gaze still fixed on me, I walked past Carter and my grandma, into the kitchen, searching for ice and wetting a cloth.
It didn't take a genius to realize he'd gotten into a fight with Josh and that if things were miserable before with my sister, now they would be worse.
All because of me.
After preparing the items to help clean Nathan off, I walked back to the living room where Carter and Nathan quieted down, everyone's eyes still fixed on me. Nathan still stood at the door, a frown etched on his face. I stood in front of him, tentatively bringing the cloth up to his lip. No one said a word as I cleaned the blood that had started to dry on his skin.
“Is this okay?” I asked nervously, holding the ice pack against his lip.
Nathan seemed speechless for a moment, his eyes dark on me. He cleared his throat, “Yes.”
“Here,” I whispered. “Hold this to your lip. I'll clean off your knuckles.”
Vaguely, I heard Nana and Carter speaking in hushed tones, then their footsteps as they walked away. He didn't wince a single time while I cleaned him off, nor did he ask any questions. What he did do, however, was tilt my chin up so that my eyes met his.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw in him in that moment. Remorse. Hate. So much confusion.