by Toni Aleo
She nodded as she said, “Ouch.”
“Yes, it sucked, but I’m doing much better.”
“That’s good,” Aynslee said before leaning toward him. “Since you are an only child, does that mean your mom was going crazy taking care of you?”
“Yeah, she came over from South Carolina and didn’t leave for three months. It was horrible.”
“I bet. With me being from a large family, you’d think my mom wouldn’t have time to baby me, but when I broke my ankle, she came and stayed with me in my little bitty dorm room for two weeks. She carried my books to class and everything. My mom is the best.”
“Wow, she sounds great.”
“Yeah, I love my mom and my dad. They are nuts, and my family is huge and loud and over the top, but they are mine, you know?”
Jordan couldn’t agree more. “Yeah, my mom and dad are a handful, but I wouldn’t change them for the world.”
As he took a drink of his coffee, Jordan recognized the song that was playing: Hunter Hayes’s “Somebody’s Heartbreak.” It was one of his favorite country songs right now, and as he looked across the table at Aynslee, he couldn’t help but want her to be his heartbreak. He just didn’t want to be hers, and that was why nothing could ever come of this. It didn’t matter if he was insanely attracted to her, or that they both had the same values when it came to family, or that she’d made him laugh more in the last twenty minutes than he had in the last two years. None of that mattered, because he couldn’t hurt her.
“So I have to tell you something,” she said softly.
Jordan gazed at her beautiful face. He wished he could reach over, take her hand in his, and kiss her knuckles before smothering her mouth with his. She had the most kissable lips he had ever seen. He could tell by the way she looked at him that she wanted it too, but he knew he couldn’t chance it. Because if their lips met, he wasn’t going to be able to stop.
“Okay.”
“I Googled you.”
He raised an eyebrow as he asked, “You Googled me?”
“Yup, and before you think I’m a complete stalker, I’m not … yet.”
“Yet?” he said with a chuckle.
“Before I saw you today, I was planning to show up at your practice next week.”
“You stalker, you,” he teased with a grin.
She laughed, and he watched her face turn red. He loved when she blushed. She was so beautiful. It made him feel good that she wanted to see him again, because he wanted the same thing, but, again, that was bad, very bad. He needed to walk away, to tell her that nothing could ever come of this, but she would smile, and for some reason he would forget the reasons why he couldn’t ask her out. Good God, it wasn’t as if they were going to get married. What was wrong with him? They could date, have fun, and when he knew what his future was, he’d leave. It could just be for fun.
But when she met his gaze, he knew it wouldn’t be that easy.
“Anyways,” she said, hiding behind her coffee cup, “you’re a hockey player, huh?”
He paused. She gave him a nervous smile, and he nodded his head. “Yup.”
“That’s cool. I went to my first game last night.”
His heart fell as he looked down at his cup. If she was at the game, she’d seen him on the bench.
How embarrassing.
“It was fun—confusing, but fun. I saw you. I even waved, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t see me.”
He shook his head. He had searched for her and still missed her. That sucked—but not as much as it sucked that she saw him warming the bench.
“Sorry, I didn’t,” he said, picking at the paper sleeve around his cup. “I don’t play much.”
When he looked up at her, she nodded. “Your knee, right?”
“Yeah,” he said quietly.
Jordan felt like a loser. Suddenly the great time they were having was dimmed by his bitter mood. He hated feeling this way. He wanted to be a man who was worthy of her, but he wasn’t. He was a washed-up goalie who was begging teams to take a chance on him. Aynslee deserved someone better.
“I’m not what I used to be.”
She eyed him, holding his gaze as she ran her hand up and down her cup. She seemed to be grasping for words, but there was nothing to say. He glanced nervously around the room, feeling completely stupid. Why had he even talked to her? He should have just let her walk away when she ordered her coffee. Of course she’d looked him up online; she’d probably read that he was worthless now, that his own team wouldn’t play him unless they were desperate. That some twenty-two-year-old had taken his spot.
None of that mattered, though, because he was leaving and it was for the best. As he had been telling himself from the beginning, he couldn’t start anything with her. He just couldn’t. Standing up, he looked down at her welcoming, sweet face.
“I have to go.”
“What?” she asked as she stood up too, confused. “Why?”
“ ’Cause I do. I gotta catch a flight and stuff, so … yeah, bye.”
Jordan turned then and rushed out of Starbucks, not stopping even when he thought he heard her call his name. He got in his truck, started it, and drove out of the parking lot. Even though his heart was pounding, telling him he was a complete idiot, he knew it was for the best. When he reached the exit, he glanced in his rearview mirror before heading out onto the road—and saw her standing outside, with her hands on her hips. He wanted to roll down the window, apologize, anything, because he didn’t want to leave, but he knew that he had to.
He promised himself he would never see her again.
Chapter 4
“How’s the knee, Jordan?”
Jordan looked across the table at the IceCats GM, Sean Rogers. Jordan’s heart was pounding in his chest while sweat dripped down the middle of his back. It was cold in the room, but Jordan’s nerves were out of control. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted to be on the IceCats until he stepped foot into their arena. Walking past all the posters and photos of the team winning the cup and at charity events reminded Jordan a lot of the Assassins. But the IceCats needed a goalie, while the Assassins only needed a backup.
Forcing a smile, he looked straight into Sean’s eyes and said, “It’s good. I’m ready to play.”
Sean nodded. “You were a force to be reckoned with before the injury.”
Jordan heard the were loud and clear. That needed to change.
“I still could be if I was given the chance. When I played eleven games straight for Tate Odder while he was out, I let in only seven of two hundred and fifty shots on goal. I am ready to play full time—I’m tired of warming the bench.”
Sean trained his eyes down at Jordan’s file. Then he looked up, smiled.
“I agree, but has Bacter given you a reason why you are warming and not playing? You and Odder are very similar players.”
“I don’t know. All I know is that I want to play and I’m not getting the time I need on the ice playing for the Assassins.”
Sean paused for a moment, looking back down at the table.
“You have been with that team since you started in the NHL. Are you sure you want to leave?”
Was he sure? It would hurt to leave the Assassins. He loved the team, but he loved playing more, and just as he was about to say that, he thought of Aynslee. Disturbing. Was it his subconscious letting him know that he was walking away not only from the team but from her too?
Shaking his head, he said, “As much as I’ll miss them, I have to go to a team that will play me, and I think that team is the IceCats. I have dreamed of playing for this team my entire life, and I am ready to show you that I can be the star goalie you need to bring the cup home once again.”
As much as he believed he would kick ass, Jordan was worried that he wouldn’t be happy when he left Tennessee. It was an insane thought, because his family was here and being a part of the IceCats was his lifelong dream, but he would be leaving his team, his friends, and Aynslee. Aynslee. As much
as he tried, he could not get her out of his mind.
“Sounds good, Jordan. I feel good about this. I’ll talk to your dad, talk to the owner of the Assassins, and we should know something in the next couple of months. I think you are going to look great in our IceCats jersey.”
Sean stood then, holding out his hand. Jordan stood too and took Sean’s hand, shaking it earnestly—while in his mind a certain redhead smiled at him. Things were moving for him and that was great, so why wasn’t he as happy as he thought he would be?
“Sean said he thought I was going to look great in an IceCats jersey. I’m pretty sure that means something,” Jordan said as he passed the green beans to his dad the next evening at dinner.
“Hopefully something good,” Bill replied with a nod.
“I’d love to have you home, honey; it would be wonderful,” Jackie, his mom, added before reaching over and squeezing his hand.
“As much as I like being home, Mom, I gotta go where they’re going to play me.” Sometimes his mom didn’t realize that his job was to play hockey. She still saw the little boy, all dressed up in his goalie gear, loving the game more than anything.
“I know, I just hope it works out,” Jackie gushed as she smiled over at Jordan’s father. “Make it happen, Bill.”
Everyone laughed at her comment as they ate dinner and chatted about their favorite topic: hockey. Jordan had learned from his father that Buffalo was keeping their options open and would be in contact before the end of the season. Jordan knew what that meant. They didn’t want him. He tried not to let it bother him and focused instead on what his mother was telling him about her quilting. It was hard to listen, though, when he saw his career going down the drain. If the IceCats didn’t want him, he was fucked. He would end up going somewhere he didn’t want to go or, worse, he’d have to continue playing as someone’s backup. When Jackie looked up at him expectantly, Jordan smiled and said, “That’s great, Mom. I’m proud of you.”
Jackie beamed as she stabbed a shrimp and placed it in her mouth.
“Been telling her for years to enter her quilts; she is so hardheaded,” Bill teased.
Jackie snarled as she shook her head, “I am not hardheaded; I just thought you were being biased!”
Bill laughed before reaching across the table for his wife’s hand. “Maybe I was, but I have good reason to be.”
As Bill kissed the back of her hand, Jackie shot her son a smile. Jordan smiled back, then looked down at his food. His parents were still crazy in love after thirty-five years. It was something he wanted to have. When Aynslee came to mind again for the umpteenth time that day, he let out a sigh.
“So, Jordan,” Jackie said, switching topics, “have you heard from Leanna lately?”
“Mom, we have been apart for almost two years, and, no, I haven’t heard from her, because we are not together.” Would she ever drop this subject? He loved his mom, but it was getting old.
Jackie tsked at him and rolled her eyes.
“I only ask because I spoke with Carol last week.”
Carol was Leanna’s mother and Jackie’s good friend. Jordan disliked her almost as much as he did Leanna.
“That’s nice,” he muttered as he continued to eat.
“Did you know that Leanna is pregnant?” Jackie asked, causing Jordan to choke on the shrimp he was trying to eat.
“Excuse me?” he croaked.
“Yes, the father is a businessman. Carol said they are getting married this month. Isn’t that nice?”
Jordan couldn’t believe it. Leanna never wanted kids when they were together. It must have been a surprise pregnancy. Or maybe she just hadn’t wanted to have kids with him. Either way, he really didn’t care.
“It’s something, that’s for sure,” he managed to reply.
“Yeah, Carol asked who you were seeing. I said that you were too busy with hockey to actually worry about a wife or about giving your old decrepit mother a grandbaby.”
“For the love of God, Jackie,” Bill complained as he shook his head, “you have all the time in the world to be a grandma. Let this boy get his career straight.”
Jackie playfully slammed her hand on the table. “Why can’t you just knock a girl up? I need a grandbaby.”
Jordan worried that his mom’s comment wasn’t all in jest.
“I swear I am never coming home again.”
“I don’t blame you, son,” Bill laughed.
“This isn’t fair. You are thirty-three, Jordan—give me a daughter-in-law and a baby to love and spoil!”
“Please, Mom, stop.”
But Jordan couldn’t completely discount his mom’s plea. Thoughts of Aynslee continued to haunt him. How could he have been so stupid? Twice. He wanted to see her. Hell, he wanted her. Badly. But what was going to happen when the IceCats or some other team wanted him to play as a starting goaltender? It was the main reason he had walked away. He couldn’t hurt her by letting something happen between them. He would be setting them up for failure, because if she wouldn’t move home to be with her family, what made him think she’d move for him? All in all, the whole thing would end in heartbreak, and Jordan couldn’t do that to her. Or to himself.
“I can’t believe he walked out on you twice!”
Aynslee agreed as her nail tech, Brittany, went to work on her nails. She loved Brittany: She was highly inappropriate, cussed like a sailor, and most of her body was covered in tattoos. She was also hilarious, and Aynslee was completely envious of her. If Aynslee could get away with it, she would definitely have a tattoo or two. But it wouldn’t fly at New Life. And she was pretty sure her mother would kill her.
“It is crazy, because she’s hot, right? Tell her, Brittany. She thinks it’s because she’s not hot enough for him,” Sadie complained from the seat beside her. “He’s a sexy hockey player.”
“Not hot? Are you crazy! Hockey player or not, babe, you are smoking! I’d give my left nut to be as gorgeous as you!”
“You have nuts?” Aynslee asked, holding back her laughter.
“Of course I do! I stole my husband’s!” Brittany declared, causing the whole salon to laugh. “But seriously, Ayns, you are beautiful and smart, and funny! Any guy would be lucky to have you.”
Aynslee whined, “But why did he walk away without at least getting my number? Twice! What is wrong?”
“Maybe he’s gay?” Brittany asked with a shrug.
“That’s what I said, but he plays hockey. Then again, hockey players can be gay,” Sadie supplied thoughtfully.
Aynslee wanted to scream. “He is not gay! But I don’t know what to do—do I keep after him or do I give up?”
Brittany shrugged as she concentrated on painting the polish perfectly on Aynslee’s nails. “I mean, I like getting laid regularly, so I think you should go after him, but, then again, maybe you shouldn’t. You’ve given him ample opportunity to get you into bed, and he failed. Move on, my friend, move on.”
The problem was, she didn’t want to walk away. But she was afraid. She had every chance to watch his practice last week and she didn’t. She was afraid to face him again, because even though everyone guaranteed her that it was him, not her, she was beginning to feel as if she wasn’t up to his standard. Maybe he wasn’t attracted to her.
She had replayed their impromptu coffee date over and over in her head, and she couldn’t find anything that would have caused him to run. She didn’t know what to do, but she did know that for the last week all she’d done was search YouTube and Google for Jordan Ryan. When she wasn’t watching the Assassins’ games to catch a glimpse of him, she was online looking at videos of him. She was completely pathetic.
“Listen, don’t worry. Just because he jumped back into the sea, that doesn’t mean another fish won’t swim by,” Brittany said. “Keep swimming.”
Aynslee smiled as Sadie said, “Plus, you never know, maybe you’ll run into each other again. Third time’s the charm, you know.”
“I don’t know, like Brittany
said, he ran out on me twice. I’m not sure I want to give him a third try.” She was a liar.
Sadie nodded before saying, “This is true, but I don’t believe you for one second. If you ever saw him again, I wouldn’t put it past you to attack him, and in the good way!”
Aynslee laughed out loud as Brittany said, “Hell, yeah, you should take him and squeeze him and then kiss the shit out of him! I bet you he wouldn’t go anywhere after that!”
“Yeah, right. He’s, like, six five, two hundred and something pounds—there is no way I could take him out and make him mine without hurting myself!” she said through her laughter, even though the last thing she wanted to do was laugh.
Aynslee felt more like crying. She put on a good front, but it was bothering her. She wanted Jordan to realize that, if he gave her a chance, they could be happy. She had hopes of him being the guy for her. Call her crazy, but she was completely smitten, and she was more than ready to move forward with him. The only thing she needed was for him to be on board too, and there was no telling if that was ever going to happen. He was untouchable, and Aynslee didn’t know what to do, because giving up just didn’t feel right.
But what else could she do?
After Brittany finished her nails, she hugged Aynslee tightly. “If it’s meant to be, then it will happen.”
Aynslee smiled and nodded. She got her wallet out and had just paid when Sadie came out of the bathroom for the thousandth time. The poor girl was sick as a dog. Apparently the baby didn’t like anything she ate. Aynslee felt horrible for her. She looked terrible.
Holding her stomach, Sadie glanced over at Aynslee. “I am not running today.”
Aynslee laughed; she’d figured that. “I didn’t think so, not when you couldn’t even sit long enough to finish your nails.”
“Yeah, I’m going home; I’m sorry. Maybe tomorrow?”
“Sure thing, babe—same time, same place. Bye!”
The friends exited the salon, and Aynslee waved at Sadie, wishing her well, then jogged to her car to put her things away and to grab her iPod. After strapping the player to her arm, she ran across the street to Centennial Park. For the last four months, Sadie and Aynslee had been running midmorning every weekend, which was Aynslee’s favorite time to run. She hated when people watched her, so she tried to go when no one else would be there.