“Ha, so much for transparency,” Emily snorted. Wendy looked at Emily, but her Botox was unrelenting.
Wendy finished the meeting with an eight-minute video on risk management and conflicts of interest. The video was a waste of time, like the rest of the meeting. After the video, Wendy allowed time for questions.
“None of this would have happened if Jayde married within her race,” Emily said in another failed whisper. Anaya moved her chair as far from the offensive library director as she possibly could.
“What happens to the project?” the HR director asked.
“Business as usual,” Wendy retorted. “We aren’t going to let one monkey stop this show. We are moving forward.”
“Is there a plan for addressing the grand jury’s allegations? There should be some damage control in the works.” Anaya said to no one in particular. And who is Wendy calling a monkey? “People are already freaked out, and that report adds fuel to the fire.”
“Is that you, Mizz Goode? I didn’t recognize you in . . . that.” Wendy ran her eyes distastefully over the stained shirt. “People are freaked out? Very articulate. You did attend college, right?” Wendy raised her eyebrows. “I will work with an outside consultant and the communications team to address the very flawed and inaccurate grand jury report. Does that answer your question, Mizz Goode?”
Anaya nodded, satisfied that she brought the grand jury report to light. Wendy wasn’t going to mention it.
“Fine then. Any other questions?”
“What’s going to happen to Jayde?” someone from the back of the room asked.
“Jayde will get what she deserves,” Wendy said as if the words tasted rotten in her mouth. “Exactly what she deserves. Any other questions?”
Yes. How did this happen? Is there any indication that Jayde was in violation prior to the navy base project? How long have they known? Were other employees involved?
But no one said anything.
“Good. Thanks for coming, everyone. Enjoy your holiday.” Wendy dismissed the group with a wave of her wine-colored acrylic nails.
Some directors lingered afterward, chatting among themselves about the scandal. Anaya overheard someone saying they knew Jayde was suspicious all along, and she brushed past the group. She didn’t engage in the backstabbing banter.
Anaya went back to her office and called her staff together. Although she was officially on vacation, as director, she had been the only one from her office at the meeting, and she owed them the information she had. She was hoping for more details, but Wendy hadn’t provided much, so she’d have to wing it.
Anaya tried to calm the accelerated beat of her thoughts as the group gathered. She took a deep breath and gave a brief statement about teamwork and due process and business as usual. She didn’t believe half of what she said, but she needed to boost confidence and make sure people knew their jobs weren’t in jeopardy. She didn’t want to give creed to the nasty local headlines, but she didn’t want to defend questionable actions either. She didn’t know if Jayde was guilty, but that didn’t matter.
“So are we going to lose our jobs?” was the first question. It didn’t make sense for anyone on her team to lose their jobs based on something Jayde did, but Anaya understood fear.
“No. You will not lose your jobs.”
“Are you going to lose your job?” That was a different story. Anaya never bent the rules and wasn’t involved with Jayde. But this was Wendy’s opportunity to tie Anaya and Jayde together. She would uncover every email and correspondence to figure out what had gone on. Although Anaya wasn’t involved, Wendy would probably find another way to get rid of her.
“I don’t think so,” she said without skipping a beat. “Next question?”
“I’m tired of all the games and lying,” Natalie said from the far end of the table. She’d been texting throughout the whole meeting. Probably giving somebody a blow by blow of their conversation. That was Natalie for you.
“I mean, if people are stealing from the county and aren’t held accountable by our administrator, then how are we supposed to feel? I mean, can I start taking money from petty cash for my own needs? You know, people sometimes don’t pay for their share of alimony to take care of their kids even though they can pay for trips to Vegas.”
“No, you cannot,” Anaya said. “And nor should you think that way. We will not let this situation affect our moral compass. We know the correct way to do things, and it is business as usual.” Except it wasn’t. Their county clerk had been indicted for fraud, misappropriation of funds, and some other illegalities that were too complex to explain.
Suddenly her staff all looked behind her.
“Well, hello everyone.” Wendy’s voice seemed to cast a pall over the room. Anaya turned and nodded to her.
Wendy spoke to Anaya with her back to everyone else at the table. “Mizz Goode, may I see you in your office please?” It was more of a demand than a question.
“I’m just doing a quick debrief with my staff. I will meet you in my office.”
Anaya was annoyed at Wendy’s interruption, but she took a few more minutes to wrap up with her staff—including the directive to not respond to any press requests or questions.
Wendy was pacing around Anaya’s office. Anaya was annoyed. She was supposed to be on vacation and two meetings with Wendy in one day were two meetings too many.
“I appreciate you coming into work today. It shows that you are a team player. I like that.” Anaya knew Wendy didn’t care one way or the other.
Anaya held back her real thought of who the hell cares what you think or what you like? and said, “Sure.” She looked at her nails. She needed a manicure.
“You know I’m not one to split words so I won’t start now. Did you know what Jayde and her husband were up to?”
Anaya looked up, eyes narrowed. “No. How would I?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, Wendy, I’m sure.”
“You two are friends, and so I just wondered if at some point there was anything that made you think something was amiss with her. I want to be sure there wasn’t some collusion between you and Jayde. And since so many things fail under your tutelage, I need to ask the question.”
“Collusion? There was no collusion and the bid process went through your office as well, remember? You insisted. Instead of allowing my staff to manage the process like it has been done for the last fifty years, you inserted yourself in the process, so nothing failed under my tutelage.” The words came out harsher than Anaya intended, but the gloves were off. She had had it with Wendy.
“Yes. Collusion. You do know what that word means don’t you?” It’s like Wendy hadn’t heard a single word Anaya had said.
“I know what the word means. There’s no collusion, Wendy, and I am on vacation, so I’m leaving.”
“Well, consider yourself warned. If I find out you knew anything about this, you will never work in government again.”
Anaya’s heart raced as she stared Wendy down. They were standing so close to each other that she could feel her breath. A lot of things crossed Anaya’s mind to say and do, but she held her peace. Despite all of the problems Wendy had caused, Anaya had stayed calm. Whatever happened to the project would be revealed, and if Wendy were a part of it, she would go down as well. She might not have tried to circumvent money, but she tried to use the process to her advantage and to increase her marketability. Anaya wasn’t above holding that against Wendy if Wendy took a shot at her.
Wendy was the first to look away. Anaya smirked.
“Wendy, I will not be threatened.”
“And I will not be undermined. There is no way you are so close to Jayde and had no idea what she was doing. I’m not buying it.”
Anaya was so angry she didn’t have words. Anything that came out of her mouth at that moment would’ve been lethal. She tried to remember the mantra Sophie taught her to calm down. Surrender to the moment? Let go and surrender? She couldn’t remember, so she
clenched her fist and took a deep breath. I surrender and let go. That was it! She breathed deeply again. She was smart, she knew her job, she had a place to live, and she had family and friends that cared about her. If she lost her job, she wouldn’t lose her life or her ability to find another job. Enough was enough. She took another deep breath.
“I would never do something like that, Wendy. That’s not my character.”
“Yeah, that’s what they all say,” Wendy said, unmoved. She rested her weight on one spiky heel. “Enjoy the rest of your vacation and tweak your resume while you are out. You will need it.” She turned and stormed out of Anaya’s office.
After a few minutes of fuming, Anaya left her office as well, closing the door behind her. This time she wouldn’t come back until her vacation was over, if she came back at all.
She walked to the office the task force had shared for the four months and stood at the door. A solitary figure was looking through papers in a banker’s box.
Jeff looked up when he realized she was there. “Well, hello.” He beckoned her inside.
“Hey. Are you finishing up?” She walked in.
“Yep, pretty much,” he said. It looked as if Jeff had his things packed in the small box near the door.
Anaya looked around the room, almost overcome with memories. The space was small, and it seemed even smaller with boxes piled everywhere. The four desks were covered in paper and office supplies. The team had spent a lot of time resolving issues in that room. The whiteboard still had notes scribbled on them, and the recycle bin hadn’t been emptied of coffee cups. She spotted her pink umbrella that she forgot one rainy evening.
What had started as just another contract assignment had resulted in Anaya and Jeff reconnecting. They had worked long hours together, and there was an undeniable affection. They had fought it, but it was there. Real love doesn’t die. It waits like a faithful dog. And it all happened in this space.
Anaya was in denial, but denial was safe. She didn’t have to choose or make decisions while in denial. She pulled down a piece of paper taped to the wall. One night while working late, the team had a contest to see who could draw the best giraffe. Sue won, and she was rewarded with her giraffe posted on the wall.
“Ah, fun times,” Jeff mused.
“Yeah,” Anaya said, looking at the drawing. She folded it and put it in her purse.
“Well, great job.” He stepped out from behind the desk. “We couldn’t have done this without you. We had a lot coming at us, but I’m impressed with your tenacity. You’ll run this county one day.”
“Thank you.”
“Thank you,” he said, moving closer. “I noticed you didn’t respond to the group text about drinks tomorrow.”
“I didn’t see it. I’m technically on vacation, so I’ve been trying to stay away from my work cell. Except for today, of course.”
“Ah, yes. I remember. Good for you. My girls are away at their ski camp.” He stared at her. “Are you all right?”
“Huh? Yeah. Your girls left last night, right?”
“Yeah,” he said slowly. “And since you’re on vacation, it’s perfect. Celebrate with us,” He grabbed her hands.
She pulled away and feigned interest in the packing boxes. Files from the project, both disposable and ones that needed to be hung on to, were piled everywhere. The records manager would have a conniption if he saw this room. Anaya and Will would likely be tasked with going over what needed to be stored and what needed to be tossed, and then whatever was left of this project that had consumed her life would be stored on a shelf somewhere.
She turned to see Jeff shut the door, his eyes locked on hers. He pulled Anaya to him. She turned her head away, but he held on.
Long work nights, stolen glances, moments of reminiscing and hours of longing culminated into that moment. She was finally in his arms again, and it felt right. The commotion in County Hall faded away, and she focused on nothing else except that moment. That’s when Anaya realized that all of the accomplishments in life and love of family and good health didn’t replace that feeling of fire and satisfaction that she hadn’t felt since the last time he held her. He rested his hand on her cheek, and the room felt even smaller. Her stomach danced and she felt sweat prickle her scalp.
“Please. Don’t pull away. This is happening.” Yep, it was happening, right there in the consultant’s office. “You don’t feel anything for me?” He put her hand over his heart.
“I don’t think what I feel matters.” She pulled away, conflicted. “I can’t do this. We both know I can’t.”
He let her go. “But you haven’t tried. We can’t live in the past. I want to move forward in life . . . with you.”
She put a hand to her forehead. “Jeff, you can’t just waltz into my life after six years like nothing ever happened.”
“I wanted to talk to you and try to work things out six years ago. You left me, Ny.”
“You were married!”
“I never lied to you.”
“You never lied to me? So you think you were the paragon of honesty when we dated?”
“Please don’t do that. It wasn’t an ideal situation. I’m not blaming you for anything, and I’m not saying I did everything the right way. I’m a flawed man. I own it. It wasn’t right. My marriage was over long before I even knew who you were. Should I have done things the right way before dating you? Yes. Did I handle it all wrong? Yes. But I didn’t, and I have had to live with that. I lived with the guilt every single day when I got up to go to work, every day when I hugged my kids and when I looked in the mirror. But at some point, I realized it was time for me to forgive myself, and I did. Now you have to forgive yourself too. You can’t move on until you do. Not with Carl, not with me, not with anybody.”
Her jaw dropped. “Forgive myself? You think I’m holding on to guilt from our past?”
“I know you are,” he said quietly.
For a moment, Anaya seethed. “You don’t know me. You come walking in here professing your love for me, after all this time, like we are just supposed to go sailing off into the sunset with no regard for my life or my current situation. That’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair? That I have taken the boldest step of my life to make things right between us? That I took a chance on pouring my heart out to a stubborn woman who won’t accept the truth?”
She straightened, hands by her side. “Jeff, I’m glad we had the chance to clear some things up. I think it was good for both of us.” She had rebuilt her life without Jeff and didn’t want to redo any of her plans. Their baggage and his kids weren’t in her plans. She studied his face. He looked frustrated.
“And?”
“And what, Jeff?”
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”
“And I wish you the best of luck. With everything.”
“Come on. It can’t end like this. Not again. I need you to give us a chance. Please,” he pleaded. He grabbed her again. This time she didn’t resist. She absorbed his warmth, the tickle of his mustache, and his strong arms. It felt right, and neither of them wanted it to end. They didn’t remember that they were at work or that the door was unlocked.
“I love you,” he whispered in between kisses. “I always have and I always will.” He ran his fingers through her hair.
“I love you too, Jeff. But I really should go.”
THIRTY
Catie sat on one of Sophie’s cushions devouring a plate of Thai food. After being pregnant for nine months, it was nice to sit on Sophie’s plush seasonal pillows rather than being restricted to a chair. It was also nice to be out of the house without Amelia for the first time. Six weeks after giving birth, Catie’s cravings were as vicious as ever, but the thirty-five pounds of baby and water weight she gained was gone except in one place.
“Dang, girl, look at your titties!” Sophie exclaimed.
“I know.” Catie grabbed her chest. “The blessing and curse of breastfeeding. I kinda like them though. All
my t-shirts fit extra tight.” She pushed her chest out.
“They look like they hurt.” Anaya frowned.
“Don’t be jealous, Ny. Just because you are president of the Itty Bitty Tittie Committee doesn’t give you the right to hate on my bodacious ta-tas.”
“I’m not hating on you. I would fall over if my boobs were that big.”
“I have no comment,” Sophie said, looking down at her own DD-cup breasts.
It felt good to be sitting around and hanging out like they used to when they didn’t have a care in the world. This was the first time the three of them had spent time together alone since Catie had Amelia. The calming, resort-like feel of Sophie’s place was just what they needed.
“I still can’t believe you’re a mom,” Sophie gasped and leaned back in her seat.
“Neither can I.” Catie scooped more Pad Thai on her plate. “It feels weird. I’m responsible for somebody’s entire life. It’s weird.”
“Scary,” Anaya said, then winced.
“Yeah,” Catie said with a faraway look in her eye. Then she started eating again. “So, gimme the gossip.” She pointed her fork at Sophie. “Have you talked to Jabari?”
Sophie turned up her top lip.
“Should I take that as a no?”
“I’m not ready. I’m over Jabari for now.”
“Wait. What?” Catie sat back in her seat. “I thought for sure Jailbreak Jabari’s persistent efforts to get back with you would’ve worked by now.”
Sophie sighed. “It is what it is. I’m just not interested in the games. I do still like him, but lies at the beginning of a relationship are a real red flag.”
“Wait. Jailbreak Jabari?” Anaya looked from Catie to Sophie in confusion.
Catie burst out laughing and Sophie ducked her head in embarrassment. “Catie has this weird obsession with Jabari’s underwear. I might not have told you that detail when we talked, Anaya.” She shrugged. “Anyway, I’m over him. Anybody who tells that many lies has more issues than I know how to deal with. Today is my day of redemption and freedom from excess baggage.” Sophie stretched her arms above her head and she slowly put them back down on her lap with a huge exhale.
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