by Dan Ackerman
Arden pressed his lips together. “I thought people weren’t going to come with me.”
Holly shrugged. “No one’s sure what to do. It’s a big choice. Everything would change for us.”
Arden crushed his instinct to say, “Not everything,” because Holly was right.
Their environment, way of life, form of government, culture, and maybe even their life expectancy would change.
“The question is…” Holly stared out over the yellow grass. “Is this a way of life we want to hang on to? Even if it wasn’t getting dryer every year, who wants to live like this? There’s never enough food or water, half the kids that get born end up dead, we end up running from raiders at least three times a year.”
“The sharing is really nice,” Oggie said.
“You don’t share in space?” Holly asked.
Oggie giggled.
“We’re getting there,” Arden said.
She raised her eyebrows and returned her attention to the grass.
Arden pulled his bag over. He took out the book he’d found, set it next to him, then found the food he’d packed. He offered a bit of lunch to the other two and picked at the energy bar he’d chosen for himself. He ripped it into tiny bites and chewed each one thoroughly before he swallowed.
Old habit.
Still, he’d gained weight in the past months. Not much. Maybe ten pounds. Probably most of it from drinking. It smoothed out some of the sharpness of his bones.
He couldn’t see the bones of his wrist so well and didn’t know how he felt about it. He knew that he needed to be careful with his weight, that if he got too thin his friends would start worrying, that his doctor would start worrying, that he’d end up back in therapy because of it.
He’d struck a careful balance the past five years or so. Not too thin, but never out of control. Sometimes the things that entered his body had been the only things he could regulate. His therapist liked to point that out.
Then Oggie had come along, making him drinks, and before that, it had been Rhys, always hungry and sighing over the meals Arden had ordered him.
He sighed. He opened the book and started reading so he had something else to think about.
“Read it,” Oggie requested.
“Hm?”
“If you’re going to ignore me—”
“I wasn’t ignoring you!”
“Then you should at least read out loud.”
Arden flipped back a page. “On the first of the month, every month, I bring my rent check downstairs to Mrs. Ludlow. My girlfriend finds it strange that I pay with a check, but I always have as long as I’d rented from her…”
Oggie settled back against the tree and rested his hands on his stomach. After about twenty minutes, he started to snore, louder than normal.
Arden stopped reading.
“Keep going,” Holly said.
He glanced at her. He thought she’d fallen asleep too. She had her eyes closed and hadn’t moved since he’d started reading. He cleared his throat, took a sip of water, and returned to reading.
After a while, he put aside the book.
He wanted to take a nap, too. He’d grown accustomed to an afternoon rest. Something stopped him from closing his eyes. He couldn’t have expressed exactly what.
On Terra, he never felt exactly safe unless he was at the settlement. Maybe it was all the talk of raiders and warlords, the ritual of climbing the tower to check the horizons, the fact that they’d settled in an area where they’d found four skeletons.
He thought often about the quiet, soft voice he’d heard in the distress call.
A bird careened in the sky.
Arden watched it make circles across the infinite blueness of the sky. Not a cloud in sight today.
He wondered what other parts of Terra looked like. It couldn’t be all this hot and yellow. Oceans still covered huge parts of the surface.
When the sun had sunk low enough, they walked back. He asked, “Have you ever been to the ocean?”
Holly shook her head. “Worse there.”
“Worse how?”
“More likely to come across people.”
“Isn’t that better?”
“Not the kind of people you want to come across. More animals, too, the kind that wouldn’t think twice about a human snack.”
He nodded.
“Didn’t you want to go to the beach?” Oggie asked.
“Just to see it.”
“Maybe we can stop by.”
“Maybe.”
“You thinking of heading out?” Holly asked.
“I don’t know how much longer we can stay,” Arden admitted.
Holly nodded.
“Especially with no answer from anyone.”
“I…” Holly cleared her throat. “I’ll come with you.”
Arden stopped walking for a moment, then hurried to catch up. “Really?”
“What’s here for me?” she asked.
Arden couldn’t answer. He smiled. He wanted to hug her but didn’t know if she’d want that.
Oggie started chatting immediately, telling her all the things she’d like about Eden. It made it seem like he didn’t care for Terra at all.
At camp, Arden helped shell sunflower seeds.
Oggie sat beside him, his narrow fingers making quick work of the shells.
Women crowded around him.
Holly sat next to Arden, whispering quick bits of gossip about the others to him. She didn’t speak unkindly, but as though she’d gleaned her knowledge through careful observation. He wondered what kind of life she’d lived.
No one treated her poorly or excluded her, but she always hung just on the fringes of activities.
Before Arden had come over to help with the seeds, she’d sat about a foot away from the others. Maybe that had to do with Oggie, though. Most of the women flocked to him, sometimes acting as if they couldn’t help it.
Sher put her hand on Oggie’s thigh. She leaned in to tell him something. Her dark eyes remained fixed on his face as though he were something other than a mortal man.
Oggie giggled at whatever she said.
Arden watched it happen without any sense of envy or jealousy. Still, a strong current of dislike ran through him. He couldn’t put a finger on the exact feeling.
He and Oggie acted like a couple. They spent every night in the same bed. They showed public affection towards each other. They acted like a couple and even though they hadn’t agreed to exclusivity, no one else knew that.
They shouldn’t have assumed it, either, but no one gave Arden a second thought when it came to Oggie.
They saw him as competition, but only in a specific way. One he couldn’t put his finger on.
Arden shelled a few more seeds. He kept thinking.
He didn’t like, he decided, that they acted as if Arden didn’t mean anything to Oggie. He wasn’t looking for deference, but he wanted some kind of…
He glanced at Oggie and forced his fingers to find another shell.
“What are we making with these?” he asked.
Holly nodded towards several loaves of dough. “Gonna mix em in.”
He nodded.
Sher had wiggled closer to Oggie.
He stood up.
He didn’t want to watch this. He thought about heading to the shuttle, but he wanted to move.
He circled the camp, staying close to its perimeter. It hadn’t gotten dark yet, but he didn’t like to go too far on his own.
Oggie stepped out from between two tents and said, “Boo!”
Arden flinched and scowled at him.
Oggie grinned. “Scared you,” he announced proudly.
“Of course, you did, jumping out like that.”
“You want to tell me why you took off?”
“I needed to think.”
Oggie took his hand.
They walked quietly around the perimeter together.
They’d made two loops when Oggie finally asked, “What did
you need to think about?”
Arden shook his head. He didn’t want to come off as jealous. He wasn’t jealous, either, that was the thing. He didn’t mind these women drooling over Oggie. He found it amusing at times. He wouldn’t care if Oggie slept with them. He almost wished he would, just so they’d stop acting so desperate.
“Not gonna answer?” Oggie prompted.
“It’s…Everyone acts like…” He sighed. “Everyone acts like we aren’t together. I mean. Like. They know we’re sleeping together but…But they act like that’s all it is.”
“Hmm.”
“Or am I too sensitive?”
“No, that’s pretty spot-on,” Oggie agreed.
“You should sleep with them and get it over with.”
“I don’t want to sleep with them.”
“No?”
“No.”
“Oh,” Arden said.
“But no one takes me seriously when I say that. They think ‘no’ means ‘try harder.’ You know, like I think that I’m so good-looking that they should prove something to me.”
Arden frowned.
“And, you know, they’re right. I usually give up and let people fuck me after a while.”
They walked a little longer.
“I get the impression,” Oggie began out of nowhere, “That they’re not used to the idea that this sort of thing is a permanent thing. Or, you know, less than casual. I mean, most of them have never had anyone to be more than casual with.”
“Maybe.”
“I mean, guys come around twice a decade, maybe, it seems, and don’t stay long. I think they don’t get it. What we’re doing.”
Arden leaned his head on his shoulder as they walked. “You’re probably right.”
“Does it matter to you a lot?”
“No,” Arden sighed.
“Sugar, if it matters,” Oggie began.
“No, no. Don’t ruffle any feathers.”
“That’ll be harder for me than being exclusive. I think I was born to ruffle feathers. I don’t know that I was born to sleep around. That’s more of a hobby than a lifestyle.”
Arden put an arm around Oggie’s shoulders. “Then you do whatever you were born to do, Oggie.”
He pulled away and sneezed. He looked better since they’d found him allergy pills, but his eyes still had a hint of irritation. He sneezed once more, then came back to Arden’s side. He kissed Arden’s temple. “What if I was born to—”
Arden kissed him. “Then do it. If it makes you happy, Oggie, do it.”
Oggie blinked.
Arden kissed him again.
“What if it’s something bad?”
“Do bad things make you happy?”
Oggie shrugged. “I end up doing them anyway.”
He spilled his arms around Oggie’s neck and pulled him close. “You’re all out of reasons to do things because you have to, Oggie. From now on, you can do things because you want to.”
“It’s not that easy, Arden.”
“I’m making it that easy.”
Oggie pulled away. “Not everyone gets to do whatever they want all the time.”
“You do.”
“Only you get to do that.”
Arden pointed out, “And what I want is for you to do what you want. Does it work like that?”
Oggie let out a frustrated groan. “This is stupid. I didn’t come over here to talk about stupid shit like this.”
Arden hugged him. “I’m sorry.”
It took Oggie a moment to hug him back. He pulled in slow, deep breaths. “You know,” he began but didn’t say anything else.
“Go on,” Arden said after a while.
“I.” He kept breathing, slow and steady. Maybe that was all he could do. “Let’s keep walking.”
Arden nodded.
They finished their loop and returned to the sunflower seeds.
This time, though, Oggie sat right next to him. He didn’t resume his light and flirty conversations with the women, even when they tried to talk to him. He hooked his leg over Arden’s and folded his hands on Arden’s shoulder. He kissed his cheek.
Arden started shelling seeds.
They still had half to go.
Oggie didn’t help anymore, he stayed wrapped around Arden.
“You two have a nice walk?” Holly asked.
“Not really,” Oggie answered.
Arden kept shelling.
Oggie loosened his grip but kept the proximity. He lay down with his head in Arden’s lap.
“Are you feeling okay?” Kineth asked.
“I’m thinking.”
“Can’t think and work?”
“Arden will do my share.”
Arden glanced his way. He didn’t protest.
Oggie went to bed early.
Arden checked on him and got told to go back outside. He went and tried to mingle with the Terrans. He set up a movie for everyone. He stayed until it had finished. He took down the projector, packed it up, and brought it into the shuttle, the same as he did every time that he used it.
He hesitated before getting into bed. “You awake?” he asked softly.
Oggie didn’t answer, didn’t move, but he wasn’t snoring.
“Oggie?” he whispered.
He stayed still.
Arden put a hand on him. He should have gotten into bed or found somewhere else to sleep. Something stopped him. He gave Oggie a shake.
It felt like shaking a person who’d passed out.
No.
It felt like…Bile hit the back of his throat. He rolled Oggie over and checked his pulse, his fingers shaking as he pressed them against the tepid flesh of Oggie’s throat.
A pulse.
He had a pulse.
Slow, but there.
He turned on the lights above the bed. He checked Oggie’s eyes.
Oggie jerked away from him with a gasp. “What the fuck,” he slurred.
Arden whispered, “I’m sorry.”
Oggie rubbed his eyes.
“I couldn’t wake you up.”
“I couldn’t sleep. I took a pill.”
“I’m so sorry,” Arden said. “I’m sorry, I, I got worried.”
Oggie sighed. His eyes closed. He rolled over. “Lights.”
Arden turned off the lights. He got into bed but couldn’t sleep for hours. He pressed as close to Oggie as he could get.
He woke before Oggie, too, and made breakfast to have something else to think about.
Oggie rolled out of bed, gloriously rumpled and well-rested. The irritation from his eyes had gone altogether. He stretched, then shrugged on a robe. “You made breakfast?”
“I mean, I added water…”
“Figured you can’t cook.”
“You figured right.”
Oggie sat beside him. “Did you wake me up last night?”
Arden nodded. “Sorry.”
“I didn’t know if I dreamed it or not.” He pulled a plate in front of himself. “Do you know what day it is?”
“No.” Arden checked his tablet and relayed the date, which Oggie didn’t seem to care about. He continued, “Rhys says they’ll have to quarantine us when we get back.”
Oggie nodded. “Makes sense.”
“Morris made a bid for my position.”
“And?”
Arden licked his lips. He didn’t know how he felt about what had happened. Yes, they’d followed his orders, but he didn’t know that he’d expected them to.
“And?” Oggie asked.
“You and him, the two of you, I mean. I know about the videos.”
“You and everyone else. What’s your point?”
“You said they weren’t personal. I mean, you meant that, right?” Arden asked.
Oggie licked jam off his finger. “Morris got me out of lockup, told me I’d lost my job, said he’d gotten me reassigned to a new job. He said he’d pulled strings to do it, that thieves didn’t have a lot of options. This or waste refinement. I took the jo
b he offered me. I. The mask freaked me out at first. Your uncle talks a lot when he fucks. You know, that obnoxious kind of dirty talk. You like that, huh, you little bitch?” Oggie mimicked the last line in a parody of Morris’s voice. “If he’d kept his fucking mouth shut, I probably wouldn’t have figured out it was him.”
Arden’s mouth opened a little. He’d guessed as much but he didn’t like the details. Oggie deserved to talk about it and Arden owed it to him to listen.
“Six months later, I got a notification from the Labor Department that I was significantly derelict in submitting my paperwork for my new assignment. I was barely twenty and I cried a lot. I think I scared the lady I tried to bring my paperwork to, like…I think she thought I was having a breakdown. Which I fully was.”
Arden took a sip of water. His mouth had gone sticky. He hated thinking of Oggie, who was still young, but that much younger and so scared.
Oggie picked up his toast, then set it down without taking a bite. “Funny enough, I only got that notification after I started asking why it was taking so long for my wages from this new job to come through. I didn’t see Morris after that for a few years. I mean, I saw him around. I see everyone at Crystal. But he pretended he didn’t know me until you started talking to me and Mara.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Does that answer whether our involvement was personal?” Oggie asked.
Arden nodded. “Mhm.”
“He made a bid for your position?”
“I, uh. I left orders that if he did, they should strip his funds and personal property. And, uh. Move him from a private peer lockup to the general worker lockup.”
“That’s…”
“A death sentence,” Arden finished for him. He swept up crumbs from the table.
“How long did it take?”
“They found the body after eight hours. They think he was killed after about two, though,” Arden admitted. He cleared the plates and threw away the remains of breakfast. He started to wash the dishes, something he barely knew how to do. Crumbs and jam he could handle, but half the time he missed spots or left the plates either greasy or soapy.
Thirty-six and he couldn’t wash a plate.
He could orchestrate a murder, though.
It would have been more honest to throw Morris into space.
Oggie leaned beside the counter that housed the tiny sink where Arden labored over their two small plates. “I think they’re clean.”