by Sarah Dessen
It took Caroline a second to react to this. “It’s just one night,” she said after a minute. “You can come back first thing tomorrow.”
“I have a meeting in the morning with my superintendents. We’re on a very tight schedule. I can’t get away.”
Caroline lowered her hands to her sides. “But you’ve been saying that all summer.”
“That’s because it’s been true all summer. It’s just a bad time.” My mother looked at the phone again, that blinking light, still so insistent. “Who is that holding?”
“Rathka,” I said quietly.
“I should take it. It’s probably important.” She started back to her office, then turned and looked at my sister, who was just standing there, like she was in shock. I felt a pang of pity, thinking of her buying sandwiches, stocking a cooler, how excited she must have been to show us the house. “Honey,” my mother said, pausing in the doorway, “I know how much you’ve put into this, and I so appreciate everything you’ve done.”
I wasn’t sure that she did, though. That either of us did. For the past few weeks, my sister had been in constant transit between the beach house and her own, stopping during each trip to give us an update. My mother and I, concerned with our own problems, had given what attention we could, but neither of us was ever as involved as she would have liked us to be.
Now, she stood in the doorway, biting her lip. I’d never thought I had that much in common with my sister, but now, watching her, I felt some sense of solidarity. Caroline, in the last few weeks, had engineered an amazing transformation, one she wanted more than anything to share with us, but especially my mother.
“Mom,” Caroline said now, “you’re going to love it. Just take twelve hours off and come and see. Please.”
My mother sighed. “I’m sure I will. And I’ll get there, okay? Just not today.”
“Fine,” Caroline said, in a voice that made it clear it really wasn’t. She walked over and sat down in one of the chairs by the window, crossing one leg over the other. My mother was edging into her office, as if that red light was pulling her closer, when my sister said, “I guess it was kind of spur of the moment, thinking we could do this today. I mean, since we’re going next Sunday anyway.”
“Next Sunday,” my mother repeated. She seemed confused. “What’s happening then?”
Caroline was looking at her, and I had a bad feeling. Really bad. “We’re going to the beach house for the week,” I said quickly, looking from her to my mother, then back at Caroline. “On the eighth. Right?”
I was waiting for Caroline to agree. Instead, my mother said, “Next Sunday? The day after the party? That’s impossible. The phase will have just opened. When did you decide this?”
“I didn’t,” Caroline said, finally speaking. Her voice was level, even. “We did. Weeks ago.”
My mother looked at me. “But that’s impossible,” she said, running a hand through her hair. “I wouldn’t have agreed to that, it’s too soon. The sales will have just started, and we have a meeting that Monday on breaking ground for the next phase. . . . I have to be here.”
“I can’t believe this,” my sister said, shaking her head. “I can’t believe you.”
“Caroline, you have to understand,” my mother told her. “This is important.”
“No!” my sister screamed, the word suddenly just filling the room. “This is work, and for you, it’s never done. You promised me we’d take this vacation, and I’ve killed myself getting ready on time so we could have this week together as a family. You said you’d be done, but you’re never done. All this summer it’s been about these stupid townhouses, and two days after they open, you’re breaking ground for something else? God! You’ll do anything to avoid it.”
“Avoid what?” my mother said.
“The past,” Caroline said. “Our past. I’m tired of acting like nothing ever happened, of pretending he was never here, of not seeing his pictures in the house, or his things. Just because you’re not able to let yourself grieve.”
“Don’t,” my mother said, her voice low, “talk to me about grief. You have no idea.”
“I do, though.” Caroline’s voice caught, and she swallowed. “I’m not trying to hide that I’m sad. I’m not trying to forget. You hide here behind all these plans for houses and townhouses because they’re new and perfect and don’t remind you of anything. ”
“Stop it,” my mother said.
“And look at Macy,” Caroline continued, ignoring this. “Do you even know what you’re doing to her?”
My mother looked at me, and I shrank back, trying to stay out of this. “Macy is fine,” my mother said.
“No, she’s not. God, you always say that, but she’s not.” Caroline looked at me, as if she wanted me to jump in, but I just sat there. “Have you even been paying the least bit of attention to what’s going on with her? She’s been miserable since Dad died, pushing herself so hard to please you. And then, this summer, she finally finds some friends and something she likes to do. But then one tiny slipup, and you take it all away from her.”
“That has nothing to do with what we’re talking about,” my mother said.
“It has everything to do with it,” Caroline shot back. “She was finally getting over what happened. Couldn’t you see the change in her? I could, and I was barely here. She was different.”
“Exactly,” my mother said. “She was—”
“Happy,” Caroline finished for her. “She was starting to live her life again, and it scared you. Just like me redoing the beach house scares you. You think you’re so strong because you never talk about Dad. Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that’s what makes you strong.”
“I’ve given everything I have to support this family,” my mother replied, biting off the words. “And for you, it’s still not enough.”
“I’m not asking for everything you have.” Caroline put her hands to her face, breathing in, then lowered them. “I’m asking you to allow me, and Macy, and especially yourself to remember Dad—”
My mother exhaled loudly, shaking her head.
“—and I’m asking you for one week of your time to begin doing it.” Caroline looked at me, then back at my mother. “That’s all.”
The pause that followed this was long enough that I started to think maybe, just maybe, my mother was going to agree. She was just standing there, arms crossed over her chest, looking out the front window of the model home at the houses across the street.
“I have to be here,” she said finally. “I can’t just leave.”
“It’s one week,” Caroline said. “It’s not forever.”
“I can’t leave,” my mother repeated. “I’m sorry.” And she walked back into her office, stiffly, and shut the door behind her. I listened for the familiar noises—the squeak of her chair rollers, the phone being picked up so she could deal with Rathka, the keyboard clacking—but heard nothing. It was like she’d just disappeared.
My sister, gulping back tears, turned and pushed the front door open. “Caroline,” I said, but she was already outside, walking down the front steps.
I thought about going after her. I wanted to be able to say something that would make everything okay, but I had no idea what that might be. It’s not forever, she’d said, but to my mother, it might as well have been. She had made her choice, and this was it, where she felt safe, in a world she could, for the most part, control.
My sister was in her car now, wiping her eyes: I watched her as she cranked the engine, then drove away from the curb. As she moved away, I could see the sign across the street in full view now, and I read the rest of it. NEW PHASES COMING SOON! it said. And then, as if it was easy, or a good thing, always: COME CHANGE WITH US.
My mother was still in her office, silent, when the clock hit five and I stood up to leave. I thought about knocking at her door, even asking if she was okay, but instead I just gathered up my things and slipped out the front door, shutting it behind me
hard enough so that she’d hear it and know I was gone.
As I came up our front walk, I saw the box on the front porch: small, square, parked in the direct center of our welcome mat. Waterville, Maine, I thought, even before I got close enough to check the return address. I picked it up and took it inside with me.
The house was quiet, cool, as I went into the kitchen, put the box on the counter, then found the scissors and cut it open.
Inside, there were two pictures: the first was of a belt loop sporting a huge, cluttered key ring that looked like it weighed about a hundred pounds. Then in the second picture, there was the same belt loop, but now attached to it was a square plastic box that looked sort of like a tape measure. Along one side, though, was a series of tabs, each a different color. Frustrated with your old, clunky key chain? asked the bright print below. Get rid of it! Get organized. Get the EZ-Key!
Apparently, with the EZ-Key, you could color code each of your keys, then attach them to a retracting cord, so that you only had to pull them out, unlock whatever needed unlocking, and zip! they shot right back into place. It was a good idea, really, I thought as I turned the box in my hand, rereading its breathless copy, but then they all were, at least on the surface.
About an hour later, as I was sliding some chicken breasts into the oven, my mother called.
“Macy,” she said, “I need you to get me a phone number.”
“Okay,” I said, starting toward her office. “Let me just get your phone book.”
“No, I think you know it. It’s for that woman, Delia. The woman you worked for.”
“Delia?” I said.
“Yes.”
I just stood there for a second, waiting for her to offer an explanation. When she didn’t, I said, “Why . . .?”
“Because,” she said, “Rathka has just quit, and every other catering company is already booked for next Saturday or on vacation. This is a last resort.”
“Rathka quit?” I asked, incredulous.
“Macy,” she said. “The number, please.”
I knew there was no way Delia would do it: she hadn’t booked any jobs since Avery had been born, and it was way short notice. But with the way my mother’s day had been going, I figured it was better not to point this out. “It’s 555-7823,” I said.
“Thank you,” she said. “I’ll be home soon.” And then there was a click, and she was gone.
Chapter Nineteen
My sister stayed away for a full week, completely and totally incommunicado. She stopped answering her cell phone and ignored all emails, and when we finally got through on her home phone, it was always Wally who answered, his voice stiff and forced enough that it was immediately clear not only that he had been coached to say she was out but that she was standing right there behind him as he did so.
“She’ll get over it,” my mother kept saying, each time I relayed my thwarted efforts to reach her. “She will.”
My mother wasn’t worried, even if I was. There were other, bigger concerns on her mind now. And they all had to do with the gala reception.
It had started with Rathka quitting, but that was only the beginning. In the six days since, it seemed like everything that could go wrong had done just that. When the landscapers came to work on the yard, one of their riding mowers went haywire, ripping up huge clumps of grass and taking out a few shrubs in the process. They did their best to fix it, but the topography remained uneven. Just crossing from the garage to the steps felt like walking over little mountains and valleys. Half of the invitations we’d mailed came back due to some postal error, which meant I had to drive around one hot afternoon, hand delivering them to mailbox after mailbox. The next day, the string quartet cancelled, as three of the four had come down with food poisoning at an outdoor wedding.
The night before the party, however, my mother’s luck seemed to be changing. The guys from the party rental place arrived early to assemble the tent. We stood and watched as they put it up and set up the chairs and tables beneath it, both of us braced for some sort of crisis. But everything went according to plan.
“Wonderful,” she said to the tent guy, handing him his check. “I wasn’t even sure we’d need a tent, but it just makes everything look that much nicer.”
“And also,” he told her, “if it rains, you’re covered.”
She just looked at him. “It is not,” she said, firmly, as if there was no room for negotiation, “going to rain.”
The only other good news my mother had gotten was that Delia, to my surprise, had agreed to take the gala job. It wouldn’t be lamb on fine china, my mother had sighed, but she’d be glad for anything at this point, even if it was chicken on a stick and meatballs.
“Everyone loves meatballs,” I’d told her, but she’d just looked at me before moving on to the next crisis at hand.
In a way, I was kind of grateful for all the various crises, if only because they kept me so busy. I didn’t have time to worry about things, such as the awkwardness of seeing Wes after all this time, or handling Jason, who was now planning to drop by to say hello at some point during the evening. I’d just deal with it when it happened, I told myself, and that would be soon enough.
Now, as the tent guys drove off, I heard a car pull into the driveway. I glanced around the side of the house to see my sister getting out of a truck with a long, wide bed, which was packed with what I first assumed was metal patio furniture or some sort of construction refuse from the beach house. She parked and got out just as another car, which I recognized as belonging to one of my mother’s salesmen, pulled up behind her.
“What on earth has she got there?” my mother asked me as we walked around the side of the house, and suddenly I realized it was Wes’s stuff. Six pieces, at least, although they were stacked in such a way it was hard to tell. By the time we got up to the truck, Caroline had the tailgate down and she and the salesman were pulling a few pieces out, leaning them against the back bumper. I could see a big angel with a barbed-wire halo, as well as a whirligig that had been out at his house the last day I’d been there. It was made up of a series of bicycle wheels—from big ones to the tiny training kind—welded to a twisted piece of rebar.
“Caroline,” my mother called out, her voice forced and cheery. “Hello.”
Caroline didn’t reply at first, but the salesman waved as they continued pulling pieces out and putting them in the driveway: a smaller angel with a stained-glass halo, another whirligig fashioned out of hubcaps and interlocking gears.
“We can just set them up on the grass,” she said to the salesman. “Anywhere’s fine, really.”
“Caroline?” my mother said, as he began pulling the angel onto the lawn, dragging it over the bumpy terrain. I could tell she was concerned, but also trying to be careful to avoid another snit. In fact, she didn’t say anything else, even as the angel dug up more grass in a path behind itself.
“Don’t worry,” Caroline said finally, wiping a hand across her face. She was in shorts and a T-shirt, her hair pulled back in a ponytail. “I’m only stopping for a second. I need to take some shots of these and email them to Wally so we can decide which to take to the mountain house, and which I should just bring home with me.”
“Well,” my mother said, as Caroline and the salesman began to pull the larger angel onto the front lawn, positioning it for a second before going back to grab one of the smaller ones, “that’s fine. Just fine.”
None of us said anything for a few minutes as the pieces were assembled on the lawn. People kept driving past the house, then slowing, staring. My mother kept offering up her Good Neighbor wave and smile, but I could tell she wasn’t happy.
By the time Caroline and the salesman were done, there were seven pieces on the lawn: two big angels, two small, a large square piece, and two sculptures, one with the hubcaps and another made out of gears and wheels of various sizes. The salesman stepped back, wiping a hand over his face. “You sure you don’t want me to stick around to help you put them back in?”
“No, it’s okay,” Caroline said to him. “I’ll get one of the neighbor kids to help or something. I just wasn’t sure anyone would be here. But thanks.”
“No problem,” he said cheerfully. “Anything to help the cause. Deborah, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Right,” my mother replied, nodding. “See you then.”
As he left, my sister moved around the front yard, adjusting the pieces this way or that. After a second she looked down at the grass, as if just noticing the state it was in, then said, “What’s wrong with the lawn?”
I shook my head, glancing at my mother.
“Nothing,” my mother said evenly, as she walked up to the larger angel and peered at it more closely. “Well. These are certainly interesting. Where did you get them?”
“Macy’s friend Wes,” Caroline told her, wiping a smudge off one of the bicycle wheels. To me she said, “You know, he’s really something.”
“Yeah,” I said, looking at the angel with the barbed-wire halo. Away from the farmer’s market, and Wes’s workshop, the pieces seemed that much more impressive. Even my mother noticed. I could tell by the way she was still studying the angel’s face. “I know.”
“Wes?” my mother said. “The boy who drove you home that night?”
“Didn’t Macy tell you he was an artist?” Caroline said.
My mother glanced at me, but I looked away. Both of us knew it wouldn’t have mattered, at the time. “No,” she said quietly. “She didn’t.”
“Oh, he’s fantastic,” Caroline said, pushing a piece of hair out of her face. “I’ve been out at his studio for hours, looking at his pieces. Do you know he learned to weld in reform school?”
My mother was still watching me. She said, “You don’t say.”
“It’s just the coolest story.” Caroline squatted down, pushing one of the tiny wheels to make it spin. “They have professors from the university do volunteer outreach at the Myers School, and one of the heads of the art department came in and taught a class. He was so impressed with Wes he’s been having him take college level art classes for the last two years. He showed at the university gallery a couple of months ago.”