by Nicky Shanks
I snort and my cheeks heat with embarrassment. “I haven’t even thought about my quest for normalcy in weeks. I guess I’m just comfortable enough to forget about trying so hard and just let things be. I know Oliver and Julie aren’t chomping at the bit to be our friends, and I’m okay with that. They don’t hate us anymore, and that’s a good start.”
He swoops me into his long arms with grace. A few strands of his long, midnight black hair tickle my forehead when he dips me low and slides his lips across mine. “I’m exactly where I want to be right now. My life is honestly so fucking perfect it’s unreal. I thought I knew love before but this is…” He takes in a deep breath and smiles. “…so much more than that.”
I feel his forehead. “What’s gotten into you? What happened?”
He kisses me again and places me back on my feet. “Nothing happened…yet. Let’s pretend I’m not offended for a minute that you questioned my intentions, but you’ll need to know this. Trumbull knows about the divorce to Julie.”
I blink a few times in confusion. “So?”
“So…” He steps backward and blows out a long tunnel of air from his lungs. “He expedited the hearing to Monday at three, and he expects Julie to show up so he can take us out to a late lunch.”
“Why is he in your business like that?” I sit in the chair at my desk and frown. “He shouldn’t be able to just butt in like that.”
Brandon laughs. “Vern Trumbull can do whatever the hell he wants. He’s high and tight with a lot of New York’s politicians and business leaders. He’s pretty much untouchable.”
“Well, he’s a horrible boss for prying into your personal life.”
He nods in agreement. “I think he’s planning something, I just don’t know what. I can’t imagine he’d just want to meet Julie. He wants to get to the bottom of it.”
I gasp. “Do you think he knows about you sleeping with his daughter?”
“I don’t know, but that’s what I’m afraid of.” He notices the horror twisted on my face and frowns deeper. “I shouldn’t be talking to you about this…it’s not fair to you.”
I stand up and cross my arms over my chest. “Hey, once you say those three little words, your problems become my problems.”
“Is that so?” He pulls me back into his grasp. “I knew there was something I loved about you.”
I groan. “Enough with the mushy stuff. We said I love you and now we can say it when it’s appropriate, end of story.”
He laughs. “When is it appropriate, exactly?”
“I’m not having this conversation.” I shake my head. “You’re fishing around to see how I’ll react and I’ve already said the words to you. It’s not like I can take them back now. Stop doubting yourself.”
“Do you want to take them back?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
I clap my hands in front of me. “Get over it and move on. I love you, Brandon Whitehouse, and you hold a special place inside of me. Let’s not get too crazy too quick here.”
“Okay, okay. I get your point. It’s new and still in the baby stages. Which by the way, do you want any?”
I glare at him and try to play dumb. “Do I want any what?”
“Babies. Kids. Children.”
I breathe in deep and let it slowly back out to calm my nerves. We just made the pact to wait a year to even talk about marriage and now he’s asking about kids?
“What is all this about, really? You’re testing me and asking me questions…are you really unsure that I’m being real when I say I love you?”
He shakes his head and looks down at me. “No, I’m not unsure. I’m just a little…unsure of what will happen on Monday if I lose my job.”
I blow a raspberry and breeze past his body. “If you’re asking if I’ll leave you if you lose your job…then you don’t know me well enough to say you love me.” Before he can argue, I leave the room and lock myself in the bathroom with the sink faucet running. I look at myself in the mirror and frown.
I thought we were taking it slow.
Saying I love you is a huge step.
But I said it. I told him I love him.
And I do.
But I knew it would backfire on me and make things go in the wrong direction.
This is all too much, too soon.
I wanted to slow down; I wanted to feel it in my bones.
Brandon knocks on the door and calls for me. “Heather, come out here, please.” His voice is steady and smooth. “I don’t want to fight. I want to apologize.”
The magic words make me unlock the door and his gray eyes instantly meet mine. “I’m sorry for making you upset; I don’t like seeing you like that. I’m sorry if I offended you…I guess I’m just worried I can’t take care of you if I lose my job.”
“I don’t need you to take care of me.”
He lightly smiles and brushes hair from my cheek. “But I want to.”
“We’re in this together, you’re not responsible for everything. I can get a job if you lose yours and it shouldn’t be too hard for you to get another job.”
He chuckles. “Vern will blacklist me. I’ll never work for another lawyer again.”
“Then you’ll find something else to do. Brandon, I believe in you. You’ve become a person even better than what I’d imagined. Karma is going to take care of you on this one, you’ve done a lot of good these past few months and it’s gotta count for something.”
He snickers and pulls me from the bathroom. “You’re starting to sound like Julie and trying to see the good in everyone. That’s a good trait to have.”
I blush and let him lead me into the kitchen. He points to the island counter where all the ingredients for the meatloaf are laid out and two aprons are hanging on the back of a chair. He slides one around me and ties it in the back, putting the second one around his tall body and brushing his hair back.
“So, let’s make this meatloaf.”
I giggle and open the package of raw hamburger meat. “You’re helping?”
“Yeah, I can cook better than you, which isn’t saying much. Between the two of us, we should be able to come out with something decent to eat.” He laughs as I poke him in the arm. “Hey, I speak the truth and you know it, babe.”
Babe.
I still cringe at that word.
I shake the negativity from my head. “Okay, here’s the recipe.” I point to a piece of white paper on the other side of the island counter. “It’s my grandmother’s, so it’s pretty old. We may need to improvise.”
He snorts. “I thought you went to the store for all this shit?”
“Well some things I couldn’t find or didn’t know what they were.” I blush. “At least I’m trying something new!”
He rubs my back and my anxiety retreats back down in my stomach. “I get it, and I appreciate what you’re doing. Let’s try this out, okay?” He starts reading the recipe and together, we mash and stir and knead and roll the ingredients together to make something that sort of resembles a meatloaf in a small pan. He steps back to examine our work and smiles.
“I think we did okay.”
I laugh hysterically. “Look at that thing! It’s leaning over!”
He acts quickly and catches the meat stack from toppling completely over and we laugh so hard that it’s hard to return it to its original state. He stands it back up the best he can and throws it into the oven. When he shuts the door, we both look at each other and frown.
“We didn’t turn on the oven.” He coughs from the laughter in his throat.
“Pizza?” I pick up my phone and quickly order a pizza online before catching his gaze again.
He still looks worried.
“Are you worried about the late lunch thing on Monday?” I ask. “Who cares what that old, fat geezer thinks? He wasn’t in your shoes and he doesn’t walk in your life.”
He groans. “I screwed his daughter while I was married to Julie. He’s going to kill me.”
; “Maybe he won’t even know.”
“He’ll know.”
I don’t know how to get him out of this funk. Not even a proposition of sex can break this mentality. All I can do is stand next to him and cling to him and hold on. Eventually, his arms slide up my back and he squeezes me into him.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers into my hair. “My fuck-ups keep coming back to haunt me in the worst ways and it’s eating me alive.”
I stroke the back of his head and he snuggles deeper into my hair. “You know what I thought about the other day? I wish that you and I could move far away from here and escape all the bad things we’ve done. It seems like everywhere I go, people only see me as Oliver Jackson’s ex. I’ve been blacklisted from a lot of places around the city; it’s exhausting.”
“We may have to move if I get blacklisted from another law firm.” He groans. “I wish I would’ve never met Rachel or fucked her.”
I snort. “You wish that now, but at the time you were sleeping with her it seemed like what you wanted to do.”
“You’re right.” He laughs and kisses my head. “I’m to blame for my mistakes. Maybe one day we can move to another country and start over.”
“Our problems aren’t big enough to move entire countries.” I shake my head. “Maybe California or Florida. That seems like it’s far enough where people won’t know who we are or what we’ve done.”
“Hmm…” His arms let go of me and he rubs his chin in thought. “I’ve always wanted to move to Seattle. They have some pretty decent law firms there, and that should be far enough where Trumbull won’t have anyone to sink his claws into.”
I smile and kiss his cheek. “Everything is going to be fine, you’ll see. There’s nothing you can do about it right now, anyway.”
“Besides freak out, you mean?”
“You just need to calm down and breathe. Nothing is as bad as it seems, you know? Whatever that asshole has to say to you, it’s really none of his business. It’s no one’s business who you sleep with and you could sue him for getting personal information on you.”
He laughs and pulls me into a bear hug again. “I love you, do you know that? Thanks for trying to make me feel better, I’ll try not to ruin our weekend.”
I let him hold me for as long as he needs because the truth is: I’m scared too. I’m worried that he’ll lose his job and we’ll be homeless again—that’s something I’ll never go back to. I make a mental note that I’ll need to start looking for a job, and I may have to put school on the back burner again.
This time I’ll make a smart choice and do what I have to do for my relationship to grow, not just agree with someone so I won’t lose them. I smile at my newfound glory and when he parts his body from mine, I’m ready to tackle whatever sadness he tries to throw at me next.
The doorbell rings and saves the day as Brandon opens it and pays the driver, bringing the pizza back inside. He smells the air and moans a little too loudly for it not to be noticeable.
“Is something wrong?” I take the box from his hands and open it. The delicious scent of the ham and pineapple pizza fills the air. “Did you want something else?”
He shakes his head and steals a slice before we enter the kitchen. “No, I like this kind. I’m starting to like a lot of new things because of you. Julie was somewhat of a vegetarian, so I’d only get bacon and shit when she was feeling down.” Sadness fills his eyes. “Actually, toward the end I had bacon almost every day.”
“Well…” I shove another slice into his hand and push him down into a chair at the kitchen table. “You don’t have to worry about that anymore. I’m not down, I’m not sad, and I like bacon. I also like pizza, so eat up.” I take my own slice and nibble at it while he finishes his first. “And I like beer and vodka and probably a million other things Julie won’t touch.”
He snorts. “I can think of one thing in particular.”
I try and be a smart ass and think of something that will change his mood. I don’t like when he goes from one emotion to the next as easily as changing socks. It’s weird that there’s no lag time for him to process anything; it’s like he dwells for a reasonable amount of time and then locks it away deep down in his mind and forgets about it until someone or something raises it back up.
I like to talk things out.
I don’t like to fight and argue.
I like to come to mutual conclusions.
I follow the rules.
…Now.
That’s me now.
That’s the Heather I’ve become.
It’s only a matter of time to see if Brandon can keep up.
Chapter Nine
Oliver
I can’t fucking believe this is my life.
I have the most intelligent, sexy, amazing woman lightly snoring next to me and the world just stands still; If I move a single muscle, she’ll wake up and all the peace that fills my head will be gone. I know I can’t keep her locked up and I don’t want to.
But she’s mine.
I belong to her, that’s no secret.
Julie was about to tell me her secret earlier—I could feel it. She knows it’s wrong to keep something like this from me, but there’s nothing I can do but wait for Brandon to hold up his end of the deal and take care of it. Preferably without making or causing a huge scene in the process.
I don’t want to lose Julie to anything…or anybody.
She snuggles deeper into my chest and all I want to do in life is hold her.
I want to make her feel safe again.
My mind wanders to the first time I saw her, huddled in the backseat of Randy’s squad car. If I knew then what I know now, I’d never let him drive off with her. Her fierce, glowing blue eyes haunted me for so many years that I did whatever I could to forget about her.
And now I know.
All I need is her.
My mind wanders to Mrs. Atchley and I feel guilty because I haven’t spoken to her much lately. I know she understands what Julie means to me, and I made a mental note to ask her the next time I see her if she recognized Julie from years ago too. I’m not sure she even knew Julie was hiding in the backseat…but I did.
I could feel her.
I can always feel her.
She’s the best part of me.
Julie’s naked body stirs next to me; the sunlight hits her face just perfectly and she smiles in her sleep. Regardless of our little argument, it’s been the best Halloween ever. The picture perfect, white picket fence life is all I’ve ever wanted. I know it’s crazy, but it’s the small things that make life amazing: all of the small things combined into a huge, gaping hole of love and happiness.
My hand slides down her side and rests on her curvy hip. I have to fight the urge to slap her ass; it’s so close to my fingers…just one good smack ought to hold me for a while. I grin and move my hand closer to the roundness of her backside when she turns onto her back and denies me access to what I want. Touching her isn’t enough anymore—I have to really feel her.
“Denied.” Her sleepy giggle reaches my ears. “I know all about you, Mr. Jackson.”
“Good morning to you, too.” I look down at her naked body and drink her in. “Aren’t you just a little ball of sunshine this morning?”
She moans and stretches; her curvy hips flatten and my lips start to inch toward them. “After what we did last night, I could use a few more hours of sleep.”
“It’s Saturday; you can sleep in.”
She groans and turns her body to face me again, snuggling in my chest. Her breath moves my chest hair and tickles my skin, but I hold her there and keep her near me. “I can’t sleep in. I promised Staci I would meet her downtown…she needs a new dress or something. Plus, Lucy and I are getting together later to study. Is it okay if she comes to the apartment instead of here? We’ll be more comfortable there, I think.”
It takes everything I have to swallow the lump in my throat. “Of course, baby. What’s mine—”
She
snuggles deeper and her lips find my shoulder blade. “—What’s yours is mine, I know. You’ve only said it a million times.”
“Then when are you going to listen?” I scoff and tip her chin upward. My lips glide across hers and she gently sucks them in; I can feel her exhaustion through her kiss. “If you want someone to come over, you don’t have to ask. I want you to feel comfortable treating our home like you belong there, because you do. You belong wherever I am, whatever house we are in and whatever city we live in.”
She giggles. “Are we planning on moving?”
I kiss her forehead and stretch my legs. “No, we just bought this house. Don’t you want to give it a test run first before we decide we don’t like it?”
“I love this house.” She blushes and sits up, her sunshine-colored hair falling around her body in a thick, tangled mess from my fingers getting twisted in it the night before. “I love everything about this house. You found a good one, Oliver.”
I stand up and her eyes widen as she realizes I’m still naked too. “Everything about this house made me think of you. The library, the kitchen, the master bathroom.” I chuckle and look away; I know I’m blushing as I think about the amazing sex we’ve had and where I want to take her next. “Even the backyard and the gazebo.”
Her eyes widen. “There’s a gazebo?”
“Have you not seen the entire property? I thought when you and Casey were here looking around—before Veronica and Mac showed up—you took a good look at everything?”
Her voice lowers and she looks down into her lap. “I only got as far as the walk-in closet when—”
I pick her up and place her on the floor next to me, our warm skin touching and igniting invisible sparks as she pushes her hair behind her ears. “Say no more. Do you want to look around today? I have to meet some lawyers at the commercial space so we can go over some paperwork at ten, but after that I’m free.”
She shakes her head. “Can we spend the day apart?”
My stomach drops into my toes. “Okay,” I slowly say and try not to act worried. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”