The night goes fantastically well. Everyone has such a good time. I’m sure they’re all drunk because Bow and I can barely understand them now. We haven’t drank much, I told her early on that I wanted us both sober for later. I won’t have her not remembering what goes on between us tonight. I want every touch, lick and climax firmly stored in her memory.
It’s turning one in the morning when everyone gets ready to crash. I leave Bow thanking and hugging everyone for such a great birthday while I run to my truck and get my bag. I want to surprise her with candles and a massage first so I sneak past everyone and enter her Winnebago to set it up.
I’m in her bedroom rummaging through my bag when I spot a large, black leather folder on her bed. I bet it is photos of her growing up. I plan to have a brief flick through but what I find makes my shock from earlier seem like nothing. There is photo after photo of the supermodel Bells Stratton. I look closely wondering why Bow would have this and everything clicks into place. She’s been lying to me this entire time. She’s not Bow Stratton, she’s Bells Stratton, masquerading as a college student and making me look like a fool.
I’m clutching the folder tightly in my fists when Bow comes in. She sees me, then the folder and the smile disappears from her face.
“You want to explain this, Bow, or should I call you Bells?” I snap.
“Asher, it’s not what you think….” I see her hands shaking at being caught in a lie.
“I’ll tell you what I think, shall I?… whatever your fucking name is.” I can’t stop my voice from growing louder and I don’t want to. “I think you’ve been lying this entire time, acting the sweet, innocent, unpopular girl and getting your kicks playing the college football player. Using and manipulating everyone around you and buying their loyalty so you can carry on. I bet you’ve secretly been having a good laugh at my expense.”
“No, I swear it’s not like that. I’ve never lied to you. I may have omitted a few things but never lied. I wanted to come to college and get a real experience not one tainted by who I am.”
“Oh, poor Bells.” My voice is dripping with sarcasm. “It must have been really hard for you.”
“I’ve hated not telling you but I was going to tonight, now. I got my portfolio out to show you before I took off my disguise.”
“I don’t want to hear it. I wouldn’t touch a lying bitch like you. You’ve been leading two lives and not giving a fuck about the consequences. I hate people like you, Bow, and now I get to add you to the list.”
“Please don’t do this, Asher. I love you. Let me explain.” She’s sobbing now. I won’t let her false tears affect me.
“It makes no difference what you’ve got to say and don’t you dare try to manipulate me by throwing that word around. You don’t love me. You only love yourself. I’m going. I can’t stand to look at you anymore.”
I push past her and I vaguely hear her fall to the floor. I keep going. I’m more likely to hit her than help her if I turn back. I should have known better. Things were going too well. I storm out of the Winnebago, relieved that everyone has crashed. I don’t want to see anyone right now.
My weeks with Bow flicker through my mind like an old movie. It’s like watching someone else’s life now. She just took my heart and smashed it on the ground. It’s like my Dad all over again. It’s like that saying, ‘if it’s too good to be true, it probably is.’
I drive like a maniac back to the frat house. I want to put as much distance between us as possible. I stomp up the stairs to my room but halt on the way. On the wall there’s a poster of her, pinned up amongst the others lining the hallway. It comes back to me, the first time she came here she stumbled about here. She must of seen this. I tear it from the wall, ripping it as I do. I ball it up and throw it in the trash can. I never want to see it again. That’s not my Bow, my Bow was a lie. She doesn’t really exist.
My Dad led a double life. He kept his other family in the next town over for five years. The coward didn’t even tell me, I had to find out on my own. I drove past him one night. He was getting out of his car in a driveway of a house I’d never seen before. The front door opened and a young girl ran out and jumped into my Dad’s arms.
He’d told me has was going away on a business trip. He had lots of them in the past and now I knew why. I got out of my truck and confronted him straight away. He tried to explain. I wouldn’t listen to him and give him the satisfaction to try and justify his fucked up actions. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since that day. He tries to reach out to me every few weeks but I won’t betray my Mom like that. Do I miss him? Yes. Enough to forgive him? Never.
And now Bow has basically been doing the same thing. Living two separate lives. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around the fact that she’s Bells Stratton, the supermodel. I won’t betray her secret that’s not who I am, I’ll let her keep her charade going, she can have at it. I want nothing to do with it or her.
Chapter thirteen
Bow
Watching Asher walk away from me tore my heart in two. Every step bruises my soul. He left without even hearing me out. My body feels too heavy and I collapse to the floor under the weight of my grief. He looked disgusted by me. He hates me now. His usually warm brown eyes seemed cold and barren of all feeling. I can barely bring myself to move, my sobs rendering me useless.
I imagined this going so differently. Maybe this is karma for keeping the truth from him for so long. If only I’d been able to tell him first, things might have been different. Then again, probably not. I’ve never seen him so angry, so unattached. I told him I loved him and he threw it in my face. In desperation I revealed my heart and he didn’t believe me. How can he not believe me after all the time we’ve spent together?
I drag myself up and climb into bed, burying myself under the covers. I wish they were a barrier to block out my feelings but they don’t. I want to turn back the clock and make all this never happen. It was a mistake to come here, to ever think that I could have this life. Sorrow sweeps over my entire being and I eventually cry myself to sleep.
***
Morning comes too soon. I wake up to Michael knocking on my bedroom door. I never locked up last night. Last night. Memories swarm me and my body starts to shake and I can’t stop the cries from wracking my body. Michael hears me and storms in.
“Bow!” He looks me over and his face looks like thunder. “What has that fucker done to you? Tell me, B. Tell me right now. If he’s hurt you I’m going to kill him!” His yelling causes Glen and Pepper to rush inside to see what’s going on.
Pepper gasps before throwing herself next to me on the bed and hugging me tight. I break down again, letting myself be vulnerable thanks to their support. I can feel tension rolling off Michael and Glen as they attempt to wait for me to talk, it’s clogging the air it’s that tense. Pepper unclips my wig for me and tosses it on the floor, untwines my hair and starts to stroke my head.
I let myself be comforted and calm down slightly. I’ve got the hiccups from crying so much. Pepper gets up and goes to get me a glass of water. Michael climbs on the bed next to me and pulls me up so that I’m sitting up and leaning on him.
“Tell us what’s going on, B. I can’t stand to see you like this. You need to tell me before I lose my mind.”
I take a big gulp of water and start to tell them what happened and what was said. Michael’s body gets more rigid the more I go on. Glen has started to pace and Pepper’s silent tears mirror my own. I see my sadness reflected in hazel eyes. I cling to the fact that this is real. These are my real friends. I haven’t truly lost everything, I just feel like I have.
Michael takes a deep breath and take holds my chin to turn my face to his. “It’s his loss, B. He didn’t even give you a chance to explain. That’s a shitty thing to do. It’s not your fault, sugar. You did everything you could do to make your dream a reality. If Asher can’t understand why you did what you did then he’s fucking stupid.
“Yes, things haven’t gone t
o plan but I bet if you let him cool down he’ll come around. In the meantime, you get on with your life like before. Don’t allow what’s happened to knock you down, keep standing. You still have all of us and you’re stuck with us for life. We’re your Oddball family. We don’t abandon family and we all know you’d never abandon us either. Our bond isn’t conditional. If that jackass doesn’t pull his head out of his ass, you’ll survive and eventually move on. I know you’re feeling raw right now so take the day to rest, do nothing, watch movies, whatever you want. I’m going to stay right here with you.”
“Me too.” Pepper adds.
I’m so touched by everything’s he’s just said. I bury my head in his shoulder and cry some more. Now they’re a mix of happy tears too. Glen comes back in the bedroom and nods to Michael. I guess whatever plan they have in place just got started. I don’t care what it is. It never even occurred to me that Asher might expose me until now. A part of me panics while another part doesn’t give a damn right now. I guess I’m going to find out soon if my Asher risk pays off. So far it hasn’t.
They let me sit quietly for a bit and then Michael picks me up and settles me on the couch with my blanket and pillows from my bed. I finger the locket still around my neck. I don’t want to take it off but I do. It doesn’t feel right to wear it now. I should probably give it back but I can’t. If that’s all I’ll ever have of Asher then I’m holding onto it.
As everyone filters in and sees me in this state, Glen quickly grabs them and takes them aside before they start asking questions. I’m glad I don’t have to repeat myself, I couldn’t go through it again right now. Eventually everyone is back from classes and they bed down with me to watch Firefly.
I can’t concentrate on it though. I keep picturing Asher’s face in my head. I pull myself up and take a long hot shower letting the strong water flow massage my aching body. Then I change into clean snugly pyjamas. Walking back to everyone I spot the framed picture of my Dad and I on the side. I pick it up and stroke my finger down his face. I really need him right now. He’d know just what to say. I crave one of his anecdotes or his one sentence wisdom. I daren’t call Ralph, he’ll go ballistic and I’m not willing to listen to his ranting at the moment. I know one thing for certain; my Dad would hate to see me like this. He was such a strong man, he never would have let anyone bring him down this low. I’m his daughter, damn it, I need to pull myself together. Make him proud.
I sit back on the couch and Radley clasps my hand. “You’re looking better.”
“I’m feeling better too. Thanks for this guys, I really needed it. Tomorrow I’m getting on with my life, it’s too short to waste moping in here. What will be, will be. I can face anything knowing you guys are behind me.”
They all smile and nod. Glen and Michael look proud.
Asher
Today is Friday, I have marketing with Bow. I can’t help but wonder if she’ll show her face. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss her. It’s just a shame that the her I’m referring to doesn’t really exist and never did. I spent yesterday avoiding everyone. Colby and Tate obviously don’t know what’s gone on as this morning they’re being their normal annoying selves. I avoided them best I could too.
Walking into class I immediately spot Bow. She’s here but not sat in our regular seats. She’s right down on the front row. I can’t see her face and she’s still in her disguise. I want to rage at her again, make her see what her deception has done to me and another part of me wants to grab her and take her away with me to sort this out. I can’t get a handle on my feelings and I’m not going to try today. Everything’s too fresh.
I go to my normal seat. I see the other girls in the class heads swivelling between me and Bow, noting that we’re apart and whispering to their neighbours. We’ve rarely been seen apart lately, that was how I liked it. Now, I feel like I have too much space around me. Some of the girls slowly move closer to me, edging into seats nearer to where I am. I ignore them all. The girl now sat in front of me turns around to face me and I can tell what she’s about to ask. Fortunately the teacher walks in right then, stopping her in her tracks.
I hear him talking yet nothing is registering. I barely move my eyes from Bow. I notice she’s hardly taking notes either, usually she’s vigorous in her note taking, desperate not to miss a word. It’s sick but I’m glad she’s upset, that she’s affected. She deserves to be. After a while I get distracted by movement at the door. I look up and see Michael and Glen peering through the small glass windows. They’re both trying to get Bow’s attention. I see her turn her head towards them and Glen holds up his phone and starts pointing at it.
Bow digs in her pocket and looks at her phone under her desk. I wonder what’s going on. Suddenly she whips around to look at me. The hurt and devastation on her face cuts me deep. Under her eyes are shadowed and her usual glow is gone. She springs up from her seat and speed walks to the door not giving anyone time to intercept. I see Michael glaring at me now as Bow reaches them. I don’t care what he does. He can’t hurt me anymore than I already have been. Too soon, they disappear out of sight. I wish I knew what’s happened. Obviously something has. I try to convince myself I don’t care and that it’s not my business anymore. It’s not working.
After class I head over to the stadium for warm ups to get ready for the game. I need to work out some of this angry energy, I can feel it eating me alive. In the locker room Colby and Tate run up to me.
“Hey, have you heard?”
“Heard what?”
“Apparently that supermodel, Bells Stratton, is at a college in a Southern State. She’s wearing a disguise and there’s a fifteen thousand dollar reward for whoever finds her and tells this entertainment channel the information so they can expose her. Fuck, I hope she goes here but I bet she’s in Alabama.” Tate says.
I can’t respond. This is what Michael and Glen must have been trying to tell Bow earlier. Then I remember the look she gave me. She thinks it me! She thinks I’ve tipped someone off. How can she think that of me? I take out my phone ready to set her straight but it won’t go through. I try again and again with no luck. I’ve been blocked. This is Glen’s work I’m sure. I can still hear Tate and Colby talking to me, I ignore them until I hear;
“You and Bow doing your own thing tonight or will you be coming to Oddball with us?” Colby asks.
“What? No, there’s a party after the game, like always.” It was time for my real life to resume.
“Yeah, we know but we’re gonna sneak away early. Me and Colby are crashing in the Winnebagos again. We’re going to help them all move back into the house tomorrow. It’s getting finished today. I swear the couch in that thing is twice as comfy as my bed at the frat house anyway. Speaking of which, you got to experience the real thing. How was it?” Tate wiggles his eyebrows.
“I didn’t get to experience anything. I didn’t end up staying.” They keep looking at me questioning why but not saying anything. I let out a long sigh. “Me and Bow had a fight, it’s over.” I slam my locker to enforce the finality of my point. They keep staring at me dumbfounded.
“You’re serious?” I nod. “You’re not even going to try to make it up?” I shake my head at their questions.
“I know I don’t know what’s gone on and you’re obviously not gonna say but I’d really think hard about this for a minute. You guys had something special.” Colby states.
I can’t listen to this anymore, they know nothing. Everything they think they perceive is false. I walk away from them and go out onto the field for warm ups.
***
We win the game. I played harder than I ever have previously, much to the delight of the coaches. I still feel tense and wired, the game didn’t knock it all out of me. Now I’m at the after party at the frat house and I find I’d rather be anywhere else. Just looking around at all these people makes me feel like bolting to my room, isolating myself from all the bullshit. I’m determined to stick it out though, prove to myself that nothing ha
s really changed.
Out of the corner of my eye I see Colby and Tate leaving. I rush over and grab Colby’s shoulder spinning him around.
“Where are you guys going?” They look at each other and then back to me.
Tate answers, “We told you earlier in the locker room.”
“I can’t believe this! You’re still going over there?” I can’t believe my best friends are leaving me here to go to Oddball.
“Whatever happened is between you and Bow. They’re still our friends and we made a promise. I’m not prepared to break that and base my friendships on whatever goes on with us individually.” Colby remarks.
I hang my head. I know they’re right. I also know if I told them the truth about what is going on that they’d side with Bow. Neither of them agreed that cutting my Dad out of my life was the right thing to do. They know better than to bring it up anymore. It pisses me off too much.
“Well, say hi to them all from me…. I don’t know, maybe I should go over there myself.” I need to clear the air with Bow about this entertainment news thing, she needs to know I didn’t rat her out.
Colby shakes his head. “I wouldn’t today, man. When I spoke to Michael after the game he said Bow was a mess, she was in to much of a state to come to the game. He sounded furious. They’re all really pissed at you. I’d let them calm down. They’re not going to let you anywhere near Bow right now.” They walk away shaking their heads, leaving me behind.
I know Colby’s right. To be honest I’m pissed with them too. They knew what was going on the whole time. They all played me on some level. They’ve helped Bow in her lies and I doubt any of them spoke up against her. I trudge up to my room and can’t help flicking through the pictures on my phone. Every smile and kiss recorded in this thing is like a dagger in my back. Why can’t I bring myself to delete them? My finger hovers over the button but just won’t press down.
Model Student Page 10