by K.N. Lee
Reluctantly I gave in to the inevitability of it. All I could do was try to focus on anything but the pain I was sure to endure once it reached me. I closed my eyes tightly and waited for the onslaught. Pain was nothing new to my body; years spent living in agony had to be worse than anything this thing could do to me, I could only hope it would be over quickly. Instead of pain, I felt my body moving, hovering, I wanted to know what was happening, but I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes.
Warmth healed the spots on my skin where its icy breath left me frostbitten. The feeling of hovering stopped, and my body was lowered onto a hard, flat surface. I kept my eyes closed and ignored the false relief. Clearly, this thing wanted my attention when it attacked. As soon as I relaxed or dropped my guard, pain would follow just as it had before. Maybe, if I could ignore it long enough, it would go away. It was a long shot, but it was worth a try.
There was a sound, familiar yet strange; it didn’t belong here in this empty hell. I tried to block it out. Surely, it was another trick, anything to get me to open my eyes, and bear witness to my own slaughter. I repeatedly told myself that it was a joke and not to open my eyes. The warmth intensified on my shoulders and then I felt that pull again, the one that matched the sound. It reached out to me, not to swallow me but to give me the reassurance of my safety. The sound was there again, this time the bond we had, forced me to open my mind and listen.
“Alexa, please wake up,” his voice was soothing yet urgent. “Open your eyes. We have to go!”
I did as he asked and opened my eyes. I was lying on the ground staring up at him and when I saw him, I removed the lock I had put on myself and let my senses bring me back to life. The warm breeze carried the scent of flowers replacing the stale stench that originated from whatever that thing was. The darkness was gone. Behind his head, I could see the sun. When I was able to see his face to know for sure that it wasn’t some terrible trick, I smiled at him and relaxed instantly.
He grabbed my hand and lifted me from the ground. His arms wrapped around me and embraced me tightly. His scent mingled with the flowers and created an aroma that made my heart race. I was happy to be there with him and never wanted to leave. It would have been perfect if he never let me go, but he did.
“We have to go.” This was all he said before he turned, making sure he had hold of my hand, and started to run. I followed him; no questions asked. We ran. I waited for my body to give out, but it never did. I held his hand tightly and continued to run.
My eyes opened again this time revealing my room. The cracks staring back at me provided me with confidence; I was safe now and I could feel it. My body lay there waiting for the dark void to return to take me, but it wouldn’t. I was safe, the nightmare was over which meant I was back in my old body, back to my old life. The dream had ended, and it was a nightmare, just as I thought it would be.
It was still dark outside. I hadn’t slept that long. I waited. I knew the pain would return now that the dream had concluded. In fact, I was sure of it. I watched the digits flicker on the clock, time passing, one hour, two, the sun rose and still I felt nothing. I couldn’t keep lying to myself. This was no dream, no illusion; Nana’s cure had worked!
17
I stretched my body, and smiled at the ease. No aftershocks, no more pain. I whispered a thank you to my grandmother and an apology to my mother. I was whole again. How could I not be happy? How could I not smile? It was all real, he was real!
I stood in the shower and let it rejuvenate my body. A shower had never felt so good. It was almost as if I was absorbing energy from the water as I thought of the blue liquid that healed my body. I stayed under the stream until the hot water was gone and the chill set in.
No cold shock was needed to shoot through my legs to wake me up, no solemn walk down the stairs looking at faces long lost to me. It was nice to stray from my usual morning routine. I could bypass the pills that waited to puncture my throat. Instead, I walked to the fridge and took out twice the amount of my normal helping of fruit. I finished it and my stomach growled wanting more. My appetite had increased as well. I guess healthy people were the ones who ate.
The house phone rang twice before I picked it up off the counter, juggling the bowl and a bottle of water in my free hand. I answered through a mouthful of fruit, and like déjà vu, I nearly choked when I heard the voice on the other end.
“Alexa?”
“Yeah,” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Lacal spoke to me, his voice low, as if he had just woken up.
“I…um…I’m fine. Why?” I took a quick swig of water while I waited for his response.
“After what happened yesterday I was worried that perhaps I did something wrong, something to offend you. I planned to stay away but last night I had a disturbing dream about you. I had to make sure you were okay.” He cleared his throat trying to erase the traces of sleep from his voice.
“A dream?” It had to be a coincidence, of course we were dreaming about each other after our encounter.
“Yes.” He sounded off, distracted.
“About?” Something told me I did not want to know but I asked the question anyway.
“Nothing really, it was weird, mildly upsetting,” he paused; his attempt to downplay his feelings was even more transparent than mine. “When I awoke, I had this nagging urge to make sure that you were not harmed.”
“Oh,” I decided not to tell him about my dream. I could have, and he would have believed it. He would have seen the similarities, the connection. I knew he would, but I was not sure if I believed it myself. I found myself questioning if there was some deeper connection between us, more than physical attraction, but stuff like psychic links and coinciding dreams, didn’t happen in real life.
“Would it be possible for me to see you today?” His question caught me off guard.
“Today?” Okay, I had to stop questioning everything he said. He might take it the wrong way; think that I was searching for an excuse not to see him.
“Yes. That is, only if you are not busy with something else. I’d like to be able to see you again.” there it was, he thought I was searching for an excuse not to see him.
His invitation was unexpected. After how I acted the night before, I was sure that he would disappear. After all, that is what he was known for, his vanishing act. However, he hadn’t vanished, he was right there on the other end of the phone, dreaming about me, and asking to see me again.
“Yes, that would be okay. There is nothing on my agenda that I’m aware of,” I tried not to sound too eager. Nevertheless, there was no way that I could say no. Besides, I wanted to know more about his dream. I would need to find a way to ease it into the conversation.
“Oh…good,” shocked by my response, he quickly continued. “What time should I pick you up?”
I looked at the clock, it was already 11:30, “Give me a couple of hours. I should be decent enough by then,” my attempt at a joke failed.
“Okay, I will give you a call when I'm close to you.” I could hear his smile, the way it wrapped around his words and couldn’t wait to see it in person again.
“Great.” Could he hear my smile in the same way?
Ending the call, his words echoed in my head, the idea of him coming to me, being close to me again, had my expectations rising. I had to do a better job of keeping my actions in check this time around. No more ripped shirts or destroyed jeans. I stood by the counter and chose not to question how he got my number. He never asked me for it, but of all the things that had happened in the last few days, this had to be the least suspicious. There were any number of ways for him to acquire a phone number and I was sure I knew the one that had worked for him.
I picked up the phone; there was only one person who could help me now, that person was most likely waiting for my call. I was looking for some reassurance and Jazz would be the perfect person for the job, unless it backfired and caused my countless
number of insecurities to continue to grow. To be honest, it could go either way.
“Hello?” She picked up after the first ring.
“Hey Jazz.” I sighed.
“What’s up Lex?” She sounded breathless, no doubt just finishing up her morning workout.
“He called,” no messing around, his name was unnecessary. There was only one person I could be talking about. Ignoring how pathetic that sounded.
“Really? What did he say?” She struggled for a moment to catch her breath.
“He asked if he could see me today. Are you okay? You sound like you’re going to pass out.”
“Yeah, working out, you know I have to battle the arrival of my mother’s hips,” she laughed. “So, what did you say?”
“I said yes.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her mom’s hips had already found her, I am sure she was aware.
“Good, I was afraid you would flake out, I almost called to give you the heads up.”
“You knew he was going to call!?” I tried to fake the sound of shock, but of course I wasn’t surprised. There was no way Jazz would pass up on getting an in with him. She probably made him trade his own digits for the information.
“Yeah, he called and asked me for your number this morning. To be honest, I was surprised you hadn’t given it to him yesterday. But there probably wasn’t any time for that, what with you molesting him and running away,” she laughed, and I could hear her gulping down what I assumed was either Gatorade or water.
“Well, I didn’t flake out. Of course, I’m not sure if I want to do this. He said he will be here in a couple hours to pick me up.”
“Why would you not be sure Alexa?” she sounded both amused and frustrated.
“You can’t be serious, clearly you haven’t forgotten about what took place yesterday, and you weren’t even there. How am I supposed to face him?” I thought about the shredded fabric that was still on my bathroom floor.
“No, I haven’t,” another snicker. “But, I’m telling you it was not a big deal to him. Maybe you shouldn’t be making it one for you.”
“Too late for that, and thanks for your support. I'm glad I can provide you with such comic relief,” I rolled my eyes and huffed.
“Oh, don’t be like that. Look, you seriously need to chill out. You said he will be there in a couple hours. Take that time to get yourself together. You know, try to relax. Pamper yourself a little. And please, please find something decent to wear.” She laughed, I smiled.
“Okay, now I feel insulted,” I didn’t, how could she expect me to care about my wardrobe when my first two days back to life had already been so full of drama? If I had on clothes, well that was a job well done as far as I was concerned.
“Well you should. Now, use that feeling to motivate you to fix the problem. I'm being serious now girl, it’s like all the years of fashion sense I gave you crawled up in a hole somewhere and died.” She gagged.
“Ouch,” I took a deep breath already regretting the question before it had made it pass my lips. “What do you suggest I wear?”
Jazz had my entire wardrobe catalogued in her head. It took her no time to give me a piece-by-piece map of what I should choose. She matched one of the new shirts she made me buy with some black Capri jeans she said gave my butt the right amount of perkiness. She also chose my shoes, a low wedge heeled sandal, subtle jewelry, and she also told me how to do my hair. All of which, I promised I would follow exactly as she instructed.
I took her directions, happy that I wouldn’t have to mull over the choices myself. It made getting ready a lot simpler. I would have to consider doing this daily. I approached it as a checklist, but forgot to take my time. Finishing up, I looked pretty good, but there was almost a full hour left on the clock.
Not wanting to risk having to endure another round of critiques from Jazz about my failing fashion sense, I decided to pass the time by doing my nails. I could remember the days when I would spend hours working on my hands. Filing, buffing and polishing as carefully as I could, it was a form of meditation. By the end, I would feel relaxed and centered, and have cute nails to show for it. The effect was the same as I prepped my paws and thought of him, I felt very Zen like.
As he said he would, Lacal called to give me a heads up that he was getting close to my house. I thanked him for the advanced warning. This would give me time to get all my things together and eliminate the chance of forgetting something important as I ran to the door. I heard his car pull up in front of the house. As agreed on the phone, I got ready to go out to the car, but as I reached the door, there was an unexpected knock. I opened it to find Lacal standing there.
“Oh… did you need something?” I took a step back.
“Um, no,” he looked nervous, almost guarded as he scanned the room behind me. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I'm fine. Why?” I turned and followed his eyes with my own. I had taken me a bit longer than expected to grab my things, but that gave no reason for him to be concerned. Hell, I am a girl, of course I had to triple check everything!
“So, you’re ready to go?” All trace of caution was gone. I smiled because it was a complete comfort to know that I wasn’t the only weird one in this relationship.
Relationship? This couldn’t actually be called a relationship at this point could it? It was still too soon to be searching for any definition of what was going on between us. I wouldn’t be the one to pump it up to being more than what it was. Like the desperate people who would change their relationship status on Facebook too soon, going from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’, only to be embarrassed when the other person never makes the switch.
“Yes, I’m ready. So where are we going today? You never mentioned, and I never asked.” I smiled again as I closed the door behind me.
18
“If it’s okay with you, I thought we could go to my place.” At this point, we were walking back to his car and his back was to me, but it sounded like he was nervous that I would decide that I didn’t want to go.
“You want to take me to your place?” I stopped by the car, this time waiting for him to open the door which made him smile.
“Yeah, it’s only fair. I know so much about you. Now it’s your turn to learn a bit about me.” He winked at me.
“You know so much about me? How?” We stood with the door between us, it was a good thing too because the smell of him was causing my brain to formulate irrational thoughts.
“Apart from the nonstop gossiping since your ‘rise from the dead’, as most people seem to be referring to it, you were pretty talkative yesterday,” another smile paired with a quick wink.
“Oh,” there wasn’t really any other way to respond. Jazz had been right about the gossip circulating about me. I had been off the grid for a while, but that wasn’t what mattered here. The gossiping wasn’t really about me. It was about Lacal and his unlikely attraction to me.
“Don’t be embarrassed.” He smiled, this time a bit softer, more careful.
“I’m not. I guess I hadn’t realized that I was such a hot topic. Though, I shouldn’t be all that surprised considering the recent events.”
“I would say you should be more flattered than anything,” he leaned over the door lowering his face to mine. I inhaled him, and my head felt light.
“Flattered? Why would I be flattered by gossip?” My voice threatened to give out, but I kept myself steady.
“It’s not only gossip, there happens to be a lot of jealousy in there as well.” He took a deep breath, inhaling my own scent and smiling.
“Jealousy? Who would possibly be jealous of me?” Besides the hordes of girls that were pining for Lacal, I couldn’t think of anything that would possibly inspire any level of envy.
“You would be surprised.”
He motioned for me to get in. I did, this time with more confidence. Though it took a bit of concentration not to be overwhelmed by the memory of what took place the last time I was in his car. He got in and
started to drive without looking at me. I wasn’t the only one who felt embarrassed. I tried to run through the reasons why I shouldn’t go, all the warnings they dish out to us good girls about the bad boys of the world. None of them seemed enough to do the trick, to convince me to dispute his choice of destination. I smiled as I hopped in the car and giggled when I heard his sigh of relief.
“So how long have you lived in Chicago?” The car cruised down the street away from my house.
“About a year, though technically I don’t live in Chicago.”
“Technically, where do you live?”
“Wheeling.”
“Oh. Far.” I knew the place well; when I was younger, I would often go for drives out to that area with my father for his job. I loved the days he would let me tag along and meet his clients, though I had no idea what he did. Whenever I would ask, he would give me a long, complicated, answer filled with big words that explained nothing. Like many other things, I eventually stopped questioning it.
“If it’s too far, I could turn back,” he slowed the car, so he would be able to turn around if I wanted him to, I didn’t.
“No, no, it’s not too far, just unexpected. You know, word is you’re around Chicago a lot,” I remembered Jazz’s statement about him showing up and searching most of her parties. I wondered if he had been searching for me, but quickly tossed the thought aside. “It just seems a long way to go, especially, when you don’t know too many people.”
“What makes you think I don’t know many people here?” He smiled as he stepped on the gas.
“Well as far as Jazz’s hounds have reported, you are a loner. You pop in and out of places without so much as a ‘hi’ to anyone.”
“That would make me look like a loner, I suppose.”
“Do you mean to say that you’re not?” I tilted my face to get a better view of his; it looked like I was making him uncomfortable.
“Not exactly...” he trailed off.
“And that means?” I nudged him to continue.