by Kennedy Fox
“I think it’ll help you a lot,” Lennon says. “Being pregnant with Allie really helped me cope, knowing a piece of Brandon would be left in the world, but I probably should’ve gone at some point to work out my emotions.”
“I feel really good about it already. I need to learn some tactics too so I’m not so damn trusting. I know it’s not the worst quality to have, but it’s come back to bite me in the ass twice now.” I shrug, trying to make light of the situation. “Oh, Mom and Dad told me to yell at both of you for not calling enough,” I add, changing the subject because I’m mentally drained from talking about me.
“They FaceTime me every day!” Lennon defends. “All they want to do is talk to Allie anyway.”
“I called them two weeks ago,” Maddie adds. “There’s literally nothing happening in my life besides having no job, no boyfriend, and going to class.”
“Oh, you poor thing,” I tease. “No drama. What that must be like…”
“Pfft. There’s plenty of drama with dancers. My roommate, Erin, and her frenemy Melanie have it out weekly. It’s like a mix of Keeping up with the Kardashians and Mob Wives.”
I snort at her analogy. “Sounds a little dangerous.”
Maddie walks to the kitchen and helps herself to a diet soda before she returns. “How come no one told me college is basically high school with older snotty bitches?” She has a bag of pretzels with her too, which makes me laugh. She got lucky in the genetics department, but she works out every day. Eating a handful of those would cause me to bloat for two days.
“Well, we just wanted you to go in blind and experience college wholeheartedly,” Lennon mocks, stealing a handful of pretzels.
“Yeah, thanks.” Maddie groans, then shoves three salty pretzel sticks in her mouth. “Seriously, it’s so stressful living in those apartments with them. First, they eat all my damn snacks…”
“Wouldn’t know what that’s like.” I deadpan, and she returns with a side-glare.
“And then they hog the bathroom. I constantly have to take five-minute showers so I’m not late for class. Apparently, none of them know how to clean either. They’re gross.”
“Grosser than living with two guys?” I arch a brow, challenging her.
“Actually, I think so. At least your man cooks, and the other, well…he’s just nice to look at,” she says with dreamy eyes.
“You have two years left, Mads,” Lennon reminds her. “It can’t be that bad.”
Maddie turns her head and narrows her eyes. Then she stuffs another handful of pretzels into her mouth.
An hour passes before Lennon gets a text that Allie is asleep and Hunter is in their bed waiting for her. “Please, spare us the details.” Maddie mimics a gagging noise. “We all know your pregnancy hormones make you horny.”
“Hornier…” I add.
“Oh, you just wait…” Lennon pokes her shoulder. “You’ll find a man, give your heart to him, and you won’t be able to get enough of each other.”
Maddie rolls her eyes hard, which causes me to laugh. They were just what I needed to lift my spirits for a bit.
“Okay, you better leave before Lennon starts teaching you about the birds and the bees,” I tell Maddie.
I walk them to the door where we exchange hugs, and I promise to keep them updated on my therapy sessions.
“Race you to the car,” Maddie taunts Lennon, then starts running in slow motion down the walkway. “Bet I can still win going this slow.”
I burst out laughing, knowing Lennon is going to kick her ass for teasing her. She’s not that far along, but she’s definitely more exhausted than she was with the last pregnancy. However, that’s probably from having a nine-month-old baby at home to care for at the same time.
“Good luck at work tomorrow,” I tell her. She goes back to teaching now that it’s the middle of August, and I know she’s been struggling with having to be away from Allie all day again.
“Thanks, I’m gonna need it.” She sticks out her bottom lip, weeping. “I don’t want to leave her, and my students are going to give me a run for my money, but it’ll be okay. The countdown to my maternity leave has already started.”
That makes me smile and laugh. “Baby will be here before we know it.” I wink.
“She’s rounding second base…” Maddie calls out. “Think she’ll make it to home base before the pregnant mama can waddle her way to first?”
We look at Maddie who’s running toward the car in slow motion. “I’m gonna make her ass walk home.” Lennon waves over her shoulder, and when she reaches the car, she doesn’t unlock Maddie’s side.
“Hey! I won fair and square! Let me in!” Maddie bangs on the window, and I see Lennon laughing from the driver’s side.
“You made your bed!” I call out to her, and she flips me the bird. “Night, little sis!” I wave, then shut and lock the door.
“You girls have fun?” I spin around and bump right into Mason.
“You scared the shit out of me!” I scold, pressing a hand to my chest as I catch my breath. “Don’t do that.”
Mason raises his hands. “Sorry, I thought you heard me.”
“No, I was too busy watching my sisters taunt each other.” I follow him into the living room but don’t sit down. “And yeah, it was fun.” I smile. “I think I’m gonna go to bed, though.”
“Are you staying home from work still?” he asks, his eyes so caring and filled with concerned.
“Yeah, I think I will be for a while. It just isn’t in me right now,” I admit, though it pains me to say. Playing the violin has always come so natural to me, but lately, it’s been hard. I used to crave it. Practicing would breathe life into me as I hit the notes and made music, but not anymore.
“Take as long as you need, Soph. There’s no rush,” he reassures me. “I’m sure your director understands.”
I nod. “He does. Thankfully.”
Mason wraps his arms around me and cradles my head as he hugs me to his chest. I inhale his musky scent, the one I miss so damn much, and lose myself in it for a moment. Before putting space between us, he kisses my forehead, but his lips linger before he releases me.
“Sweet dreams, baby.” He shoves his hands into his pockets and turns around. I know he’s fighting the urge to touch me, and it makes me feel like shit for putting this space between us. But it’s what I need to do until I find myself again.
“Mason, wait.” I take a step, and he spins to face me. “Can I ask you a weird question?”
“Uh, sure.” The corner of his lips tips up. “You can ask me anything.”
Inhaling a deep breath, I flash a nervous smile. “Can I have your shirt?”
One brow arches as he stares at me. “My shirt?”
“Yeah.” I nod and swallow tightly. “I took one with me to Utah, and well, the smell is kinda fading. So can I have the one you’re wearing? It helps me sleep.” I shrug, embarrassed to admit that.
Mason smiles and pulls his shirt off, then hands it to me. “You can have any shirt you want, sweetheart.”
I hold it in my hands against my chest. With Mason’s abs on full display, it’s hard to look away. “Thank you.” I suck in the smell, grinning. “I’m sorry for—”
He cuts me off before I can continue. “Don’t be, Soph. You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? I’m here,” he reminds me, cupping my face and rubbing a thumb along my cheek, so soft and sweet. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Nodding, I flash him a weak smile before turning and walking to my room. It’s not until I shut my door that I catch him watching me. He gives me a wink before turning to go upstairs to his bedroom. As soon as I shut my door, I sink to the floor, tears covering my cheeks as I bury my face in his shirt.
I hate that I can’t fight this; this feeling of being so damn weak and ignorant. I want to lean on him, but I can’t always depend on someone else to lift me up. I allowed a terrible man into our lives, and Mason may forgive me for it, but I can’t forgive myself.
&n
bsp; Not this time.
Chapter Nine
Mason
Trying to give Sophie the space she needs while showing her that I’m here for her no matter what is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I want to tell her every day how much I love her, how much I want us to be together, and that we can get through this. We can get through anything. I want to shower her with kisses and hold her while she falls asleep.
But I can’t do any of those things while she works on herself, and I’m determined to respect that. But fuck me if it isn’t a struggle.
It’s been four days since she’s been home and not hearing her play her violin has been a hard reality to swallow. When I spoke about it to Hunter, he said Lennon went through something similar after Brandon died. She used to sing in the shower daily, and then she just stopped. For months. It broke his heart, and it’s breaking mine to see Sophie’s pain written all over her gorgeous face.
She goes to her first therapy session this afternoon, and I hope it can help her move forward. I know my words of encouragement can only help so much, and it’s not enough, but the selfish part of me wished it was.
“Morning,” I say when she walks into the kitchen. Sophie’s hair is a wild mess on top of her head, but it looks cute as hell. For the past few days, she’s met me out here for breakfast before I have to leave for work. Though I want to stay home with her all day, I know that won’t help things. “How’d you sleep?” I ask with a hint of amusement in my tone when she brushes a hand over her bun.
Sophie rubs her eyes and yawns. “Not great, actually.” When she doesn’t continue, I don’t push for more even though I want to. If she wanted me to know, she’d tell me.
“Sorry,” I say, keeping my feet planted as I lean against the counter. “Want some coffee?”
“Yes. Thanks.” I grab the coffee pot carafe and pour it into the mug before handing it to her. She takes it, then finds a seat at the counter. There’s never been awkward silence between us, but lately, there have been moments of not knowing what to say or how to act. I want to scoop her up into my arms and kiss her until our lips go numb. I get a little hope knowing she’s sleeping with my T-shirt, and without her asking, I gave her another one last night before she went to bed.
“Happy your appointment is today?” I ask as I dig into the fridge. I don’t need anything, but I need to keep my hands busy. I end up pulling out lunch meat and decide to make a sandwich for work. Someone will eat it if I don’t.
“Yes and no,” she says, again not adding more. “Just a heads-up, I’m meeting my sisters for dinner afterward. So I’ll be home a little later.”
“Okay,” I say. The tension between us is so damn thick I could cut it with a knife. She doesn’t want to talk to me, and I don’t know what to say to her. We yo-yo between things being okay to things feeling like they’ll never go back to normal again—never get back to what we once had—and that scares the living shit out of me.
“Well, I gotta head into work. Text me if you want, okay?” I tell her, leaning in and kissing her cheek. I’ve told her that for the past two days, and she hasn’t yet, but I won’t give up hope that she will eventually.
“Okay. Have a good day,” she tells me.
She’s all that’s on my mind while I work my bitch shift. Sophie always is, but today especially, knowing she’s seeing her therapist. I want things to go well for her so she can start sorting her emotions and possibly open up about it. Part of me understands the guilt she’s feeling, and I know where she’s coming from. I just hate that she won’t let me in so I can help her through it all.
I end up leaving work at a decent time, but when I see Serena’s car in the driveway, I wish I’d stayed later. She was over a lot while Sophie was gone, and I know she’s checking up on me, but she doesn’t need to.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of your company again?” I taunt the moment I walk into the living room. She has her feet propped up on the coffee table as she pages through a magazine. “Make yourself at home.” I snort.
Serena drops the magazine with a glare. “Don’t forget who bought this coffee table.”
“Don’t forget who hauled its heavy ass in here,” I retort.
“If memory serves me right, Liam did most of the lifting.” She smirks.
I toss my wallet, keys, and phone on the table before taking a seat next to her. “Memory serves you wrong.”
Serena laughs, patting my knee. “How ya holding up?”
I narrow my eyes at her, searching her face. “You don’t have to check on me,” I tell her. “Don’t you have law stuff to do? Cases to solve? Put the bad guys away?”
“Things are a little slow right now,” she admits, shrugging. “And because law school sucked me dry and my boss worked me to the bone, I have no friends, no social life, and no boyfriend.”
“So what you’re saying is, I was your first choice to hang out with?” I snicker.
“My only choice.” She cackles. “I’m pathetic, I know.” Groaning, she throws her head back against the couch and releases a slow breath.
“Nah. You just put your career in front of sorority parties and one-night stands.” I push myself up and walk toward the kitchen. “Speaking of which, you want a beer?”
“Sure. Make it a double.”
“Let’s start with one.”
I return with our drinks, then kick my feet up. “So tell me the real reason you’re here.”
“I was worried about you. After the bomb about Dalton, I wasn’t sure how you’d take it. Have you spoken to your father since then?” she asks.
“Nope. Don’t plan to either.” I take a long swig of my beer.
“I know this is going to sound weird coming from me, but he really does love you. He might not show it properly, but he’s proud of you.”
My face whips around as if she’d just slapped me across the cheek. “Did he pay you to say that?”
“Oh my God, shut up!” She playfully punches my shoulder. “It’s true. He really is proud of you.”
I glare at her, not wanting to have this argument. “Is that the only reason you came over? If so, there’s the door,” I tell her, jerking my head.
“Don’t you dare be rude to me, Mason Holt,” she says, but she’s smiling. We’ve always had a sibling type of friendship, and we grew even closer over the years. I know she misses her sister, though she rarely talks about her, but I don’t either. The memories are too painful.
“Fine, if you don’t want to talk about him, then tell me how Sophie’s doing.”
I groan, not sure if I want to discuss that with her either.
“Oh, come on. You can tell me.” She nudges me with her elbow. “She okay?”
“I’m worried about her. Some of her behavior is similar to the way I acted after Emma’s death, and it scares me,” I tell her truthfully. “The pulling away, not doing things that once made her happy, blaming herself. She’s put all this burden on her shoulders, and she’s going to sink if she doesn’t learn how to let some of it go.”
“She’s pushing you away?” she asks as if she already knows the answer.
“Yeah.” I frown, then take another drink. “Wants us to take things slow. Like sloth speed.”
“She broke up with you?”
“Not exactly, but my heart feels ripped out of my chest, nevertheless. We’re in limbo, basically. Not not together, but keeping distance.”
Serena gives me a sad look, which I hate. “She’ll come back to you,” she says with so much certainty it actually gives me hope.
“Fuck,” I mutter, brushing a frustrated hand through my hair. “I need her more than I want to admit, and losing her would kill me. I’m afraid too much space will bring us right back into a friendship-only zone.”
“Didn’t she wait like…three years for you?” she taunts, and I roll my eyes in response. “Yeah, Liam told me all about it.”
“Of course he did.” I grunt.
“Well, you needed that time, didn’t you? You
were still punishing yourself over Emma and knew you weren’t in the right headspace to be with anyone. Once you got your head out of your ass, you found someone who wanted you for you. So give her time. I doubt it’ll take three years, but show her she’s worth the wait.”
“Trust me, I’m trying. I have to actively remind myself not to touch her when it’s all I want to do to prove I’m here for her. I make breakfast, and we eat across from each other, not really talking, but just being together. We’re on, then we’re off, and it’s making my head spin.”
“And it might have to be like that for a while. If she really loves you like she says, she’s struggling with it too.”
I nod but don’t respond. I know Serena’s right, but talking about this makes my chest ache.
“Okay, well enough about me. Tell me about the last guy you hooked up with?”
“Mason!” She swats at me. “You don’t just ask a woman that.”
“What? I thought that’s what we were doing here. Having a girly gossip session,” I taunt, smirking.
“It’s a wonder we’re friends at all,” she says, groaning.
Liam comes rolling in moments later with two large pizzas and a six-pack of beer. “Didn’t know you’d be here, or I would’ve brought more.”
Laughing, I watch as Serena smacks him over the head before stealing one of his beers. “Funny. Those pizzas both for you?” she asks as he sets them down in front of us.
“It’s my cheat day,” he says, proudly hitting his stomach.
“And what were the past four years?” she taunts.
“Don’t worry, Mom. I exercise plenty.” He grabs a slice, then shoves it into his mouth.
“Oh yeah? What are their names? Can you even remember?” Serena asks, taking a piece and lounging back on the couch.
“Does it matter if I’m never going to see them again? Britney, Sarah, Kelly. Pick one. I’ve probably hooked up with them.” Liam shrugs, takes his beer, then plops down in the recliner.
“You’re such a pig.” Serena groans.
“Oink, oink,” Liam mocks around a mouthful of food.