by Maisey Yates
“What’s the point?”
“No more point, I guess, than mourning anything.”
None of his tears, his curses or his anger had brought the horses back from where his dad had sold them off to.
And horses weren’t even people. There wasn’t reason to cry for them.
The event had changed the landscape of his life. His goals. Him.
He hadn’t had work to do on the ranch anymore, but he hadn’t worked any harder in school. He’d gotten involved with Trisha and discovered sex, and he’d been happy to take that as a distraction for a while.
It had given him a chance to really see what was happening in his parents’ marriage.
And at that point Hank was the villain in his world. Simple as that.
Once his mom had been sure she’d seen it his way, she’d leaned on him. Confided in him.
Every dark family secret, and Gabe had set out to shoulder them.
It had all come to a head after Trisha’s pregnancy scare. Gabe’s whole life had felt fractured. His view of himself.
And his mom had given him one last Hank Dalton secret.
Gabe had felt like he was staring into his own future. So when his mom had suggested he get out of town and get revenge on his dad, all at the same time...
He’d taken it.
“Thanks for the toast either way,” Jamie said. “And the orgasms. Those were pretty good, too.”
He could see her starting to gather her brave Jamie face. Trying to get into that space where she forced everything to shed off her, like a particularly aggressive duck bound and determined to get that water to roll off her back, dammit.
Even when it was determined to try to soak in.
He wondered if Jamie had ever let someone take care of her.
“Thank you for the orgasm,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Are you going to keep me here all night?” she asked. There was nothing suggestive in her tone; he had a feeling it was related to the fact that he had ordered her back to bed only a few minutes ago.
Still, his body began to stir.
Great, you asshole. So great to get wood over a woman who just cried in your arms. Maybe give her a break.
“Whatever makes you feel better.”
She let out a shuddering breath. “I think I should go home.”
“Okay. You sure you’re okay?”
“I...” She popped the last bite of toast into her mouth and chewed over the top of what would’ve been her next words, likely giving herself a chance to pick some new ones. “It was more intense than I expected it to be,” she said after she swallowed. “It was like... You know, when you finish riding a bronco. After that eight seconds is up. You can’t control the shaking. Doesn’t mean you’re scared. Doesn’t mean you won’t do it again. It just...”
“Physical,” he said.
“Yeah,” she responded. “It’s a physical thing.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll see you Monday for work, I guess,” she said, lifting the hot chocolate up and draining that quickly.
Obviously, Jamie was done. A little bit of a carb injection and some sugar, and she was ready to scurry off into the night.
“Okay.”
“My brothers can’t know this happened.”
“Yeah, funnily enough, I was not going to call them up and let them know.”
“Okay.”
“Jamie...” He didn’t quite know what to say.
She nodded as if she knew what he’d intended to voice. Which was funny, because he didn’t even know.
“See you Monday,” she said.
He nodded. “See you Monday.”
Jamie collected her clothes and dressed quickly, and Gabe sat up in bed until he heard the front door slam behind her, until he heard her truck engine start. Then he stood up, pushing his hands through his hair.
He wasn’t totally sure what had just happened between them.
The sex had been extraordinary.
What had happened after had knocked him for a loop.
He knew what to do with a woman physically.
Hot chocolate and toast was the best he had emotionally.
Family was one thing. You were bonded by blood with family. This was different. To feel an obligation to someone just because they’d gotten naked.
Though maybe that was a sign he wasn’t as broken as he’d worried he might be.
That meant it was time for him to figure some things out.
There was no excuse for a man to take himself to a place he didn’t want to be, when he had the power to stop it.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
WHEN JAMIE EMERGED the next morning for breakfast with her family in the mess hall ahead of her Saturday trail rides, she felt sore, gritty-eyed and extraordinarily tender somewhere down deep in her chest.
Apparently, there were other side effects to sex beyond the major ones that were typically advertised.
Yes, she understood pregnancy and STDs were the big ones that people went on about, but she thought somebody might have mentioned this. That you might feel like there was crushed glass embedded somewhere deep inside you that you couldn’t get to. That when you breathed, it hurt a little bit.
That you might feel like you’d traded part of yourself when you took another person inside your body.
She shivered beneath the pale morning sunlight as she crunched across the gravel-laden driveway toward the rustic building where they took their breakfast.
The Dodge family ate hours before the guests typically did, getting together to establish a game plan for the day.
It had been a little while since Jamie had taken guests out on a ride, with Kaylee and Dallas taking turns with her now.
She was eager for this morning. Because it would feel a lot like her old life.
Like before changing.
Before last night.
Before the past few months.
She sucked in a deep breath, before pushing the door open, and when she walked in all the hope that she’d just been imbued with drained out of her system. Because her family was sitting there, just like they often did on such mornings. Dallas, Bennett and Kaylee. Lindy and Wyatt, even, since this was one of the mornings when Wyatt didn’t cook her bacon. Grant and McKenna.
And Jamie didn’t feel like she had yesterday morning. She still felt different. Still felt changed.
She hated it.
“Good morning,” Jamie said.
She was greeted by a chorus of good-mornings, and a slightly slower good-morning from McKenna.
Jamie shot her friend a look, and felt like McKenna could see straight through her. Jamie looked away, choosing instead to focus on Wyatt.
“Good to have you with us this morning,” he said.
“Yeah, good to be here.”
“You know, since we missed dinner the other night.”
She had a feeling this was as close as she was going to get to an apology from her older brother.
“Yeah,” she said.
She really hadn’t appreciated how horrible this might be. She had been such an idiot last night. And she had done her best not to think about it too much this morning when she woke up. She’d been so exhausted when she’d gone home that she’d fallen into bed, curled up into a ball and forced her mind into a blank. Tried to ignore the fact that her body was still pulsing, that her skin was still burning from all the places that Gabe Dalton had touched. And, since that was pretty much everywhere, it meant her whole body felt like it was on fire.
And now, for some reason, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. The fact that she had...
She had cried.
She’d had sex with Gabe, and then she had cried like a baby. It was the most horrific, awful thing she could even think of. And yet it was
her life. It was what she’d done.
And she had no one she could confess that to.
It would require having so many other conversations she didn’t want to have. Thankfully, everybody finished breakfast pretty quickly. On Saturday mornings there wasn’t much time to dawdle. It was high season, and weekends were always packed out at the ranch these days. Jamie had a ride starting soon, so they could beat the heat. But when everybody dispersed, Wyatt held back.
“Is something going on?” he asked.
“Why do you...? Why do you think that?” she asked.
“You’ve been moody.”
“I’m not moody,” she said, realizing that her protest sounded a bit moody indeed.
“Look, I’m sorry about the other night. I told Lindy what happened, and she said that I was being a dick. I didn’t realize that you wanted to hang out.”
“Oh. I didn’t really. It was fine.”
“No,” he said. “That’s what I thought. I thought you were being a brat, and throwing a fit about dinner. But that wasn’t it, was it?”
“Look, Wyatt, it’s not a big deal.”
“I know things have changed a lot around here,” he said. “I know that with Dad leaving, and Lindy and I getting married...”
“I’m happy for Dad. Freda is great. She’s been awesome for him. Even though they’re in New Mexico and we don’t see them very often, it matters to me that he’s happy. I’m happy for you. I’m happy for Bennett. I’m happy for Grant.”
“Jamie, I’m not saying you aren’t happy for us. But it’s changed things. And it’s easy for me to get so wrapped up in being married...”
“You should be. At least, I think maybe you should be. Wyatt, we didn’t grow up with married people. How would we know? We just had what we had. I am happy for you. And you don’t need to placate me.”
“I don’t want to placate you. But sometimes... Sometimes, Jamie, I think you’re bulletproof. At the same time, sometimes I’m so aware that you’re my younger sister. Twelve years younger. That’s a lot of years.”
She wondered exactly how much older than her Gabe was, and what Wyatt would think of all that.
She decided she didn’t want to know the answer to either question.
“I think that’s why sometimes things can be difficult between us. Because I think I overprotect you sometimes when I shouldn’t, and don’t protect you at all when I should. The other night is a good example of that. I can’t be acting like you can’t go out and handle a job with Gabe Dalton, and then ignore the fact that you’re obviously feeling a little bit lonely.”
“I’m not lonely,” she said, drawing back, feeling snappish and exposed, mostly because she felt raw, anyway, and to have Wyatt get up in her face about her feelings right now was truly the last thing she wanted.
“Well, whatever it is,” he said, “I’m sorry for the part I played in it. I’m going to try to... I’m going to try to figure all this out.”
“You never had to be a parent to me, Wyatt.”
“Sometimes it felt like I did. Dad was pretty checked out for a lot of that time. And I have my own issues with him. God knows I love him, but you know we didn’t have an easy relationship and...”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Quinn Dodge is a man made out of granite. I think losing Mom cracked somewhere deep. And I think he felt like he had to be harder to keep himself together, to keep us together. But I’m learning that it doesn’t have to be that way. Lindy... Loving her has changed things for me. Dad raised us Dodges tough. But I’ve learned that being strong doesn’t mean not having feelings. Hell, I think it’s a strong damn thing to let yourself have those when you’ve been hurt so badly. Look at Grant. He’s not weaker now that he has McKenna, is he?”
“Yeah, I know.” She sighed. “Okay,” she began, her throat tightening up. What was it with her? Why was she being such a ridiculous...girl? “I was upset. I wanted to spend time with you, but it isn’t because you haven’t paid attention to me, or because you made it so I’m lonely. The problem is just that things are different. And I clung to making Get Out of Dodge my foundation for an awfully long time. I felt safe here. It’s my home. It built me. You built me, Wyatt. And all those changes you mentioned... It’s shifted the foundation. And I’m working at the Dalton ranch... And...” She gritted her teeth. “I’m gonna leave.”
Wyatt looked shocked. “You’re what?”
“I’m going to leave. I’ve taken steps outside here a few different times. When I worked in town. But not...not seriously. I need to do this, because you can’t be responsible for me for my whole life. You can’t drop everything and eat nachos with me because I’m feeling unsettled.”
“The hell I can’t,” Wyatt said. “I can do that if I damn well please. If you need me, Jamie, I’m going to drop everything to help you out.”
“That’s nice. But we both know it isn’t true. You’re going to have babies with her, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” Wyatt said, his voice rough. “Yeah.”
“And Grant and McKenna will. And I’m going to be so happy to be everybody’s favorite aunt. But things are just going to keep changing, and everyone is going to have their own life. And I can’t make myself your responsibility. It’s not fair.”
“Jamie, I don’t see you as a responsibility. You’re my sister. And I love you.”
But she was the reason that Wyatt had to be tough. She was the reason that her dad was cracked around the center. And no matter how much her rational mind told her that a woman dying in childbirth wasn’t the baby’s fault, she felt it.
She felt it in her soul.
And standing in front of Wyatt when he said things like that just drove it on home.
“Wyatt, I love you,” she said. “But you know I need to find something else for me, too.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Barrel race.” She barely suppressed a smile.
“Wow. You know, it’s hilarious that I was worried about you working with Gabe Dalton. And now you’re going to go right in the rodeo around all those pricks.”
“Yeah,” she said, her stomach turning. The color flooded into her cheeks when he said Gabe’s name. But she knew it was there. She felt hot. Unsettled.
“I’m sorry,” Wyatt said. “For everything.”
“No. Thank you,” she said. “For everything. I think that’s a lot better.”
“I don’t know about that.” Wyatt drew her in for a gruff hug and kissed her on the forehead. She pulled back, wrinkling her nose and rubbing out the spot.
Wyatt shook his head. “All right, get on your trail ride.”
Jamie did, and she enjoyed her group. A family of four who had come from Portland, a couple who was on their first weekend away together, and three friends having a girls’ weekend. They were chatty, and the kids were fun, and Jamie enjoyed their squeals of delight and exclamations of awe as they traversed the terrain, heading up to the top of the mountain where they could enjoy the magnificent views.
But it gave her too much time to think.
They all kind of chatted softly among themselves, listening intently when Jamie would point out an area of interest, but not asking further questions of her.
And so she was stuck replaying memories of last night in her head.
She had been so focused on the humiliation of crying that she had lost a bit of what had transpired.
The heat. The insane, glorious heat that had fired up between them.
She shifted, feeling embarrassed to be dealing with an intense tingling between her thighs while she was in front of people.
But the very thought of him was intoxicating.
And she had to wait till Monday to see him again.
She nearly groaned. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to see him again. Well, she would see him again, so it was kin
d of a moot point. She made it through her three groups without going completely insane. Thankfully, group number three had an incessant talker. One who wanted to make pronouncements to the entire crowd, and not just to their companion. Ordinarily, she found those people a little bit irritating, but considering she wanted a vacation from her brain, the mind-numbing commentary from the man helped.
She finished up with her duties and headed back to her house, and when she got there, she stopped.
There was a truck in her driveway. A familiar truck.
She pulled up to the side of it, looking through the driver-side window to where Gabe was sitting. Her heart lurched, jolting into her throat, rattling her entire body.
“What are you doing here?” she said before she realized he probably couldn’t hear her through her glass and his.
She turned the engine off and got out of her truck. Gabe did the same.
“What are you doing here?” she asked again.
“I figured I’d better check on you.”
“You couldn’t have called?”
“I actually did. You didn’t answer.”
Jamie reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. Well. She had a missed call.
“I didn’t feel like I should leave things the way that we did last night.”
“Well...come in.”
Jamie edged into the center of the room, feeling for the first time ever like her cabin might be too small. Certainly too small to sustain this man’s presence.
Jamie had always loved her little house. It was homey, and different from the cabins that the guests stayed in at the ranch. The kitchen area was small, with the woodstove for cooking—which Jamie never used—and a lovely, solid oak pantry at the back of the room lined with jars that contained nothing, but were lovely to look at all the same.
There was a small living room area with a love seat and chair that Jamie had claimed from the main house when her father had left and Wyatt had brought in his own furniture, that was less than twenty years old.
The only new thing in the whole house was the large rug she had put underneath the coffee table. It covered the scarred, pitted wood floor. A dark red with green stripes, and pine trees and black bears in a pattern.