by J. C. Burke
‘Oh?’ Dana stops, as though realising for the first time Evie is there.
‘’Scuse,’ Evie mutters as she stumbles to the toilet. Her palm is sweaty and slippery as it fights with the door handle. Finally it opens, and she falls into the cubicle and vomits.
Seb is waiting for her outside the toilet door. He holds his bag, and hers is slung over his shoulder.
Evie peers around the door.
‘It’s safe,’ he says.
She steps out, rubbing her hands along the sides of her skirt.
‘What happened?’ he asks.
‘I’m not sure.’
‘Did you spew?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Were you feeling sick?’
‘No. It just kind of came from nowhere.’ Evie shakes her head. ‘I don’t understand. God, how embarrassing.’
‘Don’t worry, Evie. She probably thought you had that bulimia thing.’
‘You were right, Seb. She’s hard all right. There’s just something about her that’s … I felt all – dirty – around her. Let's get out of here.’
Evie reaches out to her bag on his shoulder.
‘Don’t worry,’ he grins. ‘I’ll be your sherpa.’
‘Seb?’ she whispers.
‘Yeah?’
‘Have you …?’
He sighs and pats his top pocket. ‘Chill, Evie. No one’s seen it. Not even me.’
Jammed in the bus with the workers homeward bound on a Friday evening, Seb leans against the pole and unfolds the messages. Watching his face, Evie waits for a flicker of recognition, but there is none.
‘Whoa, you’re right. They beat the ones in the paper. They’re cryptic, that’s for sure,’ he says to her. ‘But you know me; I love a good puzzle.’
‘They all have to be connected,’ Evie says. ‘Otherwise it doesn’t make sense.’
‘Well, you’d think so.’ Again, Seb scans the paper. ‘Cryptic, puzzle, anagram.’ Seb shakes his head. ‘I’ll pull them apart over the weekend. I’ll put … oh shit, I forgot we’re playing at Anton’s cousin’s eighteenth.’
‘Oh, your first gig, Seb!’
‘We’re doing it for free. Anton reckons they’ll be good guinea pigs.’
‘Still, aren’t you excited? It’s pretty cool.’
‘Kinda,’ he shrugs. ‘But we’re meant to practise all day tomorrow, then play at the party that night. And Sunday I got to go to this other music thing with my class. I’ll have a good go at the messages tonight. I’m just worried that …’
‘That what?’
‘Well, if every word’s an anagram, it’s going to take me forever!’
‘The last message isn’t,’ Evie tells him.
‘Yeah, that’s ’cause that’s the only one that makes sense. But nails, asleep, scratches – they could mean anything.’
‘Like?’
‘Like nails could be slain. Just the word spelt backwards. Asleep could be, please. But that doesn’t mean anything, either. And scratches? Well, ch … no, th … no …?’
Evie interrupts his sounds. ‘She obviously thinks you can do it, Seb, or she wouldn’t have asked for your help.’
It’s three blocks till Evie’s stop. ‘You will try, won’t you, Seb?’ Again she feels the panic tingling in her toes. ‘You will have a good look at them?’
‘What do you reckon?’ he says, frowning at her. ‘Of course I will.’
Evie attempts a smile.
‘We made a deal, remember? But you’ve got to do one thing … no, two things for me.’
‘Okay.’
‘Trust me and chill.’
‘Okay.’ She even manages a little chuckle. ‘Thanks, Seb. Thanks.’
Evie pushes her way down the aisle, thinking of that day in the park. The day Seb and she made their deal. The day she knew she could trust Seb, always.
A dusk sky sheds its gentle light on Evie’s path, as she walks along the streets to home. Every now and then her mind wanders to Alex but instead she sees the face of Dana and hears her whining voice. About now, Alex would be getting ready for her night with Zac.
Evie thinks about the excitement in Alex’s eyes and voice as the bell rings for the end of the school day, and how she rattles off the list of things she’d done in preparation – ‘legs, underarms, eyebrows, bikini waxed. Top lip bleached. Body exfoliated then lashings of cocoa butter on top. Spray-on tan, a new lip gloss and … and –’ That’s when Alex began to giggle. She can’t stop. ‘And … and some extra-large condoms!’
Poppy is killing herself. Evie tries to laugh too, but Alex’s eyes are telling her there’s something up ahead that’s going to trip and flatten her. So instead Evie says ‘Are you sure you feel okay about this, Al? I mean Zac’s the –’
‘He’s not the first,’ Alex snapped. ‘I do know what I’m doing, Evie.’
‘I know. I didn’t mean it like –’
Alex cut her off. ‘Look, Evie. When you’ve had sex, you’ll realise it’s not such a big deal.’
Evie had put her head in her locker, pretending to get something out of her bag. She couldn’t warn Alex. Even if she did, Alex wouldn’t believe her and, anyway, what would Evie say – ‘There’s something in your eyes …’?
Once, Alex would’ve listened. But not now. Now she’d only resent her more.
‘Hi,’ Robin calls. ‘I’m in the kitchen.’
Evie wanders in and chucks her bag under the table. ‘You’re late, honey,’ she mumbles through a stick of celery. ‘Good day?’
‘Yeah.’ Evie takes off her shoes then peels off her socks. ‘Phew! My feet stink.’
‘It’s pretty warm.’
‘I wish we had a pool.’
‘Spare a thought for Theo. He has to wear a tuxedo tonight.’
‘Where’s he off to?’
‘The bimbette’s taking him to some do. Poor love, he rang up in a flap. He couldn’t find a tux shirt or bow tie. I’m lending him your father’s.’
‘But,’ Evie giggles, ‘won’t they be a bit … tight?’
‘Oh, he’s working out big-time,’ Robin smirks. ‘And, he told me, tight shirts are all the rage.’
‘Yuck.’ Evie blows cool air into the neck of her blouse. ‘Too much information!’
‘Anyway, why don’t you go and have a shower?’ Robin suggests. ‘Dad’s on his way home. He’s going to put the barbie on. It’s such a perfect evening. I’ve done some chicken skewers the way you like them.’
In the back of her throat, Evie can still taste the vomit. On her skirt sits a tiny mound of dried-up yellow. She scratches it off with her nail. ‘Yeah, I think I will.’
Evie stands in front of the bathroom mirror, undoing her shirt. With each button her fingers play with, she thinks of Zac doing the same thing to Alex’s shirt. He must like having a girlfriend with large breasts. Isn’t that what all boys want? Evie stares at her own breasts, cupped discreetly in a white lacy bra. What would Seb think? Would he think they were too small? Would he prefer someone big like Alex?
‘Evie?’
‘Hang on!’ Evie holds her shirt over her chest and opens the bathroom door. ‘Yeah?’
‘It’s Alex.’ Robin hands Evie the phone.
‘Al?’ Evie shuts the door and sits on the toilet seat. ‘Hi.’
‘Hi. Just a quick question.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Should I wear my pink lacy top or my black-and-silver singlet?’ Alex seems oblivious to the harsh words she dealt Evie just hours before. ‘I’ve got to look really good.’
‘Um, um …’
‘I’m wearing those black three-quarter pants.’
‘How about that white top with the ribbons? That always looks good.’
‘Nah. It’s not … sexy, it’s girly. I want to look sexy.’
‘Well, go the black and silver then.’
‘Yeah, that’s what I thought. My boobs look good in the black and silver, don’t they?’
‘Um, yeah.’
‘Hey,
tomorrow night Zac’s decided to have some people over. His oldies are away for the whole weekend now. You going to come?’
‘Mmm, don’t think so.’
Alex doesn’t say anything. Evie senses something in the silence.
‘What is it, Alex?’
‘Um, oh, I think I forgot to mention it but I told my mum I was staying at your place for the weekend.’
‘Oh.’
Silence. Again.
‘Have you got a problem with it, Evie?’ The panic rises in Alex’s voice. ‘I figured you’d be cool with it. I mean, not that you actually lie straight out to your mum but you never tell her what’s going on. I bet you haven’t told her anything –’
Evie cuts in, protecting herself from the remainder of Alex’s words. ‘I’ll cover for you. Of course I will.’
Evie leans against the wall of the shower. Her neck is stretched high, catching the spray that flies off the tiles and into her mouth. It’s stupid, she knows, but she can’t stop crying. Right to the very core of her soul, she feels horrible. Deceived and yet the deceiver. How could Alex say that to her? Out of everyone, she knows how hard the times have been between Evie and her mother. How much Evie has wished it otherwise. That and so many other things.
Evie turns off the taps. The water drips and slides off her skin. She buries her face in the towel, trying to suffocate the voice that has started to snigger in her head. ‘Yet you are being deceived too.’
Evie dismisses Alex’s face from her head, wraps her hair in a towel and gathers up her clothes.
‘Hello?’ It’s Theo. Evie stops at the top of the stairs, listening to him scrape his shoes at the front door. ‘Hello?’ he calls again.
Swiftly, she tiptoes to her room, careful not to make a sound. Leaning against the bedroom door, her chest rises and falls, and her eyes scan the walls and floor as a voice grows urgent in her head. ‘Quick! Quick! Hide! Hide!’ it pleads.
Her breath is short and sharp in her chest but there’s no time for fear. She dives into the cupboard, pulling the hangers of clothes against her naked skin. Her hand is pushed up against her mouth, masking the wheeze that struggles from the back of the throat. ‘Hhhrrr, hhhrrr, hhhrr.’ The sound vibrates inside the darkness of the cupboard.
‘Careful tiptoe his seed is planted and no one aware. Careful tiptoe his seed is planted and no one aware.’ The voice rises out of the wheeze. ‘Careful tiptoe his seed is planted and no one aware careful tiptoe his seed is planted and no one aware.’ Over and over the words hiss and weave through the coats and dresses that press against and hide her flesh. ‘Careful tiptoe his seed is planted and no one aware.’ She says it till she’s dizzy. ‘Careful tiptoe his …’ She says it till she can’t breathe. ‘Seed is planted …’ Till she can’t see. ‘And no one aware.’ Till everything is black and she’s falling. Falling forwards through the clothes, the wire hangers snapping off the rung. Evie and the contents falling, falling through the cupboard doors. Everything crashing down on her.
She lies on the floor. Her hand trembles as she fingers her lips that still whisper, ‘Careful tiptoe his seed is planted and no one aware.’
‘Evie!’ Her father standing above her. Her mother crouches next to her and is draping a towel over her nakedness.
‘Slowly, darling,’ Robin whispers gently, sitting her daughter forwards.
The blood rushes to Evie’s throat. ‘I think, I think –’ and for the second time that day, she vomits.
Downstairs on the couch, Evie nestles under her father’s arm. His fingers stroke her forehead. His words are few.
Robin comes down the stairs. ‘All cleaned up,’ she says. ‘At least the evening’s warm. The carpet’ll be dry in no time. I’ll, I’ll just go and turn the barbeque down.’
‘Dad?’
‘It’s okay,’ Nick answers. ‘I’ll explain.’
‘I’m so sorry, Dad.’
‘Sshh. It’s okay, baby.’
Robin and Evie sit silently as Nick tells his wife about what little he knows. Evie stares at her hands. She can’t look at her mother. Her father’s words are a blurred hum in the background. Instead, that night almost five months ago is what Evie hears in her head.
The cruel words. Her mother’s anger. Her mother’s disappointment that her daughter is tainted with this curse. The boot slamming on her mother’s suitcase. The screech of the tyres as the car reverses onto the road. And her parents’ yelling, just audible above it all.
Evie waits. Waits for it all to happen again. But it doesn’t. Robin places her hands over Evie’s and says, ‘I … I really want to understand how you feel and I really … I really want to help if I can.’
Evie’s eyes peer up at her mother’s that shine with tears. ‘I want to be here for you, Evie.’ Evie knows this time it’s true.
Seb’s voice comes shouting through the phone.
‘You rang me,’ he yells.
‘How’s the party?’ Evie asks. ‘Do they like the band?’
‘Well, we haven’t got booed off yet if that’s what you mean.’
‘I can hardly hear you!’
‘I just got your message.’ He’s shouting even louder. ‘God, I wish you’d get a mobile so I didn’t have to go through your old man to ask to speak to you.’
Evie laughs. ‘He’s okay.’
‘So you got more?’
‘Yeah. Last night.’
‘Can you meet me outside your place tonight? I can’t wait till Monday.’
‘What time?’
‘It’ll be late. I’ll call … no, I can’t. Shit Evie, you’ve got to get a phone!’ She hears him mumble to someone. ‘Say one o’clock. If I’m not there, come back down at one-thirty. Don’t hang out there on your own.’
Evie feels the butterflies flitter in her stomach. ‘I’ll see you at one.’
Tonight the sky is draped in black velvet and the Milky Way twinkles like silver glitter. Evie sits on the kerb, searching the stars for Orion’s belt. Soon she hears the footsteps jogging up the road. Around the corner comes Seb. He waves and crosses the road.
‘Sorry I’m late,’ he puffs.
‘It’s only five past,’ Evie smiles.
He sits down on the kerb next to her. The buttons on his green shirt gape open. Evie sees his chest, olive-skinned and smooth as he leans forward to face her.
‘So you got another message from her?’ he says. ‘Did you do a séance last night?’
Evie doesn’t answer. Instead she hands him a bit of paper. As he reads it, his top lip curls. ‘Weird.’
‘Very weird,’ Evie nods. There’s weird and there’s weird, she thinks, relieved she didn’t tell Seb how she actually got the message.
‘This can’t be an anagram.’ Seb’s shaking his head.
‘Why not?’
‘I dunno. The words … they’re not words you can unjumble. Well, not all of them.’
‘So what do you reckon it is?’
‘I think it’s an actual message. Not that I get it.’
‘Maybe there are two messages in it?’
Seb shrugs.
‘I keep thinking,’ Evie begins, ‘that, that –’
‘That what?’
‘That … well, it sounds pretty out there,’ Evie bites her bottom lip, ‘but do you reckon Caz might be saying someone’s pregnant?’ She looks at Seb. Again he shrugs. ‘I mean “his seed is planted”, what else could that mean?’
‘Yeah, you might be right. I don’t reckon she’s talking about someone’s garden.’
‘Caz had a big falling-out with her mother. Maybe that’s what it was about? Maybe she was pregnant or something like that?’
‘But how can you find out? It’s not like the sister wants to talk to you and you’re not too keen on speaking to her either.’
‘Dana. She’d know.’
‘Hey, no way am I asking Dana.’ Seb throws his hands up. ‘Don’t even think about it.’
‘I wasn’t thinking of you,’ Evie chuckles. ‘I was tal
king about Poppy. She’ll do it. She’s good at milking the info.’
‘Did Poppy go to Zac’s tonight?’
‘She said she was going. Alex has stayed there the whole time his parents have been away.’
‘Yeah?’ Seb leans back on his elbows. ‘I hope she knows what she’s doing.’
‘You can’t tell her anything at the moment. She’s so touchy,’ Evie says. ‘Are you going to Zac’s after this?’
‘Nah. I’m kind of keeping away from him at the moment,’ Seb mumbles. ‘He’s giving me the shits.’
‘Ooh, better not let Alex hear that!’
‘Well, I hope she’s careful,’ Seb replies. ‘Like I’ve said before, he can be a real prick.’
‘Like?’
‘Like dick-first, if that’s what he can get. His heart wouldn’t be in this thing with Alex. I know it. He’s my mate.’
‘She’s going to get hurt, isn’t she?’
‘You can’t always protect your friends from getting their heads kicked in, Evie. No matter how hard you try.’
‘Yeah.’ Evie leans back on her elbows too. For a while they watch the sky and don’t speak. The silence is comfortable.
‘Aren’t the stars incredible?’
‘There’s Orion’s belt,’ Seb points.
‘Oh, I was trying to find that before.’
‘Did you know Orion could walk on water?’
‘No.’
‘Well, he could.’ Seb stands up and stretches. ‘He was special too.’ He looks at her for that extra second, a gentle smile sneaking onto his face. ‘See ya, Evie.’
On Monday, Poppy and Evie lie on the grass, eating their lunch. Evie has just told Poppy about the new message and how she got it.
Poppy sits up straight. ‘Oh good lordy!’ she exclaims. ‘Were you scared?’
‘I kind of don’t remember it clearly. It’s more like, like …’ Evie sits up too. She wants to get it right. She needs to understand it. ‘It’s like it’s happening to someone else and, and I’m watching it but I end up with the memory of it. Not the person that it’s happening to.’ Evie nods. ‘Yeah. Yeah, that’s how I’d explain it. It’s like I have a memory but it didn’t actually happen to me. So I don’t feel freaked out or anything. I mean, I do, but not so that I can’t handle it. Do you get my drift?’