Aidan continued his path along her jaw until he reached her chin, and moved upward from there. He hesitated only a moment before touching his lips to hers.
Elizabeth threw caution to the wind and kissed him back.
She leaned into him, reveling in his touch. His lips were like velvet, caressing her with their softness. He nipped her lower lip and she gasped, giving him the opportunity to deepen the kiss. He thrust his hand into her hair and settled his mouth more firmly on hers, his tongue gently teasing hers. Elizabeth had never been kissed like this, ever, and her body hummed. Even the first time Aidan had kissed her, it had been far less seductive. This was full of longing and desire, something Elizabeth had never known. It both thrilled and alarmed her, and it occurred to her that if she were to die at this very moment, she would leave this world happier than she'd ever been.
That was it. Aidan made her happy. It was a feeling she could barely remember. Heavens, she could hardly think at all with his fingers tangling in her hair like that, his mouth teasing hers so intimately. Elizabeth drifted on a sea of bliss, her body numb to everything but his touch. Her mind wandered, and for just a moment, she let herself wonder what it would be like to give in completely, heart and body.
But just for a moment. The reality was, her past would remain unchanged, and Aidan would never be able to accept it. She couldn't be what he needed, in any way, no matter what her heart wanted. With a muffled sound, she broke the embrace and pushed him gently away.
“Aidan, we can't do this. I can't do this.”
Aidan pulled back. “What's wrong?”
“I…I just can't. I'm so sorry.” She scrambled to her feet, and Aidan followed. He caught her by the hand before she fled the room.
“What are you so afraid of, Elizabeth?”
She turned and looked at him, and for the first time, the absolute truth sprang to her lips. “Of liking you too much.”
Aidan's expression softened. “I hardly think that's a bad thing.”
She snorted. “You say that now, but you don't know…” She sighed. “You just don't know.”
Aidan gave her hand a tug and pulled her into him, his free hand slipping about her waist to rest on the small of her back. “I want to know, Elizabeth. I want to know all about you.”
Elizabeth stared up at him, very aware of how close his body was to hers. All of a sudden, she wanted to know what it was like to be held in his arms, protected from all of her fears, to rest her head on his shoulder and breathe in the very essence of him…to know she had a home. But it was useless to long for things that would never be. She gave him a small smile, full of regret.
“Aidan, you are the most wonderful man I have ever known. You have been so kind to me, and when I am gone from your life, I want you to remember me for who I am, not who I was. You and Lainey are the only friends I have. I cannot bear to lose you.”
“You are not going to lose me, Elizabeth. There is nothing you could tell me that would change my good opinion of you.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
“Can you not see how I've come to care for you?”
“Aidan, don't. You can't. You'll only wind up hurt, and I'll not be the one to hurt you.” She slipped her hand from his and stepped back, out of the circle of his arms. “Please try to understand. If indeed you care about me as you say you do, you'll let this go.” She turned to leave the room, but Aidan's voice stopped her at the door.
“Elizabeth.”
She froze, unable to face him.
“You will never be gone from my life.”
Elizabeth’s throat constricted. “Yes, Aidan. I will. Good night.”
Chapter 18
Aidan was gone by the time Elizabeth managed to rouse herself the next morning, for which she was extremely grateful. She had lain awake all night after she had fled from the study, the memory of Aidan's kisses burning in her mind. It had been years since she’d allowed a man to touch her at all, much less kiss her. But none had ever touched her like that. She’d felt no fear, either, and that alarmed her because she knew it meant she was dangerously close to losing her heart to a man she could never have. But she couldn’t seem to gather the courage to walk away.
She was just finishing her breakfast with Lainey when she heard the front door open, followed by the sound of Aidan’s voice. She sighed inwardly. So she hadn’t avoided facing him after all.
Moments later, he appeared in the doorway. “Good morning, ladies.”
Elizabeth didn't want to look up, didn't want to see the hunger that she knew would be in his eyes. She mentally steeled herself and glanced up at him, and when she did, her breath caught. He had obviously been out riding, his hair tousled from the wind and his cheeks flushed. He had never looked more handsome. “Good morning, my lord.” She broke off a too-large piece of toast and stuffed it in her mouth, studying her plate with astonishing scrutiny.
Lainey didn't say a word. She simply looked back and forth between her brother, who couldn't take his eyes off of Elizabeth, and Elizabeth, who couldn't meet his gaze. It was clear something had happened between them, and from the look of things, it had been quite powerful.
“The shipment of silks that was supposed to be here yesterday has arrived. I have to go down to the warehouse in a couple of hours to sort things out. I apologize for skipping out on breakfast, but I needed a good ride.”
Elizabeth’s fork clattered to her plate. Surely that had been more innocent than it sounded.
“We understand, brother dearest.” Lainey chuckled when Aidan’s gaze snapped to his sister, seemingly surprised to see her sitting there. Clearly, he had not even noticed her when he came in. “Perhaps you could take Elizabeth with you. The exercise would do her good.”
“No!” Elizabeth’s eyes widened in alarm. Both Aidan and Lainey regarded her curiously. “Er…I mean, I’m sure your brother is much too busy to drag me about with him.”
“Nonsense. It’s about time you got out of the house. And on the arm of one of London’s finest.” Lainey’s eyes were dancing.
The last place Elizabeth wanted to be was out in a crowd. Too many prying eyes, too vulnerable. And she could hear the gossip already.
“What is the earl doing parading about with the likes of her?”
“She’s clearly up and about. Doesn’t she know she’s overstayed her welcome?”
“I bet the earl is enjoying his little bit on the side.”
Surely Aidan would realize the scandal that could be brought upon the family.
But Aidan, the blasted man, agreed with Lainey.
“I could show you my ship, if you like. It shouldn’t take too long, and I should enjoy the company.”
And just like that, Elizabeth was trapped again. She couldn’t think of a shareable reason why she could refuse, so she reluctantly accepted.
She prayed that no one would recognize her.
Elizabeth was very aware of the curious glances people were sending her way. She knew tongues were wagging all around them, but Aidan didn't seem to notice. He was far too intent on his company. She’d hoped they would take the carriage all the way to the dock, but Aidan had opted to stroll for awhile. Occasionally they would stop to say hello to someone he knew, and he introduced her simply by name, and then moved on. They were deep into a conversation about Aidan's business when someone called out his name.
“Ashby!”
Aidan's head snapped up to see his friend, William Everett, and his new wife heading toward them. He broke into a wide grin.
“About time you came back, Everett,” he chided. “I was beginning to think we'd lost you permanently.”
“We've only just returned.” Will shook hands with his friend. “I was going to call on you this afternoon. Thank you for saving me the trouble.”
“Good to have you home. Welcome back, Mrs. Everett. I see married life is agreeing quite well with you.”
Louisa smiled. “Thank you, Lord Ashby,” she replied, offering her hand.
Aidan kissed it, then indicated the woman standing next to him. “Mr. and Mrs. William Everett, may I present to you Miss Elizabeth Townsend. Miss Townsend, Mr. and Mrs. Everett.”
“I'm pleased to make your acquaintance,” Elizabeth said, inclining her head.
“The pleasure is ours, Miss Townsend,” Louisa replied, bowing slightly. Will, however, was openly staring at Elizabeth.
“Good Lord, Ash. Could this be who I think it is?”
Elizabeth shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny. Aidan glanced down at her and back to Will. “Forgive me,” he replied. “I forgot she was unconscious the last time you saw her.”
A friendly smile spread across Will's face, and he bowed gallantly. “Miss Townsend, it is indeed an honor to meet you. And might I say I'm quite happy to see you are much improved since the last time I saw you.”
Realization dawned on Elizabeth. “You were there that night. I remember you now. You were the one who distracted Lord Ashby so I could slip away,” she teased.
Will let out a shout of laughter. “I see you didn't get very far,” he noted, looking pointedly at her arm still linked through Aidan's. “How fortunate for all of us.”
“Oh, good heavens, my lord,” she said, turning to Aidan. “Are all of your friends this charming?”
“Not all,” he chuckled. “Will just tends to lay it on thick.”
“Now see here, Ash—”
“It's all right, darling,” Louisa chimed in, patting his arm. “It worked on me and that's all that matters.” She was a petite brunette with a gentle manner and soft brown eyes. Elizabeth liked her immediately. “How very brave of you, Miss Townsend, to throw yourself in harm's way for a complete stranger,” she continued. “We left for our honeymoon before we had much news of you. I imagine you've had quite a difficult recovery.”
“Lord Ashby has taken very good care of me and I am quite on the mend now,” Elizabeth assured her.
“I'm sure he has,” Will agreed, shooting Aidan a knowing look. “Well, we simply must do something to celebrate your remarkable recovery and say thank you for saving my friend's life. What do you think, Mrs. Everett?”
“I think a dinner party in her honor would be a lovely idea!”
“Oh, thank you, but you really needn't bother,” Elizabeth said hastily. “I'd hate to see you go to all that trouble just for me.”
“It's no trouble at all, Miss Townsend,” Will insisted. “It would be a good opportunity to catch up with all the friends we've missed terribly, and allow us to get to know you better. Besides,” he added, slipping his arm about Louisa's waist, “it will give my wife the chance to be hostess in her new home.”
Louisa beamed up at him, and Elizabeth felt her heart twist. How could she refuse when Louisa was obviously dying to host her first party? She sent a pleading glance to Aidan.
“It would be a nice way to make some new friends, Miss Townsend,” Aidan said pointedly.
I don’t want new friends! she wanted to scream. I can’t get attached to this life!
“She has two new ones already,” Louisa smiled. “Any friend of Lord Ashby's is a friend of ours.”
“You really are too kind, Mr. and Mrs. Everett,” Elizabeth smiled. How was is that she was constantly being cornered into things? “Thank you for your gracious invitation. It sounds marvelous.”
“Capital!” Will clapped his hands together. “Consider it done. Shall we say two nights hence? And now, if you'll forgive us, we must be on our way. So very nice to have met you at last, Miss Townsend. I look forward to getting to know you better.” He sketched a brief bow to her and nodded to Aidan. “Ash.”
“Good day to you both,” he replied, tipping his hat to Louisa. As soon as they had gone, Elizabeth dug her fingers into Aidan's arm in panic.
“Aidan, I've never been to a dinner party,” she hissed. “I'm going to make a fool of myself!”
“I won't let that happen. The rules are quite simple, really. Conversation, dinner, more conversation, sometimes dancing.”
“But I don't know how to conduct myself with these people!”
“Just be your beguiling self and you will be a hit, I promise.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “This is a terrible idea. Perhaps I will become ill before Thursday.”
Aidan laughed. “You will do no such thing. Lainey will tell you all you need to know. Come, Miss Townsend,” he said, continuing their path down the street. “I'd like to show you what it is I do all day.”
“Oh, very well,” she sighed.
“If it’s not too much trouble,” he teased.
Her face flushed pink. “I don’t mean to be churlish.”
Aidan smiled tenderly at her. “I know.”
They walked on in companionable silence, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being watched. She glanced furtively around, but saw nothing unusual. But it was the same tingling she’d felt the night she’d been out in the orchard watching her home burn.
She tightened her grip on Aidan’s arm. As long as she was with him, she was safe.
That in itself was a startling realization.
Aidan had returned her to his home and left her at the door to go to an appointment. Tibbs let her in and took her—well, really, Lainey’s—bonnet.
“This came for you while you were out, Miss,” he said, handing her a sealed note.
“For me? Are you sure?”
“Yes, Miss. The lad was quite clear.”
“Thank you, Tibbs.” She turned the letter over in her hand as she wandered toward the drawing room. There was nothing on the outside. Who could know to send something here? She had met a few of Lainey’s friends at tea last week, but it seemed unlikely that they would send her anything.
Then she knew. Betsy must have found her! At last, some news! She tore the seal and eagerly unfolded the note.
She gasped and fell against the wall, covering her mouth with her hand. It was not from Betsy.
She recovered herself and marched back out to Tibbs. “Who delivered this note?” she demanded.
“A messenger boy, Miss.”
“Did he say anything?”
“Just to be sure you got the message.”
She’d gotten the message, all right. Loud and clear.
I know who you are.
Chapter 19
Later that evening, Gavin sprawled in a chair with a drink in his hand as he watched Aidan pace the study. Aidan was a man not easily rattled by anything—he had remarkable control over his temper, and rarely unleashed it. He was level headed and the person you’d want around during an emergency. Gavin had known him his entire life, and had seen him through most everything, but never, not once in his life, had he ever seen the man pace.
“Do you want to tell me what's got you so upset?” he asked, sipping his brandy.
Aidan stopped short. “I beg your pardon?”
“I've never seen you pace before.” He paused. “Ever,” he added for emphasis.
“I'm pacing?” Aidan asked, surprised.
“What is it, my friend? Everything has been worked out at Lockwood Imports, so I know it’s not that. What’s bothering you so?”
Aidan sighed and shoved his hand through his hair. “I came home this afternoon to find Elizabeth had packed everything and was preparing to leave. She looked as though she’d been crying.”
“She left?”
“No. I reminded her of her promise to attend the dinner party on Thursday…the one that’s being given in her honor. It took a bit of cajoling from both Lainey and me, but she capitulated. But she’s not happy about it.”
“Seems such an odd shift. Did something happen?”
“I don’t know. She refused to talk. Something must have prompted this because she’s behaving like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockers.”
“And Lainey knows nothing?”
Aidan shook his head. “She’s as lost as I.” He perched on the edge of his desk and regarded his brandy. “Funny, but I
don’t want her to go,” he admitted.
Gavin studied his friend. He knew—knew—what that admission meant, even if Aidan couldn’t accept it yet. “You like her.”
“Well of course I like her, don't be ridiculous.”
“That's not what I meant.”
He looked at Gavin and sighed. “I kissed her, Gav. Last night. And maybe one other time,” he added.
Gavin leaned back with a self-satisfied smile on his face. “That's what I meant.” He shrugged off Aidan's scathing look. “Exactly how does one 'maybe' kiss someone?”
Aidan glared at him. “You're not going to make this easy, are you?”
“Hell, no,” Gavin grinned. “So tell me about it. What happened?”
Aidan hesitated. Once he voiced his thoughts, there was no turning back. He sighed and began recounting the events of the past few days, right up until the moment when he had found himself leaning toward Elizabeth by the fire, inexplicably drawn in by the scent of lilacs and the taste of desire. “I don't know what happened to me…no woman has ever had power over me like that. I couldn't help myself. One minute I was lost in her eyes and the next I was…” He shrugged and spread his hands.
“Lost in her lips?” Gavin supplied helpfully.
“If you're going to poke fun at me, then I am not going to bother to confide in you!” Aidan snapped.
“All right, all right,” Gavin said, throwing his hands up in surrender. “My apologies. But can you blame me, Aidan? This is the first time in our lives that you have ever come to me about a woman. Usually it's the other way around. I have to tease you just a little.”
Aidan changed his expression from murderous to merely annoyed.
Gavin grinned. He could push every button Aidan owned. “So did she kiss you back?”
All That I Am: A Victorian Historical Romance (The Hesitant Husbands Series Book 1) Page 12