Friend

  Seok Chun lowered his eyes in shame.

  “Go home and think about it,” instructed the judge. “Think about what your wife wants from you. Look at the bigger picture of what society demands from you and not just from your narrow perspective. You said that you haven’t received sincere affection from Comrade Sun Hee. But her way of showing you affection was to encourage you to become more than a lathe operator. She loves you so much that she wants you to exceed your potential. How can that be a lack of affection?”

  Seok Chun hung his head for a while and then straightened his body. He grabbed his hat from the desk and stood up. He waited for Jeong Jin Wu to give him permission to leave. Jeong Jin Wu stuck out his hand and shook Seok Chun’s hand.

  “I’ll stop by your factory in a couple of days. Share your thoughts with me then.”

  9

  Back at the theater, Sun Hee leaned against a pillar and stared out a tall window.

  The theater hall was serene except for her comrades practicing on the second floor. The music irritated her, but it was inescapable as it resounded throughout the theater.

  Sun Hee stared at the part of the outside world she could see through the window. Behind the theater was the kindergarten, and little children were kicking a ball in the adjacent open grassy field. They were about Ho Nam’s age. Upon a closer look, she saw they were all familiar children. They were the older kids at Ho Nam’s school. She assumed that school was out. The children were kicking a rubber ball around and swarmed to wherever the ball went. Sun Hee envied the children playing in the field, laughing and oblivious to misery and fright. Such children had no concerns about a troubled family life and likely had never experienced any such thing. Sun Hee then felt a pang of sorrow when she could not identify her son amid the children.

  Where could he be? He must no longer be playing with his comrades. Is he standing around somewhere by himself like I am right now? Did he walk home by himself again?

  For the past few weeks, Ho Nam hadn’t thrown childish tantrums or performed his usual silly antics. He had hardly laughed or smiled, an evident indication of his miserable situation at home. Sun Hee was on the verge of bursting into tears at the thought of casting a dark shadow over Ho Nam and leaving an irreparable scar on his heart. Whenever she fought with her husband, she would tell Ho Nam to go outside and play by himself. Sun Hee was all the more frustrated with Ho Nam because he had Seok Chun’s temperament and always sided with his father. She recognized that she had not been a good mother to her son. But after visiting the court, her maternal instincts surged with a desire to nurture him. It could have been from the thought of separating Ho Nam from his father.

  All of a sudden, Sun Hee remembered the events of yesterday evening.

  Sun Hee was anxious to find out if Chae Rim had settled anything with Judge Jeong Jin Wu, so she raced home with Ho Nam and discovered that Chae Rim had been waiting for her. She invited him into her house.

  Chae Rim gave Ho Nam an eggbread with a red bean filling. As soon as Sun Hee walked into the living room, she collapsed on the floor from exhaustion.

  Alarmed, Chae Rim said, “My goodness, you don’t look well at all. How are you holding up?”

  “I’m just tired,” Sun Hee replied. “Any news?”

  “Well, I went by the court the other day,” Chae Rim said, as he was finding a place to sit.

  “And, so what happened?” Sun Hee asked blankly.

  “I found out that Seok Chun had finally gone to file for a divorce.”

  “I know.”

  “You do? Well, then it’s settled! You should be divorced in no time.”

  “Yes, but …”

  “Right. That judge looks to be an inflexible man. But don’t you worry. I think I can pull some strings and make some calls. I’ll make sure this divorce goes through.”

  Sun Hee sighed.

  Chae Rim continued, “By the way, you look awful, like a wilted flower.”

  Sun Hee did not protest this description.

  “I guess you must be under a lot of stress with the divorce,” Chae Rim said.

  “I feel so bad for Ho Nam. And—”

  “And for Seok Chun?” Chae Rim interjected. “You couldn’t file for divorce a few years ago because of that low-life, right? You have to be firm this time. How much longer are you going to live like this?”

  Ho Nam was eating his bread and glared coldly at Chae Rim.

  “You’re going to ruin your life by prolonging the situation. He’s an idiot. You’re still very young and have lots to live for. Let’s see the result of this divorce and prepare for a new beginning. After you get divorced, I will introduce you to a man who is a hundred times better than Seok Chun.”

  Ho Nam threw his bread at Chae Rim’s feet. Some of the pieces crumbled upon impact and spread across the floor. Chae Rim was startled by Ho Nam’s actions and momentarily forgot what he had been saying.

  Ho Nam wiped the crumbs off his mouth and shouted at Chae Rim. “Don’t talk about my dad like that! My dad’s not a bad man!”

  Chae Rim’s cheeks reddened with embarrassment, but then he chuckled to lighten the awkward moment.

  “You’re quite a kid!” Chae Rim said, dusting off the crumbs. “What an insolent child.”

  “Honey, you shouldn’t do things like that,” admonished Sun Hee.

  She felt sorry for Chae Rim, so she grabbed Ho Nam’s wrist, but Ho Nam pulled away effortlessly.

  “Go home! Take your bread with you,” shouted Ho Nam.

  “Have you no respect for family?”

  “If you’re family, then why are you telling my mom to leave my dad?”

  “Well, that’s because your mom and dad fight all the time,” rationalized Chae Rim.

  Ho Nam did not know what to say. Perhaps it was because he was frustrated or furious, but his eyes welled up with tears as he darted sullen and ferocious glances at Chae Rim. Ho Nam clenched his fists as if he were prepared to fight.

  Chae Rim thought that he should not upset a child from a dysfunctional family, so he stood up slowly.

  Sun Hee began to sob in front of her child, who had defended his father with all his might. She felt terrified at the thought of separating Ho Nam from his father after the divorce.

  There will be no one to take Ho Nam fishing by the river, and no one to make him a rubber-band gun. When the neighborhood kids tease him for not having a father, he will surely blame her. The more Ho Nam becomes aware of not having a father around the house, the more he will become intimidated and introverted. It will alienate him from the other kids. A daughter would open herself up to her mother, but a son has problems talking to his mother about everything on his mind. Once the divorce is settled, she and her husband will become strangers, but there is no way to break the bond between father and son. No matter how much a mother cares for her son, she will never be a substitute for the child’s father. This is because maternal love and paternal love serve different needs for the child.

  That was last night.

  Sun Hee heaved a sorrowful sigh. Seok Chun was a wretch to her, but he was a wonderful father to Ho Nam. She could not deny that fact.

  Sun Hee wiped the tears off her face. She shook her head to cast away any doubts about the divorce. At the same time, she could not easily dispel the misfortune encroaching on her son. She brushed her hair behind her shoulders and touched up her face.

  It took some time for her emotions to settle down. Sun Hee began to rebuke herself.

  How did you file for divorce with such a weak heart? Did you not anticipate this kind of heartache? Surely there’s bound to be someone out there who will love Ho Nam like his own son?

  Sun Hee still did not see Ho Nam playing on the grassy area with the other kids. She began to worry as she had the day it had rained, when she had been looking everywhere for Ho Nam before she was told that he was at Judge Jeong Jin Wu’s apartment. Sun Hee heard her comrades practicing on the second floor of the theater. They were preparing to perform in Seo
ng Gan District this coming weekend, a tour that would carry on without her. She felt alienated from the music and the theater. She decided to leave.

  Sun Hee calmly turned around at the sound of high heels running down the stairs. It was Eun Mi. She ran toward Sun Hee, who was on her way out of the theater.

  “I’ve been looking for you. Had I known you’d be here …” said Eun Mi.

  Sun Hee did not understand Eun Mi’s statement.

  “The deputy director is looking for you.”

  “Me? Why?”

  “I don’t know. But why aren’t you rehearsing with the other vocalists?”

  “Uh … I needed to take a break, and … I … I decided to practice on my own.”

  “Or is it because you’re avoiding them?”

  “Eun Mi, please, not you, too.”

  “They need you.”

  “You know perfectly well that those comrades don’t like me.”

  “No, that’s where you’re wrong. You’ve really become sensitive these days, haven’t you? Ok Hee says that you’ve been avoiding them, not coming to rehearsals, and when you do come, you don’t sing like you used to.”

  Sun Hee listened indifferently.

  “You know you shouldn’t act like this.”

  Sun Hee was irritated with Eun Mi’s admonitions, despite her good intentions.

  “Your personal issues should not interfere with your work,” Eun Mi continued. “You shouldn’t give your comrades the cold shoulder. What will happen to our troupe if you don’t do your job?”

  Sun Hee hissed, “Stop it!” unable to contain her frustration any longer. She did not want others to hear her, so she kept her voice to an angry whisper. “That’s enough! You sound just like the deputy director. I thought that you, of all people, would understand.”

  Sun Hee glared at Eun Mi with tears welling up in her eyes, tears from feeling betrayed by the only true friend she had at the performing arts company. She walked past Eun Mi, who seemed to be nailed to the floor, rendered speechless by Sun Hee’s violent reaction.

  The deputy director was standing at the top of the stairs looking down on the two. In a fit of urgency, he slammed his hands on the handrail and shouted, “Comrade Sun Hee, how dare you leave without my permission! Get back here.”

  Sun Hee turned her head away. The deputy director descended the stairs and confronted her forcefully. Eun Mi, anticipating an upsetting altercation, refrained from interfering with the two and kept her distance.

  “You’re an embarrassment to the company—an embarrassment!” The deputy director tsk-tsked and shook his head in disdain.

  Sun Hee bit her lip to suppress her irritation.

  The deputy director pointed at her and said, “You better get your act together, or else I’m going to have to—”

  “Fine!” Sun Hee said boldly. “If you feel that I’m an embarrassment to the company, then I’ll quit.”

  “What? You’re going to quit?” the deputy director retorted, aghast. “Is giving up your answer to everything? You only care about yourself!”

  Sun Hee had nothing further to say.

  “I have an appointment at the courthouse now, but when I return, we’re going to get to the bottom of this.”

  The deputy director raced past Sun Hee, grunting and mumbling indecisively. She stood resolutely, to give the impression that she was really determined to quit, but then she began to lose courage and felt the terrifying weight of regret on her shoulders. She felt her soul was being wrung out of her body, and numbness started spreading up her legs. Dizzy, short of breath, and on the verge of collapsing, she held on to the handrail.

  Fear gripped her. She felt that her best friend, her company, and her only son—all that was precious to her—were abandoning her. No, she was certain that they had abandoned her. She realized that divorce was not simply a legal process concluded in the privacy of the courtroom but a public matter with her entire community involved. She felt as if she were being weighed on an ethics scale, naked and vulnerable in the critical eyes of the disapproving public.

  Divorce was the only option for her.

  She realized that to go through with the divorce, she would have to persist and endure public humiliation, sacrifice her fame and status as a celebrity, and be ostracized from the large family called “society.” The divorce would be a detriment to her livelihood, an inestimable, insurmountable blow to her career.

  Yet she was going to have to accept her wretched destiny if divorce was going to be a reality, which caused her distress. Her hands were clammy, she was nervous, she felt she had committed a crime against her community.

  A strange uncertainty flickered in her heart, momentarily suspending her decision.

  Would she have to remain married to her husband in order to save face in public?

  Sun Hee shook her head. She convinced herself that these terrifying thoughts derived from her anxiety over the whole matter, and that she was the victim in this marriage, not the perpetrator. She was certain of this, but she could not allay her fears.

  10

  The Provincial Performing Arts Company’s deputy director paid a visit to Judge Jeong Jin Wu. He sat on the edge of his seat, upright and dignified, exuding the air of a veteran performer.

  He was a skinny, pallid man with a receding hairline, a beaky nose, and small eyes. Above all, Jeong Jin Wu was amused by the deputy director’s high-pitched, nasal voice and its contrast with his distinguished demeanor.

  “Comrade Judge, I don’t know what to say. I’m ashamed of myself for allowing Sun Hee’s problems to get to this point. I had no idea she had filed for a divorce. Perhaps I’ve been treating her too …”

  The deputy director did not complete his comment and furrowed his brow in deep contemplation, as though he were the one who had instigated the divorce.

  “How is Comrade Sun Hee doing at the theater?” Jeong Jin Wu asked.

  “Well, she was quite introverted when she first started but began to open up to her comrades after a few years. She then became arrogant and extremely high-strung, sensitive to every word or gesture. Her fame probably had something to do with it. Some of the members of the troupe dislike her, talk behind her back. They don’t like the fact that a once humble factory worker is now the lead soloist. But she sings so well that they have to overlook that part.”

  “How much do you know about her marital problems?”

  “Quite honestly? Not much. There are rumors that her husband has a bad temper and that he cares only about his work. I’ve also heard that he complains about her lavish outfits. Despite all that, she should still try to repress her indignation and work things out with him. But Comrade Sun Hee is not that kind of person.”

  The deputy director continued in his high-pitched voice. “I’ve told her many times to get her marital problems sorted out.”

  “Many times?” Jeong Jin Wu asked.

  “Perhaps not many, but certainly a couple of times,” the deputy director replied.

  “How did you instruct her to sort things out?” Jeong Jin Wu probed.

  “Well, she hasn’t been practicing with her team for some time now, and so I pulled her off the performance roster. We’re going to Seong Gan District this weekend, and I’m thinking of pulling her again. If she doesn’t change her attitude, then I’m thinking of letting her go altogether.”

  “What do you mean, her attitude?”

  “Her indifferent attitude toward her comrades, toward me, and her bad attitude from her marriage.”

  “Do you think letting Comrade Sun Hee go will benefit her and the company?”

  “Of course not! We need Sun Hee. She’s one of our main attractions. Once she gets a divorce, I will consider letting her rejoin the company.”

  The deputy director provided plenty of information in a short span of time, speaking like a doctor diagnosing a patient’s health.

  At this point, Judge Jeong Jin Wu sided with Sun Hee and disagreed with the deputy director. It appeared the deputy
director also secretly wanted the couple to divorce so that Sun Hee could free herself from the bondage of despair. This was not because the deputy director cared about Sun Hee but because he wanted her to return to the company and perform the way she used to. Jeong Jin Wu knew that if Sun Hee returned to work for the sake of working, then she would have the wrong idea of what was expected of a national singer.

  After tapping on the desk for a while, Jeong Jin Wu spoke in a heavy tone.

  “I don’t think you’ve done your best.”

  Judge Jeong Jin Wu’s decisive statement startled the deputy director.

  “At first,” Judge Jeong Jin Wu continued, “you accepted her with open arms because of her talent, and now you want to let her go because of her attitude problem and her marital difficulties. Deputy Director, what do you think? Don’t you think it’s a bit unfair?

  The deputy director’s large forehead turned bright red.

  Jeong Jin Wu continued.

  “I don’t think Comrade Sun Hee’s personal problems and flaws affect her as a singer. People may not know the dark side of her personal life, but they do enjoy her singing. If you take Comrade Sun Hee’s love for music away from her, then not only will you be depriving the people of the music they love but you will also cause Sun Hee greater despair. If you don’t allow her to participate in the Seong Gan tour, and if you dismiss her from the company, then what will become of Sun Hee?”

  The deputy director pulled out his handkerchief and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

  “Comrade Sun Hee’s aspirations are noble,” Jeong Jin Wu continued. “Life’s true meaning is swimming upstream, is it not? It’s not right to make matters worse just because of her marital problems. A person’s talents are one of the most important elements that build her character. The law does not permit anyone to prevent the development of another’s talents.

  “Comrade Deputy Director, your group should be more patient and try its best to sympathize with Comrade Sun Hee at a time like this. The way I see it, Comrade Sun Hee has had high expectations of her relationship with her husband. However, she was unable to make that her top priority because of her duties as a national singer. I believe she has many talents and expresses them well. However, these things conflict with her personal ideology and her goals.”