by Jade Lee
Too much! Don’t stop!
Yes! Oh, beautiful, yes…
Until he stilled.
She was floating in bliss. His breath came in heavy pants against her cheek. He pulled his weight off her body and slowly withdrew his fingers from inside her.
“Your first quickening,” he said. It wasn’t a question, and she heard satisfaction in his tone.
“Is it always like that?”
He was silent a moment, then he said. “With me, it would be. If you wanted it.”
She did. Right then, she wanted to do that over and over again, every night for the rest of her life.
He fell away from her, settling more comfortably on his heels. But her breasts were exposed in front of him, and he couldn’t seem to leave them alone. Though one of his hands remained relaxed across her thigh, the other lifted her breast. It was a casual movement as if he wasn’t even aware of what he was doing. But it made her want him again. She wanted everything again.
She didn’t speak, and neither did he. In time, his other hand left her thigh to caress her other breast. She watched him, and what the darkness hid, she filled in with her imagination.
She saw his strong jaw, the straight line of his nose, and the luminous green of his eyes. She knew when his lips parted, and she felt the hunger in him.
“Be my mistress,” he said. “Say yes to me.”
“What?” His words were so rushed that she wasn’t sure she heard him right. But then he explained, and she knew yet another shock on top of all the other surprises of the last two days.
“I can make it good for you. I can make you scream in pleasure every night. There’s more to feel than what you had tonight. I can teach you.”
His hand pushed quickly between her legs. She was already wet, much too sensitive, and yet he used the flat of his palm to push her open, and he rubbed in a circle over that spot.
Her belly tightened in reaction, and she cried out in alarm. But his other hand still held her breast, pinching her nipple again, and she began to tremble. It was good, and it was bad. It was wonderful, and it was too much.
“Feel this, Amber. Feel me.”
She was! She was feeling nothing but him.
“Give it to me again!” he commanded. “Let me see.”
He didn’t cover her mouth this time. He didn’t swallow her cry, but sat back and watched as her head arched back. As her thighs spread wide and she thrust into his palm.
“Now,” he said as he rubbed hard against her. “Now.” He did it again. “Now!”
Rapture burst seemingly from his mouth to her body. It had the feel of a piercing.
If she screamed, she didn’t hear it. Sensation overwhelmed her. Then it carried her. And then she was simply there, her body splayed wide as the ripples continued, and he watched her.
“Say yes,” he whispered. “Be my mistress.”
“Mistress?” she echoed dumbly. Not wife?
“I cannot marry you,” he said, his voice a low rumble. “My wife will be chosen for political advantage. She will advance my causes and train our children to do the same.” He spoke in such a bloodless way, as if he selected his women by assets on a banker’s sheet. “But my mistress will have more from me, and she can be anything I choose. I choose you, Amber. Say yes.”
And be his mistress?
“No.”
He had given her the best experience of her life. He had shown her things that she had always imagined, but never realized were possible for her. Not just here, but the whole night. She’d been to a ball. She’d danced with a baron, four future peers, and an earl. She’d stepped into his carriage and had felt such wonderous things.
But she knew when something was a dream. She was an expert at it. And she knew from listening to all the upstairs ladies that nothing true happens in a dream. In the morning, promises were never kept, wishes were never fulfilled, and the woman always paid in the end. Not the man with the luminous green eyes. Not the lord who could have any woman he wanted for the price of a smile. No, it was the woman who bore the disgrace and the baby, if there was one.
So she said, no, though the word hurt to say aloud. And when he looked at her with shock and disappointment, she knew she had chosen correctly.
Every man looked that way when denied a treat. When they lost at cards or learned their favorite girl was occupied with someone else. Just because Amber had been behind the cage didn’t mean she was blind. She’d seen their faces, and she knew it took men less than an hour to turn their attention elsewhere.
Meanwhile, Elliott rocked back on his heels. And as he moved away, she was able to straighten up. Her knees closed, and she twitched her skirt down. She tugged awkwardly at the ribbons of her corset, ashamed that her hands were shaking.
He reached out, and she flinched from him. His eyes shot to hers, and maybe she saw hurt in them.
“You are safe with me,” he said.
Was she? She didn’t know. She felt so exposed.
“Hold the edges together. I will tie the ribbons.”
She did as he instructed, holding the edges of her corset while he tightened the strings. Then he helped her with her dress, buttoning the back with practiced ease. And when it was all done, and he sat on the seat beside her, he rapped on the top of the carriage.
A muffled, “Yes, m’lord,” was the response.
“Where are we going?” she asked, confused.
“To my sister’s home, as I promised.”
How long had they been driving? Shouldn’t they be there by now? “Where have we been?”
“I don’t know. A tour around Hyde Park most likely.”
It took a moment for his words to filter in. A moment for her to realize that he had planned this. That he had prearranged with the coachman to ride them in a circle until their tryst was done.
“How many times have you done this before?”
He blew out a breath. “Never,” he confessed. “You’re my first.” He sounded like she should be grateful to be treated like this. Like a common doxy tumbled in a carriage.
She wanted to be furious, except honestly forced her to admit that she had asked for it. She had wanted it. He had told her at the very beginning of their ride that he wanted to kiss her, but that it was her choice. And she had asked for two.
Her face burned with humiliation, and she wasn’t fully aware of why. He was so much more worldly than she. Despite her talks with the upstairs ladies, she still didn’t understand what had happened.
“Am…am I still a virgin?” she whispered.
“Yes. As respectable as ever.” His voice was calm, and his matter-of-fact tone reassured her. Though, of course, a woman who worked in a gaming hall was not at all respectable. So even if he lied, she wasn’t any worse off than before.
“You will tell no one?”
He stiffened in reaction. “I do not break my promises. I will tell no one.” Then he paused. “Will you?”
“What? No!”
“No giggles between girls upstairs at the Den? No whispered confessions about the man you had on his knees before you?” There was a bitterness in his tone that rubbed against her raw nerves. He was angry with her, though he worked hard to hide it.
“Of course not. I don’t break my promises, either.”
“Good,” he said as he adjusted his position on the seat. They were touching only slightly. His knee against her thigh. His hand on the back of the seat near her shoulder. Near, but not touching. Close, but not connecting. “I should like to see you tomorrow. Afternoon, if that’s acceptable,” he said.
“Of course,” she said, feeling strange with his suddenly polite tone. “Whenever you like.” She was, after all, staying with his sister. She hadn’t the wherewithal to say no if he chose to visit.
“I have an idea for the brooch. I know the painting wasn’t enough, but perhaps there is a way around that.”
The brooch? The jewelry that had brought him into her circle in the first place. How fast this man thought
. She was still reeling from everything, but his mind was back to his vote and the brooch he needed. “Whatever you think best. It is ample…” Her words cut off as she realized what she was about to say. But he was no fool. He finished it for her.
“Ample repayment for a ball and the ride home?”
He made it sound as if he were the upstairs person, and she the one demanding worship. There were a few upstairs men for such purposes, but she was not a customer. And she disliked the implication that what they’d just done was a transaction.
“I agreed to remake the brooch for you,” she said tartly. “If you have found a way that I can do such, then I must perforce agree.” She used her most educated voice merely because it made her feel more in control. “This evening was a lucky…” Experience? Dream? Temptation? “Happenstance. I am grateful for it.” And she was thankful even though she felt as if she wanted to burst into tears. “The one—”
“Has nothing to do with the other?” He was silent for a long moment, and she used the time to gather her scattered wits. “Very well. I will speak no more of it.” His tone held a strange note in it. As if he made fun of himself with his words. “And I apologize.”
“For what?” she asked.
“For what, what?”
She huffed out in exasperation. “What do you apologize for? Men always say that without actually being sorry for anything.”
He cleared his throat. “I apologize for taking advantage, Miss Gohar. I apologize for thinking you were one thing when you are decidedly not.” There was definitely a wry note to his voice. “And I apologize for underestimating you.”
Did she hear admiration in his tone as well? The idea made her lips curve in a wry smile. “You are not alone in making that mistake,” she said. Most men underestimated a smart woman.
“I am not in the least bit surprised.” Then he raised her hand to his mouth, bestowing the most courtly of kisses. “May I call upon you tomorrow afternoon?”
“Yes, my lord. I should be happy to see you then.”
As if he had timed it specifically for this, the carriage rolled to a stop. They were at his sister’s house. She did a last check of her hair and dress. Her hairpiece had fallen out, and she gasped as she tried to find the lion.
“Here,” he said, handing it to her.
She took it from his hand, but he kept hold of it such that their fingers were entwined for a very long moment. She thought he would say something. She looked at his face and saw his mouth open, but no words came out. And in that awkward silence, the coachman opened the door.
That was enough to break the spell. Elliott released her hand and stepped out, only to turn and offer his hand again as she climbed out. It was all very polite, and every motion had been lived a million times in her imagination. A gentleman handed her out of the carriage and walked her to the front door. But never in her wildest dreams had she conceived of the reality of it. That the walk was nothing compared to what the ride had been. That the polite bow at the end of the night was nothing compared to what they had done in the dark.
“Good night, Miss Gohar,” he said after the butler had opened the door.
“I had a lovely evening, Lord Byrn. Thank you.”
Then he turned and walked away while the butler took her cloak from her shoulders. The door shut, and she heard the rumble as the carriage rolled away. The evening was done, and she had no idea how to feel about that.
She went to her room, undressed with the help of Diana’s very sleepy maid, climbed into bed, and remembered. And tonight, unlike every night before, there were no fantasies at all. Only remembering. And curiosity about what would happen tomorrow.
Chapter Ten
Amber woke late, which wasn’t surprising given that she’d stayed up until dawn remembering her evening. But even after being awake all night, she couldn’t stay in bed. Not when his lordship was coming to see her again this afternoon. Not when she was nervous and excited about all the things that might happen.
She knew none of them would. Today they were back to being aristocrat and merchant. He had a plan for how to get the brooch he needed. She had to return to her cage where she dreamed of lovely things but never lived them. Except, of course, for one wonderful night when she had.
She hummed as she dressed.
Until the moment she opened her bedroom door and there, lounging against the wall, was a large man with a dour look, dark circles under his eyes and a maimed hand. “Titan!” she gasped as she jerked backward in surprise. “What are you doing here?”
He was in charge of the bouncers who guarded the doors at the Lyon’s Den. He’d been wounded at Waterloo like so many others, but since he was an officer and a natural leader, Mrs. Dove-Lyon had set him in charge of the others at her establishment. He was kind in a gruff way, and Amber liked him. The other girls adored him because many had reason to be grateful for his help at one time or another.
“I’m called Lucifer here,” he grumbled.
What? But she didn’t get a chance to ask as he pushed off the wall to tower over her. He was a tall man, and she had to fight her instinct to cringe away. Especially as he spoke, his words clipped and angry.
“I know how late you came back last night.”
“I was at—”
“I know your hair was down, your face flushed, and your dress mussed.”
Um…really?
“And I know that you took several circles around Hyde Park.”
Oh, no.
“I am five and twenty, Titan—”
“Lucifer!” he snapped.
Right. “Lucifer, then. I am able to make my own choices.”
He touched her chin, tilting her face up until she looked him in the eyes. “Did he take advantage of you?” There was a growl to his words that made her shudder in fear. He was angry, but maybe not at her.
“No,” she rasped. “He did not take advantage.”
Silence while her face heated.
“Then, you allowed it.” His voice was low, but the violent edge was stronger.
“No!” she gasped. “Well, yes. A little. I… He…” Oh, my. His face was purpling in rage, but no more than hers was burning. She took a deep breath and invested strength into her words. “He asked, and I said no.”
“He asked!” The two words came exploding out of him, and though anybody else would have run away, she was used to loud men. Bellows of whatever emotion rarely rattled her.
“All men ask!” she retorted. “Unlike others, he accepted my answer.”
Titan…er, Lucifer’s eyes widened. “But you allowed him. You said—”
She sighed. “A little, yes. I’m five and twenty. Surely I’m allowed a kiss or two? You know where I work. You know that I’m not respectable.”
“On the contrary,” he responded. “I know exactly how respectable you are. Thisbe, there are any number of good men who would offer you marriage. Lysander and Demetrius—”
“Look more at my jewelry than they do at me,” she said. At least she knew Lord Byrn wanted her for herself and not her family’s business.
Lucifer sighed. “There are others who know the truth about you. Do not throw your lot in here.” He gave an expansive gesture that was meant to encompass what? The entire house? The ton? “They do not play by the same rules,” he said, his voice heavy.
She knew that. Didn’t she see them every night gaming at the tables or taking their pleasure from the upstairs girls? She shook her head about to say that she would make her own decisions. That she already knew all his warnings and had made the right choice last night. But this morning, her heart was singing another tune. Lord Byrn was coming to the house to see her. Her heart wanted to perform arias on the rooftop.
She never got a chance to voice her thoughts as Diana’s voice filled the hallway.
“What is the meaning of this?”
Both she and Lucifer jumped at her sharp tone. Diana was a petite woman, but her voice could cut as sharp as a knife. Lucifer sketched a bow.
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“My lady—”
“Footmen do not belong up here, Mr. Lucifer. And they certainly don’t harangue guests.”
“Just Lucifer,” he ground out. “And Miss Gold—”
“Gohar!” Amber hissed.
“Miss Gohar and I are well acquainted.”
“I do not care if you have been raised from the cradle together.” Diana stepped right up into his face. She could do that because he was still dipped in his bow, but the moment he stood, she was dwarfed by his size. And apparently not in the least bit intimidated. “You will not speak to my guest, you will not come to the upper floors unless requested, and you will not stand there like you belong here no matter what my brother has told you!”
Ah. There was the real problem. Lord Byrn had taken it upon himself to make changes in his sister’s staff. An excellent idea, by Amber’s reckoning, because Diana’s horrible stepson did not make idle threats. But Diana was obviously used to defending her position in the house and did not take kindly to the intrusion. That it helped keep Lucifer away from Amber was a side benefit.
Lucifer sketched another bow, not so much insolent as indulgent. As if he were giving way to a petulant child. “You will see no more of me this day, my lady.” Then he looked at Amber, and his expression was dark and unreadable. “Watch yourself, Miss. This is not your place.”
“I decide if this is her place,” Diana snapped. “She is welcome here, ergo—”
He shot a look at Lady Dunnamore. “Doesn’t she return home today? Am I not supposed to drive her there after luncheon?”
Diana’s eyes widened, and she looked at Amber. “You are leaving? I thought…” She swallowed. “I’d hoped you could remain for a bit longer. I received vouchers for Almack’s an hour ago, and I’ve set Maddy to altering one of my gowns.”
“Almack’s?” Amber breathed. “Truly?”
“Truly. And you can’t want to miss that.”
She didn’t. Never in a million years would she have thought to receive a voucher. The idea that she wouldn’t be able to go broke her heart. But… “I believe my business with your brother is over,” she finally admitted.