“I cannot guarantee it will be like before, but I shall try, Ferris… Mm, Ferris.”
“You don’t need to rush. Ferri will always be your ally, always by your side. Besides, it feels like the current Lady Crusch has discovered a new way to be beautiful.”
Ferris held her hand just as he had always done with the more valiant Crusch before. Ferris’s behavior made Subaru harbor complicated feelings inside himself.
Even though Crusch had changed so much, Ferris’s approach to her had not. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how much melancholy Ferris was hiding underneath that smile.
“Subaru…”
Then, as Subaru stood still, Emilia shifted her considerate gaze toward him. The sorrowful gaze made Subaru’s breath catch; he sat beside her as if it was the only natural thing to do.
“It’s all right, Emilia. I’ve calmed down now—I’m all right.”
His voice sounded all right. He maintained his calm. But he could not meet Emilia’s gaze; he was so busy acting nonchalant that he didn’t notice his hands were shaking.
“—Now that Sir Subaru and Lady Crusch have returned, let us begin our discussion.”
In a low voice, Wilhelm spoke, cutting short the awkward silence about to fill the air.
It was rare for Wilhelm to lead a discussion. Ferris, deducing that this was the Sword Devil clumsily trying to be considerate, reluctantly took up the role of guiding the conversation and spoke.
“Well, let’s do as Old Man Wil said… First, how about we go over the situation again?”
With those words, they began to discuss the events that had occurred after the fall of the White Whale and the Archbishop of the Seven Deadly Sins of Sloth.
The situation that had befallen Rem, Crusch, and the expeditionary force members with them had been very simple.
Having split from Subaru and his group, Rem and the others were in the middle of returning to the royal capital with the head recovered from the defeated White Whale when they had come under attack by separate Witch Cultists. As a result, half of the expeditionary force had been slain during its return journey—and according to the tale, the Iron Fangs, instantly separating at the direction of their lieutenant, had managed to escape losses of their own.
“The Iron Fangs that had fled returned with reinforcements from the capital, but…the Archbishops of the Seven Deadly Sins were gone, and all that remained were the dead and…”
“…Those in circumstances similar to mine, yes?”
Crusch finished off Ferris’s words, furling her brow with chagrin. The anguish of the expression that came over her was doubtless caused by how helpless she felt inside. After all, she couldn’t help but feel like what they were talking about had happened to someone else—
“Their own memories erased…was it. You think this is the work of the Archbishops of the Seven Deadly Sins, too?”
“I’m all but certain of it. There’ve been all kinds of reports of people with memory damage long before Lady Crusch and the others. They stated that the victims’ memories had suddenly vanished, and even healing spells could not restore them. The cause had been unknown until now, but considering Sloth…”
“—There is surely no doubt this is the Authority of a Archbishop of the Seven Deadly Sins of the Witch Cult.”
Wilhelm crossed his arms as he nodded grimly. The old man had a grave look on his face as he shifted his blade-like gaze toward Crusch. The gaze made Crusch unintentionally cringe.
“No, Lady Crusch, you are blameless. I am very sorry to have frightened you.”
“…It is I who am sorry for being such a timid liege. Master Wilhelm, I have striven to remember you as well, but…”
A faint tremor of pain passed through the side of the aged swordsman’s face when Crusch called him Master Wilhelm. No doubt he felt responsibility as the shameful retainer causing the lord to which he had offered his sword to put on such a painful display. Subaru felt similar regret, for now he knew painfully well just how deep Wilhelm’s loyalty ran.
“We finally took care of Sloth, only to have other Archbishops of the Seven Deadly Sins appear right after. That’s just the worst, meow. Well, we knew the Witch Cult would make a fuss as soon as Lady Emilia entered the royal selection, though…”
“…So it really is…my fault…?”
Emilia cast her eyes down slightly when Ferris pointed the conversation her way. “I suppose it is,” said Ferris, agreeing with Emilia’s faint murmur without the slightest hesitation. “Lady Emilia is a half-elf, so there was no way the Witch Cult would let this go. After all, they went from their usual creepy quiet act to causing this huge ruckus, so it’s definitely linked to that.”
“These people…hurt others because they hate half-demons…?”
“Hatred is painting it too softly. They’re obsessed with exterminating Lady Emilia…with exterminating all half-elves. This was just…a fraction of it.”
“A fraction, and they did such terrible things. Subaru, do you—?”
Emilia’s voice shook as she called Subaru’s name; her words caught in her throat. However, when her eyes met his, the interrupted words were conveyed to him nonetheless. Emilia was probably going to ask him…
Subaru, do you hate me too…?
“—! This is ridiculous. Ferris, think more carefully about how you phrase things. Don’t say it like Emilia’s at fault. It’s those scumbags at fault through and through.”
Seeing Emilia racked by guilt, Subaru felt hurt by the implication and rose to defend her. He glared at Ferris, rebuking him for his barbed demeanor toward Emilia throughout.
“Don’t blame the wrong person. Hurting your allies by mistake doesn’t help anything.”
“Hmm, that sounds convincing when Subawu says it. Guess you have prior experience?”
“—!”
The sarcasm contained crystal clear malice toward Subaru. Hence Subaru grit his teeth and unwittingly began to get up. But a moment before he did so—
“Ferris—I cannot ignore what you have said just now. Apologize.”
Before Subaru could put strength into his knees, it was none other than Crusch who scolded Ferris.
Wearing her dress, Crusch, who was so frail until that moment, tightened her expression; she sternly rebuked her own knight for his rudeness, training a bold, sharp gaze upon him like the Crusch of old.
“As Master Subaru Natsuki has stated, it is clear who should bear the blame for this matter. Also, you have no standing to mock him for stating an opinion that is correct. You understand, yes?”
“…Yes, Lady Crusch.”
The current Crusch softened her stern speech slightly at the end. Her words and actions were very much like her, something that surprised Subaru.
Ferris, not yet able to hide the surprise on his own face, bowed his head toward Subaru and Emilia.
“Lady Emilia, I apologize for my rudeness. And Subawu, sorry, ’kay?”
“You litt— Nah, it’s fine. More importantly, let’s get back on track. I pretty much understand Crusch’s…memory-loss incident. That leaves Rem……the people wiped from other folks’ memories.”
Subaru responded to Ferris’s apology, farcical to the bitter end, by moving on to Rem’s situation, the main issue—or at least the main issue to him.
“Mind you, Rem’s not just some delusion on my part. She’s a…very important girl to me. We wouldn’t have beaten the White Whale without her, either.”
“Sir Subaru…”
Wilhelm, too, lowered his voice as Subaru rued the difference in how the memories had been consumed.
Unlike Crusch, who had lost her own memories, Rem had been erased from the memories of others. The memory damage of the attacked expeditionary force’s victims was split between those two symptoms. But where the latter case was concerned, Subaru and the others knew of similar previous cases.
“Like the effect of the White Whale’s mist, meow. The people erased by that mist are erased from everyone’s memories.�
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“According to Sir Subaru’s information, the White Whale is associated with Gluttony. If that demon beast could do it, the Archbishops of the Seven Deadly Sins that attacked Lady Crusch and the others are connected to Gluttony as well.”
“So the Authority of an Archbishop of the Seven Deadly Sins…huh… Ferris, you’ve examined Rem’s body, I take it?”
Rem, sleeping in bed that very moment, had already had all her external injuries healed. When Subaru asked if Ferris had diagnosed anything other than external wounds, Ferris shook his head.
“To put it bluntly, I found nothing unusual—even though the result certainly is. The same goes for how the body continues to sleep, not waking no matter what anyone does. It’s Sleeping Princess symptoms through and through.”
“…What’d you say?”
Subaru raised an eyebrow at the abrupt metaphor. But in Ferris’s place, Emilia lifted up her face and spoke.
“I’ve heard of it before. Certainly the symptoms are sleeping and never waking up…aren’t they? Also, the people affected never hunger, nor do they age.”
“It is an illness rarely seen even in this large a kingdom. There have been various reports of people falling into a Sleeping Princess state, but I have never heard of any of them awakening. Besides the issue of disappearing from memory, the symptoms match.”
Wilhelm added to what Emilia had to say, but his voice sounded far more grounded in reality. Perhaps an acquaintance of his had fallen into a Sleeping Princess state.
Either way, nothing related to the Sleeping Princess condition, or Rem’s situation in general, was beyond the realm of speculation.
“So short of asking Gluttony, there’s no way to know the details. In the end, there’s no avoiding slamming into the Witch Cult again. I was prepared for that, though…”
Subaru glanced at the side of Emilia’s face as he verbally renewed his determination to oppose the Witch Cult.
The Cult’s obsession with half-elves would doubtless cast a shadow on Emilia’s path thereafter. Even without the Rem issue, they couldn’t avoid clashing again. Hence, in his own thoughts, he became even more resolved than before.
“So, Subawu, your side is planning to be all gung ho and face the Witch Cult, meow… I see.”
Ferris seemed tired somehow as he sighed.
And then—
“In that case, can we just…forget about that alliance agreement, meow?”
“—”
Ferris’s nonchalantly tossed words brought a silent chill to the air.
For a moment Subaru didn’t understand just what had been said. However, the instant comprehension caught up inside him, his insides grew hot with rage.
“What do you mean by that? How does what we were talking about lead to talk of scrapping the alliance?”
But despite his anger, Subaru asked the question in a calm voice that belied the burning in his chest. Ferris was not someone who would speak out of turn without a thought. At the very least, Subaru trusted that he would not do such a thing.
Subaru hadn’t shouted in anger, and Ferris put on a surprised look as he spoke.
“I said exactly what I meant. An alliance is formed out of mutual benefit…but the pros are now outweighed by the cons, right? So I thought that cooperating now is meaningless, meow.”
“What about the mining rights for the forest? Maybe you think that all debts are paid for helping with the White Whale and the Witch Cult, but…”
“—You’re telling us to cooperate even when the Witch Cult will keep going after Lady Emilia? Subawu, can you promise me that Lady Crusch won’t be hurt even more in the process?”
“Th-that’s…”
When Ferris asked him that, Subaru hesitated to continue. Seeing the drastic change in Crusch, he could not reject Ferris’s concern out of hand. After all, Subaru bore wounds at least as deep as his.
Accordingly, the task of telling Ferris he was wrong did not fall to Subaru.
“Ferris, I must disagree.”
Still sitting in his chair, Wilhelm glanced at the side of Ferris’s face as he spoke. Ferris glared at the Sword Devil for raising a dissenting voice from within.
“Why are you against this, Old Man Wil? With Gluttony attacking Lady Crusch like this, what’s the point of cooperating with Lady Emilia’s side any longer?”
“In doing so…an opportunity to avenge our liege against Gluttony shall surely come.”
“—! Are you saying that’s more important than Lady Crusch’s life?!”
Wilhelm, calm in his rebuttal to the end, caused Ferris’s emotions to finally explode. Ferris looked down at his own palm as he bit his lip in regret before he continued.
“If we involve ourselves with the Cult again, more things like this will happen. When that time comes, the current Lady Crusch won’t be able to defend herself—and I won’t be able to help her.”
“Ferris…”
Subaru understood that Ferris felt something close to hatred when he looked at his own pale fingers. Coming into contact with a small portion of that anger had made Subaru finally comprehend the feelings of remorse behind them.
Subaru harbored a sense of powerlessness just like the one tormenting Ferris.
Ferris hated himself for not having the strength to protect Crusch, someone so dear to his heart. Even his healing magic, purported to be among the best, was unable to aid Crusch as she was now—
“It must be very hard for Lady Crusch, too. Not being able to remember anything, understand anything…so she wouldn’t even think of fighting like this. Right? …Right?”
When Ferris looked back at Crusch, seemingly clinging to her, his expression crumbled. He lost the usual, everyday look he’d maintained until moments before, having hidden the frailty of that face, on the verge of tears at any moment, behind a paper-thin shell.
Everything he did, he did because he wished with all his heart not to let Crusch get hurt—
“When it comes to your memory, I’m sure I’ll manage to fix it somehow. Even if my magic is useless at the moment, I’ll figure it out eventually. So please, don’t do anything dangero—”
“Ferris, thank you for worrying about me.”
When Ferris pleaded with her, showing how he truly felt, Crusch smiled gently toward him.
However, what lay behind that smile was not the look of a liege acceding to her retainer’s request to pull back from danger. What lay behind it was firm will and resolve.
Faced with Ferris’s heartfelt plea, she still had the will to gently but strongly reject it, and the resolve to fight.
The memories inside her might have vanished, but the will of Crusch Karsten persisted.
Even Subaru could tell. There was no way that Ferris, her very own knight, could not.
Crusch put her own hand over Ferris’s shaking hand; then she firmly looked at Subaru and the others.
“There is still much I do not understand. I cannot remember a single thing about who I once was. I believe that you will all find contact with me to be bewildering… Even so, let me first thank all of you for holding me so dear.”
“Lady Cruuusch…”
“Ferris, I understand that your words are founded in genuine concern. I understand the path you wish to lead me down by the hand… To follow your words means to walk a path of safety…but…”
One by one, Crusch looked between Subaru and the others, finally gazing gently at Ferris, whose voice was tearful.
“I do not wish to know nothing, understand nothing, and simply be swept away. If a choice must be made, I want to make it on my own, and not do as others say—I intend to continue striving for that.”
Even without her memories, she still had the utmost respect for free will.
Perhaps a person’s will and character rested not in memories, but somewhere else. Crusch had lost her past, yet even so, Subaru couldn’t help but think that the Crusch he saw before him was strong.
Perhaps this was the soul that the old Crusch had on
ce spoken about.
“—Uu, ngh, haafh!”
“Now that Lady Crusch has spoken, it would seem we do not desire to break off the alliance.”
“Correct. Lady Emilia, Master Subaru Natsuki, we have caused you a great deal of trouble.”
Ferris, who had broken into tears, was no longer in any state to continue the conversation. In his place, Wilhelm carried on, Crusch apologizing as she cradled Ferris in her arms.
“No, that’s all right… We are in no position to complain. We must reunite with Ram and those who evacuated to the Sanctuary and discuss things thoroughly with Roswaal.”
“You have my thanks. Master Subaru Natsuki, are you satisfied with this conclu—”
“—Yeah, it’s fine. Besides that, what’s happening with Anastasia and her people?”
Subaru agreed with Emilia and Crusch that they should uphold their alliance; at the end he invoked yet another name. This was the name of someone not participating in this final meeting, even though she was directly involved with both the White Whale and Sloth—for dealing with Anastasia Hoshin was a difficult issue for both camps.
“…Julius is one thing, but there’s no way Lady Anastasia won’t use this to her advantage, meow.”
Ferris sniffled, and his eyes were red as he murmured resentfully from within Crusch’s arms.
In point of fact, Crusch’s position in the royal selection—she had been deemed the most powerful royal candidate by the public—had been deeply shaken. That was an enormous issue, even compared to the honor of defeating the White Whale, and there was no way Anastasia would not exploit it.
“But she wants to share the credit for the White Whale, too, right? How about hiding what happened with Crusch?”
“That’s what…I was going to say. Subaru, can you…keep things secret until we decide how to deal with this? This is an extra condition for the alliance, okay…?”
Ferris said the last part rather quickly, as if trying to shoo Subaru away. Subaru almost felt like complaining about how self-serving he was, going from trying to erase the alliance to adding new conditions, but—
“Yeah, got it—since you asked with a crying face and all.”
Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-, Vol. 9 Page 25