by Kelly Myers
“Ok, I’m grabbing a few things now,” Zoe says. “Did you get caught?”
I hear her moving about her apartment, scooping up keys and a jacket.
“No,” I say. “But Leo and I had a fight last night, but then we made up. But then I found out he told his friends about how he hired me.”
“What? That makes no sense. What is this guy’s deal?”
“I just got so caught up in it,” I say. “I don’t even know how to describe it. I just feel totally out of control.”
Zoe hums in sympathy. “It’s ok, I’m gonna be there very soon.”
“Ok.” I lean back against the bench. “Thank you.”
“And you can tell me everything he did and we can plot revenge.”
“Alright.” I let out a small laugh. “I haven’t exactly been on my best behavior either.”
“Well, I’m sure you had your reasons,” Zoe says. “I’m obviously on your side.”
I hear her open and close a door, and then I hear her walking down stairs towards her car.
“Do you want me to stay on the phone with you while I drive?” Zoe asks.
“No,” I say. “I don’t want anyone to overhear me. I’ll just find some place to hunker down in for two hours.”
Zoe scoffs. “I can make it in less than 2 hours.”
I smile to myself. Zoe is a bit of a speed demon.
“Be careful though,” I say. “You getting a ticket would really turn this night from bad to worse.”
Zoe chuckles. “Don’t worry about me.”
I smile. I don’t even have the words to express my gratitude to my friend right now. She hasn’t even demanded a full explanation even though I know Zoe must be dying of curiosity. She just took action, and she’s already in the car to come pick me up.
“Zoe,” I say. “Thank you.”
“You would do the same for me,” Zoe says.
“But you would never agree to be someone’s fake girlfriend and get yourself into this kind of a catastrophe,” I say.
Zoe laughs, and the sound of her mirth is so soothing. “That’s true.”
“Ok, I’ll let you focus on saving me,” I say.
“Will do,” Zoe says. “And I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I hang up the phone, and tears prick my eyes. I’m still devastated, but at least I have my friends in my life.
I cross my arms and let out a massive sigh. I tip my head back and look up at the full summer moon. I want to cry until I have no tears left, but I know I have to keep it together for a few more hours. I still need to get to the room to grab my stuff without seeing Leo.
The worst part is, I don’t even know why I’m so upset. I’ve liked men before who have liked other women. Usually, I just get over it. I have no interest in playing games or being in a competition, so if a guy is deciding between me and someone else, I just walk away.
I think I just really wanted Leo to choose me. I wanted to believe that he desired me and no one else. I wanted to believe that my growing feelings were matched by his.
Despite all the rules of logic, I believed that maybe we had something. But not only is he choosing Abby, he told everyone about our stupid arrangement. Truth be told, it’s slightly more embarrassing for him, but even so, I don’t like being blindsided.
What are these people going to say about me now? They will all tell stories for years to come. Remember Marianne, that lady Leo hired to be his wedding date? Wonder what happened to her. She’s probably addicted to drugs or something.
I shouldn’t care what these people think, but still I do. It’s the performer in me. I want to be loved and adored by every single audience.
Although, I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t have cared about what all the other guests said about me, if only Leo liked me.
I check the time again. It’s only been a few minutes since Zoe and I hung up. This is going to be a very long two hours.
I’m so lost in thought that I don’t hear the footsteps approaching.
“Marianne, I’ve been looking all over for you.”
27
Leo stands tall, and in the moonlight I can make out his expression of mild annoyance. As if I’m the naughty child who ran away in a fit of brattiness.
Fury swells in my chest. How dare he act like I owe him anything? Like I shouldn’t have abandoned him after he threw me under the bus for the sake of winning over Abby.
He doesn’t deserve my loyalty. He certainly doesn’t deserve my respect.
“I don’t want to talk to you.” I stand up and cross my arms.
“Why did you just leave?” Leo asks. “What did Vince say?”
I roll my eyes. “Oh nothing much, he just revealed that he knows I’m not your real girlfriend thanks to the little chat you had with Abby yesterday.”
Leo goes stock still. His eyes widen, and he knows he’s been caught. Whatever he thought Abby would do after their conversation, apparently he didn’t foresee her spilling our secret.
“So yeah, I’m not going to stick around at a party where everyone is going to think I’m a crazy call girl, and you’re a psycho.” I’m actually getting a sick satisfaction out of watching Leo’s face go pale and worried as he realizes what has happened. Plus the anger keeps me from crying, and that is absolutely crucial. No matter what happens, I can not cry in front of Leo. He must never know the depth of my feelings for him. It would be too embarrassing.
I take a step towards him and point an accusing finger. “You’re a jerk, you know that! I thought maybe you had a shred of humanity, but no, you’re every bit as cruel as all your awful friends! You told Abby that I’m this desperate cheap barista, and I don’t mean anything, so you can be with her and you can both live your perfect high-powered couple life.”
I’m laying it on thick, and it’s clearly getting under Leo’s skin. He steps forward as well, and shakes his head.
“I didn’t tell anyone that,” Leo says.
“And now you’re lying,” I say. “How did Vince know if you didn’t tell? I certainly didn’t go around blabbering anything.”
“No, I told Abby, but it’s not what you think.”
I slice my hand through the air. I’ve had enough with him and his lies about Abby. He needs to just admit that she’s the one he wants, and I’m just the slut he used for sex.
“Leo, I don’t know what to think anymore, because I just feel like an idiot.” My shoulders deflate as some of my anger evaporates. “I knew it was a bad idea to do this with you, I just wanted a distraction.”
“A distraction.” Leo repeats me, his voice flat and expressionless. “That’s what you would call this.”
I wave my hand in the air. “A distraction, a mistake, a disaster. Any of those words.”
“Well, I didn’t realize you were having such an awful time, or I would have let you leave at any point.” Leo’s voice is as cold as ice. “You were obviously free to go at any point.”
It’s such a stern dismissal that I recoil. His words sting like little daggers.
“Right,” I say. “You probably would have preferred it if I had just left as soon as Abby was jealous and you had your shot with her. Then you could have been with her all day.”
I caught sight of Abby earlier at the wedding. She barely registered, I was so preoccupied with what had occurred between me and Leo. She was wearing a neat blue dress, and her hair was in a complicated braid. I didn’t see her doing much dancing, and I thought nothing of it. But the whole time, she was probably whispering about me and judging me and just waiting for me to go away so she and Leo could be together. They probably were making secret eye contact and sharing meaningful looks while I teared up at the ceremony.
They probably have a whole plan to get together once they’re back in Chicago. They’ll go on the perfect first date to a fancy steak restaurant, and they will always be perfectly dressed, and their work schedules will align to a T. I’ll just be that silly barista with a pipedream that played a suppo
rting role in their amazing love story.
My stomach flips as I imagine Abby joining Leo for his morning coffee at Lucy’s. I’ll have to quit. I couldn’t see them every morning, smiling and happy and perfect. I physically couldn’t hand over Leo his dark roast with two splendas and then make whatever Abby drinks. Probably something equally as boring like an Americano with steamed almond milk. I would die. I would have to either leave my job or figure out a way to get Leo banned from the premises.
I look up at Leo as his face twists with rage and annoyance. That’s what I’ve become to him: a nuisance. A dramatic girl who storms off and has to be dealt with so he can get to Abby.
“I didn’t want you to leave yesterday.” Leo’s voice is electric with fury. “Why are you being so immature?”
For some reason, that comment hits me like a punch to the gut. The wind falls out of my sails, and all my anger and justified rage disappears. That’s what he thinks of me. I’m being immature. I’m being too emotional when I should be professional. I’m on a job, after all. I feel sick. Maybe even last night in bed, that was part of the job, as far as he’s concerned.
In an instant, tears rush to my eyes. I try to keep them in, but my will power isn’t that strong. Or it isn’t right now anyway.
I’m so glad it’s dark. I turn away from Leo. He can’t see me cry. He just can’t.
“Sorry,” I whisper. “Sorry I’m too difficult and weird and immature for your liking.”
My voice picks up strength as I speak, and I know what I have to do. I turn back towards Leo. He is opening and closing his mouth like a confused fish.
“Marianne,” he says. “I have to –”
I hold up my hand to cut him off. “No. I’m leaving.”
I dig around in my purse and pull out my wallet. I open it and scoop up all the cash I have. It’s only about two hundred bucks (and it’s only that much because I believe in having an emergency stash when you travel), but it’s a start. I shove the crumbled bills into Leo’s hands, and then pull away.
He stands there staring down in total confusion at the money.
“I’ll pay you back the rest of what you gave me for the bridal shower,” I say. “And, don’t you dare try to pay me for this weekend.”
A look of guilt washes over Leo’s face. He thought I was so desperate for money, I would do anything. He has underestimated my pride. I won’t accept money for this. I don’t want money for what happened between us.
I know that in his head, he probably doesn’t think the sex is connected to the money. He thinks it was just a fun thing we did together because we could. He’s a man, and men get to think like that. I can’t think like that. The sex is tied up with the performance and this entire weekend and him. And I can’t have Leo be a guy who is paying me in any way.
“No, Marianne, I can’t take this.” He holds the money out. He’s no longer angry, just confused and hurt.
That just makes me disgusted. He has no right to be hurt right now. I’m the one who is hurting. He’s the guy who got it all. A fake girlfriend to impress his dumb friends. A casual hook-up he can walk away from. The perfect woman, waiting back in that tent for him.
“Let me explain,” Leo says.
I may not be an expert on men or love. But even I know that “let me explain” are the three worst words a man can say. When a man says that, it’s because he’s done something wrong, but he’s trying to make excuses. I don’t want Leo’s excuses. In fact, if I have to be in Leo’s presence for any longer, I’m not going to be able to hold back the tears.
“Have a nice life,” I stammer.
Then I turn and storm down the path. I pick up speed even though it’s clear that Leo is not even trying to follow me. Handing him the money was a good idea. It not only eased some of my guilt over taking it in the first place, but it stunned him enough that he was too shell-shocked to keep talking or chase after me.
I don’t expect him to chase me. Leo is not the type to go running after a girl. He doesn’t like that kind of thing. He likes everything neat and tidy. He likes simple and easy. A reliable girlfriend with a good career who always wears the appropriate thing and says the polite words.
I know I can’t be that woman, so I shouldn’t have even wanted to be with him. I think that’s the worst part.
After twenty-six years of knowing exactly who I am and what I want, Leo made me question all of that.
I’m not saying I was willing to give up on my dreams for him, I haven’t completely regressed. It just felt like Leo could be a good thing. Something I would compromise for. Or rather, if I had Leo, I wouldn’t be so sad if I missed out on other things.
It sounds crazy, and being alone with these thoughts while I jog around a lakeside inn in the middle of the night is not helping my mental state.
I remind myself something my mother used to say: “You haven’t lost anything if it wasn’t the thing you thought it was.”
I come to a stop near the front of the inn. I peak through the windows, and the lobby looks pretty empty, so I tiptoe in and head for the stairs. Luckily, we were given two keys to the room, and I have one. I unlock the door and sit down on the bed. I can’t stay long, but I just need to sit for a second.
Leo is not the guy I believed him to be. If he could try to win Abby over by telling her he’s actually single, and then a few hours later tell me he didn’t want Abby, but me. Well, then at best he is confused, and at worst he’s the most reprehensible liar and manipulator I’ve ever met.
I had somehow started to believe that Leo was kind and funny and hardworking and all these other amazing things. I thought he appreciated me as well. Despite our differences, it seemed like he was beginning to respect my life choices. He seemed interested in my singing at least.
And, I felt like he appreciated my other skills. He liked my personality. We had good conversations.
It was all a lie though. I was not the only one faking. The Leo I was falling for was an illusion, nothing more. So, I haven’t lost him. He just never existed in the first place.
I look around the room. I need to pack up my things as fast as I can and find some place safe to wait for Zoe.
I inhale and smell Leo. His clothes are still hanging in the closet. I wonder if he’ll bring Abby back here tonight, but that thought is too painful. I squeeze my eyes shut and several tears fall out. I bury my face in my hands, and at last I let out all my emotion.
I cry for a bit, and when I’m done I splash cold water on my face. I feel a bit better. Or at least, my throat no longer hurts from swallowing the tears.
I don’t have the energy to pack anything in a neat fashion. I can’t even bring myself to change out of my dress. I just throw all my clothes back in my suitcase in a pile, grab my toiletries from the bathroom and squash it all down.
As I creep back down to the lobby, I decide it’s for the best that I’m still in my dress. If a stray guest happens to see me, I won’t look so out of place. I’ll just have to stand in front of my suitcase.
When I reach the lobby, the concierge gives me a curious look. I meet his gaze and shrug. “I’m kinda in the middle of a break-up.”
To my surprise, the concierge cracks a commiserating smile. He beckons me over.
“Are you leaving?” he asks.
“Yes, but my ride won’t be here for over an hour,” I say.
“You can sit in the employee break room.” The concierge gives me a wink. “Avoid anyone you don’t want to see.”
I nearly weep with gratitude. “Thank you!”
Within minutes, I’m settled in the break room and chatting with the bartender. Her name is Amy, and she wants to be a screenwriter. She picks up shifts as a bartender to pay her bills while she works on her script. I tell her I’m in the same boat.
We commiserate over the starving artist lifestyle, and then we make fun of the other wedding guests a bit. It’s all extremely cathartic.
I realize as I sit there with Amy, I’m exactly where I belong. Le
o belongs out there in his fancy suit with his snobby friends. And I belong here, chatting with someone who understands me, after reclaiming a bit of my pride by hurling that money at Leo.
28
Zoe is true to her word. Just under two hours from the moment I called her, my phone rings.
“I’m pulling into the parking lot,” Zoe says.
I let out a gasp of relief. “Ok I’m coming.”
“You just wanna hop in and go?” Zoe asks. “You sure you don’t want me to come in and beat someone up?”
I laugh, even though I know the offer is serious. Zoe is tiny, but she’s surprisingly strong from all her fitness classes she takes at her gym.
“No, I just need to get out of here.”
I grab my bag and say goodbye to Amy and the man at the concierge.
Then I dash through the lobby. My heart leaps with joy as I emerge from the doors and see Zoe’s car pulling up.
Then I nearly scream when the back window rolls down and Beatrice pops her head out. I run over to the car. Bea leaps out and embraces me. Elena emerges from the passenger side and hugs me as well.
Zoe grins from her place behind the wheel. “I brought in back-up.”
“Yeah,” Bea says. “So, if you wanna change your mind about us beating someone up, we’re ready to go!”
I give her an extra hard squeeze and shake my head.
“You look really beautiful,” Elena says.
“Yeah, that dress is stunning,” Bea says.
I shake my head. “I’m a mess, let’s just go.”
I glance over my shoulder, all of a sudden paranoid that Leo is hot on my heels, despite the fact that he hasn’t appeared to be searching for me in the slightest over the last hour and a half. He probably slunk right back to the wedding tent.
I hope he drinks too much and has an awful hangover tomorrow.
I turn back to Elena and Bea and see them also fixating on the front of the inn. They want a glimpse of Leo. I don’t blame them for being curious, but there’s no way I’m going back for a round 2.