I looked over at the contestants. There were two stunning black girls. One with short hair and amazing high cheekbones and a strong athletic body, the other had long hair like silk and could have been Naomi Campbell’s younger sister. Chatting to them was a stunning curvy Indian girl who also had long black hair and big brown doe eyes. ‘Maybe Nita,’ I said. ‘I reckon she could play a goddess in a Bollywood film, she’s so perfect.’
‘I guess it depends on what the judges are looking for though, doesn’t it?’ said Flo.
‘Not after today,’ I said. ‘After five o’clock, it’s over to the public for the final choice. I reckon it will depend on who has the most friends.’
‘Or who’s good at using the Net,’ said Flo. ‘If we’re serious, we should get everyone on Facebook to ask their friends to ask their friends to ask their friends and so on.’
‘You do realise that our votes will be halved then because we know all the same people, go to the same school,’ I said.
Flo shrugged. ‘Maybe they could vote twice!’
‘I think Misaki’s in with a good chance too,’ I said as we watched a beautiful Japanese girl, who was near to us, apply kohl to her eyes. ‘She’s got her own look.’
Flo nodded. ‘She does stand out,’ she agreed. Misaki dressed like a Victorian waif with strong dark make-up and her hair piled high on her head. Her dress sense reminded me of Riko Mori, a teenage girl whose family had an apartment at Porchester Park. She was away at school so I rarely saw her but when she was home, she dressed in an eccentric style all of her own. She wasn’t as friendly as Misaki was either – unlike some of the other contestants, Misaki always had a ready smile and was happy to chat while we were waiting about.
‘God, they’re all gorgeous,’ I said. ‘The blonde girls still in the competition are stunning too and both so different.’ One was stick thin with a boy’s figure and an elfin face, the other was a Barbie lookalike, a picture of health with thick golden hair and a radiant wide smile which showed whiter than white perfect teeth.
‘I feel so bland next to them,’ I said.
‘Me too,’ said Flo.
‘You’re not bland,’ I said. ‘There’s no-one else like you in the competition. You’re our token romantic.’ With her big grey dreamy eyes, Flo was the perfect English rose.
‘What do you think of Keira’s chances?’ I asked.
Flo shrugged. ‘She’s striking, no doubt about that, but there’s a hardness in her eyes which could work for some shots but not for others. I reckon she’ll lose out on votes though as she doesn’t know that many people over here.’
‘Maybe, but people don’t have to live in the UK to vote. Once it goes onto the Net, she could get her Australian mates to vote.’
‘Keira doesn’t strike me as the kind of girl who has a lot of mates,’ said Flo. ‘She’s not a girl’s girl.’
I glanced at the other brunette besides me in the competition. Like the others, she was very pretty with shoulder-length layered hair. ‘God, I don’t know what I’m doing here.’
‘Stop being so down on yourself, Jess. You’re as good-looking as the rest of them.’
‘But bland. I think I look ordinary.’
‘Ah but that’s what works sometimes. Not that you’re ordinary, I didn’t mean that, but to be a model, you have to be versatile, be able to do a whole range of looks. Sometimes they need a face that’s a blank canvas but can be made to look glamorous or sporty. Like Misaki, she’s got such a strong look but that might be her only look.’
‘Maybe. It’s a shame we can’t all go in the room for the shots together. I’d like to have watched everyone and see what they do.’
‘Me too,’ said Flo. ‘I find it hard when anyone points a camera and says smile. I always look so false.’
‘Think of something funny or someone you fancy,’ I said. ‘Think of Alexei or . . . Charlie.’
‘If I thought about Charlie I’d probably look cross,’ said Flo. ‘Or like I wanted to kill someone!’
‘Why?’
‘Oh, you know.’
‘Do you still like him?’
‘After a five-year crush, what do you think? But we both know he’s not interested.’
‘Ah but do we? What about Alexei? I thought it was love and Charlie was history.’
Flo shrugged. ‘Alexei’s great but . . .’
‘What?’
‘I don’t know. Something’s missing, like when we kiss. Not that I’ve kissed many boys but the ones I have kissed, it felt like they were with me, they come forward and it’s a mutual thing. I feel with Alexei that he’s . . . oh I don’t know. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s no real chemistry. I don’t feel anything – so maybe it’s me not him. I like him, but love? No. Not this time.’
‘So what are you going to do?’
‘I’ve been putting off telling him. I don’t want to hurt his feelings and I know he’s lonely. He doesn’t know many people here in London.’
‘But if you’re not into him, you have to tell him.’
Flo nodded. ‘I know. I will.’
‘You can still hang out, be friends.’
‘I hope so. I do like him. I reckon we’d be good friends. He’s sweet and it’s been fun hanging out at his apartment.’
‘How do you feel about that? Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough?
‘How?’
‘Like not rich enough?’
Flo looked surprised. ‘God no. I don’t think stuff like that matters if you like each other. Would you look down on someone who wasn’t as well off as you?’
‘Oh. I don’t think so. No. I never even think about stuff like that. I either like someone or not.’
‘So why should Alexei or any of them at Porchester Park be any different? Not if they’re nice people. My gran says someone can only make you feel inferior if you give them permission. I think I know what she means, like the problem’s in you, not them.’
Suzie appeared at the door. ‘Jessica Hall. You’re next.’
I got up to go. Flo gave me the thumbs up. ‘Just relax. And you think of Tom or JJ,’ she said with a smile.
‘I will,’ I said. ‘And . . . about Charlie.’
‘What about him?’
‘I think he may have just woken up to you,’ I said.
Flo’s face lit up. ‘Really? Has he said something?’
‘Come on, Jessica,’ urged Suzie.
I followed her into a room that had been set up with cameras, lights and a plain backdrop. Derek was standing at the back with a camera.
‘Oh, it’s you!’ I said.
He nodded. ‘Yep, and I can tell you I prefer doing this to being a judge. So, come on in and stand in the centre over there.’
I went to the spot he’d indicated. It was hard to see because the lights were so bright.
‘OK, relax,’ said Derek. ‘Shoulders down. I’m not going to bite, well, only a little. Now, look into the camera, tilt your head, that’s it.’ He immediately started to fire off shots then suddenly stopped. ‘No, no. You looked like someone’s just pinched your bum. Relax. You’re too stiff. What’s your name again?’
‘Jess.’
‘OK, Jess. Let’s go again. Head right, head left. Chin up, chin down, that’s it. Stick your tongue out. Pout. Sneer at me. Smile at me. Flirt with the camera. Get into it. Give me as many different expressions as you can. We only need a couple of shots. Forget about me, pretend you’re in an acting class and the brief is for twenty expressions in twenty seconds. Go for it.’
I did my best and tried to think about different things, starting with JJ.
‘Good, good, better,’ said Derek.
I kept trying to focus on JJ but Tom’s image kept coming in. Tom flirting, Tom prancing in front of me, some of the things he’d said, the first time we’d kissed. Get out of my mind, Tom Robertson, I thought. Out, out, out.
‘No, no, no, NO,’ said Derek from behind his camera. ‘You’ve lost it. You look worr
ied, too anxious. I said happy thoughts! What on earth were you thinking about?’
‘Oh, er just someone.’
‘A boy?’
I nodded.
‘You like him?’
‘No. OK, maybe, yes. I don’t know.’
‘He’s trouble?’
‘A player.’
‘Ah. He’s cute?’
‘And some. He knows it too. He’s so full of himself.’
OK,’ said Derek. ‘Let’s try this then, imagine him in the most droopy unflattering pair of Y-fronts, nothing else, his knees are knocked, his legs skinny and a bird just pooed right on his perfect head.’
I burst out laughing and Derek fired a shot. ‘Got it, Jess. Great.’ He fired a few more rounds. ‘Right. Now let’s go for a more moody shot. Think about something sad.’
No problem there. I thought about my mum. How she would have loved to have been here. How she’d have loved hearing about every small detail of the competition. She was so brave in the last months before she died. The only time she cried was when we talked about my future and she realised all the times she was going to miss. Times like this.
‘Wow,’ said Derek. ‘You can do sad all right, Jess. Hope it’s not about the same boy.’
I shook my head. ‘No.’
‘Don’t want to talk about it?’
I shook my head again.
‘We’ll move on,’ said Derek. ‘Now let’s have some fun. Think about something mad. No. Pretend someone’s doing something mad right next to you and you’re watching. Go.’
No problem there either. I thought about Pia. Pia pretending to be an alien at school, telling people to save themselves when we were bright orange. Pia attempting to dry my dad’s duvet with a hairdryer once when Dave had weed on it. Lying on the floor, laughing as Dave sat smugly on the bed. Derek moved around me shooting.
‘Excellent,’ he said. ‘Now we’re cooking. Once more to camera. OK. Jess, you’re done.’
That wasn’t so bad, I thought as I headed out the door. I liked Derek. He had a fatherly quality and made it easy by talking and telling me what to do and think.
Once everyone had done their close-up, we were told to go out for an hour and grab some lunch while the judges decided who were the final ten. Flo and I headed off to a café down the road where we bought soup and a roll. Flo called Meg and I called Pia to fill them in on the morning’s events. My phone had another message from JJ.
Look forward to seeing you in over a week. XX.
Part of me wanted to text him back but I didn’t because I still wanted to maintain that I was cool and not appear too easy. He was probably having a great time where he was, surrounded by rich, gorgeous girls and not missing me at all.
When we got back to Atlas Buildings after lunch, there was the usual tense atmosphere as waited for the results. Misaki told us that Tanisha had arrived while we were out and it wasn’t long before she came through with the judges.
‘Oh, with the long faces,’ she said when she saw us all sitting there in silence. ‘I know it’s hard but as I said last time, it’s good practice for if you really do ever go into modelling. It’s a competitive world and you have to be tough to take the knocks so it’s best to find out now if you’ve got what it takes.’
Derek motioned to a young man at the back who was standing behind a projector. ‘Let’s see how you all did this morning, hey? I bet you’re all dying to see how everyone did.’
Moments later, a slideshow of our shots played onto a screen. Some of them were fabulous and I could see so clearly that some girls were so much more photogenic than others. Some girls who looked stunning in the flesh didn’t look so good in their shots and others who weren’t quite as stunning looked amazing in their photos. Keira looked fantastic, broody and sultry, looking straight into camera through half-closed eyes. Flo’s weren’t so great. She looked like she didn’t want to be there never mind have her photo taken. Misaki’s were brilliant. In some, she looked like she had real attitude, in others, she looked soft and vulnerable. Suddenly mine flashed up.
‘Wow,’ Flo whispered when the first shot flashed up. ‘That’s fantastic. You’ll definitely get through.’
It took me a moment to recognise myself and when I did, I had to admit, it was a great shot. It was the photo that Derek had taken when I was thinking about how Pia makes me laugh and I looked relaxed and totally at ease.
‘It’s going to be hard for the judges and the public. Everyone looks great,’ I said.
After we’d seen the results of Derek’s work, we were asked to line up.
‘I’m not going to get through,’ Flo whispered.
I squeezed her hand. ‘Course you are.’
‘No, I don’t mind. I’ve had it with these line-ups. I always want to laugh when it gets tense.’
‘Me too.’
Once more the judges stared at us and we stared back. After what seemed an eternity, five girls were asked to step forward. Flo was one of them. Keira and Misaki were left in the line behind with me.
‘I am sorry, girls, but you won’t be going any further this time,’ said Tanisha. When she saw that some of them were in tears, she went and gave them a hug and had an individual chat with them.
The line with me realised that we’d got through and in an instant, there were hugs and tears and jumping up and down. I felt strangely removed from it all. I was through. Keira was through. ‘Congratulations,’ she said and gave me a hug.
‘Oh. Yes. You too,’ I said. I looked over at Flo. She gave me the thumbs up and grinned.
‘Sorry about your friend,’ said Keira then went off to air-kiss the skinny blonde girl who’d got through. Flo came over to join me.
‘I don’t mind that I’m out, honestly,’ she said as she put on her jacket to go. ‘I knew my shots didn’t go well today.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said and gave her a hug. ‘It won’t be the same without you. It seems wrong that I’m in and you’re not.’
Flo shook her head. ‘Modelling’s not for me, Jess. I don’t want to spend all my time worrying about what I eat and how my skin is. I feel like I’ve spent the last few weeks obsessing about how I look and, to tell the truth, I haven’t really enjoyed it, like everyone’s looking at each other, sizing each other up, it’s so competitive. I didn’t like being judged and told I have to find a look and that line-up was so tense! I was happy before. I’m looking forward to getting back to being normal.’
I nodded. I knew what she meant about obsessing. I didn’t like it either. It felt like there were more important things to think about than how my bum looked in the mirror and I still didn’t like that so many girls were excluded for not being the right shape or look.
‘I’ll wait for you outside,’ said Flo with a quick glance at Keira. ‘Just in case you need any support later.’
I gave her another hug. She was a good mate.
After the eliminations, the ten girls that were left had to pose for a full-length group shot. We were given pink tracksuits with Teen Queen emblazoned on the front in silver glitter.
‘Big smiles,’ Derek directed. ‘You’re a fun group, you’re the girls everyone wants to be with. Now let me have it! Give me a leap into the air and shout yay like you just got your exam results and got A stars all the way!’
‘Yay,’ we chorused as we jumped.
‘These will go up on the web tomorrow and the public can start voting,’ said Suzie once Derek had finished and everyone was gathering their things to go. ‘Good luck, have a good week, plenty of sleep and I’ll see you all next week for dress fittings.’
It’s been a good day, I thought as I made my way out the building with the others. I was so pleased that Keira and I were cool with each other now. I hated not getting on with people.
Flo was waiting for me outside and we headed off to meet Aunt Maddie who’d texted that she’d be waiting for me in the café opposite. I quickly filled Flo in on what she’d missed.
‘Derek’s fab, isn’
t he?’ she said.
‘And Keira was so nice.’
Flo frowned. ‘I’d watch out if I were you, Jess. Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer. Ever heard that line? That’s what Keira’s doing I reckon. All she cares about is winning the competition. Don’t trust her.’
‘No honestly, I think she was on the level. Today really made me think. Like one day, you think life is rubbish and it’s never going to get better, ever again, then you have a day like today, a sunny day. I’m going to remember this feeling. Everything changes, everything passes.’
Flo bowed and said in a Yoda from Star Wars voice, ‘Wise you have grown, little one. Into the world soon I can let you go.’
I laughed.
‘I’m glad you had a good time, Jess, but . . . just don’t let Keira get too close to you. You might trust her but I don’t.’
‘Nah. She’s cool. I really think our bad days are behind us. History.’
Aunt Maddie had already ordered hot chocolates for us, and as we sat in the warm café, I looked out of the window.
‘You look happy,’ said Aunt Maddie.
‘I am,’ I said. ‘It’s been fun today.’ As I stared out of the window, I saw Keira come out of the building where we’d just been. She waved at someone over the road, smiled and began to cross. I moved over slightly so that I could see who she’d seen just in time to see a tall boy with shoulder-length brown hair wrap his arms around her then kiss her. It would have been a wonderfully romantic moment to have witnessed . . . if only the boy hadn’t been Tom.
16
Who, What, Where,
When, How?
‘How?’ I gasped.
‘When?’ asked Flo.
‘Who?’ asked Aunt Maddie.
‘Why?’ I could hardly believe my eyes. History was repeating itself. So that was why Keira was being so chummy today. She knew she was seeing Tom later. My head was spinning. I felt as if I’d been punched in the stomach. Even I was surprised at how upset I felt. He’s not even yours, I told myself.
‘What—’ Aunt Maddie started when the café door opened and Pia and Meg rushed over to join us.
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