by K. Langston
It gives me purpose.
Pop enters the kitchen a short time later. “Mornin’ darlin’.”
“Morning,” I say, lifting the coffee to my lips. He grabs a plate and piles on a heaping spoonful of my breakfast casserole, made with eggs, onion, bell pepper, and turkey bacon. I made sure to cook it in the oven too so that it’s nice and crispy, just the way he likes it.
I pour him a cup of coffee and place it on the table. “Would you like some juice?”
“Naw, coffee’s good.”
“Where’s Dino? Is he not coming up for breakfast this morning?”
“He’ll be up here shortly. Have a seat. We need to chat.”
My heart kicks up in my chest, having no idea what he wants to talk to me about. Placing his napkin in his lap, he takes a sip of coffee, squaring his shoulders. He looks different today. I try to pinpoint what it is but can’t seem to put my finger on it.
“Justin told me about what happened yesterday with your uncle. Now, I don’t mean to get in your business but when it comes to a lady’s safety, I ain’t got no choice but to step in. I know he’s probably already said the same, because if he’s fuckin’ smart and he knows what’s good for him, he’s put it all out there, but just in case he hasn’t got around to it, I’m letting you know right now, you ain’t leavin’ us.”
He shoves a forkful of eggs into his mouth.
“I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.”
“Damn right you ain’t.”
My heart warms in my chest. It’s hard not to fall in love with this man, considering he’s just like his grandson. The two men have such similar personalities, it’s no wonder they get along so well.
“Oh, and another thing”—he pulls a brass heart-shaped key from his shirt pocket—“there’s a cottage near the back of the property. Justin will show you where. Used to belong to my Ellie. It was her special place and I want you to have it. Make it your own.”
“Oh no, I couldn’t.”
“You can damn it,” he says with a tone that warrants no further argument.
“Thank you,” I whisper, clutching the key in the palm of my hand.
Clearing his throat, he takes another sip of his coffee. “You remind me of her, you know. She was the kind of woman you didn’t easily forget or let go of. And goddamn she was strong.” He shakes his head as if warding off a painful memory.
“She was very beautiful,” I say, remembering the photos Justin had shown me of her.
“I remember the first time I laid eyes on her, I couldn’t fucking breathe. Could be because she punched me in the gut.”
“How did you two meet?”
He sits back in his seat and smiles.
“I was on leave from the army. Being deployed to Vietnam in two weeks so me and some buddies went out to cut loose. One of them had a sister who drove up to visit and brought a friend. They met up with us later, and by that time, I was shit-faced. I came on a little too strong and she wasn’t the least bit impressed. Me being drunk, it took me a minute to catch on that she wasn’t interested. It took her punching me in the stomach to leave her alone. One, because I was puking my guts out, and two, because she had me by the balls, and even drunk off my ass I knew it. The next day I went to her hotel room to apologize but they were already gone. So I drove the hour and a half to her house. You should have seen the look on her face when she opened the door. I’d give my last breath to have that day back. She was resistant at first, trying to hold on to her resolve, but after an hour of groveling, she agreed to go out with me. From that day on we were inseparable. I got a hotel room and stayed out the rest of my leave with her, and with each day that passed, I fell head over ass in love with her.”
“What happened when you left?”
“It was the first time in my life that I didn’t want to be in the army. Leaving her was the hardest thing I’d ever done but we both promised to write, and I lived on the hope that the two weeks we had together was enough to sustain us until we could be together again. It was hard and it was a long road but we made it and once we were finally able to be together, we were all the stronger for it. Not many couples survive that. You may leave the war but the war never leaves you. Her love saved me when I got back. It pulled me through some of my darkest days. Fifty-six years seems like a long time, but to me it will never be long enough.”
Tears burn my eyes as the love this man has for his wife floods the space between us.
“Thank you for sharing her with me,” I say, holding the key tight to my chest.
He nods, not saying another word as he lifts from his place at the table and leaves the room. But I don’t miss the tears in his eyes as he gives one final parting glance.
I wake up, reaching across the bed to find it empty, but the smell of breakfast cooking and coffee brewing lets me know my girl hasn’t gone far. Rolling over, I pull her pillow to my chest, inhaling her lingering scent.
She’s everywhere.
In my bed.
In my home.
In my heart.
I almost drift back off to sleep before I feel her soft hand on my back. Rolling over, I find her sweet face looking down at me.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.” She smiles.
“I woke up and you weren’t here,” I grumble, pulling her close.
“Breakfast is ready. I don’t want it to get cold.”
I kiss her arm then lift on my elbow to kiss her shoulder. She runs her fingers through my hair.
Fuck, I love it when she does that.
I’m about to pull her back down in this bed and say to hell with breakfast and eat her instead but my phone vibrates from the nightstand.
It’s Higgens.
“Cunningham,” I answer.
“Got some information for you.”
Holding the phone to my chest, I pull Selena in for a kiss. “I need to take this. Meet you downstairs?”
Her forehead rests on mine. “Okay,” she says before giving me the sweetest fucking kiss. Then she stands up and leaves the room, softly closing the door behind her.
I adjust my hard cock then bring the phone to my ear. “What do you have?”
“Carlito Cruz has been acting attorney general for the last year and a half but his political status reaches much further than that. He’s served on several UN committees as well as spearheaded a campaign for human trafficking called Red Light where he has taken on a shitload of donations. On paper he’s clean but the more I dig, the more shit doesn’t add up. He claims this organization is to stop human trafficking, it’s even funded by some pretty fucking prominent celebrities as well as government officials, but something ain’t right. The money is coming in but after fifteen years there’s no record of anyone being rescued.”
“What the hell do you mean?”
“I think it’s a ruse. I think they are giving this motherfucker money to traffic, not to stop it.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m pretty certain but I need to check on a few more things.”
“Let me know when you have proof.”
“Will do.”
“That it?”
He exhales a long, deep breath. “No.”
Silence.
“You sitting down?” he asks.
“Yeah, hit me.”
Sparing a glance at the closed door as he continues to talk, I’m glad I’m alone, because nothing could have prepared me for what he told me next.
Wondering where Justin is, I’m about to go search for him when he finally walks downstairs a half hour later. He showered and is dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a button-down.
“There you are, I thought you’d fallen back asleep,” I say, walking into his open arms. His body is rigid with tension. Lifting my eyes to his, I note his clenched jaw. “Is everything all right?”
“We need to talk.”
Grabbing my hand, he leads me over to the couch. My heart hammers in my chest. I have no idea what he’s about to say but judging by the l
ook on his face, whatever it is, it can’t be good.
“I have no idea how to tell you this.”
I swallow hard. “Tell me what?”
“I had one of my men look into Teddy and your mother. Your step-father is alive.”
Gasping, I lift a shaky hand to cover my chest. “What?”
“He survived.”
“Teddy is alive? Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“Can I—can we go see him?”
“It’s already been taken care of. We leave first thing in the morning.”
I shake my head, confused, elated, so many emotions. “How is it even possible?”
“What all do you remember from that night?”
Thinking back, I’ve tried to block out so many memories from that night but some are still as vivid as if they happened just yesterday.
“My mother tucked me into bed, just like she always did. We’d spent the day in her pottery barn behind the house. The next morning we were heading out early to set up a booth in town for the annual festival. It was a big deal. People would come from miles around to buy her pottery. I was so excited. After a year of watching her and practicing, she was letting me display some of my own pieces. They weren’t nearly as good as hers but I was excited all the same. I wanted to be just like her.”
I smile to myself as the memories of me and Mama filter in. “There was a time when all I had was those memories of us to push on. Times when it was all I had left in the world.” I swallow past the lump in my throat and press on. To the memories that continue to haunt me.
“Then the next thing I knew, I was being carried to the living room by a strange man. I fought and screamed to get away but once I saw my mother and Teddy kneeling on the floor, escaping had been my last concern. My father killed her right in front of me while two of his men held me in place. Each time I tried to turn away, they would force me to watch.”
A sob tears from my lips, the horrific images flooding my mind. “There was so much blood. I’d never felt a greater pain than watching my mother die. My father told me that if I ever betrayed him, I would suffer the same fate.” Justin reaches for a Kleenex on the table beside the couch, handing it to me. I wipe my eyes and nose. “I was dragged away before I saw what happened to Teddy but I remember his cries of pain. They still haunt my dreams. That’s why it’s so hard to believe he survived. That my father would have let him live.”
“I don’t think that was his intention. What they did to him, no one should have survived that.”
I begin to cry; thinking of what he must have gone through. Losing my mother, me, and facing it all alone.
Justin pulls me into his arms, holding me close and stroking my back. I bury my head in his chest, finding comfort in his arms. Hope forms in my heart at the thought of going back there, of being reunited with Teddy and revisiting the place that my mother loved the most. Where she was most happy. Where I have the greatest memories.
* * *
Arriving at the house I grew up in, I am immediately assaulted by so many memories. The tire swing in the front yard where I used to play. My old bike is resting against the porch, rusted and discolored. The place is run-down, in desperate need of repair. The shutters have faded with the sun and one hangs haphazardly next to my old bedroom window. My heart sinks in my chest when the front door swings open and I see Teddy’s figure fill the space. He’s holding a shotgun, large sunglasses covering his eyes.
“Who’s there?” he barks.
I take a few tentative steps forward but Justin grabs my arm before I can walk any farther.
Swallowing past the knot in my throat, I say, “It’s me, Teddy. Selena.”
He walks out from behind the screen door onto the porch, lowering his shotgun. “Selena?”
“Yes.”
Justin releases me and I take a few more steps toward him. Teddy’s knees grow weak, nearly taking him to the floor of the rickety porch.
“Selena, is that really you?” I rush out to catch his frail body. He’s aged twenty years though it has only been nine. “I can’t believe it’s you. I thought you were—” He brings a trembling hand to my face, the unspoken word hanging heavy between us.
“It’s me.” I tighten my grip, still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he’s alive. “I missed you so much. I thought I’d lost you forever,” my voice cracks, revealing only a fraction of the emotions running through me, and I hold him for several long moments before Justin places a hand at the small of my back.
Releasing Teddy, I take a step back but continue to hold his hand.
“Teddy, I want you to meet my, this is my…”
“Boyfriend, Justin Cunningham.”
My heart surges with a mix of pride and adoration.
“Nice to meet you,” Teddy says, shuffling toward the door. “Please, come inside.”
With my hand still in his, he leads us inside where he replaces the shotgun with a cane resting near the corner by the front door. Stepping over the threshold is like taking a step back in time. Everything is exactly how I remember it, except dustier and darker.
It’s as if time has stood still, waiting on me to return.
We follow Teddy into the kitchen, which is cluttered with empty food boxes and is in need of a deep cleaning. “You’ll have to excuse the mess. It’s hard to get around much less keep things tidy. I used to have someone come by and clean once a month but my medication went up and I couldn’t afford it anymore.”
Looking around at the mess that was once our home, a knot forms in the pit of my stomach. “You stay here all alone?”
He nods. “It hasn’t been easy but I get by.”
My heart breaks as he takes a seat at the table. His sunglasses shield his face but I can see scars beyond the lenses and my throat grows tight, too tight to speak. Sitting across from him, I rest my palm on top of his trembling hand. “Did they—did they do that to you?”
Slowly, Teddy removes the glasses, and I gasp when I see his eyes are missing completely, deep, cavernous scars now occupy the spaces where they once were. “Nothing hurt worse than losing both of you. Not even when they took my eyes.”
I try to keep my emotions at bay, swallowing hard around the thickness forming in my throat. “I’m so sorry, Teddy.”
“Don’t you dare be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. How did you escape him?”
Exhaling a long sigh, I glance up at Justin standing next to me. His hand moves to my shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. The courage and strength he offers, even in silence, is empowering.
“It’s a long story,” I finally say.
“Well, I have nothing but time, darling.” He moves to stand up. “I’ll put on a pot of coffee.”
“No, let me. Please.”
He takes his seat once more while I get up and move around the island to put on a pot. “I don’t remember anything from that night. I just remember waking up in a hospital, blind, and the nurse telling me that you were gone and my wife was dead. I’ve never been in so much pain. Even to this day, it still hurts the same as the day I found out. I loved her so much,” he says, voice heavy with longing and pain.
Tears build in my eyes, threatening to fall. “I know you did.”
Teddy loved my mother very much. You could see it in the way he looked at her, cared for her, cared for me. He spoke the words and gave action to them, something so rare in this life and even someone as young as I am can appreciate a love like that.
“I kept all of her things, hoping someday you would come back.” Standing up, he uses his cane to feel around as he walks from the kitchen to the living room. Justin follows and a few moments later comes back holding a box, Teddy coming in right behind him.
Justin sets the box on the table and Teddy reaches out his hand. “Come, Selena.”
Walking over, I look inside, recognizing the notebooks right away. My heart floods with pain at seeing them, knowing they contain my mother’s words. “She would want
you to have them.”
Tears fill my eyes as I pick one up. They are all different. Some more worn and tattered. Some plain, some with flowers or designs on them. I never thought I would hear my mother’s voice again but her words are written among these precious pages, the scrapings of her soul, and even though I won’t be able to talk back, I’ll still be able to hear her, to know her, to spend time with her once more.
“Thank you so much for keeping these.”
“I wish…I wish I had my sight. I would have read through them by now. God, how I long to hear her voice. To hold her just one more time.”
Dropping the notebook back in the box, I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. “She loved you very much, Teddy.”
“I know, sweet girl. She loved you, too. I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect her more. I’ll never forgive myself for not being able to help her that night. It’s all I think about. What I could have done differently. I’m so sorry, Selena.”
There are no tears but the agony in his voice is more than I can bear as we hold each other and mourn the loss of the one woman who meant the world to us.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. What happened was not your fault,” I say, releasing him.
He remains silent, taking his seat once more at the table.
“It’s not always this bad. I—I have days where it doesn’t hurt so much to feel, but mostly I’m a ghost wandering the halls of this house, searching for anything that will bring her back to me. If not for just a little while.”
My heart cracks a little more in my chest and I find it hard to breathe around the pressure building in my chest. Being here, with him, knowing what they did to him. My mother’s memory overloading my heart and mind, it’s all too much.
“Excuse me,” I blurt, pushing from the table.
I rush down the hall to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. I just need a minute to breathe. To collect all the emotions running rampant inside of my heart and mind.