by Abbi Glines
I forced oxygen into my lungs and willed myself to calm down as Bray followed Brent outside, joining the others. I didn’t watch for Dallas to exit next. My eyes were locked on Bray. He walked down the stairs and stood beside Brent in front of the house. He didn’t appear happy to be with everyone. No smiling, no joy, nothing.
His life had been nothing like mine. There was no reason for the dark gleam in his eyes, or the anger that always boiled under his surface, but it was there. He didn’t hide it. To say I loved Bray Sutton seemed too weak a description. Because my tie to him, need for him, was so great it had controlled me. Owned me. He had become my medicine. Better than any tiny pill the doctors gave me in their attempt to fix me. I was damaged. Bray made me feel normal.
I wasn’t the girl who had left this town eight months ago. I was different now. Life was hard, and it kicked you when you were down. Over and over. It didn’t care if you needed a break. It didn’t care if you needed a moment to regroup. It attacked when it wanted and let up only if it felt like it.
I could see all five brothers standing there, but my focus was only on one. I watched his every move. I studied his expression. Soaked it in. I wished I could touch his face and say something silly to make him smile like I once had, because making Bray Sutton smile was amazing. He didn’t do it often, but when he did it was the most incredible thing I’d ever seen. Knowing I had that power was just another addicting attachment I had to him. When the memories began pulling me back, taking me to that place I didn’t want to be, Bray’s smile stopped it instantly.
Asher stepped forward and the boys fell in line behind him. Each of them stopped at the front row to kiss their mother’s cheek as she smiled with tears shining in her eyes. She leaned close to Bray and quickly said something in his ear. She hadn’t spoken to the others.
My eyes stayed on Bray as he followed Brent and took his place in front. It took me a moment to realize he was scanning the crowd before his gaze settled on me. His eyes held me captive. They darkened. His body tensed. His jaw clenched. He was angry.
My heart sped up and I fought the urge to flee. I was trembling, but I didn’t look away. I pleaded with him to understand. Or at least my eyes did. I felt them water and I blinked the tears away. I wasn’t going to cry. I had to be strong.
Meg, a cousin of Dixie’s walked down the aisle and I briefly glanced at her as she passed. A brunette I didn’t recognize walked past after Meg. These were Dixie’s bridesmaids. It made my throat clog up to think my best friend had girls standing beside her that I didn’t even know. She had a world now that I wasn’t a part of and that was my fault. One last bridesmaid walked by, another unknown face. Bray’s eyes kept me suspended though. I was unable to think about much more. The regret was coming at me from all angles.
The Wedding March began, and everyone stood up. I did so slowly, unable to break eye contact with Bray. I knew Dixie was walking down the aisle. I heard gasps and whispers about how gorgeous she was. I tore my eyes from Bray and turned to watch my best friend. The pure joy beam from her face, her eyes glued in front of her. On Asher. Seeing it made my heart squeeze. Bray’s angry gaze didn’t matter right now. Not in this moment.
Dixie’s dad was teary-eyed as he walked beside her. He was smiling too, but it was clear he had been crying before they walked out here. Dixie was his only child. His baby girl. Tears welled up in my eyes as I saw her father’s emotion. It was beautiful. Everything it should be. Everything I knew I’d never experience.
They stopped in front, and Asher Sutton’s expression was breathtaking. A tear slipped down my cheek and I reached up and quickly swiped it away. Another tear followed. I wasn’t standing with my friend like I should have been.
My eyes went back to Bray of their own will, finding him glaring at me still. He didn’t want me here. It hurt but pain was a part of life for me. I lifted my chin and glared back at him. I was here, and I didn’t care if he wasn’t happy. Bray Sutton could try and scare me. I wasn’t weak anymore. I would stand my ground.
As the crowd sat and the preacher spoke, I continued glaring at Bray with my shoulders back and my head held high. I would crawl inside myself and shatter when I was alone again, but not here. I would stand my ground.
Then the bastard smirked.
Bray
SHE CAME.
Why had I expected her to stay away? This was Scarlet. She was strong-willed, stubborn, passionate, and she had a temper. All of that was flaming brightly in her eyes as she threatened me with a glare. I was shocked to see her here. The red hair had been hers this time. I wanted to smile like a damn idiot because she was here. Only a few feet away from me.
She shifted her gaze back to Dixie and Asher, but I didn’t. It had been eight long months since I’d seen her face and I wasn’t taking my eyes off her. Not even to see if Brent noticed her in the crowd. I didn’t give a fuck. His girlfriend was standing beside Dixie. Sadie and Dixie had become good friends. Brent’s attention would be on the bridesmaids, or his particular bridesmaid at least. He wouldn’t be looking out at the guests. I doubted he would realize Scarlet was here until after the wedding.
Red hair must not grab his attention, slam into his chest, and cause a riot with his damn pulse. I believe he had claimed to love her when I couldn’t make that claim, but I was the one who had the stronger attachment. Fuck. It wasn’t an attachment, it was an obsession. Might as well call it what it was. No reason to sugar coat things.
Scarlet was biting her bottom lip nervously. Her mean scowl gone. When she noticed that she had relaxed, her shoulders straightened again. She was mentally coaching herself through this and it was fucking hilarious. Did she think she was going to leave here without talking to me? Seeing me? She knew me better than that. I wanted answers. I wanted what I had deserved when she fled this place without a word.
Fuck all that. I wanted her to come home. Brent was with Sadie now. He didn’t look at me with that hurt expression anymore. He didn’t even talk about Scarlet. No mention. Nothing.
“Shit,” I heard Steel mutter under his breath and his head turned to look at Brent and me. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, but I stayed focused on Scarlet. I was afraid she might vanish if I lost sight of her.
“What?” Brent whispered.
He didn’t respond.
Dixie and Asher said their vows. I knew when they kissed because the place erupted in cheers, but I missed everything else because of Scarlet. Brent was laughing and clapping beside me obviously watching the kiss. Scarlet was stealing glances at me, quickly looking back at the now married couple.
Her eyes never went to Brent. Only me.
“Jesus, let her breathe,” Brent said teasingly to Asher.
I felt Dallas step up behind me. “Don’t make her regret this,” he said quietly. At least someone other than me had noticed her. “It was hard to convince her to come.”
That last comment got my attention. I jerked my gaze off her to look at my youngest brother. “What does that mean?”
He shrugged. “Took a lot of convincing and guilt to get her to this wedding for Dixie’s sake. Don’t make my wedding gift a nightmare.”
“You got her here?” I asked, furious. I’d never wanted to hurt my youngest brother until this moment. I didn’t like the idea of him talking to her. He had warned me that he knew where she was. I hadn’t realized they had been chatting. Fucking communicating. She left me. Sent me into a dark place and instead of contacting me she contacted the fucking kid.
I took off.
“We aren’t supposed to go yet. We wait until—”
I kept walking ignoring Dallas’s instructions. I knew the damn drill. Dixie and Asher were walking out greeting people as they left. We were supposed to follow them out. Steel stopped, offering Momma his arm and escorting her down the aisle. I wasn’t needed. They wouldn’t realize I had left. With the guests all standing and their attention on Asher and Dixie, I escaped out the back of the white wedding tent and circled around away fr
om the people to get to Scarlet’s side.
As I rounded the corner, I saw her red hair. She was dashing away from the crowd, escaping. Like hell. Not until she talked to me and answered my goddamn questions. I broke into a run and although the noise from the wedding was loud, she must have heard my footsteps because she started running too. Back to the Monroe’s barn. Away from all the activity. Good. Perfect. I wanted her alone. Keep running, baby.
She almost stumbled in the heels she was wearing. Her green dress was short, the back kept fluttering with the breeze as her legs did their best to get her away from me. I got two glimpses at the white lace panties she was wearing, and my anger was turning into something else.
When she reached the barn opening and didn’t slow down, continuing to flee, I picked up my pace and grabbed her waist. I tossed her over my left shoulder, taking five more swift strides inside the barn.
I didn’t set her down until I had closed the door behind us.
Bright furious eyes glared up at me. “What are you doing? Are you crazy? YES! Why am I asking that? You’re completely insane!”
I waited until she was done yelling and hitting me in the chest.
“This is Dixie’s wedding day! I am here to see her, not cause a scene. That’s what I was afraid of and why I didn’t think I should come. I don’t want to ruin her day!” She yelled all of this. Now her finger was pointed at my chest and her eyes were glistening with unshed tears.
No one had noticed us. Their attention had been on the bride and groom. Only Dallas knew what had happened. I let her continue to fuss though. Simply because I was trying not to throw her on the nearest hay bale and fuck her until we were both sated.
“Do you ever think of anyone other than yourself? Ever? This day is important, Bray! It is your brother’s wedding day! You should be out front with your family. They will notice you are gone! Brent will come looking and this will be a disaster. I can’t even see Dixie now. I will have to leave!” She let out a sob and covered her mouth. A tear finally broke free and rolled down her face.
“You,” I replied.
She frowned through her tears. “What?” she asked.
“You. I think of you.” She’d ask if I ever thought of someone else and that was the truth.
She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Don’t. We . . . that’s done. It has to be. Just don’t.”
“Nothing has to be.”
She sighed and wiped at her face. “Yes, it does. Us, it hurts people. We can’t hurt people. It’s not fair. What we . . . what I did. It was wrong. We were wrong. Now all we have is regret.”
I’d rather her slap me and call me a motherfucker than feel regret. Anything but that. Hell, she could have taken a damn hoe off the wall and wacked me across the chest and it would have hurt less. We weren’t wrong. Not to me. She’d been the only thing that had ever felt right in my life. I’d thought it was something she felt too.
This changed things. I’d be damned if I fought for someone who didn’t want me.
Scarlet
HE WALKED OUT.
No more words. Nothing. He just left me standing there in the barn. I didn’t follow him. I didn’t call out his name to stop him. I wanted to do both, but I stood there. Hating myself for what I’d said and the look in his eyes when I had said it. They were lies. Lies we both needed to believe. Lies that had to end the disaster we had created.
Bray was the black sheep. The bad boy in the Sutton clan. Everyone in town talked about him. They expected him to mess up. I was just like him. If he wanted something bad enough he took it no matter who it hurt. I had done the same. Our need for each other had consumed us and we never cared what the future held. We had lived in the moment.
Those moments were gone now. This was the future and if I had known then what I knew now . . .
I’d have still done it. Because like all decisions I made, it was my past that drove me.
Hanging my head, I let the emotion take me a moment. The pain slicing through me and the ache that was always there now pumping heavy in my veins. I was strong. The weak Scarlet was gone. She hadn’t won. I would make it through this. I would get it together and walk out there and find Dixie. Tell her congratulations, she was beautiful, it was perfect, and I loved her. Then I would leave.
Tonight, when I was alone in my trailer I would crumble. Get it out. Inside my trailer there was no pretending. I could be honest. Real. I would let it all out and move forward. But right now, I had to pretend. Suck it up and deal.
One more long exhale and I wiped the tears from my face. I held my shoulders back, lifted my chin high, and faced the door that Bray had left open in his exit. Time to do this. I had come for Dixie.
The sun was warm on my skin, but the warmth did nothing for the empty coldness inside me. For a moment in that barn I had wanted to run into Bray’s arms. To tell him I loved him and beg him to forgive me for leaving. But that was the old Scarlet. The one who didn’t care about anyone she was hurting and thought she had to be in Bray’s arms to survive. I was different now. I saw what destruction could be caused if I didn’t face my own demons. I wasn’t doing that again.
The wedding guests were walking from Dixie’s front yard to the Sutton’s where the reception would be held. They’d drink, dance, eat and laughter would fill the air. Smiles all around. Happiness, joy, and all the emotions I had always wanted. I’d longed for them. And only found them with Bray. It was ironic and unfair that a guy that would never love me brought me the only happiness I had experienced.
The time spent in Bray’s arms were my moments. The ones I would never forget.
I turned to look up at the tent where the ceremony had been held and saw the wedding party getting photos taken. Bray and Brent would both be there, but so would Dixie. The worst of this was over. I’d seen Bray. Spoken to him. That alone had shattered what little strength I had but I would muster up all I could to speak to my best friend and hope she forgave me.
The walk back up the hill toward the yard gave me time to get myself back together. Find my poise. Prepare to face this. I didn’t know how Brent would react. I trusted Bray to remain silent and ignore me. I had said what needed to be said and he’d walked away. No more words were needed. He was finished. I had ended it for him.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat several times. I had to forget the look on his face as I had lied to him. In order to speak, I had to push that away. The lump was massive, and I didn’t expect it to leave anytime soon.
As I reached the tent, the bride was smiling up at the groom while the photographer took photos. The Sutton boys were all talking and laughing. All except Bray. He was missing. Dallas was grinning from ear to ear at Brent when his gaze shifted to me. His smile changed. He was studying me, trying to decide what had happened between me and Bray. I’m sure he was wondering if he had made a mistake urging me to come.
“Scarlet!” Dixie’s voice snapped my attention back to her. She was standing there one moment, picking up her dress and running toward me the next. Tears were back. This time they were bittersweet. I didn’t want her running in that dress, so I made my way toward her at the same speed. Her face was filled with joy. I felt guiltier for not being a part of her special day and not being by her side while she planned the wedding.
The moment we were close enough, she wrapped her arms around me. “You’re here!” she said joyfully. I blinked, and my tears escaped.
“It’s my best friend’s wedding day,” I reminded her.
She squeezed me tighter as I hugged her back. “I haven’t heard from you. I didn’t know. But you came. Thank you.” She sounded as if she were getting close to tears now too. She didn’t need to mess up her makeup. She had more pictures to take.
“I’m sorry, Dixie. I just didn’t want to ruin your big day by causing drama by my presence. In the end . . . Dallas convinced me you’d want me here.”
Dixie finally pulled back and looked at me. She saw my tear streaked face and concern clouded her eyes.
“It took Dallas to convince you that I would want you here? Scar, what happened wasn’t just your fault. It was equal. Bray stood up there beside his brother. You had as much right to be here or up there beside me. Brent wasn’t your brother. In my opinion Bray’s actions were worse.”
I shook my head. I wasn’t letting her do that. Not for me. I knew the truth. I did everything I could to get Bray’s attention. “No. It’s my fault. But that’s not what today is about. It’s about how beautiful you are, how perfect your wedding is, and how happy I am for you. That’s why I’m here. And to tell you I’m sorry. I should have kept in touch. Answered all your calls. I just couldn’t. I needed to alienate myself to deal. It doesn’t excuse me but it’s why I’ve been out of reach.”
Dixie’s hands took mine and she held them firmly. “It’s okay. I was upset at first. Hurt. But I get it. I had to think it through. Put myself there. And I get it. I wanted to run too. When I was standing between two brothers, I wanted to run. What I did was as bad as what you did. But my brush with death made us all see a little clearer and I realized what is important in this world. Accept Asher and me, it doesn’t make what I did okay.”
I glanced over her shoulder and saw Asher talking to Brent who looked tense. Dallas was watching us and talking to Steel at the same time. Bray was still missing.
“I don’t think they see it that way,” I told her. She glanced back at them.
“They can get over it. This is my wedding day and I didn’t have my best friend up there beside me. You’re staying. I want you here. Please. Don’t go.”
Brent said something and scowled. Asher stepped toward him as if he was warning him. “Dix, that doesn’t look good,” I told her.
She let go of my right hand but kept my left one in hers, tugging me with her toward the boys. I tried to protest but the determined look on her face was startling. Dixie wasn’t so fierce normally.