Uh. I sagged, surrendering, onto the couch. Nothing I could do.
The hard tip of a butt plug pressed on my other hole and started to slide in by tiny increments. More pushing in, more pulsing, and I groaned at the intolerable burn.
“Push out. Relax, Jodie.” Klaus. My man. “Talk. Swear if you want to.”
Uh. He liked hearing me protest sometimes. I wouldn’t. Not this time. I hissed and whined at the hurt, but I tried to relax, and I guess it helped. The thing slid farther until I thought it could go no deeper. No. Hell. No fricking more. With me squealing fuck fuck fuck out loud after all, it slipped past the rim and into me. Done. The strange feel of crazy bursting pain changed into the heat of pleasure and I moaned into the fabric of the couch.
So vulnerable, so trapped. The three of them were all over me and I was bound as well.
“Damn, I liked that when she squeaked.” Kat slipped her fingers along in the moisture on my pussy, and toyed with my poor clit. I grunted and pushed up onto my toes. I hated hated that when I’d just come. But they held me down and though I panted and writhed at her touch, my clit hummed back to life.
After an experimental single swish that I recognized as a crop slicing the air, she began to crop my rear. Only the flat leather end never got used except on my engorged clit. It was the whippy shaft slamming in on my butt, and tapping on me softly, sometimes on the butt plug, before smacking in again on my flesh.
I knew it was Kat because Klaus had come around to squat near my head. He watched, nothing more, eyes as distant as the stars, absorbing my cries and gasps of pain, my whimpers of pleasure.
“She’s in love with your ass,” he said quietly to me during a break from the exquisite song of pain and pleasure. He swept strands of hair from before my eyes, tucked them behind my ear. “I think she’d take it home with her if she could.
I smiled at him. Silly.
At that, I felt Kat nuzzle in between my thighs and find my clit again. God, she knew what to do there. I parted my legs, letting her in. Her tongue might be smaller than Klaus’s but she used it expertly, taking me to the brink of another orgasm.
I was filled tight with that aching pressure. I groaned and tried to hump the couch, hearing Kat laugh as I did so. She used her hand on me again then her mouth, then the crop. The pain held me in transit. Too hard. She was deliberately torturing me and not allowing me to come.
“Make her make me come, Sir, please,” I begged.
Klaus smiled and kissed me awhile, probing at my lips with his tongue, until I opened and let him in. He put his forehead to mine. “She will, but I’m going to fuck your ass now. While I do, I want you to suck off Damien. It will please me. Okay?”
“Yes,” I gasped, for Kat was at me again, I tilted back my hips to give her more access, hoping for relief, but she only took my clit between her teeth and bit until I screamed, then bit all along my thighs.
“Wow. You’ve got her all stirred up.” Damien seemed amazed. “She’s a biter though. I have the scars to prove it.”
“No scars, Kat. Don’t bite like that,” Klaus snapped as he rose to his feet.
“No, Sir, I won’t. I’m only teasing her.”
“Good.”
A pause then Kat spoke up, “You know the safeword, Jodie?”
“Uh-huh.” My throat was thick. I squirmed. My heartbeat thudded down the scale from gallop to fast thud.
“Say it,” she insisted.
What? Oh. A command. I managed to choke out that one word. “Safeword.”
I closed my eyes to feel the sensations better, he was going back there. I felt the suction and discomfort as the butt plug was removed, flinched once, then the probe as Klaus put his cock to me, and pushed…in.
Oh fuck. I put my head down and panted through it.
In, farther in, and the slide of his cock burned and throbbed at me. I felt myself opening more and more. And yet I was tight enough that it stung.
I liked it, hated it, and felt the oncoming wave of an orgasm reassembling because someone was playing with my clit while he ass-fucked me. Kat, for sure.
“No. No. No,” I whimpered, arching back into Klaus as I did so. And then he was in, all the way. His body pressed on me back there. For a while he stayed there, deep, leaning with his full bodyweight while my muscles readjusted.
A tongue, Kat’s tongue, licked on my aching nub. I was so aroused it seemed engorged beyond belief. Big and tight, bursting. Lust swept me. Another lick from her as Klaus started to thrust in and out, a little quicker. I could tell when she curled her tongue over and when she flicked or dabbed.
“Unh.” More. I writhed a bit, striving to put myself on her tongue just where it should be.
“You know the safeword, Jodie?” Damien was asking, maybe for the third time. Whatever, whoever, Damien thought he was, Dom or not, seemed like tonight he was letting Kat run wild.
I gasped again and nodded, not wanting to talk, to lose that thread that led to the ultimate pleasure. That thrust inside my ass, that lick of tongue…
A wrapper ripped and Damien grabbed my hair again to tilt back my head. I watched helpless as, one handed, he rolled a condom onto his cock. He slid over and shoved a pillow under my upper body.
“Suck it in.” Then Damien fed the head into my mouth. I had three of them on me, again. Used. Fucked. The best. I hit the climax hard, spasming tight then almost convulsing, screaming silently.
I didn’t bite Damien, but I found my mouth clamped onto his dick when I stopped coming.
“Jeez.” He pulled me off by my hair then croaked. “Can you pull out, Klaus? I want her to sit on me while you fuck her.”
Though trembling, I did as they wanted. With Kat watching avidly, perched cross-legged on the couch beside Damien, I was positioned over Damien’s cock and made to slide down him. I groaned at the thickness stretching me down there, heard the slick sounds of my moisture lubricating the path as I was ever so slowly spitted on his cock. Down. Farther in. God.
My wrists were still caught behind me in the cuffs. As before, the knowledge that I could do nothing except perform for them and be their toy, thrilled me. My thighs trembled and I shut my eyes for a second and just felt that deep penetration.
“Almost. There. Damn, that’s nice.” The rasp in Damien’s words betrayed his arousal.
He watched me take the last inch of him, swallowing and moaning as I did so. Then Klaus penetrated me again, gradually, until he was in balls deep. My legs were well spread. Both of them were inside. My knee touched Kat’s. I couldn’t do anything except breathe for a few seconds, head bowed, mouth open.
“Oh, that’s it,” she murmured. “The two of you inside the little bitch. Love it. Fucking love it. Hey, bruises.” She reached up and touched my breast. “You’ve been needled there.”
If she wanted an answer, she wasn’t getting one, we were…preoccupied.
Damien had split me in a most intimate unstoppable way. I couldn’t get off him without help, not with my hands at my back. Double penetration. God. I’d dreamed of this many times. I shuddered. From then on all he did was smile at my predicament and play with my breasts and nipples while Klaus thrust.
There was pain but also the throb of pleasure with the two men inside me at once. The incredible pressure of an orgasm built in my groin. But I realized this was for them. Their domination. Their pleasure.
For a few jabbing thrusts Klaus took me in a headlock and held me. Tight, so tight. I loved it when he possessed me, and anal was the ultimate domination of my body. With his head right close to mine, I felt the warmth of his exhalations. I knew he listened to the sounds I made. This was for him. I made sure to let him know that I was his and whimpered well each time he speared in.
With his cock jammed as deep as he could go, with no space between our bodies, and the echo of his breathing in my ear, he came in my ass. He kissed my neck and let me go. I collapsed, ending up with my face buried in Damien’s shoulder, gasping. I hadn’t come, but I was happy, sublime. I’d gone
into that serene place that sometimes took me. Subspace.
This seemed a night for Klaus to observe. He mostly watched from then on while Kat took over and did whatever she wanted. I was stripped and strapped on my back to the square coffee table, hands above me, my feet on the floor and legs tied to the table legs. Kat and Damien put clamps on my nipples and then he came inside me, plowing me roughly, tugging on the clamps until I cried out. The table got shoved inches along the floor. From a distance, I heard the screeches.
I fuzzed in and out of subspace. At one point I wondered crazily if I might break. Or maybe Kat would have a heart attack. The woman was impressive, mad, and amazingly good at wringing climaxes from me. Her tongue could’ve won a gold medal for gymnastics.
An electric vibrator was plugged in and I was made to come again. I grew dizzy and lost count, and Klaus viewed every detail from the couch. I was so hazed that nothing could touch me. Or so I thought. Kat left the room, returned, and the needles arrived.
I watched bewildered from my splayed position as she talked to Klaus and he nodded. He rose to his feet and trod across the floor to me, squatted by my head, and gripped my wrists where they were somewhere behind my head. I blinked up at him. Beautiful gray eyes. Another sound, more feet on the floor. Kat. The packet of needles swung in her gloved hand. She knelt and took hold of my breast.
Terror seized me. No. No, no, no. But I no longer knew words. I blinked, horrified. The paper was peeled back and the needle emerged. The needle was twisted and removed. Cold. She swiped something across me there. A tang flooded my nose. A sharp thing pricked my nipple.
I gasped. A needle. He was allowed those, not her. Not a stranger. I floated, aware yet lost. My heart cringed as I waited for the metal sting. The fear was there outside me. When the needle bit it would push in fear and agony and mix with my blood and I would hurt.
No.
She stopped and spoke. I blinked again, wetness on my lashes, barely hearing.
No.
A word was needed. But I mustn’t use those. It was up to him. I turned my head to see him. I heard the rasp of my hair on the table. I pleaded with my eyes. Hear me. But the man in there was Him, the sadist, the distant one. He didn’t know me anymore. He just watched.
As the needle found me, I was screaming, quietly screaming.
Chapter Twenty
Klaus
‡
“Is she okay? Can she safeword? I can’t get an answer from her.” Kat’s words barely penetrated the world I inhabited. That needle at Jodie’s nipple, I wanted to see it go in, wanted to watch her writhe.
Without hesitating, I answered. “She’s okay. Keep going.”
I’d never drawn blood, not properly. The little needles barely showed a bleb. A bigger needle, like this, what would it do? I flicked a look at Jodie’s face, ready to drink in whatever telltale signs she showed. Half the fun in this, the thrill, was seeing her reactions. If she bled, would that push her higher? It would me. I knew it would. My dick throbbed in anticipation. I didn’t want to miss a single microsecond of this.
Blood. There was something primeval about the red stuff on the white landscape of skin.
Why wasn’t Kat doing it?
“You’re certain, Klaus? Klaus? Hey, I’ve had subs forget. And some won’t say it. I don’t know her like you do. I need to be certain.”
Oh fuck. I blinked, dragged in a breath. What was I doing?
Jodie. I saw her eyes and the desperation. I saw the raw terror. Kat was looking at me, her hand wrapped around Jodie’s breast, the needle between her fingers.
“Stop,” I croaked as I lunged. I grasped Kat’s wrist and pulled it upward. “Yes. She’s safewording.”
I’d crapped all over this. What was I doing? So wrong. So fucking wrong. An ache built to Armageddon level in my forehead. I’d said yes to this without thinking of anything but me.
“Let’s get her untied. Now.” My hands trembled for a second before I brought them under control. She needed me, but in the back of my mind a litany ran in a loop. I fucked up.
My last thought before I stopped this had been of seeing her blood. Her blood. When had she said yes to that? BDSM was consensual, right? Fool was too mild for me. I hadn’t learned at all. Where was I going to stop? The imaginary man on that list who wanted to kill her, bury her on the beach? I swallowed. Maybe that was potentially me, a year down the track. Who the hell knew?
Not relevant right now. I ignored the devastation and the ugly collapse inside me. I needed to help her.
Kat comforted her as we peeled her off the table and laid her on the couch. They were good people underneath. Kinky but good. I was a fool. We dressed Jodie, wrapped her in blankets while they said words at me like safeword and subspace and she needs some TLC. I had to wipe my eyes once while I waited in the study for the taxi. This had been all about trust? Sure it had.
Not once did she protest or call me names, she just cuddled up and shivered in my arms.
Moghul came and discussed it all and I managed to stay sane and calm and nod and say some logical things. I pulled it off and convinced him we were good to go.
Subdrop was the last bit of wisdom he gave me. I filed it away.
When we reached the marina, Jodie had to walk a bit for us to get to the boat, stumbling with my arm around her, and when we found the boat, I almost unraveled there and then.
I fucked up. Yeah, I did, but I had to get her home and safe. I couldn’t fall apart yet. I was going to, I knew it. But first, get her home. I’d not felt this stupid and fragile for many years. Not since I was a teenager and a gang had beaten me to a pulp in a back yard one day. I’d picked myself up after that. This time…this time I was sunk so deep in a black chasm, I didn’t know if there was a way out.
How could I have done that? How? So wrapped in the scene when she was terrified. Not scared. Not in that halfway balance between pain and pleasure. Terror had been in her eyes. In the whole of the last month, I’d never seen her look that scared.
I wrenched my fingers into my hair hard enough to pull on my face skin and stared down at her where she lay huddled under a blanket on the boat’s padded seat. I’d failed her. I couldn’t decide when caring for her had become so important, but it had. I clamped down on the anguish, wiped my nose and turned to start the engine.
But inside me was a bubbling mess. Sad, horrified at myself. Then mix in more sadness. Did I love her? Seemed unlikely, especially since I wasn’t sure what love was really. But maybe I did. And if I did…love her, that made it worse.
My plan was clear. Home. Get her settled. Then fuck off forever.
Of course it wasn’t that simple. We got back to the island and I drove her home, even got her into bed, after a warm shower, with the sheets tucked under her chin. I looked down and thought absurdly how all she needed was a teddy bear to complete the picture. Then, all set to go, I looked up subdrop since Moghul had told me to before I left her.
Ah. Complicated. Subdrop was complicated. I stared at the screen.
“…the emotional and physical after-effects from the release and drop in the endorphins of the body after a BDSM play session.”
Made sense though, after all she’d gone through tonight. It could lead to depression, anxiety and feelings of rejection in someone who played hard just once. How would it be after we played at TPE for a month, if I then walked out immediately after bringing her home?
I couldn’t leave her alone. If anyone would get it she would, but I couldn’t stay for long either. Why? Because I didn’t trust myself anymore. I was not normal. I was not normal even by kinky standards. This month had shown me two things—that I was a sadist who liked hurting people, and that I couldn’t control it when I let it loose.
I didn’t even know if I was going to get all these dark desires back into the box they came from. This was like picking up the pieces after a suicide bomber has exploded. Nothing was ever going to be the same again.
Midnight ticked over on the bedside c
lock. We were back in the real world. The experiment was over.
I made myself sit with her in the bed. Moonlight let me see a little of her face on the pillow. Peaceful at last.
“Klaus.” At sound of her voice something hurt inside me. She spoke so quietly. Was she afraid I wasn’t here? “Can you hold me? Please?”
God. I could almost hear the crack as my heart fractured. I’d barely let her speak for a month. Now, of all times, she called to me like that. Like we were together. Like she trusted me still.
I wiped my eyes with my forearm. If my eyes didn’t stop watering, I’d have to see a fucking eye specialist. I sighed. Then I slid down under the sheets and wrapped myself around her, breathing in her essence that one last time. She smelled so good. With my eyes closed, and my face buried in her hair, I tried to remember her scent, tried to catalogue it so I could recall it when I needed to. Then I did the same for the feel of her in my arms and the sound of her breathing. Soppy but true.
When I woke at the crack of dawn, I did what I’d decided to the night before. I organized her hard drive, and hid all the camera footage away under a password. I tidied up the house and packed my stuff in my suitcase that had gotten dusty in a spare room. I fed Baxter one last time. I found all the kinky shit and packed it up to take away with me, made sure she had food for few days, then I wrote out a long note for her that included the password, and I left it beside the bed.
Last move—I picked up the cat from where he was purring and doing figure of eights around my feet, and put him in bed with her. I frowned as he nudged his way under the covers. Maybe she didn’t like cat hair on the sheets but, tough luck, that was my last act as her Master.
Then I left, taking everything with me that she no longer needed, including me.
*
How do you start being someone who you used to be? Buggered if I knew. I had to start work again, didn’t I? Walking out, not going back, did occur to me.
But the prospect of somehow starting my life over again was too crazy.
The prospect of abandoning life was even crazier. Not my style. Even if I seemed to have ended up at the bottom of a black hole.
Make Me: Twelve Tales of Dark Desire Page 96