“Thank you for sharing, darling,” she said, cupping his face in her hand.
“My pleasure.”
“Now what are we going to do about your little problem there?” She peered down at his swollen cock. “Or big problem, rather.”
She rolled off the bed, and Jeremy followed. I watched them for a moment, feeling abandoned and jealous until I noticed Mason Cooke was crawling between my legs. Oh my God. Mason Cooke!
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi—”
My voice was silenced by his deep, urgent kiss. Mason Cooke is kissing me. Why did this all have to be so strange and crazy, and why did I have to feel so horny about it at the same time? I looked to the side to see Jeremy pushing Jess against the wall, lifting her legs to straddle his hips. I felt jealousy, yes, but something else too. Admiration. They were beautiful people. It was impossible for some small part of me to not get excited seeing them wrapped together in an animalistic embrace.
Mason’s hand crept over my hip, and my gaze returned to him. He didn’t speak. I wondered why. Did he know what I was feeling, the jealous thoughts I was trying to subdue? I had no real rights to Jeremy. Hell, Jess was Mason’s wife and he seemed happy to share. I took a deep breath and tried to stay in the moment. Mason’s hand slid down my belly to probe between my legs. I felt embarrassed by how wet I was. He reached over to the side table and grabbed a condom, then threw one to Jeremy across the room. He rolled it on while he kissed my shoulder, my neck, my jaw, the soft skin below my ear. “Can I make love to you?”
I drew in a hard breath and stared up at him. Across the room, Jeremy was fucking Jess against the wall. “It’s up to you,” Mason said, “but I’d really like to.”
I looked up into his marine blue eyes, the eyes I’d seen and swooned over on the movie screen. Now they were focused on me. His hands soothed and cradled me. His huge cock nudged between my thighs.
“Go on. Go ahead and take her,” Jeremy called out over Jess’s horny shrieks and moans. “I pay her. She’s not allowed to say no.”
Mason’s eyes looked into mine, the same kind, friendly eyes that had gazed at me over dinner, made me feel interesting and pretty, so I’m sure he saw me flinch. All along, he knew he’d be fucking me in a few hours.
“I’m yours,” I said in a voice that didn’t sound anything at all like mine.
With a sigh, he reared between my legs and entered me. I let out my breath in a long gasp as I felt every inch of his cock pry me open. He was huge, thick. He stretched my sensitive walls. When he was fully seated in me, I felt impaled, trapped. I felt a flash of panic. What if he hurts me? I looked over to Jeremy for courage but only got an eyeful of his naked ass pumping between Jessamine’s flailing legs. My gaze darted around the room. I didn’t know where to look. Not in his eyes, they were too intense. Not over at the wall. I could still hear the racket Jess was making as Jeremy drilled her.
“It’s okay.” Mason traced his fingers down the edge of my jaw. Was it okay? Something in his eyes, his gentle manner, made the anxiety begin to fade. He moved in me, a deep, slow stroke. It didn’t hurt. It felt great actually, and I shivered at the sensation. Every part of me felt like it was being caressed, stroked. He held me close and cradled me like I was breakable. He moved over me, hard abs and thick, dark pelt on his chest to grab and bury my fingers in. He didn’t try to pin me down. He didn’t try to subdue me. He simply drove in and out and visited sensation on me again and again.
I got braver. I reached up and ran my hands over his shoulders, behind his neck. I twined them up into his soft black hair, and he sighed.
“Nell…”
I drew them away as if I’d been burned. But soon enough, I felt that shivery, hot pleasure stroke inside my walls, and I had to reach for him again. I wanted it to be ugly, horrible, mechanical like when Kyle and I had sex for Jeremy, but this wasn’t like that at all. “Mason,” I heard myself moan. Mason Cooke.
By that time, Jeremy and Jess’s wall sex was over, and they both came to join us on the bed. Jess stroked her husband’s ass as he thrust into me, and Jeremy knelt beside the bed to toy with my breasts and kiss my lips. I felt torn in two different directions, filled and pleasured by Mason, but belonging to Jeremy at the same time. I turned to kiss him, to feel his fingers twist my nipples, but at the same time, I thrust my swollen clit against Mason’s pubic bone. I ground my hips and arched them up to receive his deep strokes. He began to swivel his pelvis, driving his cock even more intimately against my walls.
It was too much for me, too much excitement and sensation. A dam broke, and my orgasm flooded out. I tensed and bit off a cry as my pussy contracted almost painfully around his thick cock. Mason came too, driving in me so that he lifted my hips off the bed.
He came to rest, then sighed and kissed me. He stroked my face and lips while Jessamine watched with a smile on her face. They were all looking down at me, all three of them, and a muddle of feelings washed over me. I tugged myself from under Mason and turned to Jeremy’s arms. I buried my head in his chest, my face burning.
“Okay, I’m here,” he soothed me. “I’m right here.”
He crawled into the bed beside me and held me. We all lay still, not speaking for a long time. I don’t know why I felt so unbalanced. This felt like depravity…and yet…
I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t know what to feel, so I chose not to feel anything except the light fingertips tracing over my belly and my hips. I didn’t know who it was, and I didn’t care. After a while, Jeremy nudged me.
“Turn over.”
I moaned softly, but I obeyed. He crawled over my back and slipped inside my pussy, holding himself over me and sliding in and out of me slowly. I thought I couldn’t bear to feel another ounce of pleasure, but soon enough the familiar throbbing heaviness began to build. I heard Jessamine moan as Mason drove into her from behind, shaking the bed. I looked over to find them both watching us.
It was so erotic, so licentious. It was nothing like when Jeremy watched me and Kyle fuck. I watched them watching me, awash in their own pleasure, and I wondered what I looked like to them. A girl? A body, a cunt? A vessel for sex? The idea of it turned me on so much. Jeremy pulled me up on my knees, and I held hard to the bed frame as he pounded into me. I was exhausted. I thought I would let him use me, just let him take me. I didn’t want to come again. I couldn’t. I watched Jess and Mason fucking, two sexual creatures giving up every ounce of themselves to the thrill. They moaned and groped at each other. Their mouths fell open, and they threw their heads back with abandon, no thought of inhibition or shame. And behind me, my own lover holding my hips, squeezing my ass cheeks. I felt a flame of desire start to grow. I wanted to let go too. I wanted to let sex take me over.
I reached between my legs and grasped my clit in urgent fingers. It wasn’t permitted. I wasn’t allowed to touch myself without permission, not ever. I waited for him to reprimand me, to slap my hand away, but he didn’t. He was drifting in his own erotic dreams. His hands roved over me with wild intensity. I fingered my clit, drunk on sexual freedom. God, how long since I’d sought my own pleasure? Touched my clit to find my own release, and not because Jeremy told me to? It was like reuniting with an old friend. I caressed my clit, worshipped it. I explored it and pinched it. I rubbed my juices over it. I heard Mason’s groan and Jess’s cry, and my fingers worked faster. They flew over my aching center as Jeremy’s cock filled me. We came together, and I fell to the bed, Jeremy collapsed over the top of me. I left my hand cupped over my pussy and turned my head to the side, spent.
Jeremy stroked my hair, and I heard a soft giggle from Jessamine.
“Is she okay?”
“Jesus.” Jeremy laughed. “I think she’s finished for the night.”
The bed shifted, and I felt Jessamine lean against us. I think she and Jeremy kissed, and then she leaned down to kiss the back of my neck.
“God, Jeremy, she’s just so sweet.”
“She’s the sweet
est little harlot you ever saw.”
They chuckled, and Jeremy kissed the back of my neck this time. “You are,” he whispered in my ear, “and I adore you for it.”
“She must love getting her ass fucked,” Mason said. Holy hell. Please, no.
“She does,” agreed Jeremy. “But I’m a little possessive of her ass. That, I don’t share.”
“Oh, I understand completely,” said Mason. “And those beautiful marks…wow.” I flinched as he explored the faded welts with rough fingertips.
“Those are almost a week old,” said Jeremy. It sounded like he was bragging. He gave me a hard pinch to make me jump. The welts burned now from being handled, but I didn’t think of putting my hand back to rub the ache away.
Mason must have given Jessamine a look then, because she said, “Oh no, lover. Not a chance.”
“So, what, you did this with a belt?”
“No, a cane. They really hurt.”
“You have some kind of Master/servant thing going on?”
Jessamine tittered as Jeremy answered, “No.”
“Daddy/daughter?”
“Ugh, no.”
“Domestic discipline? You spank her on a schedule?”
That made even me laugh.
“I discipline her when I’m in the mood for it. She doesn’t like it, especially the cane, but she does what I ask her to do. She submits when I ask her to submit.”
Jessamine made a low whistle. “That’s pretty hot. I would love to see you spank her gorgeous little ass.”
I tensed, but Jeremy calmed me with a caress. “I don’t think so. My cherub is tired.”
“Stay here with us tonight?”
I looked up at Jeremy, imbuing every ounce of the word “no” that I could manage in my eyes.
“Come on. We’ll have breakfast in the morning. No more sex if you don’t want. Please? I had so much fun. Don’t run off. Let’s sleep together like kittens,” Jessamine begged.
I knew he really wanted to, but I desperately wanted to go back to our villa and crawl into bed.
“We’d better not, not tonight. Next time, maybe,” he finally said.
He did take me home, and I went right to sleep, but things went sideways and upside down the next day.
*
He had the day off, which I think made things more difficult. Instead of his leaving after he fucked me in the morning, he hung around. I retreated to my room, which was rarely used now, but at times like this I was glad it was there.
I was still processing the night before, so I didn’t really want to be around him. The more the shock wore off, the more indignant I felt. Go ahead and take her, he’d said to Mason. I pay her. She’s not allowed to say no. Jeremy let me mope and sulk until it was almost lunchtime, and then he came to glower at me from the door.
“What are you doing?”
“Reading.”
He came in and nudged me over, then lay down beside me in bed. He grabbed my book, losing my place as he always did.
“The Babylonian stuff. You always read that when you’re pissed.”
I grabbed it back. “Why? Why do you always lose my place? Every time!”
“You’ve already read it anyway. I know, I’ve seen you read that book at least three times, so who cares?”
“I care! Why do you not care? Why do you not care about anything you do to me, ever?” My voice trembled and cracked on the last word.
He scowled at me. “Okay, fine. Let’s get this over with.” He raised his voice into a squeaky, nasally imitation of mine. “‘Why are you so mean to me, Jeremy? Why do you make me sleep with your famous friends and have mind-blowing sex and earth-shattering orgasms—’”
“That’s not the point.” I rolled off the bed and stalked out of the room. I really didn’t want to have this conversation, because it always ended the same, with a cold and biting reminder that I worked for him, so my problems, my feelings, didn’t matter, and I should shut the fuck up and stop whining.
“What, Nell?” He followed me with an exasperated sigh. “Explain to me. How was last night any different from you, me, and Kyle?”
“Because that’s just—not the same. How can you not see that?”
He threw up his hands. “Same tired phrases, every time. ‘That’s not the same,’ ‘that’s not the point,’ ‘you just don’t understand.’ You never make sense! I never have a clue what you’re talking about.”
“Because you never hear me!” I turned on him. “You don’t listen to me. You don’t see me. You don’t see anything but a plastic sex toy you can drag around from place to place! Last night, you never asked. You never told me. You just dragged me there—”
“And you enjoyed it, you moody little slut!”
“Yes, I did!” I said, bursting into tears. “That was the worst part!”
“Jesus Christ,” he said, storming away. “Here come the fucking waterworks! What do you want from me?” He spun on me. “I keep you in beautiful hotels, in this villa you love. I buy you clothes and meals and toys. I fly you around the world. I introduce you to famous people, and in public I treat you with utmost respect. In private I play safely with you. I give you pleasure! What more do you want, Nell? What would satisfy you? Do you want me to fall in love with you? You won’t even tell me your fucking name! You want me to be your real boyfriend, and honey and sweetheart and baby you all day and marry you and give you fucking babies and live the rest of my life wrapped around your little fucking finger—”
“No! I just want you to… I just want… I just want to feel like you’d care if I lived or died. That you wouldn’t just shrug and send Kyle to find a replacement—”
“A replacement? You little fuck.” He crossed the room in three strides and took me by the elbow to yell in my face. “You think I don’t care? You think I’m not losing sleep over keeping you safe, over this fucking woman getting to you—” He stopped speaking.
Getting to me? “What are you talking about?” My heart was beating hard. He dropped my arm and turned away.
“Nothing. I didn’t mean to say that.”
“But you did!”
“Just—” He paced away from me and back again. “Just please fucking leave it alone, okay?”
“You said it was nothing to worry about, just another crazy fan.”
“Yes, it’s just a crazy fan,” he said, avoiding my eyes. “I didn’t mean to worry you. I shouldn’t have said anything. There’s nothing to worry about.”
I looked at him a long time. “Then why are you worried?”
“You know what, Nell? I’m a lot more worried about your misguided ideas of what our relationship is than some deluded fan halfway across the world,” he said, crossing to the door. “And about last night…just fucking get over it.” He grabbed his coat and stalked outside.
*
Jeremy refused to talk any more about the crazy fan, so my paranoia went wild on its own. I made up terrifying, unlikely scenarios in my head and then convinced myself they would come to pass. Eventually I stole on to his computer one night while he was sleeping and tried to find something by checking his files. He caught me and was probably as angry as I’d ever seen him. As punishment I had to sleep plugged the next five nights with rope panties and a knot placed right on my clit, with no orgasms allowed. He was nothing if not devastatingly creative in tormenting me. I woke up every morning absolutely frantic to be fucked, only to have my orgasms denied.
But I learned nothing of this mysterious stalker. I begged Kyle for information, but he remained tight-lipped. He just kept reminding me, as Jeremy did whenever I brought it up, that I was perfectly safe. And I did feel safe at our remote little villa. If I went with them to the set, I was surrounded by people at all times, even when I wanted peace to sit and read. We didn’t play again with Jessamine, although I saw her often. I got the feeling it was more his choice than hers.
Kyle also began to spend less time with us, at least as a sex partner. Without Kyle milling around or joining
in, the sex began to feel more intimate than ever before. In fact, it became almost unbearable subterfuge, to play the affectionate girlfriend in public where it was all a lie, and then later, in the deepest, most honest moments of intimacy, pretend I didn’t care about him at all.
Pretend. I pretended. I acted. It was all a total lie. I was in love with Jeremy Gray. But I pretended I wasn’t, and he pretended I wasn’t. Anyway, I kept reminding myself that one day it was going to end.
We left Portugal the next to last week of December to spend the holidays with Jeremy’s family in the mountains of North Carolina. Jeremy got mad when I tried to beg off, when I asked to stay in the villa until he returned. He wouldn’t even consider it.
“You stay with me,” he said. “That’s what I pay you for.”
But I didn’t know how I would handle this meeting. I didn’t want to handle it. While Jeremy drove us to his parents’ house, I tried to ferret out more information about how I should act, what to expect, but he was in a terrible mood.
It was late, we were both tired, and we drove on a winding road that made my stomach turn. We climbed and climbed in the dark until my ears popped and I thought his parents must live at the crest of a mountain. He’d rented a car with a manual transmission, and now I saw why. I could never have maneuvered these hills and slopes.
Something about watching him drive aroused me. He drove like he made love, recklessly but with breathtaking skill. I couldn’t stop watching him shift gears as he coaxed the car up and down the steep hills. But of course, Jeremy Gray could do anything and everything well. That was the appeal.
“Jeremy,” I finally asked. “Do your parents know?”
“Know?”
“Know what I am to you?”
He frowned. The muscles in his forearm bunched as he downshifted around a tight corner.
“They think you’re my girlfriend, and that’s how you’ll act. And they’ll practically smother you with excitement and affection in hopes that finally I’ve met a girl who’ll make me settle down.” He looked over at me in my conservative, girl-next-door cardigan. “They’ll go wild for you. You’re the least Hollywood girl I’ve ever brought home.”
Make Me: Twelve Tales of Dark Desire Page 178