by Laura Acton
Laying down five of six, he ran his fingers over the one with his name, trying to determine why someone would send letters to him for his entire unit—on Christmas no less. It dawned on him … not my whole unit, no letter for Brody. Lifting the larger envelope, he peeked inside to check if he missed Brody’s. Empty. Dan glanced up at his dad, his uncertainty showing. “Sir?”
Bewildered as much by Daniel’s reaction as by the packet’s contents, William placed a hand on his son’s shoulder. “Perhaps you should open the one addressed to you.”
Slipping the long, thin blunt knife into the crease, Dan gradually slit the paper. He withdrew several tri-folded sheets and unfolded them. His eyes widened seeing the familiar writing. A lump formed in his throat as he stared at the neat print. Dan’s eyes clouded with unshed tears and as he blinked, huge drops rolled down his cheeks unchecked. Besieged with emotions, he couldn’t make out words, only the recognizable pen strokes of his brother … Brody!
He swiped his hand across his face. Uncomfortable with his display of emotion, his gaze shifted to his father expecting censure, amazed to find a full measure of compassion. Dan choked out, “It’s a letter from Brody.”
A collective audible intake of air was heard from the assembled men as everyone gaped at Dan. Concern grew in each man as Dan openly wept before them—his distressed response quite unfamiliar but wholly natural. No one spoke as Dan turned to his father for whatever he needed. A father-son moment, decades overdue, which none of them desired to interrupt or intrude upon.
William rubbed the back of Daniel’s neck with one hand as he squeezed his left bicep with the other. Two gestures he observed comforted Daniel. He held his son’s gaze, noting the immeasurable anguish in the depth of his soul. He wanted to pull Danny into an embrace and soothe his suffering but realized he couldn’t provide Daniel relief. Nothing he could do or say would change the fact Danny must face whatever was in Brody’s letter. His voice calm and soft, he said, “Would you like some privacy? We will go or stay. Your choice.”
Dan drew strength from his father’s touch. He deeply inhaled as he scanned the room seeking something—what he didn’t comprehend until eight sets of sapphire eyes peered back at him with … Acceptance. Warmth. Empathy. Dropping his eyes to the letter, Dan said, “Stay.”
Wanting to remain close, but allow Daniel space at the same time, William pulled a chair near and sat, giving Danny privacy to read his letter without prying eyes over his shoulder.
Dan’s eyes blurred with tears as he began reading.
Dear Danny,
I understand this must be quite a shock to you. Wipe your eyes and blow your nose. I can wait. …. You do it? No. I didn’t think you did. Do it now!
Using a tissue, Dan did as Brody directed. One hand went to Brody’s tag, pressing the metal to his chest as he read the first two words of the message.
I’m dead. That’s an irrefutable fact if you’re reading this letter. I didn’t make it home. No idea when or how I died, but I know this is your second Christmas after my passing.
You’re alive unless else you possess a weird superpower you never revealed to me. I’m gonna assume you don’t. Not that you don’t have impressive capabilities. I mean the shit you lived through … you couldn’t have done that without some sort of superman ability or one hell of a guardian angel. Yeah, don’t laugh, I still believe in angels.
Brody hovered near Danny. Oh, how right I was. His brother’s tears wrenched his heart, and he wished Danny could see him and know for certain he never left him. He floated near and placed a supportive hand on Danny’s back, willing him to hear his whisper, “I’m here. I will never leave you.”
I digress, anyway, you are alive, and I’m eternally thankful for that fact. You gave my life purpose, and every single day I counted my blessings that we met. Brother, you gave me the family I needed when I was alone, lost in the dark, and afraid to love. I’m sure I did the same for you.
Yes, you did! You are my chosen brother, Brody. Tears flooded his eyes.
Hey, your sissy waterworks are preventing you from reading my awesome words. Wipe your eyes crybaby. Seriously though, it’s okay to cry!
Dan wiped his tears and smiled softly as his hand returned to the dog tag.
Made you smile, didn’t I? Yeah, I did. No denying it. Just a little one ‘cause you don’t really want to, but I always coaxed one from you even when you didn’t think you had one in you.
Now, keep smiling. Not every day someone receives a letter from beyond the grave …. woo woo … bit creepy. Huh?
I planned this for years. Started before we wrote the letters after Robbie died—that sucked, but that isn’t your fault. If we completed our second tour, you wouldn’t be reading this. I envisioned a whole different kind of fun, but … well, I didn’t.
Have written this letter twice now. The first one contained everything but the next paragraph. I first wrote this on our third Christmas when you were in Kandahar, and I was in Ottawa—before Blaze received the call informing him you were injured with Marley’s unit. Rewrote this the first Christmas after we re-upped.
So what’s different in this version … I’m telling you this, not to make you sad or anything but because I love you so much I was willing to go to the same lengths you were for me. I didn’t plan on re-upping for a third tour. Danny, you did for me what no other man on this earth would. You put your life at risk! I refused to continue to allow you to risk yourself for my dream. Because of you, I lived and died doing something which mattered to me. I wanted you to live your dream too.
Take a breath. Danny … BREATHE Now!
Oblivious until that moment he held his breath, Dan inhaled raggedly dissipating the fuzziness which subtly encroached.
Better! Now keep breathing, you remember how … in, hold four, out … sniper breathing! Don’t want you to keel over and hit your head. You have suffered too damned many concussions. Never told ya, but you reminded me of Wyle E. Coyote … shit always happened to you … I mean who the hell survives getting blown up. Damn glad you took my yoyo that day. Promise not to whack you with my toy again.
Dan chuckled recalling Brody’s ineptness with the simple toy as his hand moved to his brow tracing the scar. Your yoyo saved my life …
Made you chuckle!
Okay, so I’m dead, and you’re living. Facts. How I died, I’m not sure, but I know you grieved. I’m aware terrible dark thoughts plagued you, but since you’re reading this, you coped with my death—for which I’m thankful.
You have excellent coping skills. Damn good thing you do … ‘cause if you ended up on this side by your own hand I would be kicking your ass for being witless.
No idea if you’re still in the military. Part of me hopes not. You always wanted to be a cop. You were a damned good one regardless of what those idiots in the 14th said and the crap they put you through. You can always join another police force or hell even go for the TRF thing you talked about.
I hope you found your beauty of life, Danny. If not, keep searching. She is real, and someday you will find her, and you will be happier than you ever believed possible. Okay, getting sappy … but that’s me sometimes.
When you eventually join me over here, we’ll find some wheelchairs to race in again—that was fun. I’m sure we can scrounge us up a couple in heaven. If not, we’ll just run. I’ll finally beat you ‘cause I’ll have more practice running with wings. Yeah, I know you don’t believe in guardian angels, but I do, and in this, I’m right, and you’re wrong!
So, I bet you’re wondering what this is all about. And the box that rattles. Nope, not a rattlesnake tail. First, about the other letters. I want you to hand these to the guys personally. I could’ve requested the lawyer send them out, but I thought it would be better if they came from a brother.
The messages are private and personal, so don’t be hurt or surprised if they don’t share. We were all close, but we each maintained private thoughts we didn’t share with everyone. I kept their confid
ences as I preserved yours. I never told them about Sara. Still, maintain you should’ve opened up about her with all the guys as you did Ripsaw … but that was your choice, and I respected your decision.
I trust you to deliver them. If on the off-chance others are gone too … well, damn, … I’ll let you decide what to do with the letters.
Now about the rattling box. You’ve been dying to open … wait, no, geez kinda morbid choice of words. How about … you’re eager to find out what is inside. Go ahead and open it now. Don’t read on and pretend you did.
Put the paper down … OPEN THE BOX!
Dan set the missive down and picked up the small box. Lifting the lid, he discovered a folded piece of paper and three keys. Two appeared identical and one much smaller. Perplexed by the keys, Dan returned to the letter.
Ha! Got you mystified, don’t I? Hard to do, I admit, but well worth the effort. Smile and nod if you agree.
Dan nodded and found himself smiling again.
Brody’s ethereal gaze scanned Danny’s family. It still amazed him how wrong they both were for so long. His brother walked a long, dark path, but found a way home. Serenity cloaked him, and he glowed as he eagerly anticipated Danny reading the next section of his letter.
Made you grin again. I’m a pain in the ass sometimes, but I like making you smile. You saw the two keys which look alike. Yes, they’re the same. The little one is to something else. I bet you didn’t even take the paper out. I’ll save you the trouble of looking and tell you.
Danny, I’m leaving you something special. Took me a while to locate what I wanted. At long last, I found what I sought when I came home for the third Christmas.
No, it’s not too expensive … I mean … yeah, a bit pricey, but what else was I gonna spend my money on? And no, you can’t give this back … I’m dead … remember. You also can’t donate my gift. I want you to have this and think of the happy times we shared.
What is the gift? I’m getting there, hold your horses … you’d think a sniper would have more patience. Ha … I’m joking … never knew anyone who could remain as still and quiet for as long as you can. Awesome skill, brother.
So, remember when we went to your parent’s place after we graduated Special Forces training? Yeah, you do … stupid question, huh?
You rented a truck, and we took your cousin Zach out four-wheeling. I had a grand time, and so did you. Never saw you laugh so much. We shared excellent moments together Sinner, but that day was one of my all-time favorites. The expression on your face … your smile and the way your eyes lit up as we taught Zach how to spin out. Yeah, buddy … awesome fun!
You’re smiling again, aren’t you? You remember the day fondly too.
Dan grinned as he glanced up at Zach. Yeah, a great day!
So, as I said, this idea started even before Robbie died, though that made me kick this up a notch. I got the notion after Gambit died. I remember a miserable couple of nights right after you got off medical leave in November, the week prior to Robbie joining us. The ones we spent in the field, tired, hungry, and wondering if we would make it back alive.
Plouffe sent us out on a recon mission the moment you were cleared for duty. We nearly got our asses blown off when our exfil got FUBAR, and we had to hike back. Blaze tried to get us to focus on something more positive than our current jam. Everyone shared their favorite Christmas memories. You went last, and I swear there wasn’t a dry eye from laughter when you described the snowball war with your cousins.
You used one of your masks trying to make things appear you had a normal childhood. I knew because I did the same thing. I shared the only decent Christmas memory I had …when my mom and I took those pictures at the mall.
Oh, crap … you have those photos now! Keep the funny ones to yourself, please. Anyhow, that night sparked my idea, but things solidified after our discussion on what we would do with our life insurance policies if either one of us died. I’m glad we created the scholarships, but a Corvette would’ve been fun too. No … I didn’t buy you a red Corvette!
Part of my present is that I want you to have a truly happy Christmas again. I arranged for this to be delivered on the second one after I’m gone because I figured you would be too sad to enjoy your gift on the first Christmas.
So, without further ado … those keys are to the truck we rented. I tracked it down. The exact one we drove is now yours. This is hassle-free, I set up a fund to take care of registration, insurance, and maintenance for you.
I’m fully aware you would prefer me to be there, but God had other plans for me. Perhaps to become a true Guardian Angel. That would be cool.
Merry Christmas, Danny … I hope you enjoy my gift.
Brody left me a truck. No, Brody gifted me the truck. Tears filled his eyes again and his vision blurred under the onslaught of water. He focused on sniper breathing to slow his racing heart. Once under control, he wiped his eyes and wondered about the small key. Dan flipped to the next page.
Welcome back from lalaland. Yeah, brother, I gave you the 4x4 truck for Christmas. I’m aware material things mean little to you, but think of this not as a thing, but a small fragment in the beauty of your life. A way for me to tangibly express to you how much you matter to me.
So, bet you’re wondering what the third key is for … come on, doesn’t take a rocket scientist. Use your brain, Danny boy. Still, haven’t figured it out? Okay, I guess I pretty much blew you away with this, so I’ll just tell you.
The other key opens the storage unit just off base in Ottawa where I stored your truck. I chose there because they had the best long-term storage rates … um, I’m still practical.
The unit number is 420.
Wow, my life is weird. What are the odds? Dan emitted a small chuckle.
Yeah … I got a chuckle out of that too. I won’t relate our smoky story here … might incriminate you and I wouldn’t want to do that, Sinner … I’ll just say we had a GOOD time and thank goodness, she had cookies!
Alright, back to business. I left instructions and funds with the law offices of Belsnickel, Befana, and Nicholas to make sure the truck was in perfect running order and gassed up for you. Ms. Befana assured me that wouldn’t be a problem.
Not sure where you’ll be when you get this letter … but your truck will be waiting there for you … wherever you might be.
Danny, dear brother, when you drive, remember of all the fun we shared. Those times are all fragments of our beautiful lives. Thank you for being the best a part of mine!
Smile and laugh often, listen to the music of your heart, and trust your soul to find beauty.
Your Loving Brother Forever,
Brody
Dan gazed at the closing for a long moment … your loving brother forever. Brothers forever! God, I miss you, Brody.
Lifting his head, Dan surveyed the silent men around him. Family I thought I lost. Family who would’ve embraced Brody. He swallowed the lump of emotion in his throat as his hand closed around the keys. Turning his eyes to his dad, Dan said, “I must go someplace.”
William nodded, “Okay. I can drive you.”
Dan shook his head and swiveled to Zach. “You need to go with me.”
Confusion lit Zach’s face. “Why me?”
Dan didn’t answer. Instead, he folded the letter, put it back into the envelope. Picking up the other letters and vehicle title, he inserted them all in the larger envelope. Rising from the chair, he focused on Scott, realizing Zach rode with his parents today. “Will you drive Zach and me?”
As baffled as everyone else, Scott simply replied, “Sure.”
His gaze shifted to Kyle who stared at him with open bewilderment. Flicking his eyes to Adam then Jeff he noted the same confusion mixed with worry. “I’d like it if you three came. It’s important to me.”
They all nodded wondering what Dan read and what he held in his hands.
Turning back to his dad, Dan said, “We’ll be back before dinner.”
“Alright, son.�
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As the younger men strode from the room Mark, Erik, and Ryan all refocused on their eldest brother who stared after his son.
Mark asked, “What do you think is going on?” His eyes traveled to the package on William’s desk.
William sighed. “I don’t know.” He picked up the envelope, unlocked his top desk drawer, slipped the packet inside, and relocked the drawer. He peered at his brothers. “When Daniel wants to share he will. Until then, whatever was in his letter is private.”
“Roger,” they all said in unison.
Breakdown and Loving Support
64
December 25
Storage Unit 420 – 4:20 p.m.
The six cousins piled into two vehicles. Scott drove his SUV with Dan and Zach as passengers, while Adam followed in his truck with Jeff and Kyle. Dan told Scott where he needed to go then remained quiet staring blankly at the passing scenery for the remainder of the trip. His mind became numb, struggling with competing emotions, and unable to process Brody’s gift.
Scott pulled to a stop near the storage locker Dan indicated and switched off the ignition. Sensing Dan’s unease, neither he nor Zach tried to engage him in conversation. When Dan continued to sit unmoving in the passenger seat, Scott said, “We’re here.”
Without saying a word, Dan reached for the latch and opened the door. After sliding out, he walked a few paces to stand in front of the locked unit. As he stared at a garage-sized door, his mental war still raging, Dan grasped the keys so tight they bit into the fleshy part of his sliced palm, causing his hand to sting. How can I accept Brody’s present? Brody could never foresee I would kill him. How do I do this? How?
Brody lay a hand on Danny’s shoulder, whispering in his ear, “Small steps. Lean on your family. Trust them to help you through this.” Never in his wildest dreams did he think his well-intentioned gift would cause his brother so much pain. He hoped the unveiled contents would comfort Dan. He wished Blaze, Mason, Patch, and Winds were here to support Danny too. His chosen brother needed all the assistance he could get at this moment.