The Question Is

by Kenna Shaw Reed

  Now he needed her again to save his company.

  Seth wanted to be in control, to prove himself as a good business man and provider to the woman he loved. He hated the idea of coming to her in need again.

  Looking at the figures and projections in front of him, he didn’t have a choice. He picked up the phone.

  Sienna

  Watching Connie’s parents watch her sleep, Sienna finally started to trust that Connie would recover.

  Everywhere she looked, the hospital ward was packed with parents concerned for their sick children. From the outside looking in, they all reacted to being in hospital in different ways. Relationships already frayed were torn apart by stupid fights over who was spending enough or too much time at the hospital, fights over money, fights over who should have noticed the symptoms earlier. When stressed out extended family visited, Sienna overhead the fights over who spoiled the children too much and whose genes were to blame.

  Being parents bought out the worse in a relationship.

  Very few parents came together in solidarity like Connie’s. She found out that they had already lost a baby to sudden infant death syndrome – the unexplained death of an otherwise healthy baby. They survived the greatest loss by grieving together. They would survive this as a family, too.

  All Sienna learned was that couples who must have once loved each other, became divided once they became parents.

  Any doubt about having children was laid to rest at Connie’s bedside. She would spend her life supporting children born by others but never, ever, have any of her own.

  The question was how to make Grace understand. Beautiful, maternal, kind Grace who tore herself apart being everything to everyone now. Working stupid hours and spending most other waking hours coming to the hospital, bringing food and coffee. She even took it upon herself to make sure Connie’s pets were looked after while her parents sat vigil.

  Grace was more than enough family for her.

  If only she could ignore her suspicions from the reunion and not have noticed the looks between Grace and Seth at the table. The way his arm so casually and naturally draped around her, owning her. The missing hours.

  The way Grace changed when making love. It wasn’t all down to their fights.

  Was it?

  Text from Grace, “Found park. On way.”

  Text to Grace, “KK.”

  In between eight and eleven minutes, Grace would exit the lifts and walk towards her down the corridor. Another two minutes watching her hips swaying and smile growing until the kiss, “hello”.

  Every single time they came together, Sienna had the same hit of wonder and chemistry across her body. Indescribable. As if seeing her for the very first time.

  Whatever happened or didn’t happen, there was no damn way she would sit back and allow an ex-boyfriend to come back and ruin everything.

  No way.

  Less than three minutes until Grace would appear.

  Time to remind Grace of the love they shared and how much they had to look forward to.

  Friendship, respect, love and lust. They had it all and far too much to throw away or have threatened by some guy from the past.

  Perhaps marriage without babies wouldn’t be so bad? At least there would be the commitment that seemed so important to Grace, after all, what was marriage other than a public declaration and a piece of paper.

  She was prepared to fight for her girl.

  Desperate and determined enough to pull out marriage as the winning card.

  Text from Grace, “Sorry. Work. Explain later.”

  Grace

  Sitting in her car, Grace was finding any excuse not to go up to the hospital room. An imagined noise as the car idled. Surely, if she sat a little longer, she would hear something again.

  To pass the time, she started looking though her phone logs, a little guilty and surprised she shared almost as many texts and calls with Seth as she had with Sienna. No wonder life seemed back in balance with both of them taking huge roles in her life.

  That was the good news.

  She threw her phone on the car seat. The uncomfortable truth she didn’t want to admit but could no longer hide from herself was how much she wanted Seth more than as a friend.

  The excitement when his name appeared on her phone and the disappointment if he only wanted to talk work. Wanting to share news of a new client with him, because he would understand, instead of Sienna who would be happy to celebrate.

  The boy she once knew and loved growing up was now a man. A caring, open hearted man who was building an empire yet still made time to make sure other boys had the same chances he did. She loved seeing that side of him.

  Every time he talked about Darby, she heard the love and concern for a boy that was not even his flesh. If she was ever to have children, they would be lucky to have a father like Seth.

  That was the impossible thought that kept invading her waking moments. During meetings, in the car, every time a love song appeared on her playlist.

  The only way to chase her dreams was by changing her partner.

  Life without Sienna.

  Once she had the thought, she couldn’t turn it off. Even if Sienna changed her mind, it would always feel Sienna gave up and compromised. Their fights had become too vicious and Sienna laid out repeatedly her logical reasons for why marriage and babies were not for her.

  If she ever compromised, Grace would spend a lifetime of feeling fortunate and grateful. Not the way to spend a life together as partners.

  Loving Sienna had been wonderful – five wonderful years that could never be regretted or replaced.

  Now, looking to her future and it was less likely that Sienna would be part of it. Sienna, a beautiful free spirit who deserved to save other peoples children, one by one could be unencumbered and able to save the world and make it a better place.

  Without Grace holding her back.

  She cut the car engine. No point putting off going upstairs any longer.

  Was it loving Sienna or still loving Seth that made her even think about walking away.

  Crap.

  Going upstairs, she would see the love Connie’s parents had for each other and their daughter. Damn it – that was the kind of love and family Grace wanted for herself.

  Every time she walked into their neat and tidy unit, she longed for the day when it would be a house in the suburbs, filled with noisy children and a dog greeting her at the door.

  “Give me a sign,” she whispered, getting ready to leave the car.

  The phone buzzed, “Are you kidding me?” she answered, fumbling to pick it up. “Some sign,” she muttered looking at the name “S Construction”.

  “Seth, whatsup?” Hoping he wanted to hear her voice or give a declaration of love – anything that could be a sign.

  “It’s all gone to hell.”

  “Darby – is everything okay with Darby?” last they spoke the police warned off the father and Darby was settling into a new life with Seth.

  “He’s fine – great company – it’s my business again that’s falling apart.”

  Between the bad reception and Seth rambling, Grace picked up that his key supplier would go under unless payment timing was changed. No other supplier could deliver the products he needed on time – house of cards and the wind was blowing.

  “Gracie, Princess – I know it is a lot to ask …

  “I’ll be there in a couple of hours,” she started the car. “We can sort this out – I’ll call my boss and give him a heads up and call my mum to set up my bed.”

  “Grace – please don’t call your boss until we have some options. I don’t want him to lose faith in me. Please?”

  “No, you’re right. I’ll call him tomorrow when I tell him I’ll be working remotely.”

  “And Gracie?” Damn red light, delaying her getting home and packed.

  “What else do you need?” Me, she thought, tell me that you need me.

  “Don’t bother your mum – there’s
heaps of room here. Tell Sienna we’ll have a chaperone – and tell her thanks, I really need you.”

  Text to Sienna, “Sorry. Work. Explain later.” Far easier to seek forgiveness than to ask permission, seemed to be a new and necessary pattern. After all, what if Sienna decided to come with her.

  Packing only took five minutes – a handful of clothes and a workbag. Only when she was half way out of town did she start to relax and process her feelings.

  Loving Sienna meant a life time of romance and self indulgence. She started crossing of all the reasons to stay on her fingers. Money would never be a problem and life would be about working hard for themselves and others, travel would be theirs for the taking wherever and whenever they wanted without having to think about school holidays. Most of their friends were from the lesbian community. Even though her own family didn’t understand and barely approved of her relationship – she and Sienna found their own family and acceptance.

  Loving Seth meant … What did it mean?

  Was she truly thinking of throwing everything away for the dream of becoming a mother? A baby deserved more out of a father than “mummy wanted a baby.” How could she possibly know whether she wanted Seth or just a baby daddy?

  Damn it.

  Asking for a sign, she should have asked for answers, not more questions.

  Finally, Sienna answered – Grace didn’t think she would take too kindly to being told about a visit to Seth via voice mail.

  “Hey, babe – I’m leaving the hospital now. What’s for dinner?”

  “I’m not home …”

  “Then get ready for some pampering when you get home – bubbles in the bath and in our bed!” came the playful tones of a woman ready to make her night.

  “Sorry to burst your bubble, but I’m on my way out of town. A client’s crisis and I’ll be away for a couple of days.”

  “Oh.” The playful tones died. “Who would be the lucky client?”

  Silence. Sienna knew her major client and piece of work was setting up Seth’s company. All other work was supporting the junior partners with their own clients. Still, no use hiding it, “It’s Seth’s company – there are problems with a supplier and …”

  “Of course there is and his ‘Princess Gracie’ has to come to the rescue,” each word spat out in anger before the phone went dead.

  Grace tried to feel something.

  Her girlfriend, life partner, lover, best friend had hung up on her in an understandable but jealous fit about her going away for a couple of days with an ex-boyfriend – surely, she should feel something.

  Instead, no regret or no wishing things could be different.

  Only excitement about seeing Seth.

  Getting to know him back home, in his house. Knowing with Darby around, there would be no opportunity for them to fall into bed like last time.

  It would be a chance for her to look at him through the eyes of – damn it – what did she want him to be.

  Was she wanting to see him through the eyes of a sperm donor? Or lover? More than a friend? After all these years, how would she even know?

  As she turned the corner into Seth’s street, she sped to the curbside to the house all lit up and police cars in the driveway.

  OMG, not Seth! Not Darby.

  She pulled up next to the house. Even before getting out of her car, she heard cursing from the hefty man being handled into the back seat of one of the cars.

  Seth stood, stony faced in the driveway, listening to a police officer and a stunning brunette.

  Perhaps she should stay at her mother’s after all – she didn’t want to get in the way of another crisis.

  No, she corrected herself, this is where she needed to be.

  “Seth, are you okay?” pushing aside the brunette, she hugged him, checking him for blood or visible injuries. What would she do if something happened to him?

  Chill, she needed to chill and not act like a concerned girlfriend, “I mean, you didn’t tell me you were throwing a party.”

  “Fine, we are fine. Darby’s father came by looking for him and made some threats. It’s all taken care of.”

  Turning, she couldn’t see Darby anywhere, “Is he okay?”

  “Let’s say it is too early to tell but I think we are shaken and not stirred.”

  “Hi, I’m Lucy the social worker,” the brunette held out her hand giving Grace no choice but to shake it – at least she wasn’t a sexy neighbor. “You are?”

  “Grace.” She didn’t want to give out more information than necessary. “An old friend of Seth’s,” she said squeezing his arm protectively, “And now my company is working with him on a project.”

  “Will you be staying at the house with Seth and the minor child?”

  What was it to her? Maybe Seth had two jealous exes on his hands. “Ahhh, yes. I only arrived in town and didn’t know I’d be coming until a couple of hours ago.” Might as well put her cards on the table, “Is that a problem? Is it safe for me to stay?”

  Seth pulled away, his voice tight with concern, “Gracie, Lucy is more worried about Darby’s safety than yours,” to the woman he said, “Lucy, can we do this inside now? I want to check on Darby.”

  “Of course, whatever you want,” Grace collected her bag from the car before following them inside. Lucy was the perfect woman – not one hair out of place, fitted tailored suit. Elegant and a social worker – perfect for Seth. Damn it, she had no right to feel jealous.

  Seth

  It wasn’t exactly the homecoming he wanted for Grace. Two police cars in his front yard as she drove up. Her reaction threw him.

  Almost running into his arms. Her concern he could have dismissed as an old friend. But her reaction to Lucy – possessive and jealous.

  He couldn’t win a trick – sorting out the mess with his company, sorting out this new mess with Darby and now the love of his life acting jealous of the social worker!

  What was the old saying – it never rains, it pours!

  He started the coffee machine, saying over his shoulder “Lucy and I are old friends – most of the boys I start working with are going through the system or are at risk.”

  “You are too kind,” Lucy got the milk out of the fridge, showing her familiarity in his kitchen. “Seth is amazing with them, how long did you say you’ve known each other?”

  Grace wasn’t the only woman claiming ownership over him and his house as Lucy turned to Grace.

  “I didn’t but since high school. We dated and broke up when I went away for uni. Recently, Seth and his company have become a client of my firm and we are working on a project together. I got an emergency call earlier this evening and here I am.”

  “I don’t suppose you have a ‘Working with Vulnerable Children’ card,” Lucy asked. Why didn’t he think of that – with Darby here the rules changed.

  “Actually, I do have one.” He looked up from the milk frothing in surprise, “My girlfriend and I do a lot of work with at risk children in the city. You know, the ones who are abused by their families or in school environments for being different.”

  “Oh, so you are gay then?” Seth hid a smile as Lucy was suddenly supportive of his friendship. Then again, perhaps his connection was Grace was only in his mind.

  He forced a laugh, “Don’t worry, Luce, it’s like Grace said – old friends now friends and working together. If Darby feels safe here, he is welcome to stay.”

  They went into the study and Lucy talked through some of the things to watch for as Darby dealt with what was happening in his life. She was an amazing woman and Seth wished he learned to love her in the way she wanted and deserved. Now, their relationship centered around the boys at risk and papers – including the bundles of paperwork she took them through before kissing Seth on the cheek as she left.

  “Another unhappy ex?” Grace laughed as they hugged again, this time without an audience.

  “We tried, and now she probably realizes you are the reason it didn’t work out. And she is judging
me for not moving on when my girl moved on with another girl.”

  “Sorry about that.”

  “Don’t be. Ancient history. Darby is the important one here and now. Do you mind if I go and make sure he’s okay before I make you dinner?”

  They smelt the toasted sandwiches even before they reached the kitchen.

  “Hey, mate. Your dad left in the car.”

  Darby didn’t react, head down, focused on making the sandwiches.

  “Hi, Darby, I’m Grace. I’ll be staying here for a couple of days.”

  Still silence, the knife gliding through the butter. He made up almost a whole loaf of bread.

  “Mate, since there are going to be the three of us, what do you say we make some of your famous ANZAC biscuits. I’m sure there are rolled oats and golden syrup in the cupboard.” A shy nod.

  Seth lead Grace into the dining room where they could still see Darby without being too obtrusive.

  “When he is stressed, he closes down and needs to focus on something practical. Today it is cooking.”

  “What happened?” he appreciated Grace’s concern.

  “I came home, and Darby was lying in the fetal position on the lounge. His dad had broken into the back yard, banging on the doors demanding to be let in. I called the police and they spent a lot of time, wasted time, trying to negotiate him down. No one wanted a son to see his father arrested, but in the end, we didn’t have a choice.

  “Oh, Seth,” Grace wanted to go in and hug the young man, but knew he needed time to process what happened, “How fucked up for both of you. What happens now?”

  “Well the police will take it out of my hands. He threw a few punches at them, so he will be charged. The challenge is making sure Darby feels safe and to see this as a safe home for him again.”

  To hell with giving him space. Grace jumped up and ran into the kitchen. Before Seth could stop her, she wrapped Darby in her arms, patting his head saying, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”

  To his amazement, instead of pushing her away as he would with Seth, Darby returned the hug and within minutes, the strong sully young man turned into a boy, afraid of the future and sobbing on the shoulder of a stranger.