by C Churchill
Petals of the Moon
A Poetry Collection
C. Churchill
Copyright 2019 C. Churchill
“Petals of the Moon”
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or conveyed, without express written permission from author.
Cover by C. Churchill
Also, by C. Churchill:
Wildflower Tea
Color Body Feels
I am a Woman not a Winston
C. Churchill on social media:
Instagram @cc_writes
Facebook @cchurchillwrites
“All things are possible
Under the light of the moon.”
Petals of the Moon
New
Crescent
Full
New
In the darkest of night
When toss and turn is all we know
When the sheep have lost
And the wolves have spoken
We drift lucid
Unafraid
Into the shadow of the moon
This is where we begin
under a new moon
I sat with the calm
The buzzing of new life
In my ear a torture
Reminding me
No matter how
No matter when
I cannot escape
The buzzing
The chaos
Distant memories rush
To the surface
After the day’s tidings are sung a lullaby
And I still
Hoping my breath doesn’t catch
On the images of you
in the still
Midnight smells of
Sickly smoke
And wilted roses
I have yet to see otherwise
scent of you
The blades spin relentless
Above
Singing to me
The song of summer winds
With the click of repetition
Around and round we go
The tick of the clock
The click of the fan
The ceiling that has been swallowed
In night yet again
Void a star to see
But these eyes search wildly
Looking past shadows
Looking into further
Looking until my eyes burn, and tears fall
And night has won an audience
audience of one
I flirted with the darkness one night
Lit the puff of a cigarette
Behind the barn
Before double digits
Far too young to know of cancer
Far too young to care
I flirted with the darkness
Many nights in cemeteries
Playing with a high
Balanced between
Fear and papers
Sometimes rolled
Sometimes dipped
I flirted with the darkness
While bottles clinked
Among naked limbs
And disheveled clothes
The floor covered in madness
For a day nothing more
I flirted with the darkness
Eventually it noticed me
After many years of teasing
It took me as its own
It never promised the moon
Never promised the stars
Just took my hand
And led me to a place
I was no longer seen.
invisible
/>
When shadows turn
And demons churn
I see midnight strike again
In all its glory
A fit of pique
Filling night
Taunting sleep
Here I lay
Bound by fear
In silence
Under the cover of darkness
fear bound
The monsters under my bed
Hum lullabies
In the rhythm of my tears
Beautiful
Haunting
Lullabies
lullabies
How do we walk
Where we can’t find footing
How do we walk
Where we can’t see
When the world disappears
Into the flatness of night
We are told to move forward
But this is not without fear
Never without fear
How do we walk
When we are
Paralyzed
As we step blindly
Into tombs of the unknown
Holding nothing but the flame of bravery
In shaking hands
We walk
We step forward
Hoping there is no wind
For this flame is unsure
Hoping the earth holds us dear
That gravity does not fail
That bravery is here.
We step forward
Hoping
That the abyss catches us
Just so.
bravery
Sometimes the night
Gives me what I seek
As I lay
My body starts to calm
The void wraps around me
Like a hug from a year gone
The memory of you
Closing in
As my heart drifts to a calm melody
And all I can think
Is welcome back
I have been waiting for you
welcome
I often wonder
As my mind seizes in the hours between
When the sandman runs over pillows
And tracks dreams over closed eyes
If he sees me stirring
In my uncomfortable wait
His fingers poised and ready
To drop a sprinkling of peace
Over these eyes
Over these dreams
I wonder
Does he see me
Bartering my life
Trading memories
For a moment of peace each night
barter
I called to the night
Awaiting answers
Beyond taillights
Before dawn
In the expanse
I stilled
As sunless chills
Crept faithfully in
I called to the night
Awaiting answers
My spine began to ache in the darkness
A full embrace
Wrapping my shoulders
To my ribs
Slowing a heart in beats
Meant for death
I called to the night
Awaiting answers
Just as my body became numb to light
Hope began to flicker
Faint to sight
Over my weary eyes
Spread thin
A shadow dances
Under soft wrought pain
Losing hope and back again
The waiting was over
I hit the bottom
My voice echoes
As answers come from within
Washing over me
Begging
Asking for this dance
Awaiting my answer
night dance
Phantom memories of my past
Fade in and out
Like stars on a cloudy night
The harder I try to see
The more I lose sight
Without direction
I wander
Without the moon
I am lost
lost
Shackless of day pressed into oblivion
The verse held so tightly
In my thoughts
No room to spare
Unrequited love forcing this hand
To let go
Bleeding through pages
As hours turn to eternity
The darkest tales
My soul can no longer keep
For night is an ocean
And these thoughts
Have no longer the will
To swim
drown
If you could only taste my fear
How deep it runs for you
But my demons taste like peppermints
And they are always offering.
candy
I lay under this blanket of night
The stars no longer seek
For I have turned my eyes
Towards the vanity of my deep
Searching an answer
In loves cruel game
An answer of less than my worthy name
For I have sold and bought this soul
Many times, over for those in the know
Where else can I seek?
When the night lasts eternity
And my eyes are begging
To simply believe
believe
Toss
Turn
Flip the spoon
I hear your heart
But I cannot feel it
Arms are empty of everything
But spite
Toss
Turn
Flip the spoon
Other side of the pillow
Maybe the chill will match the tone
Of stone
Toss
Turn
Flip the spoon
Sleeping isn’t coming
Another night laid in arms
That have forgotten their role
That have forgotten to hold
Toss
Turn
Drop the spoon
Lay straight like a dinner service
In an empty room
Toss
Turn
Wake
Repeat.
Waiting for a meal
From a left-over dinner plate.
spoon
Wash me in the river
Scrub my heart clean
It has been dirtied in ways
You have never seen
But your hands can find me
I have faith in that
It is there
Where one heart reaches
Again, and back
dirty hearts
We said it was forever
We said it was fate
We claimed our flag
Our hearts were staked
We were impossible to beat
In this world less humanity
Until we saw
Our mirror cracked
In vanity
vanity
Have you ever tried to hold onto things in the night?
In total darkness
Reaching
Reaching out
After it slipped just for a second
A moment
You heard it fall
Knock against your foot
Roll a bit
Then gone
You crumble
Hands searching
On a floor you have walked a thousand times
Where did it go?
You just had it
Your hands relentless
On hard smooth ground
Far and wide
Till knees are crushed
Under a weight of guilt
Your tongue burns
In words that cannot be taken back
But your hands still grasp
In the first moments of dawn
All you find is bloodied knees
Empty hands
And words that fill the floor
hold your tongue