Secret Dream: Delos Series, 1B1

by Lindsay McKenna

  Susan gave him a warm, apologetic look. “I had you figured all wrong, Cav.” She reached across the table, her hand falling over his. “I’m so sorry. Will you forgive me? I was so rude to you yesterday. I feel so badly about it. That’s not like me.”

  “Lia said you’ve been under a lot of pressure with not sleeping well at night. She thought that might have something to do with it.” Cav wasn’t going to take advantage of her in any way. All he wanted with Susan was fairness and not to be seen as a villain absconding with Lia, taking their only child away from them.

  “Ugh, she’s right about that.” Shaking her head, she muttered, “I’m going to see a woman doctor in a few days. She works with something called plant bioidenticals. It’s plant-based estrogen and progesterone and has been proven safe in comparison to the other types of hormones that are on the medical market. She said she could help me with my mood swings and especially my hot flashes, night sweats, and sleeplessness.”

  “Sounds really promising,” Cav said gently. “Let’s cross our fingers for you.”

  She gave a half laugh and grimaced. “I’m not one for medicine. I very rarely take it. Lia’s the same way. She’s very much a copy of me, in case you didn’t realize it yet, but I suspect you already know that.”

  “You two are very much alike. It’s part of SEAL training, Susan. They teach us to pick up a lot of nonverbal cues from people, teach us to read them and anticipate their actions or reactions.”

  “Because in your business, if you don’t, you could probably get killed.”

  One corner of his mouth lifted. “Yeah, something like that.”

  “Are you still going to continue to be a security contractor?”

  “No. I’ve hung up my weapons and I’m working with Lia in her department at Delos. I have a degree in African and Asian studies. I’ll be a consultant in those areas. So we both have safe jobs, and that’s good.”

  “More than good,” Susan whispered, relieved. Shaking her head, she offered, “I thought you were like Jerry. I thought you were going to use Lia and then walk away from her.”

  “I’m nothing like that little bastard. If I ever find him or run into him by chance, it will make my day, but it won’t make his.” Cav gave her a cutting smile, allowing her to see the warrior side of himself. “I’ll protect Lia. I’ll give her safe haven, Susan. Right now, she’s still reeling from nearly being killed a second time down in Costa Rica. She’s fragile in a lot of ways and I’m doing my best to be a shield of sorts for her when and where I can. I’m not enabling her. There’s a big difference. When I first met her, she was paranoid about me ever seeing any more of her scars than was necessary. It took a couple of months for me to gain her trust enough that she allowed me to see all of her and for her to know that I loved her regardless of her scars.”

  She lifted her hand from his. “You’re perfect for her, Cav. I can see that now. You have no idea how good that makes me feel. Lia’s so special and what happened to her is a nightmare I still wrestle with. I have dreams sometimes that send me sitting up and screaming.”

  “Well, she gets them occasionally herself,” he said. “And given what happened to her, she has some pretty tough PTSD. The good news is that Lia’s climbing out of it. Every day, we’re working together. She’s healing me, too, in many, many ways. One thing we have going for us is that we’ll talk to one another. That’s more important to me than anything. I’m pretty good at reading a person, but I’m not a mind reader. And with Lia, the trauma she’s survived, I really needed that line of communication between us or we weren’t going to get anywhere with one another.”

  “Oh,” Susan said wryly, smiling faintly, “Lia is a little chatterbox like me. It runs in the family, Cav.”

  “I always find what she has to say interesting, Susan. She’s a deep thinker, she sees so much, and she’s as good for me as I am for her. It’s not one-way. I don’t think you can have any lasting relationship if the two people in it don’t respect and admire one another.” He pointed his chin toward the hall. “You have that with your husband. It’s clear that he loves you, but he also respects you and you’re equals to one another.”

  “Thirty years we’ve been married, Cav. I guess that’s a testament to being equal partners fighting their way through life together as a team.”

  “At least,” he murmured, “it’s together. There’s been times when Lia will pick me up out of the ditch, lift me, share something that happened to her, or something that is meaningful to her, with me. It never fails to help me in some large or small way.”

  “I’m so happy to hear this, Cav. Lia grew up with two parents who were equals, who loved each other, and who loved her. She’s got a solid family pattern base behind her to work from.”

  “I don’t,” he said, “but I’m learning. I’m sure I’ll screw up plenty and Lia knows that. But she also knows that if I make a mistake, it’s not done on purpose. I’m just learning how to operate within a healthy family environment.”

  She folded her hands, resting her chin on them, absorbing his heartfelt words. “Have you talked about having children?”

  “Yeah, we have.” He smiled a little. “Your daughter wants a brood.”

  “What do you want?”

  “As many as she wants.” He saw Susan’s eyes water and she swallowed several times.

  “We’ve always had a huge family. My grandmother had eight children. I had dreams of at least four,” Susan admitted, pain barely veiled in her lowered voice.

  He frowned. “Lia told me that after you had her, you couldn’t have more children. I’m really sorry, Susan.” And he was. If there were ever a set of parents who would eagerly and lovingly welcome a new baby into this world, it was them. He saw the regret in her eyes and felt for her.

  “Well, maybe in the future,” she whispered, choked up, “I might be a grandma someday. I’d love that. I know Steve would, too.”

  He chuckled and sat back in the chair. “Well, if Lia has anything to say about it, there’ll be at least four grandchildren. I think she’ll keep you pretty busy in that department after we get married.”

  “You’ve asked her?”

  “Yes. Lia wanted to break the news to both of you. If you don’t mind, could you not tell her you knew about it before she tells you? I know how much this means to her. It’s her moment. Something the three of you should share.”

  “No worries.” Susan gave him a warm look. “I won’t tell Steve. We’ll let it be our secret. Okay?”

  He grinned. “You know what, Susan? You’d make a damn good operator. You’re good at stealth maneuvers.”

  “I’m learning from the master,” she laughed softly, pointing at him.

  Cav heard a door open down the hall. It was Steve.

  “Listen,” Susan said, leaning forward, her voice a whisper, “I want you and Lia to go be together while you’re here. Just move your stuff over to her bedroom. Steve didn’t mind. It was my issue.”

  “Thanks,” he said, meaning it. “Right now, I think Lia needs people she loves to surround her. She’s still working out that Costa Rican assault.”

  “I understand,” she said, standing to go meet her husband, who was coming down the hall. “We all want to give Lia what she needs.”

  CHAPTER 5

  Cav was going to spend the day out in the fields with Steve. They’d packed a lunch after breakfast and were going to leave as the sun came up. Lia had risen, looking delicious and sleepy, her hair tousled, eyes barely open as they finished their breakfast. He’d gone over to her, kissing her lightly on the lips in front of her parents. This time, Susan wasn’t acting as if he had no business being around her daughter. Instead he saw a new softness in her eyes for both of them. It took a huge load off his shoulders for Lia’s sake.

  It was the look of love in Lia’s eyes for him as she reached up on her tiptoes to meet his descending mouth that warmed his soul as nothing else ever would. He poured her a cup of coffee and walked with her back to her roo
m. There wasn’t time to say much to her as he leaned against the doorframe, watching her sit on the edge of her bed, that coffee between her small, slender hands. She looked like a child at that moment, Cav thought, her white nightgown with small ruffles around the boatneck making her look so young and vulnerable.

  “I was able to talk to your mom this morning,” he told her, coming into the bedroom and quietly shutting the door. “It was a good, searching talk.” Instantly, he saw Lia’s drowsy face grow relieved.

  “Was it her sleep deprivation? Those awful night sweats she gets that keep waking her up?”

  “Yeah, she hinted at it and admitted she wasn’t getting enough sleep,” he said, giving a nod. He smiled a little. “You two are like twins, you’re so much alike.”

  Lia managed a quirk of her lips as she gratefully sipped the hot coffee. “Dad has always said that about us. That I take after Mom completely.”

  “You’re both very caring people,” he said, his voice low with feeling as he hungrily sponged her in. “Susan asked if I wanted to share your room with you while we were here. I said yes.”

  Instantly, Lia perked up, hope in her widening eyes. “Really? She did?”

  He gave her a heated look. “Yes, she did.”

  “What on earth did you two talk about?”

  Cav hedged. “I’ll fill you in tonight after we go to bed.”

  “Okay, but I never expected her to do that kind of turnaround.” She gave him an intense look.

  “Well, I sort of opened up to her,” he admitted.

  Nodding, Lia studied him, the quiet surrounding them. “I thought that if she could get to know you, she’d forget about plastering Jerry on you.”

  “I think I managed to destroy that idea,” he admitted. “I think she sees me now.” And that he wasn’t a threat to Lia or their dreams for her. “I’m going with Steve today. I’ll probably be gone all day. What do you have planned?”

  “Oh,” she said, smiling fondly, “canning. You saw the huge garden we have out back?”

  “Yeah, it’s a big one.”

  “Well, every fall about this time when Dad and his crews were digging the sugar beets up out of the sandy soil, Mom and I did a lot of canning and freezing of vegetables and fruit. She bought about twenty pounds of huckleberries, which grow in the Cascade Range to the west of us, and she wants to make jam with them today.”

  “Sounds like fun,” he said drolly, a grin edging his lips. “Glad I’m going to be with Steve.”

  She chortled, giving him a heated look. “Well, just don’t work too hard. I’m not going to let you fall asleep on me with you in my bed. You’ve been warned.”

  His grin grew. “Ms. Cassidy, if I have my way about it, you aren’t going to get much sleep tonight at all. We’ll be the ones who are sleep deprived.” He saw her give him a satisfied look, heat and promise in her shining gray eyes.

  “That’s okay by me. We’ll have to be quiet, of course.” She smiled. “I’m not exactly a quiet lover, Jordan. But you already know that.”

  He felt his lower body stirring at the promise and arousal in her eyes. Never had Cav wanted to love this woman more than he did right now. “Well, we’ll figure something out. There’s a huge bathroom between your room and their room down at the end of the hall. That’s a pretty good buffer. I don’t think you have to completely squelch your enthusiasm while I please you.” He gloated, seeing her cheeks turn red. In some ways, her naivety on an intimate level was still present. And it probably always would be. He tended to talk gritty with her, and he could see she wasn’t used to that kind of male-to-female frank sexual language. But it was a turn-on for her, and he knew it. It was for him, too.

  Moving away from the door, he eased the emptied cup from her fingers and set it down on the nightstand. “Come here,” he growled, sitting and lifting her across his lap so that he held her fully against him and within his embrace. “I’m going to get at least one hot, drowning kiss out of you before I leave for the day …”

  He felt the softness of her small breasts meet the wall of his chest. Felt her nipples puckering and hardening as he caressed the side of one of her breasts beneath the soft cotton material. She tipped her head back, eyes closing, those sweet sounds of pleasure vibrating in her exposed throat. When he moved his thumb across one of those jutting peaks, she gave a little moan, pressing herself urgently against him. “I like pleasing you,” he rasped, kissing her throat, trailing small, hot nips down it until he reached that cupped breast of hers. And when he settled his mouth over it, the heat and moistness meeting that flimsy barrier, feeling the tautness of her peak, he teased her.

  Lia nearly came apart on him, her moan urgent, her hand on his shoulder, drawing his mouth more deeply against her nipple, her hips moving sinuously against his own. She melted as his lips tugged on that nipple, whimpering, a sound that told him how badly she needed to have an orgasm. It made him grow thick and hard in an instant. They’d spent two days apart. When they were at home, there was rarely a night that went by without one of them initiating sex with the other.

  He lifted his mouth from the damp material, which now exposed her nipple beautifully to him. Lia was breathing raggedly and as he watched for her reaction, he saw her arousal. Her fingers dug frantically into his shoulder, telling him how much she needed him, needed his touch. Lifting her off him, he laid her on her back on the bed. Coming beside her, he slid his hand beneath her neck, leaning down, taking those perfect, soft lips of hers. And as he did, he slid his hand up beneath her knee-length gown, opening her thighs to further inspection by him. Cav could already smell her sex scent, knew she was already juicy and wanting him to pleasure her.

  As he lifted his lips from hers, their breathing ragged, he rasped, “As much as I wish we had the time I want to really love you, let me at least give you some relief.” Her eyes were dazed looking with lust and he knew, sensed, she desperately needed to orgasm. He saw her barely nod, closing her eyes, moaning his name as he stroked her inner thigh, feeling the dampness of her juices, already starting to flow out of her. Cav had never met a woman like her. Lia was easily aroused, eager, and unafraid to show her hunger or ask him for what she needed. It made him feel good as a man, her lover, to be able to do all those things for her.

  His fingers grazed those silky curls and he felt their wetness, the scent of her arousal filling his flaring nostrils as he pushed the nightgown up above her belly. Time was their enemy right now. He eased his fingers into her small, tight channel, felt her unraveling, that sweet sound he looked for vibrating in her throat. She arched her hips against his fingers as he eased into her, teasing that swollen knot that was begging to be touched, caressed, and milked. She squirmed beneath him, opening more to him, wanting him deeper, wanting him to trigger her body and give her relief.

  He prolonged the sensation as he slid his fingers deeply into her wet, small body. Her cries were soft but urgent, the sound drowned out, captured by his mouth over hers. He could feel her channel tightening around his fingers as he began to stroke that sensitive area of nerves deep within her. Lia groaned and her fingers spasmed against his chest, eyes shut tightly, lost in the building heat he was providing to her sensitive, hungry body. Pride flowed through Cav as he triggered a massive, explosive orgasm that suddenly erupted deep within her. He smothered her mouth with his. There was no way Lia couldn’t scream when he felt such a powerful contraction of her channel, indicating the release she had been begging for him to trigger. Her scream was absorbed by his mouth, and he continued to exploit her sensitive, giving body, his fingers caressing that special area that kept contracting and relaxing over and over again. He could feel the rush of utter satisfaction rippling through her as he continued to absorb her little cries, which weakened over the stolen moments he had with her.

  Lia collapsed against him, breathing erratically as her body gave her the release she was so badly seeking. Gently, Cav removed his fingers, caressing her wet curls at the entrance, moving his hand across he
r rounded belly, other visions in his head as he cradled her against him. He wanted to give her a baby. Their baby. A baby who would be so wonderfully loved and welcomed into this world by both of them. He leaned down, capturing her soft, smiling lips, lingering against them, his hand splayed out against her belly, the need to couple with her, mate with her, so strong that he barely resisted the urge. But he knew that Steve would want to leave soon and decided to tuck the desire away—at least until tonight.

  As he eased from her mouth, he rasped against it, “There. That should hold you until I can get home to you tonight.” He saw the drowsy, satiated look gleaming in her half-closed eyes. She looked wild and natural in his arms. It was a photo he took of Lia with his mind and heart in that moment. Lia deserved nothing but love, and a fierceness rose in his chest, overwhelming Cav with such powerful feelings that it choked him up. She was his. And he would claim her utterly tonight. In this bed. Her in his arms. Where she belonged.

  *

  As tired as Cav was that evening during dinner with Lia’s family, he saw that wicked look in his woman’s eyes from time to time. It was nothing overt and Cav was sure it was so subtle that her parents missed it. But he could feel her wanting him, wanting her body naked and playful against his. Swallowing a tired smile as he hungrily ate everything put before him, Cav knew he was going to need that extra food energy for a long, long night that he’d been looking forward to all day.

  Equally important, Cav sensed peace between Susan and her daughter, unlike yesterday. He hadn’t had the time to talk with Lia in private to find out how her day had gone. All along one end of the counter, though, were plenty of jars of huckleberry jam. The dark purple jam was something he’d never tasted and tonight, Susan had baked biscuits and put out some of the huckleberry jam to taste. He found he really liked it. A lot. He’d consumed four biscuits in a row, slathered with the purple jam. Lia had laughed at him and shaken her head. She told her parents that SEALs ate heavy before going out on a mission, and that the way Cav was eating tonight? Well, he thought he had to tank up for an op.