Her plea was met with silence.
“Now, Dan. She’s your daughter.”
I tried to cry out, but my body convulsed with pain. What’s wrong with him? What’s wrong with me?
Then it hit me. I was dying. Like Luna, my body was shutting down. Part of me welcomed the mercy of death, the quiet that would come from ending my crappy life. I relaxed into Mom’s embrace and thought of seeing Granny again. Of being whole and happy like when I’d lived with her.
“No she’s not.” My dad stomped off, slamming the door behind him, and like that, anger ignited my will to live. I scrounged the vestiges of my mind for help. I needed to vomit like my puppy had after eating one too many socks. What had we used to make him puke?
“Need. Peroxide.” The words slipped out painfully. Mom released her hold and dug through the medicine cabinet. She returned with a brown bottle in hand. I opened my mouth and let the bitterness dribble past my swollen tongue.
My stomach heaved. I swallowed more until I threw up. Over and over until my stomach ran dry and my body felt broken.
Ragdoll limp, I hobbled to the couch. Mom encouraged me to drink water and cooled my forehead with a rag. My dad paced in front of the fire, slipping in and out of focus through my drug-fogged mind.
“What do you want from me, Gemini?” A question repeated.
Hadn’t I answered him already? Not sure of how much time had lapsed, I shook my head. I want my freedom.
My dad crouched in front of me, the scent of alcohol filling the gap between us. “Tell me. Did you come to steal from me? From my own mother?”
Mom shifted at the ice in his voice. She’d stood her ground as much as she could. Saving my life would come at a high cost to her. One she probably couldn’t afford to pay. Even knowing the consequences, I fumbled under the blanket for my phone, punched in three numbers—911—and hit send.
“I need your help.” I spoke loudly, forcing the words from my raw throat, hoping they were loud enough for the operator to hear. “Where were you this whole time?”
Mom’s eyes darted nervously from me to my dad. She’d been drinking again. “We were on vacation. You know that.”
“You left me alone for almost two weeks. Two weeks I didn’t know where you were.” I directed my accusations toward my dad. I was walking a fine line of provoking him enough to say something damning for the operator, but not so much that he would get violent.
“Oh get off it. It’s not like you can’t take care of yourself.”
“Don’t hit me.” I infused my voice with as much fear as I could muster.
My dad shoved his face close to mine and delivered a satisfactory response. “Trust me, Gemini, nothing would give me more pleasure.”
“Dan.” Mom’s voice sharpened. She was making a stand.
I couldn’t let that happen. I wanted my dad to attack me, not her. “I want you to leave. This is my house, Granny gave it to me.”
“I don’t give a shit what she did.”
The question I’d always wondered escaped from my lips. “Why do you hate me so much?”
My dad sneered. “Ask your mother.”
I know what you did, woman. I know all about it.
Mom cringed beside me on the couch. She wouldn’t meet my eyes, and her hands fluttered nervously. Her mouth tightened.
“Tell her, whore. Tell her.” He bent in front of Mom and clenched her face in his hands, tight. She never struggled. Never denied anything. White foam had formed around his lips and flew into her face when he screamed his next words. “Tell her that she took away every chance of happiness you ever had in this life.”
He cocked his fist.
I screamed.
* * *
The scream followed me to the yellow room. The Dozen were there, hanging on the walls as pictures. Crayon drawings of Luna in her black and gray world. Of musical notes surrounding Bach that seemed to leap off the paper in a childish lullaby. A door slammed. A voice carried upstairs. Tears stung my eyes, and Jimmy stood beside me. He stretched out his hand and pulled me to the closet.
We hid behind the stuffed animals. Wriggling into their softness and safety. Footsteps climbed the stairs. My heart hitched, and Jimmy squeezed my hand.
A voice boomed out. Gemini.
Jimmy pushed me behind him, deep into the corner of the closet where Daddy’s anger couldn’t reach.
The animals fell away, and I willed myself invisible.
Giant hands reached down.
My body trembled.
Where’s Gemini?
Silent tears. Aching. Fear.
Jimmy standing, dropping his bunny. She’s not here.
Making a wall between us so Daddy couldn’t see.
Disappearing.
Leaving me. Let’s go visit Granny, kiddo.
Shivers convulsing.
Shadows retreating.
Me alone, his stuffed rabbit in my arms.
* * *
The closet gave way to Granny’s living room.
Mom stepped between me and my father like Jimmy had so many years before. She swayed unsteadily, too drunk to realize the danger she was in. “Enough, Dan. It’s over. If you lay a hand on her, I’ll call social services myself.”
He struck out and a red welt blossomed on her pale cheek. “I will not be threatened.”
A second strike, hard and fast to the ribs.
Mom collapsed on the couch and clutched a pillow to her stomach. She curled into the fetal position. Tears streamed down her cheeks.
Sirens sounded in the distance.
My dad grabbed me, shook me until my fingers dropped the phone from under the blanket. He backhanded me away from him, and my head smashed into the wall, sending stars across my vision.
I reached out for Mom and wiped at the thin trail of blood dribbling from her nose.
Chapter 28
My dad rode in the back of a police car to the Sheriff’s department. Mom and I were escorted to the hospital in a separate cruiser. The emergency room staff diagnosed Mom with a broken rib and a blood alcohol level too high for me to be released in her care. We were both questioned long and hard about the incident. Alone, this would have been fine, but the 911 recording initiated a call to a social worker. She arrived on long, slim legs and had thin hair and thin lips to match.
I’d seen her before. The pounding in my head warned me of that, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t quite place her. She finished questioning Mom and made her way toward me, her every step measured.
“I’m Sarah Stemple. Do you remember me?”
My jaw felt as tight as hers looked. “Should I?”
“I was your case worker after your dad’s accident.”
Her words brought on a stabbing pain in my temple.
My dad, four girls dead, one boy missing.
I fought the creeping gray that clouded my vision. If I lost control now, I might never know what happened. I started to answer—to ask all the details—but a chill stopped me. If Sarah Stemple knew I couldn’t remember anything about my past, she’d take me away for sure.
“So, what happens now?”
Sarah assessed me with cold eyes. I didn’t look away, and she finally shrugged. “We need to find you a place to stay.”
“My granny just died and left her house to me. Is it possible for me to stay there?”
“Alone?”
I nodded. “I’m almost eighteen, and already I take care of myself. I make enough money to pay for the bills.”
Sarah perked up, opened her binder and scribbled some notes. “What do you mean by take care of yourself and pay the bills?”
If I didn’t shut up, I’d wind up in foster care yet. I looked her straight in the eye and lied to her face. “I took a life skills class that teaches us to budget our money. Ever since then, I’ve pretended to pay out my living expenses so I would know if I can do it when I move out next year. It’s called preparing for college the responsible way.”
She nodded,
though I couldn’t tell if she believed me or wanted me to keep sticking my foot in my mouth. I continued with no small amount of pride. “I can, by the way. If I had to, I could be self-sufficient.”
Sarah’s delicate features scrunched in disbelief. “I don’t think so. My understanding is that you tried to overdose tonight. Can you tell me about that?”
I wanted to scream. Brutus raged just beneath the surface. Fell calmly reasoned with me and the social worker. “I did not try to overdose. I miscalculated the effects of taking my meds along with cough syrup. NyQuil knocks me out to begin with.”
She arched her slim eyebrow. “And do you have a cough?”
“I’ve been fighting off a cold, yes. And a severe headache. I went to the doctor the other day and got a prescription.”
“Hmmmm.” She scribbled more notes.
“Can I go now? I’m pretty wiped out from this and the fire…”
“Tell me about the fire.”
“There’s nothing to say. I learned about it while at my granny’s. I drove down with a friend and watched my house burn. That’s it.”
“The same granny who recently passed away? Her empty house?”
* * *
Fell smiled benignly. “Yes, that same granny. I have permission from her caretaker to visit for a night or two at a time to check up on things. After all, my grandmother willed it to me, and in less than six months I will be living there permanently. It’s in my best interest to make sure things are okay.”
Sarah’s lips thinned so much they almost disappeared. “I see you’ve learned some things since the last time. How long were you there alone?”
“One night. Which is perfectly within the law. I believe the age is sixteen for extended time alone, granted that the child is mature enough.”
The social worker no longer tried to hide her growing dislike. “And are you mature enough, Miss Baker?”
Fell returned Sarah’s cool gaze. “The fire did not occur at my grandmother’s home where I was staying, nor have I missed work. I’m a straight-A student taking college courses, so you tell me, Miss Stemple, am I mature enough?”
Sarah snapped her folder closed. “I’d watch your mouth, young lady. You might think you know what’s going on, but you’d do well to remember who makes the decisions.”
Fell stood, matching the social worker’s height. “I don’t think so. Sarah. I do know what I’m talking about, and I’d really like to see my mother now. So if you’ll excuse me.”
But Sarah didn’t back down. “Unless you’d like to see me in court, I need to report where you’ll be staying.”
“With Clarence Stone.” Fell pushed past Sarah, and strode down the hall.
* * *
I held Mom’s hand while emergency staff conversed. They hadn’t given her anything for the pain due to the amount of alcohol in her system. To them, we were just another crazy family crashing the emergency room on New Year’s Eve. Nobody knew quite what to do with her. Her injuries didn’t require an overnight stay in the hospital, and the treatment center had no available beds.
“Mom, are you ready to leave him now? He hurt you badly.”
She gave me a sad smile. “It’s been worse.”
“Why did you put up with it, with him?”
“I didn’t. Want you. To know.” She spoke between labored breaths in halting sentences.
“Know what? That’s he’s not my real father? That’s a relief.”
Mom shook her head. “He wasn’t. Always bad. Gemini.”
The memory from the yellow room crept in, like a movie playing on the wall beside mom’s hospital bed. “I know what you did, woman.”
“Don’t let him take me.”
The animals fell away.
Giant hands reached down.
“Where’s Gemini?”
Jimmy standing, dropping his bunny. “She’s not here.”
Making a wall between us so Daddy couldn’t see.
Daddy picked up Fluff Bunny, hugged it and set him back on the floor.
Whispering. “When you see her, tell her I used to love her.”
Daddy disappearing.
Leaving me.
Jimmy leaving me.
Alone with the bunny.
Mom coughed, pulling me back to the sterile hospital. A dribble of blood escaped from the corner of her mouth. “I didn’t want you to think less of me.”
My heart ached for all the pain we’d been through together, yet separately. “You’re my mom. I love you.”
Mom started sobbing again. “I love you, too, Gemini. I really do. It’s why I did what I did.”
My blood chilled in my veins. She wasn’t talking about my dad. “What else is there, Mom? What else did you do?”
“Hid. Him.” She broke down sobbing incoherently. I wrapped my arms around her and rocked us both. I don’t know how long we sat that way before Clarence showed up.
Good old Clarence and his impeccable timing. Travis trailed along behind him.
Clarence took over and made arrangements for Mom and me to stay with him until Mom was well enough to make other plans. He took Mom with him to get her settled in for the night. Travis drove me to Medville to retrieve my car.
The silent hour to Granny’s stretched out forever, and still I struggled to find enough courage to ask, “Are you still mad at me?”
Travis pulled into the driveway, his knuckles white from clutching the steering wheel. “Gemini. I don’t know what you expect from me.”
Tears stung my eyes. “Gemi. Not Gemini. And I need you to be my friend. You’re the only one I have.”
He turned and looked at me, his eyes boring into mine deep enough to reach my soul. When he looked away, I felt empty. As if he had taken something from me that I would never be able to get back. “I can be your friend. But nothing more.”
“Look, Travis. I don’t know what you think, but I can explain.”
“Leave it. There’s nothing to explain. I thought I knew you. I guess I didn’t.”
Thoughts tumbled through my mind, and I reached for the door handle. “You can’t walk away from me. That’s not you. That’s not who I know. And if you do this, you are no better than me. No different, and no less a hypocrite.”
“I’m not a hypocrite. I never promised anything, and I sure as heck never pretended to be anyone different than who I am.”
“I thought you loved me.” It was a cheap shot, but the only truth I could grasp on to. I hated myself the moment the words spilled into the air.
In one swift motion Travis pulled me against him and crushed his lips to mine. I gasped for breath, stealing his, sharing it between us. Nothing had ever tasted sweeter. My hand found his hair, tangled in his silken braid, pulled him closer to me and my needs.
His teeth nipped my lip, sealed the kiss. He pulled back, his voice ragged. “I always will. But sometimes that’s not enough.”
Chapter 29
I drove myself back to Clarence’s, listening as the radio announcers ushered in the New Year. I could only hope this one would be better than the last. I kept my tears at bay while Clarence directed me to a room at the top of the steps. I would be staying there, down the hall from Mom. I immediately recognized the quilt on the bed as one Granny and I had made years ago when I stayed with her. She told me she needed help making it for a friend.
I pulled the heavy blanket off the bed and wrapped it around me before curling up. It smelled like cinnamon and that same sweet smoke that reminded me of Travis. I rolled over to get more comfortable. My breath heaved in my chest.
You have no right to cry, Gemi. You did this to yourself.
When sleep didn’t come, I flipped on the nightstand lamp. I pulled my knees to my chest and rocked myself like Luna had done in her corner of the yellow room, like I had done for Mom in the hospital. It soothed me.
The clock chimed one, and I picked up a framed picture from the nightstand.
Three heads. Two blonde, one dark as night. The trio faced away fro
m the camera, three little bodies on the dock at Granny’s overlooking the pond. Three fishing poles tipped up and away. I traced my finger down the dark braid on the boy in the middle. Travis. I knew it as well as I knew my name.
Travis, Jimmy and me.
Travis. Jimmy. And me.
I doubled over from the emotional swell that threatened to crush me. I knew Travis as a kid. I’d known him my whole life. Just like I’d known my brother. Only this time, I didn’t need a notebook to remember. Tears streamed down my face as I digested the enormity of this discovery. Why had he never told me? Why had everyone pretended we were strangers? How could I have not known?
I gazed at the photo again. Travis, Jimmy and me, as kids, fishing for the tiny perch in a newly fresh memory.
Another object on the table drew my attention. The silly stuffed rabbit that Clarence had carried into the hospital room and again had in his office. Jimmy’s rabbit. I’d last seen it in Trav’s truck the night of our fight.
I picked up the tattered rabbit and caressed the scar where a black beaded eye had once been, where an ear was sewn back on. The matted fur stirred something within me. Another lost memory, but this one physical. I rubbed the tail between my fingers and held the rabbit up to my cheek. It smelled exactly like the quilt. I squeezed the stuffed bunny until my fingers found the hard cinnamon sticks Granny had sewn into the body for me.
Back before the Big Secret when my dad still smiled, he used to chew cinnamon gum.
These were mine.
My picture. My rabbit. My memories.
I swung my legs off the bed and rushed downstairs.
Clarence waited for me beside the fireplace. A cup of hot chocolate sat on the side table next to an empty chair. I sat at the open invitation. “How did you get these?”
Clarence puffed on his pipe, sending a stream of smoke into the air. “You gave them to me.”
I shook my head. “But why?”
“Ahhh, my Gem. Close your eyes and look with your heart. The answer is there, just waiting to get tugged out like a summer sliver under your skin.”
I closed my eyes. When no huge revelation emerged, I opened them again and looked toward Clarence for help.
Whispering Minds Page 16