His eyes softened as they looked at me, his muscled body hard as he held himself over me.
“And you’re so hot, too…”
He cracked a smile.
My hands went to his jeans to get them off. “Make love to me.”
“Tomorrow.”
“Come on.” I yanked his bottoms off so his dick could appear. “I just said I fucking love you.”
“I know.”
“Then what does a girl have to do to get in your pants?”
“Be sober.”
I released a growl. “Come on, it’s not like you just picked me up at the bar. I’m your baby, aren’t I?”
“Always.”
I slid my panties to my knees then pulled him into me. “Then prove it.”
He couldn’t resist anymore and slid inside me, his thickness stretching me just the way I wanted.
“Yes…” I clawed at his back and pulled him into me. “Just like that.”
My eyes opened to the sunlight coming through the window. “God…what happened last night?” My hand reached out for his warm body beside me, but it wasn’t there. I continued to feel around, searching for an arm or his chest.
Nothing.
I sat up in bed, seeing myself in the dress I’d worn last night, my panties on the floor. The nightstand had a couple pills and my phone. “Oh, thank god.” I grabbed the pills and washed them down with the glass of water sitting there.
Atlas appeared in the doorway, in his sweatpants with slightly damp hair, as if he’d just gotten out of the shower. “Feel like shit?”
I fell back onto the bed and pulled the sheets up before I gave a groan. “Why the fuck is it so bright in here?”
He chuckled then closed the curtains, bringing the room back into darkness.
“How are you fine?”
“Because I drink water in between drinks. Unlike you.” He sat on the edge of the bed beside me, his hand rubbing my shoulder.
“I feel like a train wreck. I don’t want to do anything except lie here.”
“You want some breakfast?”
My eyes flicked back to him.
He smiled.
“What’s on the menu?”
“Pancakes, bacon—”
“Yes.”
“Alright. I’ll be back in a few.” He got to his feet and looked down at me. “Need anything?”
“Just you.”
“Well, you can have me afterward.”
“Deal.”
Almost an hour later, he opened the door and woke me up. “It’s ready, baby.”
My eyes opened, and I instantly recognized the smell. “Ooh, that smells good.” I got out of bed, wobbled for a bit, and then yanked off my dress before I helped myself to a shirt from his drawer.
He didn’t seem to mind.
I went to the bathroom first—and that was when I saw my face.
“Oh shit. I look like a hag.”
He laughed from the main room. “You look fine.”
“This is not fine.” I used his face wash to get off the terrible makeup and helped myself to his comb to brush out the tangles before I went to the dining room. The food was set up on the table, pancakes, sourdough toast, crispy bacon, scrambled eggs, the whole nine yards. I fell into the chair across from him and helped myself to a sip of coffee. “This looks bomb.”
He sat across from me and ate, elbows off the table, watching me as he chewed.
“So…could you refresh my memory about last night? Do anything crazy?”
He chuckled then sliced his fork into his pancake. “A couple things.”
“Uh oh…”
“I was talking to a male colleague, and you basically told him off because you thought he was hitting on me…and that he was a woman. Then you refused to drink water when I cut you off, and when the bar refused to serve you after two, you threatened to call the president of the United States and get it shut down, and then you tried to convince me to do it behind a dumpster next to a homeless guy peeing on the wall.”
“Huh…sounds about right.”
He smiled with his eyes as he kept eating.
“Did I do anything embarrassing?”
“Does none of that qualify as embarrassing?”
I shrugged. “Not really. I’ve done worse.”
“Oh wow.” He chuckled as he kept eating. “You really are a crazy-ass bitch.”
“Yours truly.” I dug into my food and ate, moaning with every bite because it was so damn good. It was better than sex—at least in that moment. “Have you talked to your friends?”
“Matthew hooked up with Jenny, and I’m not sure what happened to Kyle.”
“Sounds like they had a good time. Did you?”
“I always have a good time with you—even if I have to keep an eye on you.”
“I did tell you it would be a crazy night.”
“Yes, you did, in all fairness.”
We turned quiet, eating in companionable silence, demolishing the plates of food in front of us.
I ate until there was no more room in my stomach, knowing all the food would help with the headache behind my eyes. My body was exhausted, like I’d competed in the Olympic trials last night. “Well, thanks for putting up with my craziness.”
“I like your craziness.”
“Really?” I asked as I dunked my pancake into the pool of syrup, unable to resist the last bite.
“Yeah. Listening to you tell me how much you love me and begging me to fuck your brains out…pretty sexy.”
My mouth stilled and stopped chewing on my bite. “You said I didn’t do anything embarrassing.”
“I don’t think that’s embarrassing.” His eyes smiled more as he watched my reaction, watched me regret my atrocious behavior the night before. “Said that when you saw your ex, you felt nothing for him and you just wanted him to disappear so you could keep talking to me.”
I tried to brush off the embarrassment and get out of this sticky situation. “Well, he never made me breakfast like this, so…”
“I imagine he didn’t do a lot of things I do.”
I dropped my gaze and kept eating, trying to ignore the conversation even though I’d provoked it with all my craziness.
“Didn’t realize you’re the jealous type.”
“I’m not.”
“Really? Because you were pretty jealous of Bobby.” He was having so much fun with this, and he couldn’t even downplay his enjoyment.
“Look, I was drunk and out of my mind.”
“So, if a woman were hitting on me at the bar, you wouldn’t do exactly what you did?”
I pushed my food around on the plate, feeling his stare pierce my face. “How are things with your trials?”
“That’s a yes.”
“Fine, I’m not as chill as you are. You win.”
“I’m not chill.”
“Whatever. You never care when I go out with my friends. You never showed any reaction to me talking to Mason. You never care how I dress. Come on, you play it way cooler than I do.”
“Not wanting you to go out with your friends and policing your clothing is not a sign of jealousy. That’s a sign of abuse—and that’s not me. But with Mason… I didn’t show a reaction, but I certainly felt one.”
I chewed my bite as I stared at him, knowing I was sitting across from the man who had claimed my heart, knowing that no one else would ever compare. If he left, there would be a permanent hole in my heart, and no amount of success or one-night stands would ever replace it. “The reason I kept telling you I loved you is because I do, with everything that I have…and I just can’t pretend that I don’t. I can’t play it cool. I’m stuck under your thumb, I’m hooked around your finger, I’m totally hooked on you.”
I was still in his t-shirt, sitting on the couch beside him, seeing the stacks of paperwork and his laptop on the coffee table. He was like my parents, working during their evenings, having the TV on as background noise. “So, can I sleep over again?”
&
nbsp; His arm was over the back of the couch, around my shoulders, his hand holding me close. He turned his head to regard me, affection in his eyes, looking at me with the same love I felt for him. “You can stay as long as you want.”
“Be careful what you say…you might get a roommate.”
That handsome smile moved into his lips.
“Home-cooked meals, good D, comfy shirts…”
“What about the company?”
I gave a shrug.
He released a breath from his nostrils, a quiet laugh.
“You know that’s my favorite part.”
His fingers moved into the back of my hair, and he lightly played with the strands, the smile in his eyes fading the longer he looked at me. He studied my face like I was asleep, like he didn’t care that I was watching him do it.
I loved it when he looked at me like that. “So, how are things with your trials?”
“We had a patient with promising results.”
“Yeah? That’s great.”
He nodded. “He was in stage four, and now he’s nowhere near it. It hasn’t worked as well with other patients, but his progress is so significant that it can’t be a coincidence. We’re still in the observation phase, but I’m going to figure out why he responded the way he did but others didn’t.”
“That should be helpful.”
“If we can figure that out, then maybe we can figure out how to help everyone.”
“You know, this is a pretty big deal.”
“I know.”
“You just don’t act like it’s a big deal.”
His fingers continued to move through my hair. “I guess I’m still in shock. I’d always hoped that this would work, but I never actually expected to see a patient go from being on oxygen to feeling better than he has in decades. But your father and I went out for drinks after we realized the ramifications of our research. It was like four in the morning, and we hit one of the bars that was still open.”
“That’s cute. Had a little celebration.”
“Yep.”
“I’m happy for him. I know how personal this is to him. It’s as if he’s still fighting the clock to save his father.”
He gave a slight nod. “Yeah. It does seem that way.”
“Does he ever…ask you about us?”
“He doesn’t ask questions. But he did say we seem happy together.”
I was glad that my dad kept his word and didn’t share anything I’d told him. It seemed like there was no animosity either, that he cared for Atlas the same way. “Because we are.”
His eyes softened as he looked at me, but then they slowly hardened, releasing a breath at the same time.
I knew exactly what he was thinking.
He didn’t speak his mind, kept it to himself.
I didn’t ask, giving him the opportunity to share if he was ready.
But he stayed quiet.
“Why won’t you tell me?”
The question made him look away entirely.
“I won’t judge you. I just want to understand.”
He kept his eyes away. “It’s…complicated.”
“I’m pretty smart—as you already know.”
“It’s not complicated in that regard. I just…I’m still not sure what to do about this.”
“What’s this?”
“Us.”
My hand grabbed his face and forced him to look at me again. “There’s nothing to do. We’re already us. We will always be us.” I didn’t even realize I was capable of saying those things until I’d found the man that I wanted. Now I wasn’t going to let him go, not without a fight. “I know you’ve been married, but I’ve never felt this way before—”
“Neither have I.”
“Then why won’t you just tell me?”
He kept his gaze blank, his jaw tightening slightly.
“Atlas?”
He pulled his hand away, his body going cold.
“This…this is the reason you got divorced, isn’t it?”
He didn’t say a word, but that was a loud answer.
I sat there, unsure what to say. It was like a punch to the gut.
“Yes.”
The answer was worse than the assumption because if he was willing to lose his wife over this issue, why would I be any different?
“I want to ask you something. And be honest.” He scooted to the edge of the couch, his forearms moving to his knees.
My heart started to pound—like a goddamn drum.
“Can you picture your life without children?”
I moved to the edge of the couch so I could look at the side of his face.
“Would I be enough for you?” His voice was deep and emotionless, like a chasm far underground, an echo of nothingness.
“Atlas—”
“Answer the question.”
“No, I can’t picture a life without children.” My parents had three kids, Derek had three kids, and I wanted to have three kids too. I’d have to take time off work because I didn’t want someone else raising my kids, but that was a sacrifice I was willing to make.
He had no reaction. “Then that settles it.”
“It settles nothing.” My voice broke through the dam of my teeth, coming out like a blow of a horn. “Why aren’t you at least willing to consider it?”
He started to massage his knuckles.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
He rose to his feet, rubbing the back of his neck as he walked away.
“Atlas.”
“I think you should go.”
How did this go to shit so quickly? We were just happy minutes ago, and now he was ready to throw me out again. I got to my feet and stared him down, squaring my shoulders like we were about to fight. “I’m not going anywhere. Not until you tell me whatever it is you’re hiding. Because I fucking love you, and I’m not going to stop loving you when I walk out the door. You’re the man I’m supposed to be with—”
“Supposed to be with?” He turned to me, his eyes narrowed. “Trust me, I’m not. Because you deserve to be with a man who can give you children, who can take care of you when you’re pregnant, who can be your partner through the whole process.”
It dawned on me.
Hard and heavy.
“It’s not that you don’t want children…you can’t have them.”
He looked away again, ashamed.
My hand immediately went to his arm.
He pushed it off and stepped away. “I want you to leave.”
“Then you’re going to have to throw me over your shoulder and carry me out of here because my ass isn’t going anywhere.”
“Fine.” He marched to the coatrack and grabbed a sweater before he pulled it over his head. “Then I’ll leave.”
I went to the door and blocked it with my body.
It was the first time he’d shown me rage. Pure rage.
“Talk to me.”
His nostrils flared like those of a charging bull.
“I’m not moving, so make your move or talk to me.”
He stared at the floor for a moment before he threw his keys down, ripping off his sweater and tossing it aside. He stepped away, pacing in his living room.
I didn’t drop my guard and stayed by the door.
“We tried to conceive for about a year. Miscarriage after miscarriage. She was distraught, thinking it was her, that she was the one who was broken. Watching her go through that…still haunts me.” He faced the other way, as if he couldn’t meet my look as he said this. “So, we went to the doctor…and realized it was me.”
My back left the door and came closer.
“Something wrong with my chromosomes. Something to do with the blood disorder I have. She was devastated but told me it was okay, that we would adopt. But when we started the process, she changed her mind. She left me.” He slowly turned back to me, his eyes devoid of emotion, like he was half asleep. “She has two girls now.”
My eyes watered, the raw pain cutting m
e deep, like I’d just gone through it myself. “Doctors are wrong about this stuff all the time—”
“He was not wrong. Every second opinion we got was the same.”
The tears started to bubble over my eyelids no matter how hard I tried to fight them. “There’s a solution to every problem—”
“I will only give you miscarriages. And trust me when I tell you it’s the worst pain you’ll ever go through.”
“There are other options, sperm donor, adoption—”
“You shouldn’t have to settle for that. I’ve seen you surrounded by your family, seen the way you are with them, seen the kinds of bonds that I’ve never had with anyone else in my life. I can’t give you that.”
“My family would love adopted children just as much—”
“You say that now, but it’s not what you want. No one wants that unless they have no other option. You do have another option, Daisy.”
“Then we’ll do a sperm donor—”
“Why would I want to have a child from another man when I can adopt someone who needs a home?”
“Then we’ll adopt—”
“You need to pass on your DNA, Daisy. Your gifts need to continue in the gene pool. Look at everything your family has contributed to society because you’re so high on the IQ scale that you’re capable of doing what other people can’t. It’s your obligation. Don’t change your entire life for a man who can’t give you what someone else can.” He stepped farther away, moving to the other side of the living room to sit on the couch. “I love you so much…and that’s why I can’t do this to you.”
“It’s my choice—”
“No. If I’d told you this from the beginning, you wouldn’t have given me the time of day.”
“That’s not true—”
“Yes, it is.”
I stepped closer to him. “Atlas, I’m not her. I’m not going to abandon you—”
“She loved me as much as you do—and she still left. You aren’t trying to have a child right now, but when you do, you’ll resent me. You’ll see your pregnant friends and hate that you can’t have that yourself. You’ll see family photos on mantels and view them much differently. There will be a void in your life that no amount of love can fill.”
The Girl Who Always Wins (Soulless Book 13) Page 2