Text copyright ©2016 by the Author.
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Dedication
When I began the journey of becoming an author, I had two close friends that I confided in and shared my dreams. This book is dedicated to Myckel Anne Phillips and Tammie Neubert. Both women share my passion, my writing, my life, and my heart. So ladies, here to many more years as friends and stories to read!
Chapter 1
Prologue
(Eighteen months ago)
The backyard party was in full swing and, in typical SEAL fashion, a strange mixture of anything and everything. Some of the men played volleyball off to the side of the yard while others manned the grills. The scent of hamburgers and steaks filled the air. The wives and girlfriends placed the food out onto the tables while some of the married men kept an eye on the kids running around playing. Several of the single men brought dates who stood around nervously looking at the abundance of testosterone. The parties served as a way for the SEALs to unwind in between missions and for friends and families to celebrate and bond.
Jude Stedson came stag, not wanting to bring a girl to one of the group’s parties. Most of his pickups were at the bars near the Naval Amphibious Base. Girls flocked there by the droves, prowling and hoping to snag a SEAL—whether for a night or husband hunting. Tall, muscular, with curly, sandy hair only tamable with his military haircut, he was careful to let them know one night with him was all they would get. He had no problem finding beautiful, willing women ready to take just what he offered.
Looking around at the usual crowd, he nodded toward friends and smiled at a few of the single women before walking toward the volleyball game, already jerking his shirt off.
Then she walked in. Beautiful. A girl-next-door kind of beauty that would make every man wish to be her neighbor. Her blue eyes were enormous, set off by her long auburn hair pulled away from her face with a scarf rolled into a headband. Wearing an emerald green sundress held up with little straps, she looked fresh as spring compared to the nameless women from the bars. The dress’ tight bodice hugged her breasts before flaring out at her hips and down to just above her knees. As his eyes continued south, they moved from her toned legs down to her pink-tipped toenails encased in little strappy sandals.
He stopped in his tracks, halting the process of pulling his shirt up over his chest, as his eyes locked onto her like a heat-seeking missile. Gazing from the top of her shiny hair down over her luscious body right down to her sandaled feet, he slowly perused back toward her face. Her eyes met his at the same time and he sucked in a gulp of air just to keep standing. Then he looked to her side.
She was on the arm of another SEAL. Bart something. Taggart. Yeah, Bart Taggart. Jesus, what a lucky bastard to have her on his arm.
He could not break the bro-code, which meant there was no way he could interfere with another SEAL’s date. Determined to see if they were actually dating, or just a pick-up, he moved forward. She doesn’t look like the type for a pick-up, but then Taggart’s not exactly known for hanging around the next morning after a fuck either.
She gazed up at him as he approached and the shy smile on her face caused his chest to clench. Her expression gave him the green light. Can’t hurt to see how attached they are.
Greeting Bart, he held his breath to see how the girl would be introduced. If he says “date”, then I’ll discreetly find out if she’s interested. If he says “girlfriend”, then I’m screwed.
As Bart introduced her as his cousin, Jude knew he had won the lottery and hustled to get to her side before any of the other unattached SEALs discovered her availability.
She smiled up at him as Bart made the introductions. Sabrina. Absolutely fuckin’ beautiful name for an absolutely fuckin’ beautiful woman. Jude noticed the pointed stare Bart sent his way, so he returned a quick nod before Bart moved over to others at the party.
“What was that all about?” she asked, looking at the retreating back of her cousin, wondering what secret message had passed between the two.
Jude grinned as he steered her over to the side of the yard so they could talk privately. “What you witnessed was just non-verbal communication between brothers.” Seeing the unasked question on her face as she cocked her head to the side, he explained. “He was warning me to treat you like a lady and I was letting him know that was exactly what I was going to do.”
Her eyes grew wide as she smiled back. “All that in a look and a nod?”
“Bro-code among SEALs. A language all unto itself.”
As she threw her head back in laughter, her long hair swinging down her back, he was sure there was no prettier sound. And for the next six months, between missions, he made sure to hear that sound every day that he could.
(Six months later)
The hospital bed grew increasingly uncomfortable for him. Hell, the institutional mattress was past uncomfortable and downright torturous. Jude knew he should be glad to be alive, but fear his leg injury would keep him from re-joining his SEAL team crept into the corners of his mind. I’ve got to get my leg out of this goddamn cast and hope no more surgery is needed. Then I can start the physical therapy that’ll get me back to my team.
His tall, bulky frame made the bed feel minuscule and with his leg in traction, his knee torn to shreds, he could barely move. Running his hand over his closely shorn, sandy hair that he refused to let grow while incapacitated, he sighed heavily.
He tried to think of anything to take his mind off of his discomfort. He thought of his team, each member working in complete unison to complete every mission. Every one of them had visited him, trying to cheer him up, give him hope. But in their eyes he saw the specter of doubt that he might not make it back to them.
Grunting, he turned his mind to his family. His mother visited as well, glad he was alive. She did not want him ever going back to active duty, but knew what this convalescence was costing him.
Then his mind turned to her. Sabrina. Goddammit, why won’t she just go away? She needs a whole man, not someone who doesn’t know what the future holds right now! She had been in to visit earlier and he had given it his best shot. I was rude, demanding her to leave and telling her to get away from me. A feeling of guilt shot through him as he remembered the look of hurt followed by determination in her expression.
The four walls began to close in. The four boring walls. He shared the space with three other injured sailors, all recovering from surgeries, waiting to be placed in a semi-private room. Blue walls did nothing to lift his spirits. Why blue? Do they think it will remind us of calm waters? Fuck that! The others were asleep but the constant clicks and beeps from the various monitors around the room reverberated in Jude’s head, making his already bad mood even worse. I gotta tell my buddies to bring my iPod and earphones.
He shifted once more, grimacing as the pain shot through his leg. He tried not to look at the clock to see how many minutes he had to wait before he could press the wonder-button and receive the morphine drip. Closing his eyes as the pain washed over him, he longed for the ease it would bring. He reached over to call for the nurse when he heard someone enter the room.
His eyes darted over as he heard soft footsteps coming closer. A grimace on his face greeted the visitor. Oh, great. Just who I don’t want to see. He closed his eyes quickly, hoping the priest would think he was
still asleep.
The Naval Chaplain walked into the room, making his early morning rounds of the injured sailors. Jude barely remembered the first visit, when the high doses of pain medicine made everything blurry and hard to focus. During the next two visits, the Chaplain had prayed over Jude, and even though he knew the prayer was for healing and comfort, he felt nothing but discomfort with the priest’s presence.
The Chaplain visited each bed in the room, stopping to pray for the injured and recuperating men. Knowing the priest was coming his way, Jude continued to slow his breathing and keep his eyes shut. Just a little longer and he’ll leave. The soft footsteps came closer.
“I know you are fearful,” the Chaplain said, his voice warm.
Fearful? SEALs don’t feel fear! Unable to help himself, Jude’s eyes jerked open to see the man standing right beside his bed.
“Not afraid of anything, Father,” he growled. “I’m just working to get back to where I belong.”
“We all belong to God,” the kindly man said.
“I belong to my team,” he corrected.
He felt the hand of the Chaplain on his good leg and saw him eyeing the leg still in a full cast.
“I understand, but all of the teams belong to God.” The priest glanced around, found a chair, and pulled it to his bedside.
Perfect. Just fuckin’ perfect. I couldn’t keep my goddamn eyes closed and now I get the full attention. Sighing deeply, he schooled his expression. Might as well let him talk and pray and get it over with.
“You’re determined to re-join your team?” the Chaplain asked.
“Absolutely!” came the fierce answer.
Nodding, the priest smiled. “That’s what makes you a good sailor. A good fighter.”
Silence ensued as each man quietly took the measure of the other. Jude’s leg felt on fire with pain and he wanted to move around, but did not want the priest to see his discomfort.
“You’re very courageous,” the Chaplain said, his kind expression on Jude.
“I’m a SEAL,” he replied, indicating the two were synonymous.
The older man nodded and smiled. “Yes, the two do go together.”
More silence.
“But then it sometimes takes more courage to accept what you do not want to face than to rely on old dreams.”
At those cryptic words, Jude’s brow crinkled in question. “I’m not sure I know what you mean, sir,” he replied.
The older man stood and hovered his hand over Jude’s cast, careful not to touch it. “We are not always given what we pray for, my son. Sometimes God has other plans to reveal to us. Some people can never accept that and grow. But the truly courageous discover what God has in store for them.”
Jude opened his mouth to retort, but no words came out.
“Jude. An Interesting name,” the priest commented, a soft smile on his face. “Did you know that Saint Jude was the patron saint of the impossible…lost causes.” Continuing to smile, he stood murmuring to himself, “Interesting. Very interesting.”
Jude eyed the priest warily. The Chaplain began to pray over him, so he continued to stay silent. As he listened to the words of the priest, he began to sweat. The priest was not praying for healing. Instead, he prayed for Jude to continue to be courageous, no matter where God led him.
He managed to offer a grim smile as the Chaplain left the room. No way, God. I know You want me to be a SEAL. And that’s what I’m gonna keep being.
(Six months later)
It had taken a great deal of perseverance and hard work, but Jude made it from two surgeries to immobile traction, to a wheelchair to crutches, and now to just using a cane. He worked with the physical therapists as often as he could and hit the gym to strengthen his legs. Soon he would be able to get around without the use of the cane. He should be ecstatic…but as he sat on the weight bench, all he could think about was the paperwork sitting in the passenger seat of his truck. Medical discharge. Retirement from the Navy due to medical reasons. Fuckin’ hell.
Leaving the gym, he was so distracted by the reality crashing down on him, he did not even notice who was standing next to his truck until he was almost upon her.
“Sabrina? What are you doing here?” He knew he sounded like a prick but could not muster the enthusiasm for seeing anyone…especially not her. For six months, she had refused to let him crawl into his hole of anger and self-loathing. He wanted her, but would not let her settle for less than what he wanted to be. But she refused to budge. He had been continually rude. Argumentative. Obnoxious. He even made sure one night she saw him leave a bar with another woman. The hurt in her eyes nearly undid him, but he carried through with the charade until leaving the other woman in the parking lot as soon as they exited the bar.
But Sabrina was unyielding in her support of him. And finally they agreed to be just friends. It was all he would give her until he could return to his SEAL team, and now today, with that dream dead—so was his future with her. So friendship would be the only relationship he would have with her. And he knew when she finally met the man of her dreams, it would kill him to watch her with someone else. But I gotta make the sacrifice…for her.
His eyes roamed over her of their own volition, the very sight of her warming his heart. She was once again in a sundress, light blue with white polka-dots. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail and as his eyes drifted from top to bottom, he noted her red toenails. As shitty as his day was, the thought of her little toenails made him grin.
“I wanted to come and be with you. I know today is hard,” she replied softly, resting her hand on his arm. “Did you get the paperwork?”
“Yeah,” he replied, warring between wanting to jerk his arm away and pulling her into his arms.
They stood in silence. She watched him carefully, looking for a sign of his emotions. Sabrina had waited for so long, knowing Jude was the man for her. It had not been hard, waiting for him, even when he worked so diligently to push her away. He loves me, I know he does. So I’ll just keep waiting until he realizes that I love him…not the SEAL.
“Come on,” she said, giving him a little shoulder bump. “I’ll buy you a dinner and if you’re a good boy, I’ll throw in dessert.”
As frustrated as he was, a grin slipped out. I’m in a shitty mood and she always manages to make me smile. Wishing life was different so he could be more than a friend to her, he just nodded.
Chapter 2
(Six months later – present day)
Jude sat at his desk, staring at his computer. Just staring. The spreadsheets listing the equipment that needed to be ordered, the various bidding paperwork that needed to be submitted, and the piles of files on his desk all began to blur together into one, big clusterfuck of a mess. As a civilian working for the Department of the Navy in logistics, his office was buried inside one of many brick buildings on the Norfolk Naval Base. Like every office on the base, it was a completely bland space. Grey office. Grey furniture. White tile floor. Boring job. Boring office. Boring…everything! Unlike those who decorated with family photos, he refused to personalize the space.
He leaned back in his chair, contemplating for the millionth time what he wanted to do with his life. He stretched his left leg, working the stiffness out. The new knee worked well, but the scar tissue running the length of his leg often gave him pain. Running his hand through his curly hair, he sighed deeply. Even now, months later, the desire to pop a few of his pain pills still called to him.
The Navy had been the only thing he ever wanted to do and sitting all day in an office was like being stuck in hell. He had been born to be a SEAL. Proud to be a SEAL. Lived and would have died being a SEAL. He looked around his crowded workspace in disgust. And this job? So fuckin’ not me!
His teammates, brothers-to-the-end, made sure to include him in everything—parties, events, nights out. But it’s not the same. Not the fuckin’ same as being out with them in the field. And as much as he hated to admit it, he sometimes made excuses so that he did
not join them, knowing the pain of not being on the team was worse than the pain of his injury.
His phone rang and for the first time that day, he smiled. Sabrina. The one light in his miserable existence.
Picking up the phone, he answered, “Hey. How’d you know I needed to hear your voice?”
A soft laugh came through the phone and just as always, it hit him right in the gut.
“Well, hey to you too, handsome. Listen, I know you’re busy, but I got a call from my cousin and he’s coming for a visit. I thought you might like to see Bart again.”
He remembered him. The one who had introduced them. A former SEAL. Bart suffered an injury also but left the SEALS voluntarily, even doing some work with Border Patrol. Now he supposedly had some great job, according to Sabrina. Perfect. I can listen to his glory days and how fuckin’ fabulous his life is now. Just fuckin’ perfect.
“Sure, Sabrina,” he replied, giving the expected response. While he could not give her what she wanted in their relationship, there was no way he was not going to give in on something that meant so much to her.
“Oh, thank you! I’m sure you and Bart will have a lot to talk about!” she exuded. “And I hate to drop this bomb on you, but you know Nonnie will take this opportunity to get everyone together. But don’t stress over it, please. I’ll make her keep the gathering simple! You know how she is with family.”
Jude knew what she was trying not to say. His own father, a wealthy man, had banged his secretary, promised her the world, then quickly left when she became pregnant. His mom was a loving mother, but growing up it was just him and her since her own parents were deceased. A family that included grandparents, parents, siblings, and extended members? Completely foreign!
Before he could get anything else out, the phone disconnected after a hurried goodbye. He sat staring at his cell for a moment, throwing his head back in frustration. Fuck!
Nonnie. Sabrina’s grandmother, the indomitable Mrs. Arlene Taggart. The woman was old money, with a heart of gold…and as batty as they came! She inherited a fortune from her late husband, whose family had been instrumental in the Norfolk shipbuilding industry. When Sabrina’s parents were killed a few years ago in a plane crash while on a European vacation, Arlene swooped in to take care of Sabrina. It did not matter that Sabrina was already an adult, Arlene was determined to make up for her parents not being around. She always hinted that she wanted Jude and Sabrina to get married, and he was fairly certain that the subject would come up again at the party.
Hot SEALs: Revealing Love Page 1