Breathe

by Sarah Crossan

  “Quinn!” I gasp and run to him. I imagined this scene in my mind—I replayed it over and over again. I thought I knew how I’d react. I thought I would run into his arms. But now, I come to a halt inches from where he’s standing and carefully untie his blindfold so he can see me. When he does, he shakes his head and presses his lips together.

  “Bea,” he whispers, and steps closer. I feel his breath on me, and shift my weight into my heels, creating a little more space between us. His face is covered in bruises. I reach out, and he closes his eyes. He flinches when I touch the scab on his chin.

  “You made it,” I say. Neither of us speaks, really looking at each other for the first time.

  “Alina’s cousin found me,” he says at last. He opens his mouth to say something more and stops himself. He shakes his head, then tries again. “I’ve got so much … so many things to tell you. I made the Leadership Program … it was fixed. And that’s not the worst of it. When I tell you who I am, who I belong to, I wouldn’t be surprised if you never … well, if you never wanted to see me again.”

  “You’re alive,” I say, allowing my weight to fall back into my toes and our noses to touch. And that’s when it happens: he kisses me. I expect him to pull away, to keep the kiss platonic, but he doesn’t; his lips stay locked to mine until I feel them part slightly and Quinn breathes into me. I reach my arms up, fold them behind his neck, and press my body into his. Finally he steps back and looks at me again.

  “You have green eyes. I never noticed that,” he says.

  “Yes,” I say. “They’ve always been green.”

  And he kisses me again.

  38

  ALINA

  Petra leads us all into The Symposium and I get a good look at Quinn sitting at the other end of the table, Bea nestled against him. He no longer looks like someone I can make fun of. In fact, I wonder if it’s really him.

  “Sit down,” Petra commands. Silas and I sit at the table opposite Bea and Quinn. Jazz is in the middle next to Petra, and Roxanne and Levi are opposite them. Quinn nods at me shyly before turning to Bea. She has been locked in a dark bunker for twelve hours, yet she looks more alive than ever.

  “What’s the status?” Petra asks Roxanne and Levi, who’ve been out scouting the area all morning. Roxanne clears her throat and rubs her uncovered eye with her thumb. When she stops, it’s red and watering.

  “We suspect a full attack very soon. There’s been gunfire and sporadic explosions no more than three miles from here, very close to the city center,” she says. “They’re basically destroying anything standing.”

  “Didn’t I tell you?” Silas says.

  Petra turns to Levi. “And what do you think?” she asks.

  “They’re on to us,” Levi says. He folds his arms across his broad, bare, tattooed chest and gives Quinn a glare of pure hatred.

  Petra waves her hand in Quinn’s direction. “Silas seems to think that this Premium parasite may be related to a ranking officer. Were you able to find out anything?”

  “General Jude Caffrey is in command of the entire army.” Bea takes a sharp breath. Quinn shifts in his chair. After a moment, Bea puts her arm around Quinn.

  “You understand my dilemma. We can’t simply let him go,” Petra says, looking at Silas and me now. I don’t speak and neither does Silas. This isn’t a question and we already know what’s coming. In fact, this whole conversation is more for effect than anything else: we’ve already negotiated a plan; we know exactly what’s going to have to happen for Bea and Quinn to be allowed to leave The Grove. Petra continues. “So this is the deal: the Premium and his girlfriend will be allowed to leave.” Bea blushes. “You will get yourselves rescued by the army and tell them you found a way to escape. Then you’ll lead dear old dad away from us to give us time to prepare. And I mean far away. We will discuss details. As soon as Roxanne and Levi see that the army has been misinformed of our whereabouts, the two idiots who brought everyone here will be free to stay or go, as well as the hag downstairs.”

  “Maude Blue?” Quinn asks, looking at Bea.

  “I will get word to you in the pod that I’m satisfied, that I’ve released the old lady. Then you can both get on with your ignorant lives. If I’m not satisfied, I’ll kill her—and eventually I’ll kill you. Whether or not you eventually give us away is up to you. I presume you will. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, after all,” Petra says. She’s underestimating Bea and maybe she’s underestimating Quinn, too. They would both make excellent Resistance fighters if they were given the chance.

  “You promise you won’t let Maude die in the meantime?” Bea asks.

  “We promise,” Jazz says, speaking up.

  Bea smiles, totally satisfied with this pint-size guarantee. “We’ll do it,” she says.

  What she doesn’t know is that it doesn’t matter whether they drag the Ministry off the scent for a few days or not; Petra will see to it that Maude Blue lives on, at least until the old drifter helps us carry out the second part of our plan.

  Jazz stands up and skips toward Bea and Quinn. She is smiling and as she raises her hand to Bea’s face I think she’s going to stroke her, but instead, she digs her nails into Bea’s skin and draws four scratches across it. Quinn jumps up to defend Bea, but he can’t because his hands are still tied behind his back. Jazz turns to him and coolly socks him square in the mouth. There is a crack as Quinn falls back into his chair. Now it’s my turn to stand up.

  “We didn’t discuss this. It wasn’t in the agreement!” I yell. Petra squints and presses her lips together. Silas takes my elbow and pulls me back into my chair. “Bea doesn’t deserve this,” I hiss so only he can hear me.

  “We don’t want the Ministry to think they escaped us without a fight,” Petra says. Jazz nods, gives Bea and Quinn a pitying look, and returns to Petra’s side.

  “Couldn’t you have warned them?” Silas asks, in his even-tempered way.

  “Quinn’s face was scratched up anyway,” I add.

  “Authenticity!” Petra declares. “We do not want it to look staged, do we? Anyway, they should count themselves lucky. Levi offered to break a couple of arms.”

  “A couple of legs,” Levi corrects, and Roxanne titters, though I have no idea why this is funny.

  “So I’d say a punch and scratch from a nine-year-old was getting off lightly,” Petra says.

  “Hey, I’m almost ten. And just because I’m young doesn’t mean …” Jazz begins, but I don’t listen to the rest of what she’s saying because I am watching Bea. She casts me a look, which is at once alarmed and disenchanted. She must think that everything I said about the Resistance is a lie.

  “Get them ready,” Petra tells Roxanne and Levi, who march over to Bea and Quinn and start to shepherd them out of the room. It’s only then that I realize it might be the last time I ever see either of them. I jump up and block the door. I have so much I want to say. I have to thank them for saving my life. And I want to apologize. They were happy until I came along and ruined everything.

  “Move,” Roxanne says.

  “Alina, you’re really getting on my nerves,” Levi grunts.

  “I want to say—” I wring my hands and try to find the right words.

  “Thank you,” Bea says. She smiles, leans forward, and kisses my cheek. I have no idea why she’s being so nice. She has every right to take a swing at me. To hate me forever.

  “Yes, thank you,” Quinn repeats. He smiles too and nods. He doesn’t try leaning in for a kiss. He doesn’t even look like he wants to.

  Levi pushes me out of the way and Roxanne nudges them forward. And then they are gone.

  “Get back in here,” Petra calls from the table.

  I slink into the room and slide back onto the chair next to Silas.

  “Maude Blue should be here,” I say. We need her if we’re going to plan a safe route through the city to get new recruits. She knows where all the drifters are. Plus, when I last saw her, she looked sick, and I owe it to
Bea to keep Maude safe.

  Petra nods. “Release her? Are you sure you can defend yourself against Maude without those two to protect you?” She smirks and Jazz stifles a laugh. When I glance at Silas, even he is biting away a smile.

  I’m furious with all of them. Yes, they did save me from a frail old woman. When I had no one else, they rescued me. There’s more to it than that, of course. They showed me I’d become cold and hard; I’d forgotten myself, and without even looking, they found me. They did that. My friends.

  “I don’t care. Go ahead and laugh,” I say.

  “Oh, I don’t think it’s funny,” Petra explains. “I think it’s pathetic. You’re not like this.”

  “Like what?”

  “Afraid.”

  “I’m not afraid,” I say. Petra’s eyes widen and she looks at Silas.

  “Considering what we’re about to do, where we’re about to go,” Silas says, “you should be.”

  PART IV

  THE BATTLE

  39

  QUINN

  We have full airtanks, and now the bruiser with the dodgy eye is bellowing instructions at us. I try to concentrate on the orders, though my mouth is still throbbing.

  ���Focus!” the bruiser barks.

  “I am,” I tell her, and spit a frothy mouthful of blood right at her feet. She pushes me, and I stumble backward into a pile of breathing apparatuses.

  “Mess with me and you might need to borrow this,” she says, pointing at her eye patch.

  “He’s listening,” Bea assures her, and within minutes, the steel door slams at our backs and we are alone.

  “You okay?” Bea asks. She touches my face with her gloved fingertips, already wet from the snow.

  “’Course I am. You?” She nods. Bea’s hair is tangled, her clothes smeared in mud and dust, and her lovely green eyes have dark circles beneath them. She looks like she has fire in her, like she’s finally alive.

  “So which way should we go?” I ask. Bea pulls out a frayed map, examines it, and points to a dark alleyway between two tall buildings ahead.

  “We have to get away from The Grove and remain unseen for at least five miles. Then we get picked up and say we’ve been walking north for a day,” she says, folding the map and pushing it into the inside pocket of her jacket. When I don’t speak she continues. “I have to do this, Quinn. I know you don’t want to betray your dad, but I have to save Maude. And I think I hate the Ministry. Please do this with me.”

  I can’t believe she imagines I would double-cross Alina or Silas. “Is that what you think of me?” I ask. Bea shrugs. She can’t know how it feels to know that the person who taught you to tie your shoelaces is a killer. Her dad is one of the kindest people alive, and so is she. If my father is one of the cruelest people alive, then what am I? “Can I hold your hand?” I ask. It’s all I can think to say.

  Bea nods and reaches for me.

  The farther south we go, the deeper the snow gets and the harder it is to navigate our way along the narrow roads. Sometimes we’re forced to cross a major junction or cut through a site of ruins or an old parking lot where we could easily be spotted, if not by the army then maybe by a crazy drifter.

  My cracked ribs are throbbing and I have a pounding headache. I don’t tell Bea. I want her to think she can count on me. I’m clinging to her with one hand, and in the other I’m carrying a knife in case we run into any trouble.

  As the evening draws in and our legs start to seize up from the cold, we hear a noise. We both stand and listen, and when we’re sure it’s a tank, I wrangle with the valves on our tanks so that our air supplies plummet to dangerous levels; our story won’t check out if we get picked up with a bounty of oxygen. We step right into its path. The tank shudders to a halt and the hatch snaps open like a mouth. Bea pulls off her scarf and begins waving it frantically. At the very least we want them to think we mean to surrender. A gun appears. Then a voice.

  “Down on the ground with your hands behind your heads. Both of you. NOW!” Two days ago, I might have thought this whole drill was a bit over the top and shouted something snarky at the soldier with the gun. Now, I lie facedown in the snow and wait to be tied up.

  Once the soldiers have us securely bound, they drag us to the tank and order us to climb in. When we’ve no longer got guns aimed at our heads, I begin the indignant Premium pantomime.

  “When my father hears about this, you can be sure you’ll be made to pay for the way you manhandled me.” The soldiers look at each other. “Do you know how many tanks drove right by us without stopping? We’ve been walking for days.”

  “You Premium?” a soldier with a gun on his lap wants to know.

  “What do I look like? Some sub?” The soldier cranes his neck toward me so he can get a gawk at my earlobe. “Would you like me to pull down my pants so you can do a thorough investigation?” I ask. He shrinks back and pushes another soldier forward.

  “Who are you?” this soldier asks.

  “My name is Quinn Caffrey, Jude Caffrey’s son. He’s pretty senior at Breathe.” All sound is sucked from the tank as every soldier looks at me. All I’ve given them is my father’s name, but in this tank, in this war, the name Jude Caffrey has power. And that means I have power, too. The soldiers start shuffling and whispering. “You’ve heard of him then? Listen, I’ve been held captive by the RATS. Right now, all I want is to get home. Can you take us back to the pod?”

  “Get on the horn!” someone calls out. There’s a frantic scuffle as two or three of the soldiers reach for the radio at once. Eventually they get hold of my father. It takes them several minutes to convey the fact that they’ve found his son and an auxiliary girl in the middle of the combat zone. At first it sounds as though they have to remind him he even has a son. I can’t hear every word my father is saying, what with the crackling over the radio and the clamor of explosions on his end, but what I do notice is that his voice remains entirely unmoved, even after they’ve explained, in brief, what’s happened to me. My father gives the soldiers in the tank orders to escort me back to the pod and that’s it. “Over and out.” Over and out? He doesn’t ask to speak to me or tell them to check I’m okay. For all he knows my vital organs could be failing. Has he thought about that? He just orders them to take me home and it’s ‘over and out.’

  40

  ALINA

  When Maude steps into the dining hall and pulls off her facemask, I hardly recognize her. I sit there trying to remember where I’ve seen the face before. It’s Dorian who escorts her in and at first I think that maybe she’s an old relative of his or something. I’d never have believed a makeover could change someone so drastically. It’s not even one of those surgical makeovers the Premiums are into where they get their noses turned up and their lips plumped. All they’ve done is given her a wash, cut her hair and nails, and dressed her in a fresh set of clothes. It’s magic.

  “That’s her?” Silas asks. I described a horror. I warned him that he’d want to pull his sleeve across his nose to obscure the smell of old sweat and earwax. She sits opposite us and grins at the table piled with food. Her teeth are still stained and broken, but the scum buildup has been removed. She fills a plate to brimming with thick pieces of fruit and is about to stuff a large chunk of apple into her mouth when she changes her mind and takes a dainty bite of some bread instead.

  Maude finally notices me. “Where’s the other one?” she caws, filling her mug with cider and guzzling it. Her eyes dart up and down the table looking for Bea.

  “Petra explained why you were released,” Silas says without introducing himself. “There’s a mission for you.” Maude’s eyes, cold and suspicious, rest on me.

  “What’av you lot done with her? I ain’t helping you do nothing till you tell me where you’re keeping her.” I want to tell her the truth, but I can’t in case she refuses to help us. What does she owe the Resistance? We have to deceive her as we deceived Bea and Quinn.

  “Bea will be released once we have a ful
l army. We need to recruit the drifters. That’s where you come in,” Silas tells Maude. His tone is firm, like the voice that comes over the loudspeakers in the pod announcing the deadlines for receiving new vaccinations.

  “That weren’t part of the deal. She didn’t say nothing about holding Bea.”

  “What did she say?” Silas asks.

  “I weren’t listening,” Maude admits and coughs some of her dinner back up onto the plate.

  “Drink more water,” I tell her.

  “And be ready to leave by sunset,” Silas says. He collects an armful of pears from the table and strides out of the dining room.

  “Where is Bea?” Maude asks again once Silas is safely out of earshot. “Please tell me. I thought we’d buried the hatchet, you and me.”

  “Bea is … Bea is …” I stutter.

  “Careful,” Dorian pipes up. He’s been silent the whole meal. I hardly noticed him sitting there.

  “Mind your business, you,” Maude tells Dorian, lashing out at him with her fist. “Where is she, Alina?”

  “You’ll see her as soon as we get back from the mission,” I lie. And wouldn’t the truth hurt more? That Bea is gone and never coming back? I have to pretend not to know this myself.

  At sunset the training stops. Swords and guns are put down and everyone comes to wish us well. Little mementos and good-luck charms are pushed into my hands and a few people start to murmur blessings. If Silas and I were denounced when we brought unknowns here, we seem to be making up for it now. We’re being hailed as heroes all of a sudden, and we haven’t even done anything yet, which makes me wonder: is this mission total lunacy? Silas was probably right the first time: if we want to stay alive, we should run. And we could. As soon as we get out of here, we could head west and never come back.