Three days passed and precisely the same thing happened. On the second day I ate my meat, which was not really so bad, but in the meanwhile my cage was becoming almost unbearable. On the third day, however, three of the white men came in and looked at all the animals, and when they came to me I recognised the man who had shot me, and I growled and spat at him through the bars. Then they all made a noise somewhat like that of a hyena just before a meal.
One of them called for the man who fed the animals, and they chatted together for some time, at the end of which he went out and soon returned with a little cart.
Then the young man — whom I shall call my master from now on — came up to my cage and made encouraging noises. But I was suspicious and growled unceasingly.
But he moved about in an even sort of way and didn’t jerk about and alarm me. Then he opened the back of the cage and I slipped out and found myself in a pleasant open space about twenty-five feet square, which was completely enclosed by iron bars which prevented escape. It was carpeted by grass and had a large broken tree in the middle. I hadn’t seen the sky for some days and I was remarkably pleased to be in the open with the sun shining on me again. Then in the longer grass at the end of the paddock I saw a very large rat, which I killed at once. It was much nicer than the bloodless meat which the men gave me.
Soon I heard a noise behind me and, turning, I saw the door rise. I was determined not to go back to the smelly cage, so I remained where I was. Soon the direction of the wind changed and I noticed a somewhat familiar scent which was that of an elephant. The scent became stronger, and an elephant with a man on its back came walking along the path in front of the open cages.
I thought of my first elephant, and perceiving that discretion was the better part of valour, I darted through the door, which banged behind me. Once in the cage I roared my defiance at elephants and the world in general. Then I remembered that the elephants were tame and obeyed the men, and this must have been a tame one.
I looked round the cage and saw to my relief that it had been cleaned; some fresh water was in my trough and some straw had been thrown into one corner.
In the front of the cage, just between the bars, was a large piece of meat, and I saw that the bear was straining to get his paws through the bars to get my meat. Thinking that if I didn’t get it at once I shouldn’t get it at all, I took it to the back of the cage. It was very juicy and obviously was fairly fresh. Leaving the bear in a furious rage, with one paw firmly wedged between the bars of his cage, I consumed it slowly.
After eating half of the meat I washed and regained my sleek appearance. Then I lay curled up in the straw till night came, when I was awakened by the sound of footsteps.
I jumped up and saw my master approaching from the entrance; he was carrying a basket in his hands, and I thought that I smelt some animal.
He walked straight down the rows of cages until he came opposite to me, when he stopped and began to advance slowly. I growled.
He advanced to the front of the cage, making soothing noises. I retreated as far as possible feeling very apprehensive, and for a few moments he continued his silly noises. Then he took from the basket the carcase of a jack rabbit and threw it to me.
The sudden movement which he made in throwing it made me start; however, he made no other movement, and I think if I had not just had a large meal I would have taken it, but as it was I left it lying and snarled and spat at him.
Soon he left to my great relief, for my nerves were all on edge. After he had gone I ate the rabbit, which was very nice and did not smell of man as much as the ordinary food.
Then having licked myself all over very thoroughly, I paced up and down my cage for the best part of an hour. Then I lay down in the straw and slept for a while, only to be awakened by a sharp pain in the tail.
Jumping up, I saw that the ape had seized my tail and was pulling it. I jerked it away with a roar.
I mention this as an example of things which I had to put up with.
At length night fell and I slept well.
Nine
For many weeks my master continued to clean out my cage and feed me, and gradually I got so used to his presence that I even forgot to growl at him.
But when anyone else came, such as the native who cleaned the other cages, an ungovernable rage seized me and I hurled myself against the bars until I was sore.
One day my master stayed away, and then I realised how unpleasant it was to be without him to clean out my cage or feed me, for no one else would come near me. Next day, however, he returned and I had fresh straw and a clean cage; but when he was cleaning the cage and I was in the paddock I accidentally trod on a thorn which, with a small branch attached, had blown from a tree near by. With a snarl I broke off the branch and thought no more of it until the next morning, when my foot was painful and it made me limp.
But by midday the paw had become twice its proper size, and it throbbed very painfully. My master seemed to notice it, but he did nothing, as I was so angry that I would have killed him if he had entered my cage. By evening I felt so unwell that I did not even retaliate when the ape pulled my tail, who soon left me alone, or when the bear, nearly tearing himself in two with the effort, took the meat which I hadn’t touched, having no appetite. I got very little sleep that night and I felt as if I did not mind what happened to me.
Next day my master did not come until the evening, when he stood outside my cage for some time making his usual silly noises. Then very slowly he opened the cage door and came in. I growled and half rose, but he showed no signs of fear and continued to approach. Then bending he lifted my paw. I growled, but I did not snatch it away as I hardly had strength to do so.
With a quick tug he pulled out the thorn — and I snarled at the pain, but I had the sense to see that he was trying to help me. Then he squeezed the paw gently and a lot of matter came out which at once relieved the pain. He tied a piece of cloth round it, and backed out of the cage, shutting the door.
Soon after that I dozed off into a refreshing sleep. I slept well all night, and next morning I woke up feeling much better and also extremely hungry. I could move about quite well, and after a time I worried the bandage so much that it came off, and I licked my paw, until I saw the native attendant coming in with his little cart, and I so far recovered my spirits as to roar lustily at him. Then I lay down in a corner of my cage where the sun could shine in and idly watched the ape swinging on his rope.
After about an hour I began to doze, but I was awakened by the sound of my master’s voice, who was standing outside the cage with the basket which he always carried when he came to me. I was pleased to see him, partly because I knew that his coming meant a good meal and partly because I had some feelings of gratitude towards him.
He smiled and pulled the rope that opened the door at the back of the cage. I went out and heard him enter. Soon he had finished and I came in again, expecting to find my piece of meat. But there was not a vestige of food in the cage. I went to the front of the cage and there he stood outside with a piece of meat in his hand. He cut a piece off, and I wondered whether he were going to eat it.
He did not eat it, however, on the contrary he threw it through the bars at me. It landed at my feet. I sniffed it suspiciously, and then finding it all right I snapped it up. Then he threw another piece, this time a little nearer to himself, then another and another, until at last I was almost feeding from his hand.
Curiously enough I felt no alarm. There was one more piece, and this he held just between the bars and did not throw it. I wondered if he would suddenly hit me if I took it. Then I saw what a juicy piece it was and my hunger overcame my fear. With a quick snap I took it out of his hand and jumped back to the end of the cage.
To my surprise he showed no signs of anger, merely smiled, and withdrawing his hand went away.
I paced up and down for some time, thinking how curious it was that I should take my food from the hand of a man, and that I could have cracked that man’
s skull like a bird’s egg, and that I should permit him to enter my cage to extract a thorn.
The idea, however, did not anger me as it would have done a month ago. I merely thought it to be curious and dismissed it from my mind, and started to wash. I had little else to do.
Later in the day a diversion occurred in the form of a small grey monkey who had come in from one of the paddocks when the cages were being cleaned.
He had remained in the cage of a very old panther, who did not find him for some time. The monkey squeezed through the bars at the top of the cage and raced up and down the top of the other cages, until he came to the tank where a huge tame alligator was kept, almost opposite to me, where he missed his footing and fell. The alligator, who had been as still as a log all day, suddenly reared out of the water and caught the unfortunate monkey in mid-air.
It took several minutes for the pandemonium to die down again. Later on in the day I caught a large rat which was amongst my straw.
Ten
Six uneventful months passed, during which my master and I got to know each other very well. I for my part understood that he did not mean to hit me nor shoot me, and he was always very kind and fed me and cleaned my cage.
One day he came into my cage as usual and opened the door at the back. I went out, but instead of hearing the door close I turned round and saw to my surprise that he had followed me. In his hand was a large ball. ‘Here, Cæsar,’ he said (he always called me Cæsar). Thinking for a moment that it was alive, I pounced on it and caught it in my teeth. He seemed pleased, but when I began to worry it he made a noise and patted his knee.
He seemed to want something, but I could not quite understand what he meant, though I saw dimly that it was to do with the ball. He bent down and flicked his fingers, then in a flash I understood that he wanted the ball. Picking it up I took it to him and put it at his feet. He seemed pleased, and scratched me behind the ears, which I liked.
He took the ball again and rolled it to one corner of the enclosure, saying at the time, ‘Fetch it, Cæsar.’
Seeing that he wanted me to get it again, I went and fetched it, but I thought that he was rather foolish to throw it away if he really wanted to keep it. Then after we had done this for ten times he observed that I was getting tired of it, and he went in to clean the cage while I lay in the sun pretending to be asleep, but really watching a large lizard creeping along in the grass. Its beady little black eyes were taking in everything. As soon as it came near enough I suddenly shot out my paw, but of course I was not nearly quick enough, and almost too quickly for my eye to follow, the lizard had darted across the enclosure and out between the bars, leaving only a little dust and its tail behind it.
I went back into the cage and saw that my master was tying the ball so that it was suspended about three feet from the floor. After he had gone I happened to bang against it, and seeing it swing as if it were alive, I turned to look at it and it hit me on the nose. I struck at it but it swung just out of my reach. I kept on patting it for some time, then I went to sleep for a while, but some mosquitoes woke me up. Feeling bored I patted at the ball again, just to see it swing, and back it came, and I pretended it was a living animal and growled at it.
On the back swing it seemed to be running away and I patted it again, this time from the side, and it went round on a circular course, like a bird; in fact, I was having quite a game with it when my master came back with my food and water, which was rather late. He also had a specially tasty little piece of meat, which I took from his hand as usual. Nearly every day for some months he had brought me some special thing, and on every seventh day a pig — a whole pig.
I started playing with the ball again, and I was amazed to find how fat and out of condition I was. In fact, after about half an hour’s exercise I was quite tired and perspiring freely. However, it did me good, for I slept better that night than on any other occasion.
Next morning I was a little stiff, but with a fine appetite. Soon my master came and we went out into the paddock together. He had another ball, which he threw to me as before. In a short time we were having quite a game with it. He pretended to throw it one way and threw it another. I pretended to be very angry and growled. In the end I unfortunately bit the ball in two. So he went in to clean my cage.
While he was doing this a small bird settled on the ground near me, and I tried to catch it but I was too slow. Then I saw how fat I was really getting, and I decided to exercise my body more by means of the ball. So when I got into my cage about half an hour later I knocked the ball about quite energetically, and by midday I had invented a game. I stood on the side of a crack in the stone floor of my cage and the ball hung just over it, and if on the back swing it got past me, it had escaped — if not, I had caught it.
During the next three weeks I learned how to bring the ball when I was told. We had long games with the ball sometimes, and I became very adept at catching it. As the days wore on I began to look forward to the time when he came to feed me, and I was quite anxious if he was late; and I also became so used to my cage and ready-killed food that I hardly believed that I was the same panda, who could pull down a water buffalo and think nothing of it. I do not believe that if at the time I had been set free I could have supported myself comfortably.
One day when I was in my paddock, as the door had been left open all day, the air suddenly became colder and the sky dark, and I had a horrible feeling that something terrible was going to happen. The other animals who were also in their paddocks (as their cages were being cleaned) seemed very frightened. The bear next to me started running round and round uttering a curious whimpering noise, and on the other side the ape was leaping about and chattering as if demented. Everything was as still as death, not a breeze enough to move the aspen trees on the path outside, and not a sound other than that of the animals. Then all at once the sun seemed to go out like a dead firefly and a chill that sent a shiver down my back came with its going. Now all the animals were quiet and not even a gnat buzzed, and in the distance I heard a dog howling. One would have thought that the world was dead.
In a few minutes my master came out, and after looking up to the sky for a few moments he came over to me and put his hand over my eyes and stroked me. I was badly frightened and trembling, so I snuggled my head under his arms, and he said in an even voice: ‘Keep calm, old boy — it’s only an eclipse.’
I did not know what he meant, but anyhow it was very soothing. In a few minutes after that the sun seemed to light up again.
Eleven
So far I have only mentioned the pleasant side of my life in captivity, but there was quite another side.
Can you imagine the utter dreariness of the long hours between the times when my master came and fed me and the night? If so, you will be able to understand my intense hatred for all men, except my master and a few others.
Men had taken me from my home, from the jungle with its infinite variety of life and colour, and had put me in a cage with bars and a cold stone floor. A paddock or small plot of withered grass was my jungle and the barred cage was my lair.
For a flowing stream to drink from I had a small stone trough, and instead of the pleasure of tracking, stalking and then killing my prey, I was given at a regular time every day a smelly, stale and bony lump of flesh with no blood in it.
That which I missed most of all was the killing of my own food. It is true that I was always given enough. But what could compensate for the thrill of the charge, and then the last wild gallop before I reached its neck and it fell dead? What could rival the warm blood and juicy meat of which I was particularly fond?
However, on the whole I was not too unhappy, and the ball which had been hung up was a great consolation, and in a few weeks I knew every curl that it would make.
My dislike of the brown man who cleaned the other cages grew in intensity as time wore on.
One day after my master had fed me and cleaned my cage this little hyena of a man came with a long slender stic
k of bamboo and tormented me with it. In vain I tried to catch it and crush it to pieces, for I could not move with any rapidity in the tiny space I had, and he lashed me again and again with it, laughing all the time. I hated that mocking laugh, which was as if a hyena had got into a man’s body.
At another time he snatched my pig from my cage, having driven me into a corner with a spiked iron rod. As I have said, my master brought me a pig every seven days, and I looked forward to this as they were always very fresh and tender. Besides, I had always been very partial to pig.
At another time he purposely upset my water, so that it ran out of the cage. He always did these things after my master had gone, so as not to be found out. I was always hoping that my master would come back and catch him.
As the months drew into a year I became very attached to my master, who seemed to understand me and I him. He also seemed to know how I felt and behaved accordingly. For instance, if I was feeling poorly he would sit down and stroke me quietly behind the ears and talk to me; or if I was full of spirits we sometimes pretended to fight. It began by my refusing to give up the ball with which we often played, and then he pretended to be very angry and rolled me over on my back; and I roared and snarled as if I would eat him, while he rolled me over and over as if I was a little cub. As for hurting him, I would have perished before doing so.
He taught me to obey him and, among other things, to carry and fetch, and to even leave my food when he told me. I could not understand why he made me do this, but there was a reason.
One day he brought into my cage a steel chain and a collar of thick leather. The leather collar had a leather buckle which fixed it to the chain. He opened it and calling me to him fastened it round my neck, and we went out into the paddock where he fastened the chain to it.
Caesar: The Life Story of a Panda-Leopard Page 4