by Ines Johnson
Suddenly, he felt the nausea that Chanyn had avoided. Khial had no good memories of his fathers. When he did think of father figures, he thought of Dain's fathers. He saw their two smiling faces as they looked down at their son. He remembered a large hand beckoning him to join them in a game, another holding out a seat for him at third meal. As the memories of those two males grew stronger in his mind, the nausea in Khial's gut dissipated.
From the corner of his eye, he caught Chanyn's face. Another series of memories came to mind. Chanyn standing over the boar, a fierce protector to men she hadn't even known. Chanyn leaning forward in the front seat of the car next to him with wonder in her eyes. Chanyn caressing Dain's flushed face with care while sitting beside him on his sick bed.
"For what it’s worth, I think you'll be a good mother."
She looked up at him, startled.
"You're kind. You're patient. Those things are important to children."
"I can't imagine where I got those traits. Certainly not from my mother."
"Maybe not," Khial scratched the back of his head. "But what our parents did, how they raised us, made us strong enough to weather the trials we've faced in our lives." Khial thought back to Jian's words. The stubborn tree, he stood tall against the storm.
They pulled up to the house. Khial put the car in park. He rested his hands on the steering wheel.
"I thought that if I let you into the bond it would mean I'd failed," he said. "That my love wasn't enough. But you've been a joy to him. You've made him stronger. Thank you."
Chanyn's lips parted, then closed. Finally, she swallowed. "You're welcome."
Khial turned and got out of the car. He opened the passenger door and offered Chanyn his hand once more. They entered the house in silence, walking side by side, hand in hand. When they reached Dain's room, Khial opened the door for her and let her pass first.
Dain sat with his back against the headboard. His broad body looked small, swathed in all the blankets. Dain's face glowed at the sight of the two of them. The glow belying the continued weakening of his heart muscles and the toll it was taking on the rest of his body. He held his palms up in question.
Chanyn nodded.
A wide grin fell over his face. His arms spread wide and Chanyn went into them. Khial hung back, watching the two, his husband and his wife, embracing.
"You haven't asked if it’s a girl or a boy," Chanyn chided him.
Dain shrugged. "I don't care as long as this one's healthy."
This one? So Dain was feeling well enough to expect that he'd be making more. Khial had mixed feelings about that. Chanyn's expression was unreadable, but Khial could guess. He doubted she'd planned a repeat performance without the monk.
But she only said, "It's a girl."
Dain's eyes closed in silent prayer, likely thanking the Goddess for this blessing. When he opened his eyes, he pulled Chanyn to him and kissed her forehead.
"You truly are heaven sent," he declared.
She ran a hand down his face. "You are obviously delirious."
Her jib didn't shake Dain's reverence.
Chanyn rose from the bed. "I'll leave you two alone." She began for the door.
When she came near, Khial caught her hand. And then immediately let it go. Shrugging, he said, "You don't have to go."
Chanyn smiled, rubbing his arm. The spot felt warm even after the brief touch passed. "I'm feeling a little tired." She rubbed her back with a slight wince. "I think I'm going to call it a night."
She gave Khial another warm smile.
He tried to raise the corners of his lips but his mouth felt wobbly. He didn't want to embarrass himself so he released his facial muscles and bowed formally. "Sleep well, my lady."
When he straightened, she paused for a moment. But said nothing and continued on.
Khial went farther into the room and picked up his violin. He put bow to string and looked to Dain for a request. He saw the man grinning at him.
"What?" Khial demanded.
"I'm just happy," he said, a peaceful expression crossing his face. "You two will take care of each other."
"Don't get morbid on me."
"You've been an excellent mate to me. You'll be the same for her."
There was silence. Khial had sat in many comfortable silences with Dain over the years. Never needing to fill the void with chatter. They both knew everything about each other. Except one thing.
"What was it like?" Khial's voice was nearly a whisper.
"What?"
"Being inside of her? What was it like?"
Dain's eyes rose and then slowly lowered, turning thoughtful. "It was like touching a star. They say that at the core of the planet, where the Goddess was born, there's a burning star."
Dain closed his eyes for a moment, in memory. When he opened them, they burned into Khial.
"Making love to Chanyn was just like that. For just a moment, I touched the Goddess."
Khial felt himself heating at the prospect. At the memory of Chanyn's pink flesh, his dick jerked involuntarily.
"I do love her, Khi." Dain shook his slowly head. "Not the same as I do you. It's different. But it is love."
Khial waited for the jealousy to come. It didn't. He thought he understood what Dain meant. He saw the different ways Chanyn looked at Dain and the monk. When she looked at Dain it was with adoration, a mutual respect. When she looked at the monk there was a fire in her eyes. It was the same way Khial looked at Dain. The same look Dain returned to him.
"If you let her, she'll love you, too."
Khial thought of the smile she'd given him today, of the comfort and strength he felt holding her hand.
Emotion remained a scary prospect for him. He'd begun to care for Dain's parents. Darlyn would smile warmly at him. Dain's fathers welcomed him in their rough-housing. Khial had begun to feel safe, secure, cocooned. Then, in the next moment, they were taken from him. Taken from Dain. Taken from the world because of the plague that was his mother. He'd never found out what theory or response his mother attempted to test by causing the accident that had taken the lives' of Dain's parents. She'd been carted off to jail by then.
For a while, he'd believed her motive had been revenge. Revenge against a son who testified against her, her insane research, and the deadly experiment that led to her bond mates' deaths. Revenge against the people who'd banded around her son and had given him the courage to speak up. The only reason he and Dain hadn't been in the conveyance with his parents was due to Dain's illness. He'd been feeling weak that day. Khial volunteered to stay home with him while his parents went out.
It had been years since then. His mother had not struck out at him again, but he knew from experience that she was a patient woman. Khial maintained a vigilant watch over the only person he cared for. Dain was weaker, but he was still here. Chanyn proved herself an ally. He would protect her from any harm. He owed her that much. If not his love, maybe his care and protection.
When Khial looked up, Dain was dosing off. He pulled the sheets over his lover. Not yet tired, Khial decided to grab a bite from the kitchens. When he entered the hall, he stopped short.
The first thing he recognized was blood. Blood on her hands. Blood on her dress. Blood on the floor.
"Chanyn!" He rushed to where she slumped on the floor.
Chapter Nine
"It's very common with a first pregnancy; especially when you carry a female child."
Chanyn kept her eyes closed tight. The nausea she had been missing the first few days of her pregnancy roiled through her entire body now. Her forearms clasped about her middle over her empty belly.
"There's nothing to do but try again." Aunt Angyla's voice was methodical, without feeling, unless she imagined the smugness. Angyla ticked off items on her handheld, cocking her head to the right and left like a bird.
The movement made Chanyn think of the first time she'd stolen bird eggs from a nest. She'd felt guilty, but her hunger pangs sent the emotion away quickly en
ough. Now she was the mother whose nest had been robbed.
A cool hand came to rest on Chanyn's shoulder. The hand trembled in uncertainty as it landed. Chanyn wanted to smile up at Merlyn in encouragement of her awkward attempt at comfort. Though Chanyn was empty, everything felt heavy. She could barely lift her head off the pillow, her body curved into a ball around her barren womb. Chanyn marveled that though she and her cousin had grown up in entirely different environments, Chanyn in solitude, Merlyn surrounded, both had little to no experience with affection and physical contact.
Aunt Angyla lifted her head from her tablet and focused on someone off to the side, in the recesses of Chanyn's room. "I'd like to have you tested," she said.
Khial slowly raised his head to her. He'd been focused on Chanyn, worry warring across his face. His hands clenched and unclenched in impotent helplessness. His hands balled into fists now. The look of worry dissolved into a scowl the likes Chanyn had never seen.
"Tested?" he said.
"Yes," Angyla nodded looking the man up and down like a specimen. "You don't expect me to believe this Hound nonsense."
Chanyn's body jerked at the mention of the hounds. Khial's eyes flicked to her.
"Either you or the other one have the genes to produce girls," Angyla continued. "I'm beginning a trial to harvest male spermatoza and inseminate breeding women. It’s a technique from the twentieth century, if you can believe those barbarians did something so forward thinking and civilized. All the records and research were lost in the Great Destruction, but Merlyn, here, is working on a way to isolate the genetic materials that determine the female code."
Merlyn looked down, pride and guilt at odds on her face.
"Soon, there will be no need for copulation," Angyla continued. "Eventually there will be no need for men at all."
Aunt Angyla continued to tap on her tablet, unaware of the three sets of eyes that gaped at her.
"I'll expect you in tomorrow, then."
It was a command, as though Khial were one of her manservants. Chanyn waited for the blow up, but Khial didn't even bristle. His face was entirely unexpressive.
"Tomorrow's no good for me," he said evenly.
"When, then?" Aunt Angyla looked up, her annoyance plain that her schedule of male eradication would not be met on her timetable.
"Let's see," Khial tapped his lower lip. "I'm free on the fifth of never."
Angyla frowned as she searched for the offered date on her tablet. Finally, she looked up. And blanched. Khial's face was thunderous.
"Out," he ordered quietly, but the sound resonated.
Aunt Angyla swallowed. And then squared her shoulders. "So, you are your mother's child, after all."
"Would you like to stay and find out?"
Angyla made for the door. "Come along, Merlyn. We don't cavort with this kind."
Merlyn gave Chanyn's shoulder a squeeze. "I'll come by later in the week," she whispered. Then she paused and looked up at Khial. "If that's all right?"
Khial looked her over, and then nodded once.
Merlyn rose and followed her mother out, giving Khial a wide berth as she did so.
Khial looked over at Chanyn. He studied her prone form, indecision on his face. Then he left without a word.
Chanyn closed her eyes. She'd never felt so alone in all her life. Her ache was deep. She hadn't even realized she'd wanted the baby so much, until it was gone. She'd done it for Dain, to help him preserve his legacy. Now, all was lost. Dain's health wasn't improving. The tentative camaraderie with Khial was over, as told by his quick departure a moment ago. After Dain went to the Goddess, Khial would have no responsibility towards her, now that the baby was gone.
A wave of pain went through Chanyn as her body continued to purge the life that had barely begun within her. When that ache went dull, another rose to take its place. This time in her heart.
Jian had said he'd leave his heart behind, but right now, all she wanted was his arms around her, his body behind her. Holding her tight, telling her that he had her. That he would take care of it all. That she need only lie back and relax.
The sweetest sound brought Chanyn's eyes open.
Khial sat before her, strumming a beautiful tune on his violin. She hadn't even heard him return. His eyes were closed as he played. Chanyn stared, fascinated, at the array of emotions that crossed his unguarded face as he played for her.
It was like looking through a portal in time. The notes he played told her the story of his life. She saw a young and hopeful boy. A young man full of sadness. A grown man full of guarded compassion. When the song finished, he opened his eyes staring directly into hers. She felt she knew him, entirely, through that song. He didn't smile. His face held that guarded mask once more.
"Rest, my lady. We will take care of you."
He put his bow to string once more and began to play.
Time passed without synchronicity. Chanyn would awaken to Rianald urging her to eat. Another time to Brent and Tem washing her limbs with warm scented water, cooing over her. But most often, she woke to Khial playing. His face unguarded, telling more secrets.
This morning Chanyn woke up entirely alone. Her belly full, her body clean, her spirit light. She sat up, then stood up, and left her room. She found her way down the hall to Dain's room. The door was ajar. She poked her head in and saw him sitting up and reading. He looked duplicitously well. His gold mane shone dull around sallow skin. The muscles of his forearm strained as he held a tablet before his face.
"Dain?"
He instantly dropped the book, startled at her voice. A wide grin broke over his face, crinkling the dark bags under his eyes.
Chanyn came in and closed the door behind her.
"You're looking well," he smiled at her.
"So, are you." She lied and climbed onto the bed.
He immediately grasped her hands, eyes scanning her for wounds. Not of the external variety. He looked her over like he did after her first night with Jian, looking for signs of damage. He looked her over like he did after she fled her family’s compound, looking for signs of distress.
Chanyn couldn't hide her pain. Her chin began to wobble. Dain brought her into his arms.
"I'm so sorry, Dain."
He made shushing noises as he rubbed her back.
"You're leaving all you hold dear in my hands and I couldn't even hold on to..."
He pulled her away from him. "I'm supposed to be dead," he said. "Did you know that?"
Chanyn swallowed. Dain was the only one who spoke of his death. Chanyn, Khial and the manservants all avoided the subject by an unspoken agreement.
"I was supposed to have died at birth," Dain ticked the timeframes on his fingers. "Before adolescence. As a teenager. But this time, right now, this was supposed to be it. Last month I was out of miracles. And then I met you. You've kept me here, Chanyn. I brought you here because I thought you were an angel. I asked you to bond with me because I thought you could save the man I love. When I was inside of you, I touched the Goddess. She showed me. She showed me our daughter. She showed me you and Khial raising her together. And She was pleased. I was afraid to die, before. I'm not anymore. It’s hard to be fearful when you know you've pleased the Goddess and that you have Her blessings."
Chanyn looked into his smiling face. He had that far off look her mother got during the end of her life, before she went to the Goddess. She knew then that Dain would be leaving soon. There wasn't much time left, but suddenly it all became clear.
Chanyn got off the bed. She reached under her dress and slide off her undergarments.
Dain's eyes widened. "What are you doing?"
Chanyn hitched her skirts and climbed back on the bed, her legs astride Dain's. "What the Goddess foretold."
She reached down below the sheets and found the drawstring of Dain's pants. His eyes were wide, but he let her pull his flesh free. When she pulled him out, he was cool and limp. With a few strokes, he became hot, hard, throbbing.
&nbs
p; Chanyn aimed him at her core. She lowered herself slowly, remembering Jian's coaching. Dain was panting before she had him fully seated. His teeth grit in concentration. His hands came to grip her hips. Chanyn began to move slowly. Her eyes never leaving Dain's.
She looked at this man. The first person ever to smile at her. The first person ever to care about her, to check after her well-being. The first person she ever loved.
Chanyn pulled Dain into an embrace as she rode him. They held each other tightly. They held on for dear life. When Dain climaxed a moment later, Chanyn felt it. She felt the presence of energy course through her. She felt it fill her heart.
"Ashe."
Chapter Ten
Khial stood in the doorway of his bedroom and waited for the jealousy to consume him. In his bed lay the love of his life curled around his wife. Dain's head rested against Chanyn's heart. His flaccid penis exposed, above the sheets.
Chanyn lay awake, starring off into space. Her hand rubbed circles at the base of Dain's neck. She must have felt Khial's presence because she turned to him. Her hand stilled.
Slowly she extricated herself from Dain. As she rose from the bed, she covered his mid-section. She straightened and made her way to Khial. Once there, she stopped and stood before him, back straight, hands folded in front of her, as though she were waiting for a scolding.
Something churned in his stomach. It rose to his chest, burning away the last bits of buffer around his heart. When the sensation reached his throat, it burst forth as a bark of laughter.
This woke up Dain.
"What's the matter?" Dain asked, his voice croaky with exhaustion.
Khial looked at his weary lover as he struggled from deep sleep to alertness. He returned his gaze to Chanyn. She looked different. Khial couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was an inner glow, like the halo seen in depictions of the Goddess.