by Fisher, Lisa
***
“I had a really nice time today, East.” I leaned back against one of the walls in the old tree house. We dropped Becks off at home, after the zoo and dinner, and then came straight here. It felt like old times. Except, now that we were grown, it was a little more cramped in here and with us both sitting crisscross, our knees almost touched.
“Me too. I’m really glad you came home.”
“Didn’t seem like long enough,” I said quietly.
“Can I show you something?”
“Sure.” I nodded.
“Come on.” He crawled to the door and made his way back down to the ground, with me right behind. I followed him back to his car and stood hands on my hips, waiting, while he grabbed something out of the car.
“What are you doing?” I laughed.
“You’ll see.” He grabbed a roll of paper out of his backseat and rolled it out on the hood of the car.
“East, what is this?” I gasped, looking down at it.
“It’s plans for a house. My dad started them… I just finished them. Do you like it?”
“It’s amazing.” It honestly was. A big beautiful two-story house with a big porch. “Does that mean you’re not selling the land?”
“That depends.”
“On what?” I asked absentmindedly, still looking at the sketch.
“I want you to stay.”
I jerked my head up in surprise. “What?”
“This thing between us, it’s worth more than seven weeks, Carter. You know it is. Stay.”
I shook my head, still trying to form the right thing to say. “East—you know I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Are you kidding me?” I said incredulously. “I have a fucking job, that’s why not!”
“You’re the one who told me that I should keep this place. You said it could be a reminder of all the things I will have. You’re right. But I don’t want to wait for them anymore. I want them now—and I want them with you.”
“East—”
“You want them, too. I know you do.” His eyes pleaded with mine.
“I love you, East. So much—”
“Then stay with me.”
How could he ask me to give up my dream? Being on that stage… it was everything.
Everything except East. It all boiled down to which love I could live without, because I had to choose. He would make me choose again, just like last time.
“Why can’t we just try long distance?”
He let out a ragged breath. “Come on, Carter. Let’s be realistic. We would never see each other.”
“Why does it always have to come down to some fucking ultimatum with you? Sometimes we can’t have everything we want! Sometimes we just have to settle.”
“That’s bullshit, Aisley.”
“I’m sorry, but I won’t give up my dreams, East.” Then I’d be just like my mother. A housewife with no purpose.
Then, eventually, a woman who had to start from scratch because the man she loved abandoned her. I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t.
“You don’t know how much I love it!” I cried.
“More than me?” He looked down at the ground, already knowing he wouldn’t like my answer.
“East, you know that’s not fair.”
“Fine. If you won’t stay, at least tell me what was so damned important that you came all the way home. I’d like to know what divine intervention brought you here just to rip us apart again.”
“What does it matter? I’m leaving in the morning.”
“What does it matter? Fucking Christ, you think I haven’t picked up every fucking magazine with your name on it for the past two years? Or read every interview? I’m not blind or a fucking moron, I know what people are saying. I just thought that maybe I’d get the truth. That maybe you trusted me enough to tell me the truth.” He turned around, snatching up the plans, and started for the driver’s side of the car.
I took a step back. He knew this whole time? “Don’t walk away from me, Easton! You can’t just decide we’re done!” I yelled.
He swung back around. “You decided that for us two years ago, babe.”
“You want the truth, East? The truth is I’d rather be anywhere else than this fucking town and I’m sorry I ever came back here!” I screamed.
He flipped me off, before hopping in his car and driving away.
Fuck. I looked up at the sky and shook my head. Why couldn’t things just be easy with East?
“Sometimes, the biggest challenges we face are the ones we learn the most from.” Ralph’s voice rang out in my head.
So far, I’ve learned nothing except East would always want a small town life, and I’d always want more.
And, that maybe childhood friends is all we would ever be.
***
Chapter 14
I could feel my heartbeat pounding against my chest. My palms were sweaty and I couldn’t stop my stomach from turning in fear. Like I said before, I hate flying. Being up that high in the air and having no control over anything, knowing that your life is in the hands of a single person, was just not something I could ever get comfortable with. One mistake and you’re gone. You don’t have a chance.
I’d rather take my chances in a car crash, or hell, even on a boat in the middle of the ocean.
Better odds of making it out alive, should something go wrong.
Never the less, I would be boarding an airplane in about ten minutes.
I thumbed through the newest issue of People Magazine, just trying to take my mind off my nerves. Off Easton. Off leaving home.
I would kill to be heavily medicated right now.
“Did you really think I’d let you go without a proper goodbye?”
My head darted up at the sound of Becks’ voice. “What are you doing here?”
“I don’t want this to be like last time, Ais. I want everything to be how it used to be.”
“I wish that were possible,” I grumbled.
Knowing I was referring to Easton, Becks took a seat beside me and threw her arm around my shoulder. “He’s going to regret not saying goodbye. You know that, right?”
“I doubt it. He’ll probably never speak to me again.”
“Hey, chin up, girl. No pity parties, remember?”
I chuckled. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay… eventually.”
She stood up, and I followed suit, engulfing her in a hug. “Glad to hear it.”
“I love you, Becks.”
“I love you, too, rock star.”
I shook my head, choking back tears. “You have to stop calling me that.”
“I’ll stop calling you that when you start calling me on the road. Deal?” Her voice shook, and I could tell she was on the verge of crying, too.
“Deal. I’m gonna miss you.”
“You’ll visit soon, right? And call?”
“Promise.”
As she walked away, tears started cascading down my face uncontrollably. I closed them tight wishing that when I opened them, I would see Easton.
He would walk up to me in some grand cinematic gesture, taking me into his arms. Our lips would meet in a mind-altering kiss—and he would tell me we weren’t over.
He’d say, “I love you, Carter.”
And I’d tell him I love him, too.
And then he would come with me.
John nudged me, jolting me out of my perfect fantasy, back into my impossible reality. “Flight’s boarding, kid.”
And when I finally opened my eyes, all I saw were dozens of strangers shuffling through the airport, on their way to somewhere else.
But, no East.
Maybe it was about time to give up this ghost, and resign to the fact that Easton and I weren’t meant to be forever.
Still, as we boarded, I couldn’t help but look over my shoulder, thinking, just maybe, East loved me enough to fight for me.
And he would be here.
Except, he never came.
***
Chapter 15
“Aisley are you listening?”
“Hmm?” My head shot up and I focused my eyes on Devin. It had been two weeks since I left Burden. Two weeks since I had spoken to my family and friends.
Two weeks and one day since I saw or spoke to East.
What a miserable two weeks it had been. Despite shooting a music video for Back in Time, photo shoots, and the tour starting last weekend, I felt like shit. Most nights I’d lie in bed and cry myself to sleep, thinking about Easton.
I still hadn’t patched things up with Dad, either. He called me a few times but I couldn’t bring myself to pick up. Aside from him, no one else had even bothered to call—probably because they assumed it would be like last time, and all they would get was an answering machine.
“Aisley—focus! We’ll be landing in an hour, and I need you to be ready. I don’t want you getting mobbed by fans at the airport.”
“It would be a welcome escape from this,” I mumbled.
“Did you eat this morning?”
I gave him a hard look. “Yes, Dad.”
“I don’t appreciate the tone.”
“Sorry.” I don’t know why I let him get under my skin. He wasn’t horrible. He was just very demanding. And had the attitude of a hungry shark. As if I weren’t already exhausted enough, I didn’t have it in me to deal with his bad attitude. “Yes. I ate. That’s what Jane is for, right?” I pointed behind us with my thumb. She was the nutritionist, who was seated somewhere in coach. She was nice enough, too, or as nice as a person can be when they are leering over you at every meal.
Honestly, it was hard forcing myself to eat. If Jane hadn’t been around, I may have let myself relapse. So many days I spent pushing my food around my plate, hoping no one would notice how much I hesitated, before finally allowing myself to eat.
“So, what are you going to do when we get off the plane?”
“Keep my head down and go with John and Troy, straight to the limo.” I hadn’t been listening to him, but I didn’t have to, because he said that every time.
“Good girl. The limo will take you straight to the radio station. You’ll do an interview there, and then go straight to Café Larano to meet with the guy from the newspaper. Remember the talking points. Don’t say anything about treatment.”
“Got it. What time’s sound check?”
He looked at his watch. “You have to be at the arena at twelve-thirty.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“You’re doing well, Ais. Just keep it up. Just between you and me, there has been word of another international tour.”
“Seriously?” My eyes lit up. The first time we went overseas, I had an amazing time. Any day off I had, I went sightseeing. The best part was, I wasn’t recognized as much—so I had a lot more freedom.
“The sales for your new song are breaking records. I think you can stop worrying about your future with Hypothesis Records,” he said knowingly.
I breathed a sigh of relief. One less thing to worry about.
When I hopped off the plane, I did exactly as I was told. There was a crowd of fans waiting for me when I landed, and I’ve always wondered how they found out my flight times and itineraries. As I hopped into the limo, my phone went off.
“Becks, hey!”
“Hey, rock star! How does it feel to be back in the game?” she joked.
“It’s amazing, Becks,” I lied. It would be amazing if I could stop thinking about Easton. “I’m glad I’m back, but I miss you.”
“I miss you, too, girl.”
“How’s East?”
“He’s…fine.”
“That’s good.”
“He put his dad’s old property up for sale.”
“What? He can’t do that.” I frowned. That property meant so much to him, why would he do that? Just because I left?
“Well, he did. The sign went up yesterday. It’ll probably sell quickly. Mr. Malloy has had his eye on it for a while.”
“You know he’s going to regret this. You have to talk some sense into him.”
“Hey, I tried,” she said defensively. “But, you know East.”
“Has he asked about me?”
“Ais…” She groaned.
“Sorry! I just had to ask.” The limo had come to a stop, and Devin was giving me a look that said, ‘hurry the fuck up’.
“Hey, look, I gotta go.”
“Don’t be a stranger, Aisley. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Becks.”
Hanging up, I sucked in a breath and put my best game face on.
I could do this. I could move on and forget about Easton Everson.
I just didn’t want to.
***
Sitting in my dressing room after sound check, I grabbed my phone and dialed my accountant’s number.
“Bill McCann.”
“Hey, Bill. Aisley Carter here.”
“Why, hello, Ms. Carter. What can I do for you?”
“Remember that trust we set up, in case I wanted to buy a house or something?”
“Yes. Are you in the market? I know a lovely agent. She’s done quite a few deals regarding celebrities and it’s always kept very hush-hush. Actually, I know of a few nice places up in—”
I cut him off. “Thanks. But, I have a property in mind, already. If I give you the address can you make it happen?”
“Of course.”
“Great. Just pay the asking price, okay?”
“I’m sure we could work out so—”
“No, no deals. I’ll take it for the asking price.”
“You’re sure?”
“Absolutely. Just fax me the paperwork once it’s drawn, okay? It’s 706 West Second, Burden, Washington.”
“All right, I will get on that. It was nice talking with you, Ms. Carter.”
“Thanks, Bill.”
If East was hell bent on selling his dreams, so be it.
He didn’t have to know I was the one buying them up.
With a quick knock on the door, it opened before I could even say ‘come in’, which was a usual occurrence on tour. “Ms. Carter, we’re ready for you.”
I nodded, and made my way out the door and to the stage. My hands shook. I was always nervous until I started playing. That was why instead of saying hello or starting with some kind of speech—I just came out and played. After the first song, I’d have enough courage to address the thousands of strangers staring and screaming at me from the crowd. I always liked to start off with something upbeat, and this was the song that launched my career. Sure, I had been signed for a few months before this hit the airwaves, but it was my first number one—and it won me my first Grammy.
“I’m a mess, I’ll admit, I go back and forth no commitment
Sometimes I’ll say the wrong thing
Or laugh aloud in the middle of a business meeting
Oops, I’ve done it again, another almost ending
Another shot in the dark, wishing on a lucky star
Hoping prince charming will come rescue me
Whisk me away like a knight in a story
Wouldn’t I make the most imperfect princess?
Oh, yeah, the most imperfect princess
And I’ll have to agree, I’m my own worst enemy
Sometimes I’ll laugh at nothing
It’s just an inside joke, no one else seems to know, yeah
Another shot in the dark, wishing on a lucky star
Hoping prince charming will come rescue me
Whisk me away like a knight in a story
Wouldn’t I make the most imperfect princess?
Oh, yeah, Oh…
At the end of the day, I’m standing in the pouring rain
My hair’s messed up and my make-up’s washed away
All I want is you and me, the perfect end to my fairytale, baby
I’m imperfectly perfect
Oh, wouldn’t I make, wouldn’t I make
I’m
imperfectly perfect
Oh, wouldn’t I make, wouldn’t I make
The most imperfect princess.”
The roar of the crowd caused me to grin like a fool. This was the best part of my day, every day. The rush I got from performing was unlike anything else.
Well, except maybe the rush of butterflies I got from Easton…
Fuck. If only everything didn’t remind me of my green-eyed best friend.
“What’s up, Portland?!” I took a drink out of my water bottle while the crowd went nuts. “I’m so happy to be here tonight! Thank you all for coming out, this next one’s for all of you.”
***
Chapter 16
Since that show in Portland, the days turned into weeks, then into a month, faster than I could have imagined. I had done nine shows in nine different cities. All miles from home.
Thankfully, I had little time to dwell on the fact Easton never once called. Not that I tried calling him either… but still, there was a little piece of me still clinging to the hope that East would realize we were better together than apart.
That tiny speckle of hope was what kept me going.
Sitting in my hotel room, I was thumbing through the contract for Easton’s property. The sale had been finalized yesterday. I still couldn’t believe he had actually gone through with it. He sold his dream. Did that mean he was giving up? That wasn’t the East I knew.
I let out a heavy sigh, and jammed the paperwork into my suitcase—still unpacked—before popping in my headphones and letting the sound of Mumford and Sons filter into my eardrums. Today was my first real day off since my tour restarted, and it took everything in me not to just hop on a plane and fly home.
After everything, that’s where I wanted to be. Home.
The ringing of my phone jolted me from my thoughts and pulled out my headphones. So much for that.
“Hello?”
“Aisley. Hi, it’s Dr. Tinsley.”
“Er, Hi.” I almost forgot about our weekly phone appointments.
“Is this a bad time?”
“No, no. Now’s fine.”
“How are you doing today?” That was the first thing she always asked me and it took a lot not to just give her a generic response.
“I am doing okay, I think. I still haven’t missed a meal since I’ve been back on tour so…” So maybe everyone can stop worrying about me.