His jaw tenses, the muscles in his neck pulsing with anger, his increased breaths rushing over my face. Then I blink, and everything changes.
His fingers tangle in my hair and I’m pulled against his mouth. His tongue parts my lips and I accept him inside willingly. Our tongues tangle and duel as we pour our anger and frustrations into our kiss. Teeth clash and bite, but it only spurs me on. I step up to him, but his casted arm stops me from pressing myself against him and feeling the hardness of his muscles against me.
Reaching my hands around his back, I run my nails down until I hit the waistband of his boxers. A growl rumbles up his throat, sending my desire into overdrive. Slipping my hands into his underwear, I grab onto his arse and start walking him backwards into our room. I should be putting a stop to this. I told myself I wouldn’t allow this to happen, but with his lips on mine and his hand on me, I’m powerless to do anything but to give in to what my body craves. And right now, it wants what Ben can give me more than it wants air.
“I fucking need you, Lauren,” he moans when he comes to a stop by his bed and rips his lips away from mine.
Dropping his face to my neck, he starts pulling at the strap over my shoulder with his one working arm, but it doesn’t get him very far.
To help him out, I turn so he can find the zip. Pulling my hair to the side, I give him access to my bare skin. He wastes no time in dropping his lips to me, kissing and licking his way towards the fabric. Once he’s there, he finds the zip and slowly drags it down. The sensation of the fabric tickling my skin has lust shooting to my core. I moan as it falls from my shoulders, catching on my peaked nipples.
Ben sucks in a breath as he steps back and takes in my bare skin. “I’ll never get enough of you, baby.” Turning me, he pushes me down on the bed and encourages me to lie back when he places his knee beside me. Pain twists his face and it’s obvious that he’s not able to take charge right now like he’d like to.
Slipping out from under him, I place my hands gently on his waist and push him towards the bed. His eyes widen as he stares down at me.
“Just do as you’re told.” His expression darkens. His eyes flick over my face before dropping down to my bare breasts.
“I think I can manage that.”
Tucking my thumbs into the sides of my thong, I make a show of pushing it from my hips. Ben’s cock twitches behind the fabric of his boxers, and it’s all the encouragement I need. “Tell me if it hurts too much.”
“Never.” I give him a hard stare, but he doesn’t waver.
“Lie back and take what I’ve got to give you.”
“My pleasure.” He slowly drops his back to the bed, his eyes never leaving me.
My heart hammers in my chest and my core throbs for what’s to come.
Once he’s settled, I grab onto the elastic of his boxers and pull them down his legs. His cock springs back against his stomach and my mouth waters. But as much as I may want to taste him right now, I’m too impatient for what I need. I need something to break the tension within, and Ben is the only way I know how.
Climbing up his body, I try not to move the mattress too much, but he still winces in pain. I know I should stop. There are a million reasons why I should, but I already know that none of them are enough to stop me right now.
I take him in my hand once I’m hovering over his waist. His body tenses with the sensation, and his eyelids flutter in pleasure. Lining myself up with him, I slowly sink down, gasping when he fills me to the point I swear I might burst.
“Fuck,” I moan when my body gets exactly what it needs.
Dragging my eyes open, I stare down at Ben. Both pain and pleasure are etched onto his handsome face. His eyes are hard with anger still, and his teeth grind, making his jaw pop. He needs this release just as much as me.
Lifting up, I drop down on him, probably harder than I should, and we both cry out. But I don’t stop. I pour every bit of anger, regret and remorse for what we both lost and what we could have been into my movements as I fuck him with everything I have. He lies lifeless below me, his fist clutching the sheets beneath him. I’ve no idea if it’s because of pleasure or pain. A sadistic part of me hopes it’s the latter, punishment for everything he put me through since the day he walked out of my life and now everything he’s dragged back up since reappearing.
“Fuck, shit,” I moan as my release starts to creep up on me. I can only feel the beginning tingles, but I know it’s going to knock me for six. A few minutes of mind-numbing pleasure to forget is exactly what I need right now.
Grinding my hips down on him, I take everything I need to push myself over the edge.
“Shit, Lauren. Fuck, baby,” he groans. The muscles in his neck are pulled tight, his eyes squeezed shut. I know he’s getting close, I can feel him swelling within me.
I drop down on him one more time, and my body takes over as my orgasm slams into me. Light flashes behind my eyes as heat radiates through my body. My muscles convulse and I have to fight my need to collapse onto his body beneath me as I drag in lungfuls of air.
“Oh, shit.”
He’s just about to come; I know his tells like the back of my fucking hand. In a moment of madness—or weakness—I pull myself off him and climb off the bed.
“W-what? Lauren, what the—” Ben stutters as his body realises what’s just happened. He cries out in pain as he tries to sit up to find out what’s going on. By the time he opens his eyes, I’ve got my dress up my body and my bag and flip-flops in my hand.
Turning to look over my shoulder, I take in the panic on Ben’s face. “Not a nice feeling, is it?” I pause for one second before marching from the room.
My heart pounds as the hotel room door slams shut behind me.
“Lauren,” Ben roars and my stomach turns over.
What the fuck did I just do?
I quickly zip up my dress and drop my flip-flops to the floor so I can slide them on. Ben continues shouting before there’s a loud bang and a cry sounds out. I instinctively turn and reach for the door handle, but at the last second, I change my mind and walk away.
Chapter Nine
Ben
“Fuuuuck,” I groan as the pain radiating from my ribs renders the rest of my body useless. In my need to get to her, I misjudge the width of the mattress and end up on the fucking tiled floor. My ribs scream in pain and my arm aches where I landed on the fucking cast.
“Lauren,” I shout once again, but I know it’s already too late. She’s gone. Gone fuck only knows where in a foreign fucking city.
It takes me longer than I want to admit to get up off the floor, but I eventually manage to drag my aching, tense body back out to the balcony to find my phone. When I unlock it, the photo of Joe hovering over another man’s lips lights up on my phone, and another wave of anger washes through me. She was fucking lying to me this whole time. Part of me knew something wasn’t right. The warning signs have been there the whole time. He knew we’d slept together yet he didn’t lay a finger on me. If someone else so much as looks at her the wrong way when she’s mine, I’ll break their fucking nose, so the fact he hardly even flinched should have been evidence enough. But the image of them both standing in their doorway looking all loved up when she sent me away still haunts me. They were so convincing. My fist clenches with my need to do something, to break something…or someone. I knew I should have fucking hit him on that scaffolding.
Finding Lauren’s number, I lift my phone to my ear. It takes forever to connect, but when it does, it goes straight to voicemail.
“Fucking hell.” Throwing it down on the table, I rest my head back and squeeze my eyes shut. My entire body is strung tight, desperate for the release that was so fucking close. My cock twitches at the memory of being inside of her and how tight she squeezed me as she got herself off. Lifting my head, I gaze down at my useless right arm. I might be right on the edge, but I already know that my left hand won’t cut it.
I knew she was angry. Her eyes had pure hatred
oozing from them as she climbed on top of me, but I’d no idea she was planning on leaving me high and dry.
Over the next few hours, I continue trying her phone, but at no point does it even ring. I’ve just about lost my fucking mind by the time I hear the click of the key card in the lock later that evening—hours after she walked out.
Moving as quickly as I can, I’m in the doorway when she comes into view. It takes her a few seconds to lift her eyes from the floor, but when she does, all I see is hurt.
“Fuck.” Pushing my own pain aside, I walk up to her and pull her into me. The second she’s in my arms, her body trembles and her cries take over. A lump forms in my throat and my eyes sting as my own tears threaten.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper into her hair as the reality of how much we’re hurting each other hits me. “I’m so sorry.”
We cling onto each other for the longest time, but eventually her breathing evens out and her trembling subsides. She pulls back to look at me, her blue eyes swimming behind unshed tears.
“Where the hell have you been?” It comes out harsher than I intended, and her body stiffens before she forces herself from my arms.
“Where have I been?” she repeats, as if it’s the most insane question she’s ever been asked. “How fucking dare you.” My eyes widen, taken back by her sudden anger. “I was gone for a few hours, and you were worried sick. How the fuck did you think I felt when you left for six fucking years, Ben?”
“I—” I swallow the emotion bubbling up my throat. She’s right.
She blows out a long breath and I see her fight leave her. Her eyes drop from mine to where I’m holding my ribs. “Are you okay after…”
“After you fucked me half to death? Yeah, I’m good.”
Her cheeks blush and she looks away. “Liar.” She gives me a weak smile and I can’t really argue because my ribs hurt like a motherfucker. “I picked you up some more painkillers. Here.” She hands me a bag and heads out to the balcony. “We need to talk,” she says, sensing me behind her. She’s resting her palms on the railings, looking out at the ancient city in the distance. “We need to talk without shouting or fucking. We need to find a way to move past this…bullshit. I’m exhausted, Ben, and you’ve only been back a few days. We can’t keep rehashing the same shit over and over.”
“Here.” At the sound of my voice, she turns and takes the bottle of water in my outstretched hand.
“Thank you.” Our fingers touch as she takes it, and our eyes connect. There’s no denying that the connection we had all those years ago is still there. If anything, it’s stronger now. I know what I want to do about it; I’ve just no idea if Lauren’s willing to give me the second chance I want. I know it’s what she wants. I can see it in her eyes every time she looks at me. The question is, will she allow herself to go there again?
She watches as I carefully lower myself to the chair I’ve been sitting in, waiting for her to return. I wince in pain and she flinches like she can feel it too.
“We shouldn’t have done that earlier. You need to be resting, healing.”
“I’ll never say no to you, Lauren. You should know that by now.”
“Enough,” she snaps, and my eyes fly to hers. “We’re not doing this. We’re just talking.”
“You were the one who brought it up,” I sulk, a smile playing at my lips. Thankfully, she takes it the way I intended and her lips twitch too.
“Ben…I—” She twists her hands in front of her.
“Hey, it’s okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me.” Taking her hand in mine, I squeeze gently, hoping to give her the strength she needs to talk.
“It’s not that. It’s just…revisiting that time is painful.”
“I know, baby. I’m so, so—”
“No more apologies, okay? Let’s forget all the blame and who did what and just talk.” Nodding, she takes a few seconds to collect her thoughts. “Joe was…my guardian angel. He turned up looking for a job, and I found a best friend. I was drowning. You leaving like that…it fucking broke me, Ben. I can’t even describe how I felt that morning or in the days and weeks that followed. I was like this hollow shell of a person just drifting between work and home, but not really being in either place. My head and my heart were stuck in my memories of us. It was the only way I could get up every morning and function. Dad played the perfect doting father. My first reaction was to accuse him for your disappearance, but he did such a good job of acting like he was concerned and trying to support me that I believed every fucking lie that fell from his lips. He picked out every tiny one of your flaws and used it to show me how untrustworthy you were, how you were never the kind of guy you pretended to be. Without you there, everything he was saying just made sense. I knew my dad wasn’t perfect or even that good a human being, but I really never thought he’d have a hand in something that would cause me so much pain. So the naïve child that I was took everything he said as gospel.
“I honestly didn’t think I’d see daylight the same as I once did ever again. My world was black, and there didn’t seem to be a way out. I almost bailed on my place at uni, and I stopped turning up to work. Your mum tried to do what she could, but every time I looked at her, all I could see was you. It took me a long time to be able to form the kind of relationship we have now, despite the effort she put in. She was the only one who had some kind of understanding of how I felt. She came and laid with me in the dark in my room one night and told me all about your dad. She sobbed the whole way through, as if just telling the story felt like she was losing him all over again. Our relationship changed after that. We’d found some kind of common ground, and we were able to start again.
“It wasn’t until Joe turned up that things started to change. To be honest, I thought Dad was going to take one look at him, see the similarities to you and send him back out where he came from. But he must have seen something in him, because he offered him a job labouring. Erica dragged us all out on her compulsory first day on the job drinks outing, and we became fast friends. He was having issues with his parents—they’d kicked him out and cut him off. We just kind of clicked. He understood what I was going through, and he just knew the right thing to say.”
My stomach knots as I get a front row seat to the pain I caused her six years ago. I can see the shadows lingering in her eyes as she explains it. I’m desperate to make it all go away, to remind her of the good stuff and how incredible we are when we’re together, but I know talking about this stuff has to happen. We can’t put it off by arguing or fucking any longer.
“I think everyone expected us to get together. We were spending more and more time together, but there was always something missing for that to be possible. I love Joe, he means so much to me, but not once has there been anything more than friendship between us. It took him quite a long time to open up to me about his sexuality. It was ultimately what led to the breakdown of his relationship with his parents.”
“With him in my life, I felt like I could actually move on. Uni was…fine. I made the best of it. Work was also okay. I loved working with Erica and Joe, and Dad was as overbearing as ever, but we all made it work. I even went on a few dates.” My entire body tenses with her admission. “What?” she asks with a laugh. “You thought I’d been celibate all this time in the hope you’d come back?”
“I…uh…” Just the thought of her being with other men has my muscles tensing, ready to fight.
“Have you been? Celibate?”
An unamused laugh falls from my lips as the faces of the women I’ve spent time with over the past six years fill my mind. “Something like that,” I mutter eventually.
“I’ll take that as a no then. None of that matters though. I never met anyone who I could imagine spending more than one night with, let alone the rest of my life. You ruined me, Ben. No one else stood a chance after you.”
My heart swells at her honesty. Leaning forward, I thread our fingers together, revelling in the feeling of her smooth skin against mine once agai
n.
“I hadn’t planned to use Joe to lie to you, but all of a sudden here you were, and I panicked. He knew everything about us, and I’d already told him numerous times over the years that, if you were ever to turn up again, he was to do anything in his power to stop me falling back into bed with you.” My eyebrow rises in amusement; she knew that even after six years she wouldn’t be able to resist me even before I turned back up. “You can wipe that smug look from your face,” she warns, but she’s fighting a smile.
“I thought that by pretending we were a couple, you might back off. I clearly didn’t think it through properly.”
“I think you underestimated me. Or us. Everyone else backed you up. I assume they all know you’re not a couple.”
Guilt twists her features. “I asked them all to play along. They weren’t happy. Erica and your mum especially.”
“I guess I should be slightly pleased that they weren’t totally on board with the plan,” I say sadly, thinking how quick everyone was to lie to me.
“You need to remember that it wasn’t just me you hurt by leaving. Your mum and Erica were devastated too, and they had to watch me crumble. You shouldn’t really be surprised that they were willing to back me up.”
“I’m not.” Although what she’s saying hurts, I know it’s true. I hurt a lot of people by disappearing like I did, a lot more than I intended to.
“Dad’s death came out of the blue. He seemed fine in the days before he died. I had enough on my plate looking after your mum and knowing that someone was going to have to take over the business; I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope. The last thing I expected the day I turned back up at work was to find you there, staring at me as if six years hadn’t passed. I’d fought every day since you left to put you behind me, and there you were. I just…I didn’t…”
Moving my chair closer, I put my arm around her shoulder. “It’s okay. I didn’t expect you to be there, either. Chris had asked me to get some paperwork and told me that you’d not been to the office since Nick had passed. I thought it was safe. I thought I had time to prepare for seeing you. I soon realised that nothing I did could have prepared me for that.”
Fighting for the Forbidden: Forbidden Series #3 Page 8