“Do you know what stopped them?” He brushed his fingers across my face. “Think, Privy.”
“Some campers came upon us. One of them held me as the other two went for help. The pain was indescribable. It took three days for them to get back. It was cold. I kept slipping in and out of consciousness. He never left my side. I tried finding him after I got out of the hospital, but never did.” My face was smashed onto his chest. It was hard to talk, but so easy to feel. “Other than you, he was the only person to ever show me love since my dad died.” I said as the tears spilled from my eyes.
“Sarah and Deacon care about you.”
“They’re great friends, but friendship is different from love. You’ve proven that.”
“You captured my heart.” He swept his fingers through my hair. “Privy, we complete each other.” His tongue peeked out and swiped across his upper lip. “Come on, Privy.” He led me back to the bed and laid down, pulling me down beside him. I wrapped my hand around his. All I wanted at that moment was for him to hold me and tell me that everything would finally be okay. I listened to his beating heart. Why after all the times he turned his back on me did I feel so free to share my past with him?
Ethan whispered in my ear. “We belong together. You feel it too.” He sucked on my earlobe.
“Jameson Taylor is why I call myself trash.” I blurted out without a thought.
“What?”
“My home life was the pits and school was no better.” I gazed at his beautiful face. He kept his eyes on me. I didn’t know if he was giving me a look of pity or if he was really brokenhearted. I hated sympathy. Still, I reached up and ran my fingers through his uncharacteristic three day stubble. I had to turn on my side unable to look at him and continue. “I wanted a friend. I needed to know at least one person in the world cared if I was even alive. I tried my hardest to look nice. I always . . .” I glanced back at him.
His eyes appeared to be watering as he pushed a stray strand of hair out of my eyes. “Privy, you’re killing me here.”
“I need you to understand. I always tried my best with what I had . . . I smiled at everyone and prayed someone would at least smile back. He did. He was the new boy and he was stuck with me as his partner in math. He was always cutting jokes. He liked me I don’t doubt that, but they got to him. He was new and I was a sinking ship.”
I turned my back to him again. I could no longer stare into his face and tell him about all my emotional scars. His body formed around mine. He didn’t flinch or grow tired of my emotional damage. “One day, he got enough of the taunting. So when I got to class that day, I ran up to him happy someone cared. That is when he busted out laughing and said ‘You can’t really believe we’re friends. I would rather hump trash than even touch you. The nastiest junk in town.’ It stuck and from that day forward I was known as Icky.”
His grasp tightened. I couldn’t move. His breathing was hard and fast against my face. “We will get it right, my love. I won’t let you hurt anymore.” We laid there for an immeasurable period of time. He physically relaxed and calmed around me. “I wish you could see your worth. You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on. To think you were living in hell. No more, babe. No more running. Just me and you.”
I nodded slowly. There were still times when I believed I did something to deserve everything I had been through. I turned over scared I would see pity or a small look of distaste in his eyes. Instead, I was greeted by warmth and tenderness pouring out of them. It startled me and it felt amazing that for once someone believed in me.
Ethan pulled me over on top of him. He soothed his hand down my back, pushing the remains of my doubts and fears away. I truly relaxed for the first time in my life.
“Make love to me.” I whispered
“I can’t, not now.”
“I need it. I don’t want to feel dirty anymore.” I softly placed a kiss on his lip.
He tossed me on my back and pressed his body over mine, still his expression remained unreadable. He tapped his fingers across my lips. Each tap had a direct line to my most sensitive spot. I grasped for a breath, not sure if I would be able to breathe again that night
“You have the most sensual mouth. I dream about it.” With those words, he forcibly covered my lips with his. I could’ve tasted him forever and never grown tired.
“Beautiful Dylan,” he moaned, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. He dropped his weight down onto one arm and slowly brought his other hand to the back of my knee, bending it. I let my legs fall open, wanting him closer. His hand slid farther down the inside of my thigh as he pressed a small line of kisses down my neck and across my chest; then tugged at my nipples with his teeth through my tee-shirt. Desire and for the first time ever lust coursed through my body. His hand found the hem on my shirt and his fingers barely grazed over my skin. My eyes rolled to the back of my head when he yanked up on it. “Take it off, all of it. I want to look at you.”
I had bared my soul to him, could I bare my body too? Without a sound, I sat up, removed my top, and unfastened the hook on my bra, letting it fall free. His eyes hungrily devoured me as his hands kneaded my breast. I trembled.
“I shouldn’t want you like this. But you’re all I want.” He twisted my nipple between his teeth. First my right then my left. An explosion occurred between my legs. I needed to feel him. Laying half naked beneath his fully clothed body sent an ache to my deepest core. I shifted underneath him, pushing myself against the hardness busting out of his jeans, and grounded my sex into his erection. I never imagined I could connect with someone on such an intimate level, and throbbed to feel him touch me there. He trailed his nose along my cleavage. “You’re perfect. I’ll never get enough of you.”
“Touch me.” I pleaded.
“Where, my love?” He smiled down at me with heated eyes. “Here?” He stroked my upper arm. “Or maybe here.” He kissed the top of my shoulder. He was playing a game I was sure to lose.
“Here,” I said pushing myself against the roughness of his jeans.
“Like this?” He circled his finger around my navel. I shook my head. “Tell me, Privy. Tell me what you want.”
“Touch me down here.” I grabbed his hand and stroked it over my crotch. “Please, E.”
His eyes never shifted from mine as he hooked a finger in the bands of my pants, pushing them to my knees. I used my feet to remove them completely. The need I felt was at a new all-time high. I never dreamed of wanting a man to touch me like that. At that moment, I couldn’t dream of anything but him and me together.
“E.” I slipped my hands into the back of his pants and squeezed a pair of rock-hard ass muscles. I itched for him to stroke me.
“Shit, Dylan, you’re too much. I want you more than I want my next breath.” His finger slid over my wetness and circled around my clitoris. I started to speak when he propelled his finger inside me. My body bucked as it started to buildup to an uncontrollable release. He sunk two fingers in as I quivered around the thickness. “Damn, you’re so fucking tight.”
“I’m . . . I’ve never been with anyone . . . since they . . .” I started to say. He stalled and then slowly pulled his fingers out. “E, please I need this. I need you.”
He rolled over onto the bed. “You have me, but I can’t give you what you need. I would lose control if I did.” He licked the fingers he had buried in me. The naughtier he was the more my body ached for him. “I don’t know how not to hurt you.” He tugged the comforter up, covering my bare body. “I will make love to you, but when I do, it won’t be like this.” He placed the softest kiss on my lips. “Plus, I don’t have any condoms and I’ve never had sex without one.” His voice sounded harsh.
“Are you mad?” Or totally disgusted by me? My broken soul shattered into even tinier pieces. He wanted me I felt his erection large and hard against my leg. Did the idea that those monsters used me for their pleasure make me dirty in his eyes?
“Never mad at you, Privy. I’m mad at my
self. I don’t know how to make love to you and not hurt you.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “Get dressed, I’ll meet you in the den.”
He left me limp and numb. He didn’t know how to make love to me and not hurt me? I wasn’t breakable. Someone can’t break what had already been broken.
I found Ethan lying on the sofa. He pulled me over on him. “My love, I’ve never denied myself anything. But I’ve never cared before either.” Ethan’s voice was low and husky. I started to push off of him, but his arms tighten. “Let me hold you. You might never let me touch you again when you learn the truth.”
Totally dead inside, I never comprehended what he was saying. We laid there for the longest time before I finally drifted off to sleep.
Later that Day
I kicked as a hand wrapped tightly around my ankle and pulled me across the dirty wood floor. I heard a laugh then received a hard punch across the left cheek. I felt the pain, but didn’t have time to scream before I was jerked to my feet and had someone tying my hands behind my back.
“She is beautiful. Is she your daughter?” The man at my back asked.
“Hell, naw, she’s my bitch’s little rugrat.” Louie answered.
“And she’s a virgin?” The man asked as he roughly shoved his hand down my panties.
“Yeah, and she is all yours. If you promise to forgive the debt?”
I was pushed onto my mom’s bed. My skin itched as the images of all the horrible things that had taken place on those torn sheets crossed my mind. I looked up and caught my first glance of the man who was about to do those same things to me. I zoned out and went numb. I didn’t want to be present for the taking of my virginity.
I retreated when a hand clutched my arm. “Privy, wake up. It’s me Ethan.”
“Please, stop. It hurts.” I screamed out.
“Dylan,” Ethan said softly numerous times before I hysterically sat up. “It’s a dream.” He pulled me back into his arms. “I’m right here, babe. No one is going to hurt you,” he whispered into my hair.
I wished I could’ve told him what all they did to me. That camper held me for three days. Those three men and Louie tortured me for four long days. I was a shattered soul and I wasn’t even sure he could put the pieces back together. He kissed the back of my head. I was thankful he didn’t ask any more questions.
We spent the day eating take-out and checking-out Netflix. After much joking and trying, he finally got me to smile and even belly laugh. The day had been long, tiring, and touching. However, I had one last request. That shocked even me. “I want to get drunk and forget everything.”
“You don’t drink, my Privy.”
“You won’t let anything happen to me. I want to forget.” I nestled closer to him.
“You’re right, I will never let anything hurt you ever again.”
I cut my eyes up to meet his. “I just hope you don’t hurt me.”
It was five o’clock somewhere but it was four o’clock at the bar we found ourselves in. The table was lined with shot glasses. I lost count after the sixth one. Blood ran hot through my veins giving me the warm and fuzzyes, my head swam in a haze. Ethan licked salt off my shoulder, making it hard to concentrate. I had forgotten everything but him. I could see why my mom turned to drugs and booze after my dad’s death. Only I had Ethan, who would never let me lose control.
“I’ve got to go pee. Keep your cute little ass right here. I would hate to kill someone tonight.” He sloppily kissed my cheek. Amazing after a dozen shots of Jack Daniels, Ethan still walked with the greatest of ease. Did anything break his smooth exterior? I swirled the last few drops around in the glass. The bar was almost empty and eerily quiet. Half asleep, my head settled on the back of the booth. The liquor had gotten to me. I had passed drunk and was sloppy.
“Dylan, is that you?” I heard come from an older and dignified voice. A voice I knew too well. Mr. Larry O’Neal, the D.A. that saved my life and helped me get to where I was, stood over me smiling. I had almost forgotten the hero worshipping I had for him. His black hair was a tad grayer but he still had the same amazing magnetism.
“Hello, sir,” I said as he sat in the booth across from me. I tried sitting up straight, and rolled my eyes hoping he would quit shifting from single to double images. Drunk was not how I imagined seeing him again.
Larry held up a finger signaling a waiter. “Dylan, I wanted to talk to you about your date tonight.”
“Ethan?” A small shiver racked my spine. “You know him?” Of course he did, Ethan worked for the D.A.’s office.
“Ethan is bad news. Do you have any idea how many humiliated girls he made believe he cared then threw them to the side? He has always been partial to redheads though.”
Ethan’s hand gripped my shoulder and his body shifted in the booth beside me. His fingers entwined with mine and tighten. “Larry, why don’t you enlighten her then?” His voice alarmed me. “After all, if she means nothing to me I wouldn’t care.”
“Ethan, have you told her about the recent death of your brother? The details that is?”
“She knows about that. The details are not necessary.” He said. I rested my head on his shoulder until he relaxed. No matter the gratitude I had for Larry, Ethan was mine.
“Listen to me, Dylan,” Larry said. The air suddenly shifted. An odd sense of power and anger radiated from Ethan. My heart skipped. Larry’s eyes never shifted from mine. “Ask him about his family. You might even know them. You’re too good for him. He only wants you for his needs. He doesn’t give a damn about you. I don’t believe anyone in his family even has a heart capable of love.”
Ethan leaned over the table. Their noses nearly touched. “You’ve had your say. Let this be a warning to you and yours. If you so much as look in her direction again, I’ll destroy everything you hold dearest.” He whispered in his ears. “Give that cute little girl of yours a kiss from her Uncle E.”
Larry stood up. “Dylan, you’re smarter than this.”
I watched him walk to the bar and order a drink. Ethan turned, his eyes searched mine. “That is a line of crap and you know it? No wonder you hate lawyers. If you had to deal with anything like him.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “I do care.”
I nodded and sighed as some of the tension left my body. That was weird, but at least Ethan didn’t ignore me. More he showed the passion he had for me. Ethan wrapped his arm around me and lightly touched my face. “Dance with me?”
I glanced over at Larry, who was openly groping a young twenty-something. How could I have ever worshiped that man? “If I don’t fall first.” I replied.
“I will always catch you.” He winked and tugged me out onto the empty dance floor.
The few patronages that were there had their eyes glued on us. I rested my forehead against Ethan’s chest. His arms around me were warm and sheltering. The booze, the anger directed to Larry, and the passion I felt from Ethan went to my head. He cinched his hands around my hips and pressed himself against me. The thought of him holding another woman like that sent my heart racing.
His expression changed to an almost worshipping state. “You’re all that matters.”
I closed my eyes as he pulled my hands up and around his neck. His hands trailed back down my arms, over my waist, and slowly returned to my hips. He nuzzled his nose into my neck, his tongue run over the sweat beading on my skin when the first round of nausea hit.
I raced to the bathroom and barely made it when every drop of the liquor exploded from my mouth. I was unsure how long I hugged the toilet. My stomach had emptied and the dry heaves had taken over. I felt hands gather my hair back into a ponytail.
“Lucky, I didn’t get sick till I left with him.”
I twisted to see a stunning brunette. For the life of me, I had never seen eyes sparkle like hers.
Innocent Lies Page 9