by Kelly A Nix
“Advantages?”
Solum’s question pulls Atae from her thoughts, and she glances from Solum to Schinn. Familiar with Solum’s teaching methods, Atae steps up to the presented battle beast and walks around him. She studies his body, the blades, and his stance. After making a full circle, she stops to the right of Schinn’s neck and stares at his thick fur. Without hesitation, she sticks her hand into the ruff at his throat. Schinn snaps his head around to bite off the offending appendage, but Atae realizes her mistake in time to jump out of harm’s way.
“I'm sorry,” Atae says. “It helps if I can touch.”
Schinn’s silver eyes burrow deep into Atae, and he lifts his lips to bare his teeth. Remembering Feku’s advice earlier in the day about a Kaji’s inner beast, Atae straightens and speaks in a stern tone.
“May. I. Touch.”
The two younglings glare at each other for a moment longer until Schinn relents. He returns his head to the attentive stance and stares forward, so Atae relaxes with a silent sigh. Eyeing the back of his head for a response, she slips her hand onto the ruff of Schinn’s neck. Seeing his lack of response, she digs deeper into the thick coat. The coarse hair is hard to navigate, and she struggles to find the hide below.
“The fur is a defense in its own right. A blade would need to penetrate pretty deep before reaching the hide,” Atae says.
“And a projectile?” Solum asks.
Atae imagines the rudimentary weapons many technologically challenged species use, particularly a handheld cannon that launches metal projectiles meant to tear through the body. The damage dealt against lesser creatures is enough to kill. Atae frowns as she envisions a shell penetrating the course coat then impacting the hide below.
“No, the fur would not stop it, but it would slow it down enough that the hide would not be significantly damaged,” Atae says.
“Unless at point-blank range.” Solum nods. “The damage from a powerful projectile at close proximity would damage the hide and any underlying muscles. What else?”
Atae nods and walks around Schinn again to analyzes his physique then stops at the tail.
“Royal Guard Schinn, I would like to touch you again.” After hearing his rumble of approval, Atae sets her hand on his fur-covered tail with two blades erupting from the end. Muscles ripple across the entire length of the extremity, and Atae is amazed by the tail’s reach. With the beast standing eye level, Atae knows Schinn could drop her with a single pounce.
“The large body mass adds power to attacks, and the tail’s reach is tremendous. The blades alone could slice into the toughest hides, but with that much power behind each strike, bones will break,” Atae says. She sighs with a small, bittersweet smile. Solum notices her appreciation for the great beast and her resentment of never being able to experience the powerful form herself.
“Disadvantages?” Solum asks. Atae glances at Schinn but doesn’t bother to examine him again.
“There aren’t any. He is fast, powerful, and deadly.”
“Well,” Solum crosses his arms and glares at his daughter, “If they are so unbeatable, I should just let them eat you now.”
“What?” Atae asks, sure she had misheard him.
“You should start running.”
Atae’s eyes widen at her father’s words. He cannot be serious. No, her father would never… Nevertheless, there it is. His empty, coal-black eyes reveal his disappointment in her. Cold tendrils of panic trace down her spine as she struggles for breath. As the fear-laced adrenaline strikes her body in one fell swoop, she bolts away.
She darts across the training area between other warriors, ignoring their shouts of protest. Only two things register in her frantic mind. Find an escape route, and do not let the sounds of chasing battle beasts get any closer. She hears their claws scraping at the stone floor and their jaws snapping at her heels. In her panic, Atae ran in the opposite direction of the exit, so now she must find another escape. When one beast manages to slice into her leg with a taunting nip, Atae launches onto one of the training machines against the walls.
Adrenaline keeps the pain from her wound at bay, and Atae continues to jump from machine to machine, staying just out of reach of the two snapping beasts. When she runs out of equipment to climb, Atae hurls herself onto a stone mountain erupting from the ground in the center of the training area. Schinn and Trikk follow suit up the stone hill as best as they can, but the terrain is difficult to climb with paws. As Atae’s lead grows, she reaches the other side of the mountain to find the steel poles stretching from the floor and above the palace walls.
Atae leaps from the top of the three-story mountain into the forest of poles. Grasping the nearest one with both hands, she uses her momentum to swing her legs around to another pole. The steel forest is dense here, so she’s able to sway from pole to pole. When Schinn and Trikk catch up, she is far too high for them to reach her. They growl and snap at her in frustration as she holds a pole in each hand and presses her feet against a third and fourth rod. She pulls herself to the top of the steel columns to find tipped blades. Unable to get any higher, Atae flattens herself at the precipice. She maintains as much distance as possible between her and the royal guards.
“Now, you’ve managed to tree yourself,” Solum yells to his daughter as he stands outside the steel forest. “Though, I doubt you’ll die of starvation. Your muscles will weaken first, and you will plummet just in time for a late-night snack.”
Atae grimaces at her father’s imagery. Searching for another escape route, her eyes dart across the gathering crowd of warriors, but Solum puts a stop to that.
“No one will help you. If you are eaten, it’ll be because you are too weak to stop it,” he says.
All because you were too weak to stop me.
Atae closes her eyes and shakes her head, willing the voice to be quiet and the ruthless emerald eyes to disappear.
“I am not weak,” Atae whispers. Her anxiety twists into anger that burns throughout her body. “I will not let you hurt me.”
The silver fog returns and seeps into the crevices of her mind, somehow fueling her blaze of fury. The rage sears down her spine and spreads to her muscles, and she gasps at the incinerating pain in her arms and legs. When she opens her eyes, she loosens the vice-like grip on each steel pole, revealing deformations in the metal. Loosening her hold allows Atae to slide her hands lower than her feet so that her head points toward the ground.
Bending her knees, Atae watches the beasts below her. Her fury does not burn into her muscles anymore, but the adrenaline keeps them loose and her mind sharp. She waits for an opening, any opening, then she finds it. Schinn and Trikk lift their snouts and necks to look up at her, but when they look to each other or anywhere at ground level, she falls out of eyesight. They cannot even see her in peripheral because that would require lifting their heads.
I am not weak. Atae cringes as a silver tendril tugs at a crevice in her mind, and her legs tighten, almost causing her to lose her grip and fall. As suddenly as it began, the pain stops, and Atae focuses on the task at hand. She waits a moment or two, and when the time is right, she launches off the steel poles with surprising force. Her leg muscles catapult her like an over-coiled spring, and she dives headfirst towards Trikk. In midair, Atae spins her body and tucks her feet underneath her just in time to land on the unsuspecting beast’s head. Atae hears a crunch as Trikk’s skull slams into the ground. She smashes him a second time when she propels off him and flips backward away from Schinn. Atae lands next to Trikk’s now limp tail and stares at the growling Schinn.
I am Kaji.
Infuriated by his fallen comrade, Schinn lunges for Atae, but she dodges his chomping jaws and rolls away. He whips his bladed tail around, aiming for her head, only to strike the ground when she leaps out of reach. Frustrated with the agile hybrid, Schinn hurls toward Atae with murderous intentions. She ducks underneath the attack and unsheathes her tiny blade. In the same instant that Schinn sails over Atae, she stabs th
e knife into his sensitive belly, using his momentum to pull Schinn’s body across the energy blade. As he lands in a crumpled heap, Schinn’s intestines spill onto the cold stone floor.
Adrenaline making her cold and powerful, Atae stares at Schinn and Trikk, then she shifts her heated glare to her father and smirks. Atae leaves the training area as several doctors rush to aid the fallen warriors, and Solum watches each warrior in her path move out of her way. Atae doesn’t notice any of them as she walks back to her room. Instead, she replays the fight in her head and ignores the tight muscles that flex with each step.
As she reaches her room and sprawls face up on her bed, Atae reaches one conclusion. She has never moved that fast before. It’s impossible. She should be slow and weak after her hiatus from training, not faster.
And stronger. Atae remembers the bent metal under her grip.
As the adrenaline ebbs from her body, and her heartbeat slows to an average pace, Atae sighs and closes her eyes. The silver fog lifts from her mind and whisks away into the safety of Atae’s soul, leaving the blue-haired youngling feeling empty and alone.
Atae cries out as all the muscles in her extremities tighten at once. After a moment, they relax, and Atae is left gasping for air. She stands up to check her arms and legs for soreness, but they feel fine. Yet something is different. Atae doesn’t feel the power and strength from moments before; instead, she feels tired and weak. Frustrated and confused, Atae groans and plops into bed.
Chapter 18
“So when you said you would come and help us move, you really meant you’d bring servants to do all the work for us,” Jeqi says to Atae.
They stroll through the palace halls and admire the marvelous depictions of Kaji history. Distracted by a particularly gruesome battle between the Kaji and the Gortox dated only a generation before, Atae does not immediately respond. After they pass the bloody scene, Atae swivels her attention back to her friend.
“Actually, I followed them here. I wasn’t sure where they were putting you. I walked all around the palace looking for someone that knew, just to be escorted to the room right next to mine. By that time, the servants had arrived, and I wasn’t much help,” Atae says. She flashes a sheepish grin at her packmate, and Jeqi smiles as they wander down the hall and around a corner.
“Didn’t it occur to you to ask someone yesterday before you went to bed? You know, prepare for the next day.”
“No. Last night…I was tired.” Atae clenches her jaw at the thought of her father practically feeding her to the battle beasts. Then she releases her jaw and sighs. Atae is too tired from last night’s restless sleep to stay angry with her father.
They round another corner into a hall with no outlet, and Jeqi asks, “No training this morning?”
“No,” Atae runs her gray fingers along the etched crevices of the wall as they walk. “Last night was my last session with Father. After the tournament, we’ll start training with Queen Sula.”
They stop in front of a small glass balcony at the end of a hall. Wrapping her tail around her waist, Jeqi sits on a nearby bench and watches Atae walk past her to the clear glass. She smiles at the view of the city beyond the royal garden. Vines and colorful flowers reach above the garden and creep around the windows of the balcony. Only partially risen above the horizon, Solis’ red beams crawl across the city and stretch toward the hidden garden. Jeqi’s calculating blue eyes rove over Atae, and she frowns.
“You’re tired,” she says. Atae stiffens, and her eyes bounce across the gardens, looking anywhere but at Jeqi.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Bad dreams. Nightmares…” Atae says. Solis’ light shines through the clear glass and bathes Atae in warmth as her mind grapples with the icy shards of her reoccurring nightmares.
“Atae,” Jeqi whispers. The familiar kindness and unhindered concern in her voice draws Atae out of her daydream. She peers at Jeqi over one shoulder, almost expecting to find Deh’s loving eyes and patient smile. Jeqi’s concerned gaze is so much like her mother’s that memories of Deh holding and soothing her echo through Atae’s mind and drown out her fear.
“Tell me what happened,” Jeqi says. Atae sighs and sits on the bench next to her packmate. She stares out into the city and watches the people move about their daily lives.
“You know what happened. Everyone does.”
“No, we don’t. We know Solum found you dying along with two trespassers. But no one really knows what happened. You haven’t told anyone,” Jeqi says.
“I froze,” Atae whispers.
“In battle? You froze in the middle of the battle?”
“There was no battle!” Atae jumps to her feet and crosses her arms over her chest to glare out the window. “I didn’t fight anyone. I heard him coming, and I hid.”
Jeqi remains silent as her friend pauses. Atae closes her eyes and forces her thoughts past the nightmares and onto the real memories of that night. After a moment, she opens her eyes again and stares at the sunrise, unseeing, as she relives the worst night of her life.
“I heard him coming, and I hid. I couldn’t hear her, but I knew she was there. Then, she wasn’t, and it was just him and me. There was a moment when I could have run. He was too slow. I could have gotten away without him ever catching me. But I didn’t…I froze. And when he grabbed me, I…I panicked.” Tears glimmer in Atae’s eyes, and she’s glad that Jeqi can’t see them.
“Seasons of training, and I panicked,” she says through clenched teeth. “It wasn’t until I got mad that I thought clearly. I knew he wasn’t going to kill me. That’s not what he wanted from me.”
Kandorq’s haunting words whisper through Atae’s mind, and she struggles not to shiver at the memory of his fowl breath against her cheek. Atae shakes her head then stares into Jeqi’s cool blue eyes, envying her stoic demeanor.
“He wanted me to remember him and what he was going to do. He thought that I was too weak to stop him. But I am not weak. I stopped him. When I saw the opening, I took it. I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t freeze that time. I gouged out his eyes, and I ran. I knew that she would hear his screaming and that she would come. I ran as fast and as far as I could.” Lost in her memory, Atae shifts back to the window and fidgets with the hilt sheathed against her thigh.
“I ran until I couldn’t anymore. I really did. I should have been able to make it to town easily, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I run everywhere. I run during training every day. But when I really needed to run, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it, even to save my life. So I climbed a tree. I hid and hoped she wouldn’t find me, but she did. She was tracking me. All I could see were her eyes. She did something to light her path. I remember thinking that was stupid because then I could see all around her. Then she threw her nails at me,” Atae says. She glances at Jeqi, who raises both eyes brows in surprise.
“She threw her nails at me and started climbing a nearby tree,” Atae says. “All the while, glaring at me with those evil eyes. I jumped then, jumped down, and hurt myself. I could barely walk. Everything hurt. I knew she was following me, stalking me. She could have killed me then, and I couldn’t have stopped her. But she liked to play with her prey. She liked watching me suffer. I found a clearing with Blousq flowers, and I stopped. I couldn’t have walked any further if I wanted to. I had a plan, though.” Atae crosses her arms again as she stares down at her feet.
“I didn’t think it would work, but I wasn’t going to just lay there and let her win. She strolled into the clearing with this amused look on her face. She wanted to know how I had done it, how I had killed him. When she cut into my arm, she was going to let me decide how she would kill me. She thought I was weak, too. I proved her wrong. When she breathed in the flower’s poison, I didn’t hesitate. I used her own blade to slice her throat. And then I passed out,” Atae says. She looks up at her packmate with swirling fuchsia eyes, imploring her to understand.
“There was no battle, Jeqi. I was too weak to fight them. All the tra
ining I’ve done, and it meant nothing. I froze. I choked. I’m not going to let that happen again. I am strong. I am Kaji.”
“You didn’t choke, Atae.” Jeqi jumps to her feet and snatches Atae’s hand. “You were sick.”
“The Setunn didn’t poison me until I was in the clearing. I choked before then.”
“Not poison. Illness. You were sick,” Jeqi says. Atae snorts and pulls her hand free, but Jeqi grabs her shoulder. “Atae, don’t you remember falling asleep in the clearing before class? You were tired for days before that. Your injuries weren’t healing at your normal pace, and you were more susceptible to pain than normal. I was certain you were starting your shifting phase.”
“My shifting phase? I’m a hybrid. The chances of me shifting are extremely small. Why would you think that?”
“Your behavior mostly,” Jeqi says. “You always seemed to be winded or tired, and you were healing so slowly. I knew something was wrong. I did some research, and as unlikely as it was for a hybrid to start shifting, it was less likely that you were ill due to other means. Besides, Debil and Seva, even Jent, started shifting around that time. It’s common for younglings that remain in proximity to each other to trigger each other’s shifting phases. It’s a domino effect. When one starts, another of the same age follows, and then another.”
“I thought it was just packmates that begin shifting together. I didn’t know non-pack could be affected.”
“Didn’t you notice when Sloan, Marqee, and all the other older younglings shifted last season? It wasn’t just one pack at a time. They all started individually,” Jeqi says. Her tail unravels from her waist and bounces along her ankles.
“Oh…” Atae ponders her packmate’s words then smiles at her. “I remember that. I guess I just didn’t notice the pattern.”
“I’m not surprised. You would never notice anything that important.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”