by Kelly A Nix
I can’t decide if you were more of a hindrance or help today, Atae says to Beast. She huffs from within her ever-changing mist. Atae smiles as the excited yellow particles swirl around the green specks and combine to gleam in a calm blue hue.
After several long moments and numerous flashes of gold to indicate new arrivals, Atae sits up and stares at Sloan. He lies with his eyes closed and arms behind his head. She wonders if his beast is this calm, too. When he opens his eyes to meet her gaze, she knows it isn’t.
“I’ve decided,” Atae says. Sloan raises an eyebrow. “You can be my ally in the Gridiron.”
“I’m honored,” Sloan says sarcastically. Atae nods her head and lies back down, swatting at her camera.
“But you’re going to have to teach me that sword work.”
“What do you think I’ve been trying to do?”
“And you’re still annoying.”
Chapter 33
“This isn’t working,” Atae says. She fidgets against the dirt floor of the palace’s training arena. Both Cerule and Solis beat down on Atae and Schinn as the two younglings lie side-by-side on their backs and squint up into the sky.
“It takes time and practice.”
“We’ve been here all day,” Atae says.
“No, we haven’t, but we will be if you don’t take this seriously,” Schinn says.
Atae sighs in resignation and closes her eyes. Beast simmers within a pale orange cloud of annoyance and watches her counterpart with a wary eye. The young hybrid takes a deep breath to calm her mind and body. She lets every worry, memory, and musing escape her mind, focusing on the feel of her lungs inhaling then exhaling. When each breath becomes the entirety of Atae’s world, Beast’s constant turmoil of chaotic emotions somehow ebb. The mist of pale orange particulate at the back of Atae’s mind swirls into a calm bluish-green cloud, and she experiences serenity for the first time since Beast’s arrival. Atae feels as though she’s floating in a tranquil lake, and she never wants to leave.
“This is amazing,” she whispers to Schinn. He chuckles and tilts his head to watch her. Schinn’s breath against her cheek sends an exciting jolt across Atae’s skin, and her heart flutters.
“I told you it would work,” he says. Atae meets his gaze with a lazy smile. Hovering within her calm, sleepy sphere, Beast ignores her counterpart’s conversation.
“How did you learn to meditate like this?” Atae asks.
“It’s a tradition for all the heirs in my family to learn coping skills like this so that we can help the royal heir when necessary.”
“Truin needed help when he started shifting?” The idea of Prince High-and-Mighty struggling at anything makes Atae smile but also tugs at her gut.
“No, Prince Truin required very little guidance during his shifting phase. In fact, he’s displayed an immense amount of control for such a young Kaji. He doesn’t confide in me very much, but I’d guess he’s nearly merged with his beast.”
“Already? I thought that only happens when you reach full maturity. He’s too young.”
“That’s the case for most Kaji, but Prince Truin is not like most Kaji,” Schinn says.
“Yeah, I know,” Atae says. She watches the lines of his frown dimple his forehead, and she years to run her fingers over his dark skin to smooth away his stern expression. “Do you enjoy serving him? As his protector?”
The question catches Schinn off guard, and he hesitates. When he answers, he stares up into the sky to avoid her rosy gaze.
“I’ve never thought about it,” he says. “A Fu-Kai heir has served as the royal heir’s guard since the Ru-Kai took power. It’s tradition and a great honor among my family. My mother and father were very pleased.”
“Oh, that’s good, at least.” Atae’s eyebrows knit together in confusion, and Schinn glances at her with a defensive sneer.
“It’s a well-respected position, Atae.”
“I know that.” She sets a soothing hand over his chest. “I think it’s very noble. I plan to dedicate my life to the royal guard as well.”
Schinn slips his fingers over her hand, and he smiles when he notices Atae’s pulse jump. He likes the way her fuchsia eyes swirl and her cheeks blush at each innocent touch. Schinn wonders what her skin would feel like against his lips, and the thought of finding the answer thrills him in a way he’s never experienced. When Schinn’s silver gaze darkens, Atae forgets how to breathe
“I just…I just wondered what made you do it?”
“Do what?” Schinn asks. He smiles at her ramblings.
“Join the guard, of course. I just figured there was a story behind it. Some inspiration or something. But fulfilling parental expectations is good too.” Atae flashes a teasing smile, but Schinn doesn’t return the expression. Instead, he frowns and brushes Atae’s hand away.
“It’s not just my parents. I’m an heir to one of the Crests of Kaji. A silver heir,” Schinn says, climbing to his feet. “What would you know of family pressure? You’re just a hybrid.”
Atae sits up, pressing a hand to her chest, and glares at Schinn. A searing pain lances through her heart at his insult, and unsure what to do with the alien emotion, Atae pushes it down. Surely he didn’t mean to lash out at her. It was an accident.
“You’re right. It’s just Father and me, so I don’t get it. I don’t understand what you must go through with your family.” Atae tries to placate him with submissive words that pull Beast from her slumber. For some reason, Atae hates the idea of Schinn being angry with her. She likes him best when he’s smiling at her and holding her hand.
Schinn stares at the young hybrid, still sitting on the ground, and cringes at her vulnerable expression. He shouldn’t have lashed out at her that way. It isn’t her fault. She doesn’t know anything about the crests nor the politics surrounding them. All the more reason for her not to be involved.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Schinn extends a hand to help Atae to her feet. “Sometimes I’m an idiot.”
“Well, I won’t argue with that.” Atae lifts the corners of her mouth into a small smile, but she hesitates at the hand Schinn offers. Beast rages within a red storm, demanding blood for his offensive comments, yet Atae chooses to ignore her counterpart and accepts his help. Standing, Schinn pulls Atae close.
“You’re very intriguing, Atae,” Schinn says. She holds her breath when he pushes a stray hair from her eyes.
“Uh-huh.”
Jeqi clears her throat from several steps away, and Schinn jerks back from Atae. The blue hybrid takes a moment to steady herself after the heir’s sudden departure, then twirls to glare at Jeqi.
How did she sneak up on us like that? I thought she was training with Marqee today? Atae huffs at her packmate’s intrusion, and Beast grins within a green puff.
“Your swordsmanship is really bad. You should be working with Sloan,” Jeqi says. Beast whispers a crimson agreement.
“We were meditating,” Schinn says.
“Is that what they’re calling it now.”
“I actually got Beast to calm down,” Atae says. “For a moment, anyway.”
“Is she causing trouble again?” Schinn asks. When he steps forward in concern, Beast bubbles with pale orange annoyance.
“Yeah, I’d like to see if I can calm her again.” Atae tilts her head to Jeqi. “Distract me. How did we rank yesterday in round two?”
Closing her eyes, Atae listens to Jeqi explain their performance, and she watches Beast’s churning cloud calm into an innocuous shade of blue-green.
“Well, round two was a lot harder than I thought it would be, but Marqee did a good job taking down competing runners. He’s the one that set up that gas chamber. Of course, Seva and Debil’s strategist, Rakum, is the one that let them escape. And then he tried to turn it on you guys. Can you believe that?”
Jeqi swivels to Atae with outrage, her tail puffed to twice its size, and the blue hybrid grunts in response. Schinn watches the two hybrids interact with
an amused expression.
“That’s why I took him down,” Jeqi says. “While I was distracted, another strategist tried to take both you and Sloan out with a drop trap. Don’t worry. I took out both her runners for that little mistake. We couldn’t help you on the energy platform, so Marqee and I just started wailing on any runners we came across.”
“What about Seva and Debil?” Atae asks without opening her eyes.
“Oh, Marqee took Seva out early, but Debil managed to slip past him. I saw you slow her down, though. She only barely made it. I think they came in like twenty-fifth or something like that.”
“We came in second?”
“Yep, you guys earned us an easy ninety points for that,” Jeqi says. “Marqee and I got another eighty.”
“Nice. How did Jent beat us?”
“His armor. In his shifted form, those feathers turn into impenetrable armor. Nothing slowed him down. He was pretty amazing.”
“That’s what happens when you and your beast work together,” Schinn says. “You had your moments too. But it seemed like you two were at odds for the most part.”
“Yeah, no kidding. I almost beheaded Debil. Beast has to feel and think exactly the opposite of me, so everything I do is a battle to keep her instincts from overpowering me. It’s exhausting. And distracting,” Atae says.
Beast swirls to life within a pale orange cloud of annoyance that rubs against her counterpart’s psyche. Atae closes her eyes and breathes with calming thoughts. Noticing her struggle, Schinn slips his hand into her, giving a supportive squeeze.
“You must maintain control at all times, Atae. We can’t ever have a repeat of last week. She’s too dangerous.”
“I know,” Atae says. “But is it supposed to be this hard?”
Schinn notices the slight weariness in her voice; a fatigue that only Kaji with dominant beasts experience. It’s a mental exhaustion that squirms into the mind and body due to day after day of constant battle. It’s a never-ending struggle for control that only ends one way.
“No,” Schinn says. “Your beast is dominant, but so are you.”
“So?” Atae allows Beast’s annoyance to creep into her voice as she raises an eyebrow at Schinn.
“So she shouldn’t be fighting you this much,” he says. “You should be working together.”
“That’s a great idea, Schinn. Why didn’t I think of that?” Atae waves her hands in the air with a sneer. “She doesn’t want to work with me.”
The silver heir steps back, surprised by Atae’s response. She’s never gotten upset with him before now.
“But why?” Jeqi asks. She slips a hand over her packmate’s shoulder again; this time, she implores Atae to listen.
The blue hybrid bites her lip with a furrowed brow. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, why doesn’t she want to work with you? You said her instincts drive her to fight or flight when the pack’s not around. She wants to survive. Working with you gives her the best chance of survival. So why doesn’t she want to work with you?”
Atae considers her friend’s words and searches inward for Beast’s answer. It’s biting and straightforward.
You are weak. You cannot protect us.
Atae clenches her fists and sets her jaw against the fury that scorches through her veins. Her face twists into an angry snarl as she growls.
I am not weak. I am Kaji.
You are not Kaji, Beast says. She slaps Atae with memories of her cowering in Kandorq’s cell and falling apart in front of Sloan in the throne room. Worst is the memory of the phantom Kandorq taunting her in her nightmares.
I am Kaji, Beast says. She reminds Atae of her strength when killing Kandorq and fending off his mental attack. With each memory, Atae experiences a faded version of the emotions that dominated the situation.
Her stomach drops as she remembers the panic of cowering in Kandorq’s cell and the fear that overwhelmed her at Sloan’s feet in the throne room. Then Atae recollects the confidence and power that she felt when standing over Kandorq’s crushed head. Her stomach settles, and her chest fills with warmth. Atae’s fuchsia gaze drops to the floor as she ponders the truth of Beast’s words. Her voice is soft and uncertain when she speaks.
“She thinks I’m weak.”
“What? That’s ridiculous. Why would she think you’re weak?” Jeqi says. She squeezes Atae’s shoulder in denial.
“Because I was.” Atae yanks from Jeqi’s touch, averting her gaze in shame. “When she appeared, it was in Kandorq’s cell. I was so…”
Atae darts her eyes over Schinn and grimaces. She’s hesitant to reveal such intimate knowledge to…whatever he is to her. But she takes a deep breath and rips the scab from her healing wound.
“I was scared. Terrified. I couldn’t fight or move. I couldn’t even form a coherent thought. I was…I was broken.”
Her tail drooping to the floor, Jeqi cringes as she watches one of the strongest younglings she knows crumble under the weight of her shame. The blue-haired hybrid stands with her back to them and her arms wrapped around her torso.
“I was weak and useless. And that’s when she just appeared. She stepped out of the shadows and took control. At that moment, she was everything I wasn’t. She was strong and fearless. The fear and panic were just gone. Suddenly, everything was so clear.”
“That’s why it took so long for her to emerge,” Schinn says. He snaps his finger with sudden clarity and the excitement of new understanding. Atae spins to him in confusion, but Jeqi asks first.
“What do you mean?”
“After your ordeal with the Gortox and the Setunn, when did your shifts occur?”
“I don’t know. They were pretty random.”
“It usually happened when she was fighting,” Jeqi says. “When she needed help.”
“Or when I was scared,” Atae says. She bites her lip as Jeqi glances at her in surprise.
“Exactly.” Schinn sports a big grin. “You only shifted when you absolutely needed it. When you were so frightened or lost or angry or, whatever intense emotion you want to call it, that you needed help. So you called your beast.”
“I never called Beast. I didn’t even know she existed,” Atae says.
“No, but your subconscious did it,” Jeqi says. “Your mind created Beast the moment you gained the ability to shift, maybe before that. Maybe even at birth. I don’t know. But Beast had to exist when you first shifted, otherwise you wouldn’t have been able to do it.”
“If that’s true, why did it take so long for her to manifest?” Atae asks. She plops a hand on her hip and presses her lips together at Jeqi and Schinn. Jeqi smiles at her friend.
“Because you’re strong. Not just physically, but mentally too. Your beast couldn’t break through until you were mentally weak. Until you were…broken.”
Atae stares at Jeqi as she recognizes the truth of her words. Then she nods and slips her gaze away from her blue eyes.
“So that’s why she appeared at my worst. Now, she thinks that’s my standard condition and that I’m too weak by myself to protect us.”
“So you’ll just have to prove her wrong,” Schinn says.
“How?” Atae asks. She jumps back in surprise when Schinn drops to the ground and sweeps his leg in a wide arch. Then he follows up with a kick to Atae’s ribs, and she stumbles backward. She snarls at the silver heir, her anger colliding with Beast’s boiling red fury.
“What was that for?”
“I’m trying to help you.” Schinn slips into a defensive stance. “Your beast thinks you are weak. Prove her wrong.”
Atae grins with understanding and pushes Beast back into the farthest corner of her mind. Atae drops into a familiar fighting stance as Jeqi steps away from the impending battle. Atae ignores the swirl of emotion and color raging against her psyche. All she can see is Schinn and his beautiful silver eyes. Her fist collides with his face, cracking his cheekbone, and she revels in the strength of her attack.
Schinn stumble
s back from the unexpected strike but recovers quick enough to block her second punch to his ribs. He didn’t plan for Atae’s sudden backward twirl nor her elbow colliding with his jaw. Again, he stumbles away from the hybrid, but Atae pursues him. She kicks at his head, but he deflects her foot with both hands. He leaves his left hand across his torso for protection and jabs his right fist into Atae’s midsection. Schinn smiles at the crunching noise and her sudden intake of breath. Atae growls, then knees him in the groin.
Schinn yelps in pain but remains upright. He slams his forehead into hers, and Atae stumbles backward, dazed. Schinn grabs her uniform by the collar and sweeps Atae’s legs out from under her. She lands hard on her back, and the tall youngling pins her to the ground with a hand to her throat. The hybrid swings her fists at him, but Schinn’s longer arms keep his chest and face out of her reach. He clenches her windpipe tighter, and she struggles against his grip for a sliver of air. Angry spittle flies from Atae’s mouth as she bares her teeth, but he just stares back with empty eyes. Only a moment longer. Watching her smoky gray skin darken from lack of oxygen, Schinn leans close to her ear and whispers.
“I guess your beast is right. You are weak.”
Before Schinn can lean back, Atae takes advantage of his off-balance stance over her. She snatches his shoulders and bucks her hips upward. He tumbles forward over her head, and Atae somersaults with him, pinning him under her body when they come to a stop against the dirt floor. Schinn’s strong hands still grip her throat, and he squeezes even harder in a desperate attempt to stop the sudden turn of events. But Atae isn’t having any of it. She chops both of her hands into the purebred’s shoulders, forcing him to release her throat, and she gulps for air. Schinn screams when her blow snaps both of his clavicles, and his arms fall limp at his sides. He grimaces up at Atae as she pants through a victorious smile.
“I am not weak. I am Kaji.”
Chapter 34
The next day, Schinn hustles into a private training room to find the large room empty but for Truin, Sloan, and Trikk grappling in the center. He sighs with an annoyed twist to his mouth, crosses his arms, and stops to watch the exciting match. All three heirs exhibit signs of fatigue and minor injuries. Sloan’s carefully sculpted face brandishes a shiner and a split lip, while Trikk favors his left side, indicating a rib injury, and blood drips from Prince Truin’s bruised jaw. Regardless of the injuries, neither youngling surrenders to his opponents.