The Lake

by Grant, AnnaLisa

  When we’re not with everyone else for the few organized activities Tyler plays cards with me in the common room, picks pine cones with me on the nature trail, and makes sure I’m never left alone. Luke and Claire are going to dinner with Mr. Meyer and the other partners and their wives, so Tyler and I sneak away and fend for ourselves. We find a great little local place where I try fried pickles for the first time…and love them.

  “Why did you rat me out to Will?” I ask, shoving his arm in disapproval.

  “Wouldn’t it have been worse had his father told him? Layla, you can only protect Will so much. You have to be honest and up front with him.” Tyler puts his arm around me and gives me a squeeze.

  “You’re right. I just don’t want him to worry.”

  “He loves you. He’s always going to worry.”

  When we get back to the resort we pop into the game room so I can crush Tyler in another game of hearts. It’s quiet when we approach so we assume the room is empty, but when we enter we discover that isn’t the case. Will is there with the person he’s been entertaining all day. I’m caught off guard but ok for the first five seconds. The remaining seconds that drag out like hours are another story.

  The catalyst to my spiraling decent into an emotional wreck is sitting unreasonably close to Will. The blonde he’s been entertaining all day is the same girl from my dream.

  I gasp and they both turn to see Tyler and me entering the room. Will’s head actually makes a snapping sound from the jerk of motion he makes. He jumps up, but before he does I take better note of how he and the mystery girl are sitting: facing each other, close enough for their bodies to touch, his arm resting on the couch around her, her hand on his knee. I try to be reasonable, logical, but I can’t. My mind is racing and I don’t know what to say or do.

  “Hey…guys! What are you doing here?” Will asks nervously, only this time his nervousness is not cute.

  I’m speechless. My eyes dart between Will and the mystery girl and all I want is for this to be a dream too. It’s not a dream, it’s a nightmare; the kind where you want to scream as loud as you can but when you open your mouth nothing will come out. You try to move, but your feet are like blocks of cement.

  “Uh…hey Will. Who’s your friend?” Tyler asks, seeing I am going to be no help in the conversation department.

  “This is Carrie. Carrie, this is Tyler…and Layla,” Will says gesturing between the three of us.

  “It’s very nice to meet you. You two look like you’re on your way back from a date that I’m sure you don’t want to end, so don’t let us interrupt you.” She stands up and slides her arm through Will’s. With her perfectly coiffed blond locks, beautiful facial features, and a killer body, she is exactly Gregory Meyer’s type. There she stands, next to Will, the perfect picture of arm candy.

  My mind is flooded with questions. Are they together? Is this why Will didn’t want me to come? How long has this been going on? What exactly is going on? How could I have been so stupid?

  Tyler puts his arm around me and kisses my cheek. “Yep, that’s us! We both love long walks on the beach and moonlit nights. We were just on our way back out. See you later!” Tyler is a smart-ass, but sometimes it works. Keeping his arm around me he takes me out of the room and to the garden that leads to the vineyard. When we reach the trail I’m still shaken. Tyler takes my hand in both of his and tells me it’ll be ok.

  As we walk, I let Tyler keep my hand. It’s comforting. We walk to the far end of the vineyard, within the boundary of the light posts, and sit in silence for a long time. My mind is still racing, and now I’m crying.

  “Layla, it’s going to be ok. She’s nobody,” Tyler says, doing his best to diffuse my tears.

  “Tyler, this is going to sound insane, but I’ve seen that girl before,” I say through my sobs.

  “What? Where?” Tyler puts his arm around my waist and lets me put my head on his shoulder.

  “I…had a dream…and she was in it. I told you it was crazy.” I say in between sobs. Tyler doesn’t speak. He just listens with a furrowed brow as I continue. “I had a dream that Will’s dad welcomed me to the family, but was really welcoming me as hired help. Then I was standing in a beach house, in a maid’s uniform, with everyone looking at me. I looked up and saw Will standing there…with Carrie…his father’s arm around him in a show of approval. And now she’s here!”

  “Layla, it was just a dream. She’s a generic blonde who probably has a hundred doppelgangers out there. You don’t have anything to worry about.” Tyler’s tone is sweet and comforting as he strokes my hair. “I’ve known Will a long time and I can tell you without reservation that he is as loyal as they come. I know how he feels about you and he would never do anything to hurt you.”

  “Thanks, Ty. But…” I say, laying my head back on his shoulder. This is so silly. Will doesn’t belong to me anymore. “There’s no reason for me to act like this. Will and I aren’t even together. He can see whoever he wants. Right?” I say solely in an effort to convince myself.

  Tyler kisses the top of my head. “It’s going to be ok, Layla. Technically together, or not, Will loves you. I’ve never seen him love someone like he loves you.”

  “Ty!” a voice calls out.

  It’s Will, and he’s approaching quickly. Before I know it he’s right up on us, looking distressed.

  “Will,” Tyler says, jumping to his feet.

  “I need to talk to Layla, alone, please,” he says looking at me intensely. “Can you go up the lodge and watch out for us?”

  “Layla?” Tyler says, asking me for permission to leave.

  “It’s ok. Thanks, Ty,” I say. I wipe my face and try not to look as upset as I am.

  “I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am,” he says.

  “For what? I have no rights to you anymore, so there’s no reason for you to apologize.”

  “You looked pretty upset when you found Carrie and me. I…I’m under orders to entertain her, remember?” Will reminds me. His eyes are wide and hopeful.

  “It’s ok, Will. We’re not together. You can be with whoever you want,” I say.

  “Really?” He sounds surprised, and maybe a little disappointed.

  “Really. You…want me to be jealous?”

  “Well, I guess I thought it would bother you,” he says.

  “Of course it bothers me, Will, but I have no right to be bothered by it. You don’t belong to me.”

  “Yes, I do, and you belong to me.” He hangs his head and paces slowly. “I …hate that you witnessed one of these.”

  “One of these? What does that mean?”

  “Whenever my dad has prospective clients he…he makes me entertain their daughters until the deal is done,” he explains. I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

  “Excuse me? Are you telling me that your father whores you out to solidify his business deals? Is this why you didn’t want me to come?” I’m flabbergasted. Never in my wildest imagination did I ever dream that Gregory Meyer would stoop to something so disgusting, but maybe this is what Marcus meant by unimaginable things. More than that, how could Will put up with this? It’s one thing to be forced into going to a college you don’t want to. This is entirely different.

  “I wouldn’t put it like that.” Will says. I can see this isn’t exactly the response he thought he was going to get.

  “How would you put it, Will?” I retaliate. If he wants bothered, I’ll give him bothered.

  “If she doesn’t go back and tell her parents that she had a good time, the whole deal with my father could be over,” Will says actually trying to rationalize the situation. “You have no idea how things like this work.”

  “Enlighten me! What constitutes a good time? What does entertaining these girls entail exactly? I’m sorry, did we spoil the moment you were about to kiss her? Or maybe you were on your way back up to your room!”

  “My god, Layla!” Will is pacing again. “You don’t get it! You don’t understand what it’s li
ke to have a father…” Will starts but I cut him off before he’s barely uttered the last syllable.

  “You’re right,” I snap. “I don’t know what it’s like to have a father.” I’m still. “Do you know why I’m17-years-old and don’t have a father, Will? Do you?” I say the last part louder and with more aggression.

  “Yes,” Will answers quietly. He’s calm now, realizing his words.

  “Why?” I demand.

  “Because your parents are dead,” he replies slowly.

  “And why are they dead, Will?”

  “Because…there was an accident. Layla, I’m sorry…” I cut him off again.

  “My parents are dead because of me. The accident was my fault. So, no, I don’t have a father…and I never will again.”

  I leave him standing there in the vineyard and walk, almost run, to the path that will lead me to the lodge and the safety of my private room. I enter the lobby and dash past Luke and Claire. I can hear Will yelling for me in the distance but I don’t yield as I rush to my room. Claire calls to me as I shut the door behind me. There’s commotion in the hall and I hear Will tell Luke that he needs to talk to me but Luke denies him access to my room. I feel fortunate to have Luke here. He’s my shield, protecting me from getting hurt any more than I already am.

  As I listen to Luke’s voice through the door I think that maybe I do know what it’s like to have a father again. There’s a knock at the door that connects my room to Luke and Claire’s. It’s Luke asking if he can come in. I allow it, as long as he’s alone. He promises he is and enters gingerly.

  “Do you want to tell me what happened?” he asks quietly.

  I don’t answer.

  “Will said there was a misunderstanding. Do you want to tell me what that means?” he continues. Claire is rubbing off on him because his tone is soothing and brings me down from my emotional ledge.

  “No. Yes. I don’t even know. This whole thing was a huge mistake, Uncle Luke. I don’t know why I ever thought that Will and I could be just friends. I…I can’t be with him. I can’t be with anyone,” I say.

  “What are you talking about?” Luke asks, his brow furrowed.

  “I have to be alone, to pay for what I did, for the rest of my life,” I choke out.

  “What is it you think you did, Layla?” Luke positions himself on the bed so he can face me. He is focused and intent on our conversation.

  I sit there for a few moments wondering how to tell my uncle that it’s my fault his brother is dead. Things can’t get worse, so I swallow hard and just say it.

  “The accident was my fault,” I whisper slowly.

  “Oh.” Luke replies, looking down for a quick moment before snapping his head back up. “You really think that your parent’s death was your fault?”

  “I know it was,” I say.

  “Layla, sweetheart, that couldn’t be farther from the truth,” Luke takes my hand in his.

  “It is the truth. Mom and Dad promised that we would go out to dinner that night, but there was a bad storm so Mom said we would have to go another time. I should have just left it alone.” I take a few deep breaths to gain my composure. I can feel the start of hysterics coming on. I’ve never told anyone this and I’m scared of what Luke’s response will be. “But I didn’t leave it alone. I begged and begged. I wouldn’t give up until they gave in. It’s my fault they’re dead.” The deep breaths don’t work and I start to sob. I can’t stop. My body is heaving from the heavy cries. I slide from the side of the bed to the floor and curl into a ball.

  Luke wraps his arms around me and won’t let me go. I try to break free but he won’t budge. “It wasn’t your fault, Layla! It wasn’t your fault!” Luke repeats this over and over again while he rocks with me there on the floor.

  “It IS my fault! Gram said so!”

  “Wait, what? What did she say?” Luke takes me by the shoulders.

  “She said that it was an accident and that I didn’t mean to kill them. Don’t you see! That’s why I had to give up everything. I had to sacrifice my life for the son I took from them. And now…it was stupid…I thought I paid my penance and could have something as wonderful as being loved by Will, but I can’t. She said that I didn’t deserve anything good after what I had done, and she was right. My punishment will never be over,” I say, trying to make Luke understand.

  “Oh, god. Layla, that woman… You punished yourself for five years for something that you had nothing to do with. Layla, look at me.” Luke takes my face in his hands and looks me straight in the eye. “Your parents died because another car hydroplaned into them going sixty miles an hour, not because of anything that you did or didn’t do. You’re lucky to be alive. We are lucky that you’re alive. You have no idea how you have changed our lives. We were so lost before you came.” Luke sighs, taking both my hands in his.

  “Did you know that we had a daughter? No, probably not. She’d be ten this year. She died when she was two. I told you we used to have a boat. We got rid of it after Penny died. We had just come in from our last day on the lake. The weather was getting cooler and we knew we wouldn’t be able to go back out until the next spring. Claire and I were busy unpacking the boat. We had been inside long enough to take Penny’s life jacket off and set her at the table to color. Claire helped me take the deck box we kept on the boat into the garage before we put the boat in storage. We were gone maybe five minutes. When we got back to the kitchen Penny wasn’t there. We checked her room and the playroom; there was no sign of her. Then Claire ran outside and started calling for her. By the time we got to the water it was too late. We think she tried to get back on the boat and…well…

  “I understand about guilt; about blaming yourself. Accidents are tragic, senseless things, but at some point life has to go on. You have to stop punishing yourself and start living again. Your being here has revitalized us. Layla, you bring an immense amount of joy to our lives; joy we thought we’d never have again after Penny died.” Luke’s eyes are filled with hope, and tears. “So, you see, if your parents, and Gram and Gramps were still here, Claire and I might never have known this joy again. I…I would never pretend that Claire and I could replace your parents, but I hope that you’ll allow us to stand in their place for them. We love you, Layla.”

  I look at him and in that moment I feel a release I’ve never felt before. Something has changed. I’ve been carrying the weight of guilt for so long that I’m not even sure I know how to fully exist out from under it. Maybe I’m feeling closer to Luke because we shared something so personal with each other. All I know is that I feel lighter.

  “I’m so sorry about Penny. I didn’t know,” I say sadly. I’m heartbroken for both of us. What a joy it would have been to know that I wasn’t alone. “Is that why you didn’t want me to come live with you?”

  “That was my doing. I just didn’t know if Claire could handle having you around, but you being with us has provided the most incredible healing we could have ever imagined. I don’t know what we’d do without you.” Luke embraces me and holds me tight. I feel the love he’s pouring out to me, and begin experiencing my own healing through it.

  “Uncle Luke, what do I do about Will?” I ask, hoping for some wisdom.

  “What do you want to do?” he asks, drying his tear-stained face on his sleeve.

  “I don’t think I’m cut out for this right now. I never thought that much about it, but when I did, I never thought I’d have to lie to myself, or anyone else, about loving someone. I can’t be Will’s girlfriend because then I have to lie to everyone. I can’t be just his friend because then I have to lie to myself. Maybe I need to separate myself from him all together.” I’m confusing myself, but somehow Luke understands.

  “If that’s what you think is best, then Claire and I support you in that. You know, he’s down the hall wanting to talk to you. Do you want me to send him away, do you need more time?”

  “No, I’ll talk to him,” I say. I just want to get it over with. “Is there any way
we can leave early? I really want to go home,” I ask.

  “The reception is tomorrow night and there’s no way that Claire and I can miss it. It’s the only activity that everyone is required to attend. We can leave as soon as it’s over, I promise,” Luke says, giving me a hug. His embrace means so much more to me now. We’ve shared something that will forever bond us and nothing will ever change that.

  Luke leaves the room and sends Will in. He reaches out to me but I pull away from his touch. I can see that hurt him, but I just can’t. Once again I’m afraid if I let him touch me, hold me, that he’ll never be able to let go, and neither will I.

  Will speaks first. “Layla, I really am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “I know you didn’t.” I say. I’m not going to get into the issue of my parents. I have to focus on the problem at hand. “Will, I can’t keep doing this. There’s no happy medium.”

  “It’s just a few more weeks until graduation. We can do this,” he says.

  “It’s not just a few more weeks, Will. It’s anytime we’re anywhere but at Luke and Claire’s. We have to hide our relationship, even our friendship, from your dad. I finally got away from the prison of pretending to be someone I’m not. I thought I could do again here to protect you, but I just can’t. The best way to protect you is for there to be nothing to hide. I was wrong to think saying we were just friends was going to change anything. The bottom line is that I love you, but we can’t be together at all,” I say firmly. I’m proud that I didn’t cave when I looked into his beautiful eyes that are full of love and pain.

  “Layla, don’t do this. Please. We can figure this out. We can create our own world, just until we graduate. Please. I love you,” he says emotionally. He’s holding back tears again and it tears me apart.

  “And what happens after graduation? You’ll go off to Princeton, I’ll go to Florida State and it’ll be over anyway. This isn’t what I want, and you deserve better than having to sneak around with me. Your father has you wrapped so tightly around his little finger that we can’t be near each other without arousing suspicion. My god, Will, we can’t even be friends! If it’s not safe for us to even be friends, then maybe you and I aren’t meant to be anything at all.” I hesitate for a moment, considering if I should tell him about his father’s off site House Call, but it isn’t going to make a difference, so I decide against it.