by Ni-Ni Simone
“Icy, you gotta stop thinking like that. It’s a lot out here and just because you go to a nine to five everyday doesn’t mean you can’t get what you want.” K-Rock pulled into a small driveway that sat alongside a red brick house with black shutters and a screened-in porch.
“You live here?” I looked around at the tree-lined street, the flowers in the front yards, and the freshly manicured lawns.
“Yeah.” He got out the car and opened my door. “Now come in, let me introduce you to my father and stepmother.”
My eyes grew wide. “This is where you’re from or did you just move here? And father and stepmother? Where’s your real mother? And I can’t meet them, looking like this. You can’t be serious!”
“Would you relax? Chill. One thing at a time. My father and stepmother raised me.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, when I was two, I got shot by a stray bullet.”
I gasped.
“Yeah.” He nodded. “Popped in the chest, a few inches from my heart. I could’ve died. It scared my dad, and since my mother couldn’t afford to move, I went to live with him and I been here ever since.”
“So how did you get to Da Bricks?”
“My mother lives around the corner. I used to spend weekends with her and on one of those weekends, I met Face. We became friends and you know the rest. Now are we gon’ sit out here in the car while you interview me or are you gon’ come in the house?”
“I can’t go in your house looking like this. I don’t want your parents thinking I’m some sort of ghetto-hood-skeezer or somethin’.”
K-Rock pulled in and pushed out a deep breath. “Look, after I introduce you to my parents, when and if they ask you what happened, just tell them you were hanging out at the gym with me, you were playing around with the boxing bag, when it swung back and hit you in the face. They won’t ask any more questions after that.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
I followed K-Rock, and the moment we walked into his house, his parents, who were sitting on a black leather couch talking, both stopped and looked over at me. His father cracked a half a smile and his stepmother looked at me with concern. “What happened to you, baby?” she asked before K-Rock could even introduce me.
“Umm.” I hesitated.
“She was hanging out with me at the gym and the boxing bag swung back—”
“Say no more,” his father said. “That has happened to me one too many times.”
“Told you,” K-Rock mumbled. “Anyway, Ma, Dad, this is Isis. A friend of mine. These are my parents.”
“Nice to meet you, Isis,” his stepmother said. “But I think you better let Ke’Ron take you into the kitchen and give you some ice for your face.”
“Thank you.” I looked over at K-Rock. “Come on, Ke’Ron. I need some ice please.”
He laughed, as we headed into the kitchen. He dumped a tray of ice cubes into a plastic bag and handed it to me, and then we settled in his room, which was located in the basement. It was cool though. There was a full-size bed, a small green leather couch, and a floor-model TV, and on the walls were wood shelves that held boxing medallions and tons of trophies.
“How long have you been boxing?” I asked, taking a seat on the edge of his bed.
“Since I was nine.” He turned the television on and Sanford and Son filled the screen.
“That’s amazing. So you must love it.”
“It’s cool.”
“You know what I’ve always wanted to do? And don’t laugh.” I pointed a finger at him.
“What?”
“Ice-skate.” I pinched the ends of my T-shirt and swayed from side to side. “I used to love imagining that I was on the ice, skating, and dancing effortlessly in my tutu.”
“Word? Have you ever ice-skated?”
“No. Daddy promised to take me, but it never happened.”
“I’ll take you.”
“For real?” I squealed.
“Yeah. When I come back home for Thanksgiving, I’ll come scoop you and we’ll go ice-skating.”
“That would be so dope.”
“Yeah, it would be.” He stared at me and I knew a million things were on his mind.
“Whatchu thinking?” I asked him.
“About I wish your life was different.”
I shrugged. “These are the breaks.”
“It can change though. You gotta believe that life can be different. That it’s okay to dream about more than gettin’ money in the streets.”
“K-Rock—excuse me, Ke’Ron—please. Don’t turn into a just-say-no commercial on me. I’m really not in the mood for you to sweat me like that.”
“You need to learn to listen sometime.”
“And I don’t wanna hear that either. It’s only ten o’clock in the morning and already I’ve had a long day. I don’t know where I’ma live. I don’t have no money. Nothing. Therefore, this whole ‘life is what you make it, all you gotta do is believe it’ nonsense is that last thing I wanna hear. So, save the lectures please.”
“I’m not lecturing you. I’m tryna save you.”
“But I don’t need you to be Superman, Clark Kent. I already have a man.”
“Oh, word.” I can tell by how he said that I’d pissed him off. “Where your man at now? ’Cause I don’t see him. And you worried about Yvette getting turned out—from where I’m sitting you better make sure your man don’t end up trying to be your pimp.”
I felt like he’d just drop-kicked me. “What? I can’t believe you just said that to me! What, you think you better than me, ’cause you living out here in the suburbs and all you cut out to do is play hood? Here I thought you was a real dude and all this time you looking down on me!”
“Don’t come at me like that. Hood is the last thing I play. You already seen me in the street so don’t test me. And look down on you? You my people. My little sister—”
“If I hear that again I’ma scream!”
He continued, as if he hadn’t heard a word that I said. “And you know I wouldn’t never look down on you!”
“All I know is what I see.”
“So you don’t trust me?”
“I don’t trust nobody.” Ugg! I hated that tears were sneaking back into my eyes. “You know what, I need to get outta here.” I stood up. “Take me back to Da Bricks. I need to go.”
“Listen.” K-Rock looked up at me. “Sit down. You ain’t goin’ nowhere right now. You know I wasn’t trying to start no argument witchu, I was just trying to tell you something you needed to hear.”
“Well, I don’t wanna hear it right now.”
“Cool. I’ll be quiet.” He tossed me the remote. “Find us a movie. I’ma go upstairs and pop us some popcorn.” He leaned toward me and kissed me on the forehead, and as he attempted to follow up with a kiss on the cheek, I turned my face and his lips landed on mine. He didn’t flinch or move his lips. He soaked the moment in and then whispered, “We can’t do that.”
I swear I wanted to slap him. I was soooooo sick of this lil sis, protector routine. “A’ight,” I said, leaning back on his bed, and pressing the remote. “It’s not that we can’t. It’s that you won’t.”
“Exactly,” he said as he left the room.
29
She caught
“I know I was buggin’,” I said to Yvette, walking into our bedroom and sitting Indian style on my bed. I knew I was takin’ a chance being here so soon. But Nana was locked up in her room with Mr. Bill, so I was safe—well, as safe as I could be around here.
Besides, I ain’t have no place else to go, so there was no choice but to call a truce.
“Yeah.” Yvette twisted her lips and rolled her eyes. “You was outta control.”
“And what about you? Don’t even try it. It was not all me.”
“Most of it was.” She hesitated. “I guess I played my part. But still, you came at me first and I had to defend myself. Calling me a crackhead and saying that I just jetted
and didn’t come back for my baby.”
I looked Yvette over. Her eyes were clear and her lips no longer looked cracked and ashy. One side of her mouth was swollen, but that came from me socking her in it. “So, maybe I was wrong for calling you a crackhead. But I thought you looked high. You gotta admit you lost some weight.”
“Yes. I did. Thank you. I did have a baby.”
“Three years ago, though.”
“Yeah, and my stomach was still fat. So I went on a diet. You been gone for a straight month so of course you gon’ notice it right away.”
“Maybe. It was just seeing you next to Flip, knowing he a crackhead, and knowing that he too freakin’ old and dirty to even be around you.”
“There you go again. Whether you like it or not, he’s Kamari’s father and I’m not gon’ exclude him from her life. I don’t have a father, and I’m not gon’ let Kamari go through what I went through.”
“But he a junkie.” I frowned.
“You don’t know that!”
“I saw him coppin’ the other day when I was out there with Cali. Who, by the way, said you be doggin’ me left and right.”
Yvette smirked. “Number one, I don’t even get down wit’ Cali like I used to because she runs her freakin’ mouth tooooo much. Even Munch said she don’t never shut up. So unless you hear it directly from me, don’t listen to nothin’ Cali gotta say. And number two, yes, Flip copped earlier today, because in order to get into a detox program you gotta have drugs in your system. But he didn’t get high to get high. And for your information, that’s why he was here today. Because he leaving for the program and wanted to see Kamari before he left.”
“So why was you out all night with him?”
“Same reason you spend the night with yo’ man. Like I said earlier today, do I question you about Fresh?”
I paused. “Yo, what is it with you and Fresh? You the one who told me to go out with him. You told me specifically that you was cool with me being with him. And now that I’m with him, and I like him, spending time with him, you tryna play me out. You act like you jealous.”
“Jealous? Of what? You and Fresh? Never that.”
“Then why you trippin’?”
“You trippin’. For the last month, you been riding his jock. Like seriously, for real, can I get my cousin back?”
“I’m here. I never went anywhere. Fresh didn’t take me away from you.”
“I can’t tell.”
“Yvette. We family. And blood or no blood, you like a sister to me. and I wouldn’t never play you, and especially not for no dude.”
“It didn’t look that way to me.”
“Well, that’s how it is. And truthfully, sometimes you just gotta get outta this hell hole. And it’s like ever since I been with Fresh I feel like I can breathe better. I can’t stand being closed up in here.”
“Me either, but right now, this is all I got. Maybe when I get eighteen I can get my own spot, but until then, this is where I’m at.”
“I can’t do it. Always gotta watch yo’ back. Always on guard. Can’t ever really get no sleep. Nana always cussin’ you out when she feels like it.”
“Nana is crazy. Like looney. Don’t you know after you left—”
“You mean, after she threw me out.”
“Yeah. After that, she cussed Flip all the way out and told him had she known for sure he was Kamari’s father when she was first born that she would’ve had his black behind locked up.”
“She said that?”
“Yes. And she told him if he ever put his hands on any of her granddaughters again that she was gon’ slice his throat.”
I smiled. “Nana took up for me?”
“Word is bond. And that’s when I looked at Flip and told him that if me and my cousin is fightin’ that he needs to mind his business, ’cause he had no right gettin’ in it.”
I stretched across my bed and fell out laughing. I laughed so hard my stomach started to hurt. “Yoooo, Yvette, remember when we were little and Queenie sent us outside with that blade and a lock and sock?”
Yvette walked over to my bed and sat Indian style next to me. “Heck yeah, I remember. We was ’bout to piss in our panties.”
“Not me. Maybe you was. I was thorough.”
“You ain’t become thorough until you left her face open.”
I snickered. “True.”
“Isis.” Yvette leaned against me and placed her head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry I got mad at you and, instead of telling you that I missed you, I went off. I shouldn’t have ever put my hands on you.”
“I’m sorry too, Yvette, and all we got, for real, is each other. You my homegirl, my sister, and Kamari is my niece. I love you two. And nothin’ and nobody gon’ ever come between us.”
“I feel the same way,” she said.
“So we straight. We good?” I asked.
“We gon’ always be good.”
“Cool.” I pulled one of Fresh’s blunts from my pocket and handed it to her. “Now let’s go out on the roof, so we can spark that up.”
30
I used to let the mic smoke
Thoughts of Fresh haunted my sleep. I missed my baby, terribly. And I couldn’t go another day without seeing him. We had to make up. I straight needed us back together. And hopefully he felt the same way—like he was still diggin’ me and didn’t wanna dismiss me.
I eased outta bed. “Yvette,” I whispered.
No answer.
I called her name again, “Yvette.”
Nothing.
I walked over to her bed and she wasn’t there, only Kamari, who was sucking her thumb and sleeping.
My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Maybe it ain’t what it seems.
Chill.
Chill.
Relax.
Don’t jump to no conclusions.
I sat back down on the edge of my bed, holding my face in my hands. “Oh my God,” I mumbled, as visions of Yvette being with Flip filled my mind.
“Isis, you a’ight?” I whipped around and faced the door. Yvette was standing there with a white plastic bag in her hand. “What’s wrong with you?” she asked. “Why you looking like that?”
“Where you comin’ from?”
“The bodega across the street.” She swung the bag, making the plastic rustle. “Kamari needed some Pampers.” She paused. “Oh, what, you thought I was out coppin’?” She laughed.
“Oh, you think that’s funny?” I sucked my teeth.
“No, actually I think it’s stupid.”
I snickered. “Whatever.”
Yvette plopped down on her bed. “Guess who I just saw?” She took the pack of Pampers from the bag and shoved it under her bed.
“Who?”
“Your original crush groove, K-Rock.”
Given, yesterday, when he wouldn’t even kiss me back, and last night, when he dropped me off and barely said two words to me, I was doing everything in my power not to smile. “Psst, please. Ain’t nobody thinking about him.”
“Umm hmm.” Yvette twisted her lips.
“Well, maybe you are, but I’m not.”
“I bet.”
“I’m not. I mean, he’s okay. Cute. Sexy. But he’s no longer my type and he only sees me as a little sister. That’s it.”
“Yeah, that’s what his mouth says, but when you wasn’t around, he would ask about you. He was lookin’ real disappointed. I know too many”—she made invisible quotes—“brothers that interested in what their sisters are doing.”
“I hear you, but trust me. It’s nothin’.”
“A’ight, well, he asked me about you this morning and I told him you was up here asleep. ’Cause that’s what I thought.”
“And what he say?”
“He smiled and just said to tell you he was at the gym and hopefully, he would catch you later.”
“I don’t know what he telling you to tell me that for.”
“’Cause he wanna see you and you wanna see him too.”
“No, I don’t.” I hopped off the bed.
“Then where you goin’?”
“I need to shower and get dressed. I got something I need to do.”
“Umm hmm.” She twisted her lips. “I betchu do.”
I knew I should’ve ran back out the door, instead of listening to the stupid voice in my head—or maybe it was my heart—telling me to show up here. When I saw K-Rock shadowboxing in the ring, it completely turned me on.
I had a man and I needed to stop sweatin’ this one.
K-Rock was dressed in silky black boxing shorts with red stitches on the waistband and a black tank that dripped over his eight-pack like ebony paint. Some man, who I guess was his coach, stood ringside and quietly watched K-Rock’s technique.
I took a seat and faced the ring.
K-Rock tossed a punch left. A left hook, an uppercut right. Then he followed up with a jab. His face was super serious. He was definitely in his zone.
I watched him for at least five minutes, and my heart thundered with each air punch he threw.
Ugg! This is sooooooo stupid. I need to get outta here.
I quickly hopped out of my seat and rushed to the door.
“Yo!” came from behind me. “You give up that easy?”
I stopped in my tracks. Turned around. “I didn’t know I had anything to give up. I just came to check you out for a minute. I saw you. And now I’m leaving.”
“But I don’t want you to leave.”
Am I blushing?
I think I’m blushing.
Oh my God, I’m blushing!
Ugg. I felt soooooo stupid.
K-Rock stepped out of the ring and walked over to me. He kissed me on my forehead and said, “I’m happy to see you.”
“Really?”
We took a seat in the back of the gym. “Whatchu mean, really? I’m always happy to see you.” He paused. “Oh, wait, you still mad about yesterday? Yo, listen to me, I know we got a connection. I feel it too, but you too young for me right now.”
I couldn’t believe he said that. My heart was thundering. “What, you think I’m trying to get with you? Psst, please you really are like a brother to me.”