Looking Back

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Looking Back Page 8

by Looking Back (retail) (epub)


  Glancing discreetly at Molly, Rosie saw that she was lost in thought, no doubt concerned about her mam, and with good reason to be. ‘She’ll get over this, my pet, you’ll see.’

  Before answering, Molly sipped her tea. ‘I don’t know what to make of it. She worries me.’ Looking up, she said quietly, ‘There’s summat playing on her mind, and I don’t know what it is.’

  ‘Ah well, it’s only to be expected,’ the other woman answered gently, ‘what with losing the bairn and all.’

  ‘It’s not just that.’ Molly was sure of it. ‘There’s summat else. When I tackle her, she tells me I’m imagining things, but I know her, and I know it’s not just the bairn.’

  ‘She might be fretting because yer da hasn’t been to see her.’ God help the poor woman, Rosie thought. I wouldn’t want him anywhere near me, and that’s a fact!

  Molly gave a small, cynical laugh. ‘I don’t think it’s that,’ she answered. ‘The last thing she says to me when I’m leaving is “Keep your dad away, love. Right now I don’t want him within a mile of me!”’

  Rosie nodded. ‘And who can blame her, eh? Sure, isn’t yer da the very reason she’s lying there in the infirmary? Look now,’ she glanced at the clock, ‘half past five and there’s not a hide nor hair of him. It wouldn’t surprise me to see him come rolling home drunk at midnight.’ Shaking her head, she muttered under her breath, ‘He’s enough to drive a saint to despair, so he is.’

  Molly had a confession to make. ‘D’you know, Rosie, sometimes I hate him.’

  ‘Don’t say that, lass.’ Bad though he was, Frank was her father when all was said and done. ‘Hatred’s a terrible thing. It can destroy you if yer not careful.’

  Even though she knew Rosie was right, Molly gave no reply, for she had spoken the truth. God forgive her, there were times when she hated her dad. Lately she had wondered if they wouldn’t all be better off without him.

  More than anyone, Molly understood how her mam felt. The more responsibility she herself was made to take on, the more she had come to realise what a hell on earth Amy’s life had been. ‘I promised I’d go back and see her later, if that’s all right with you, Rosie.’ She had a feeling her mam needed her right now. ‘I’ll bath the children and get them off to bed.’

  Always ready to help, Rosie agreed. ‘Is that why yer feeling so down, lass… because of yer mam, and everything?’

  ‘No, it’s not just that.’ Her voice wobbled.

  ‘D’ye feel like talking about it?’

  The girl took a deep breath. ‘You’ll know soon enough,’ she answered, ‘so I might as well tell you now. The truth is, I’ve lost my job. I got notice this morning.’

  ‘What? I can’t believe it!’ Rosie was shocked. ‘You’ve been at that cake shop ever since you left school. Mrs Parsons thinks highly of you – she was talking about putting you in charge, our Alfie said. Something about her wanting to spend more time with her family?’

  ‘That’s right,’ Molly said slowly, ‘but you know how it is, Rosie. Just when you think your life’s running smoothly, everything goes wrong, and that’s what happened to Mrs Parsons.’

  ‘How d’you mean?’

  ‘You remember how upset she was last year, when her eldest son left to work in London. Then soon after that, poor Mr Parsons was killed in an accident at work. The moment she started to recover from that, her daughter Lucy got wed and emigrated to Australia.’

  Rosie nodded. ‘If you ask me, it was a very selfish thing for the girl to do… going off and leaving her mam all alone so soon after her husband was killed.’

  The very same thought had crossed Molly’s mind but, ‘Who are we to judge?’ she asked softly. ‘Happen we all have to cope with grief in our own way.’

  ‘Yes, you’re right there,’ Rosie conceded. ‘Only it seems hard on her poor mother, that’s all I’m saying.’

  ‘Harder than anyone realised,’ Molly agreed. ‘She never stopped missing Lucy, and you’re right, she did have a mind to put me in charge of it all. “I can trust you”, that’s what she said. The idea was for her to go off when the fancy took her. That way she could see more of both her children – especially Lucy, who she always doted on.’

  ‘Sure, there’s nothing wrong with that. I feel the very same way about our Sandra.’ Stretching out her long fingers, Rosie laughed. ‘Though I don’t mind admitting there are times when I could throttle her with me own bare hands!’

  ‘You and me both,’ Molly joked. ‘But Sandra is Sandra, and unlike our Lottie, there’s no malice in her.’

  Wisely changing the subject, Rosie asked, ‘What will you do – about your work, I mean?’

  Sighing from her boots, Molly took a minute to answer. ‘One thing’s for sure,’ she mused, ‘Mrs Parsons won’t change her mind. She’s had word that Lucy is expecting her first baby. In the letter, Lucy says how she’s frightened of being so far away, and she needs her mam. Now Mrs Parsons has a cash buyer for the shop, and he wants to close the deal as soon as possible.’

  ‘Hmh! It’s a shame you can’t afford to buy it. You’d double the takings in no time with your bright ideas.’

  Molly gave a small, whimsical smile. ‘We’ll never know now.’

  ‘Maybe the new owner will keep you on.’ Rosie knew how the customers respected Molly. ‘If he has any sense he’ll hang on to you for all he’s worth.’

  ‘No chance of that, I’m afraid.’ Molly had been hoping the same. ‘He has a wife and two daughters who’ll help him run the shop. On top of that, he has plans to buy the empty premises next door. He reckons to knock down the dividing wall and run a cafe and cake shop alongside each other.’

  ‘But that was your idea, wasn’t it? I recall you saying how you’d mentioned it to Mrs Parsons and she went for it like a dog for a bone.’

  ‘All the same, it’s a good idea and should do well. I don’t know why Mrs Parsons didn’t think of it herself.’

  ‘Ah, love! I am sorry.’ Rosie knew from experience, it never rained but it poured.

  Always an optimist, her future daughter-in-law shrugged. ‘It’s no good worrying about it. As from four o’clock on Friday, I’m out of a job. Come Monday, I’ll be looking for work, and with a bit of luck it won’t be long before I’m bringing home a wage again. The way things are, I can’t afford not to.’

  ‘You’ll not be out of work long if I know you.’ Rosie had every faith in her.

  ‘Look, Rosie, I’m not sure when they’ll let Mam home so I might need you to help me a while longer – with the children, I mean. Once I’m wage-earning again, I’ll pay you.’

  ‘You’ll do no such thing!’ Rosie was adamant. ‘Sure, I’m pleased to be helping out, so I am. And I dare say your mam will be glad of my help, too, for a short time anyway, after she gets home.’

  ‘You’re a good friend to her, and me.’ Molly was immensely grateful. ‘But for her sake as well as mine, I’ve got to find work, and quickly.’

  ‘Don’t you worry, lass. It’ll all come right in the end.’

  Although, having learned more about the way of things in this house, even Rosie had her doubts.

  Molly felt so much better for having talked things over with Rosie. She was such a kind, understanding soul. ‘I feel a lot more confident now,’ she confessed. ‘With any luck, I’ll not be out of work more than a day or so, then our mam will be home, and we can look to the future.’

  But unfortunately, the future wasn’t up to Molly Tattersall. It was up to Amy, her mother.

  And she was hopelessly torn between the life she had, and the new life that beckoned.

  * * *

  That evening, after Rosie left to see to her own family, Molly bathed the children one by one, and got them ready for bed. ‘When’s Mammy coming home?’ Bertha was missing Amy badly, more than any of the others.

  Towelling her dry, Molly paused to wrap her in a bear hug. ‘Soon, sweetheart,’ she told her. ‘Mammy will be home soon.’

  Bertha’s dark eyes sw
am with tears. ‘Will she be here when I wake up?’

  ‘No.’ There was no use lying. ‘But it won’t be too long now, I promise.’

  Struggling with her nightgown, her older sister Milly had a question. ‘Will they give her another bairn to fetch home?’

  ‘They can’t do that,’ Molly replied gently.

  Bertha started crying. ‘I want our bairn!’

  ‘Well, you can’t have it!’ Popping her head through the neck of the nightgown, Milly gave what she considered a grown-up sigh. ‘God took it back, because it wasn’t strong enough to stay here. That’s what Molly said, ain’t it?’

  ‘That’s right, sweetheart.’

  Pleased to have got it right, Milly wagged a finger at Eddie, who was splashing about in the tin bath. ‘Mammy’s feeling a bit sad, so when she comes home, you’ll have to behave yourself!’

  Wanting to play, Eddie flattened his hand and thumped it hard on the water, sending a spray all over the three girls. ‘See!’ Milly said indignantly. ‘He just won’t behave, will he?’

  Plucking the infant from the bath, Molly wrapped him in the towel. ‘When Mam gets home, you’ll all have to behave.’ Asking Milly to help Bertha put on her nightgown, she then dried young Eddie, fastened a terry square round his pink bottom, and pulled the comb through his wispy locks. When he cried, Milly said he was a big baby, but when it came to her having her hair brushed, she fought and struggled until Molly told her how Eddie and Bertha were watching. After that she was incredibly brave; Bertha, too, when it came to her turn.

  As always, Georgie needed no telling. At eight years of age he was a little man, able to fend for himself and proud of it. After stripping off his clothes, he washed at the tin bath and got into his pyjamas. He combed his hair and presented himself to Molly. ‘Shall I take the others upstairs?’ he offered.

  She gave him a well-deserved hug. ‘I’ll come up with you,’ she said. It was good to see his little adventure had not marred him.

  Like a mother hen, Molly ferried them up to their beds. She tucked them in and gave them each a goodnight kiss, and was choked with emotion when Bertha clung to her. ‘I love you,’ she said. Just a brief, simple remark, but spoken from the heart.

  ‘I love you, too,’ her big sister whispered, and creeping out of the room, she left them to their slumbers.

  Leaning against the wall, she stayed on the landing for a time, her heart heavy and the tears very close. ‘They miss you so much, Mam,’ she murmured. ‘Be strong, if only for them.’ The truth was, she missed Amy, too. The house didn’t seem the same without her.

  * * *

  Some short time later, having washed at the sink, brushed her hair and changed into a clean, white blouse and loose dark trousers, Molly was waiting for Rosie to return when the door opened. ‘Now there’s a pretty sight!’ Handsome and cheeky as ever, Alfie hurried across the room, arms outstretched. ‘Any chance of a kiss?’ he enquired, then took it without waiting for her answer.

  ‘You’re full of yourself, aren’t you?’ Molly teased, and her joy in him was evident. When all else was going wrong in her life, Alfie was the one element that was right.

  Leading her to the sofa, he kept his arm round her, his mood more serious. ‘Mam says you had some bad news today?’

  She nodded. ‘Oh, I’ll soon find something, don’t worry.’

  ‘I’m sure you will.’ He winked. ‘Once the word gets out, they’ll be queuing up for you.’

  ‘Huh!’ Worried though she was, Molly had to laugh. ‘I hope you’re right.’

  ‘I reckon you deserve a night out. How about you and me going to the flicks? The Odeon is open again at long last.’

  ‘Sounds lovely, but I promised Mam I’d go back this evening. I’m worried about her, Alfie. She seems so strange.’

  ‘What d’you mean, strange?’

  ‘I’m not sure… kind of distant.’ Molly couldn’t put her finger on what was wrong. ‘She had a slight infection, but that’s all cleared up now, so it can’t be that.’

  ‘Have you spoken to the doctor?’

  ‘I’m seeing him when I go back tonight. The nurse says he should tell me when we can bring her home – Sunday, she thinks, but she wouldn’t commit herself.’

  Hugging her close, he passed on Rosie’s assurance. ‘Our mam won’t let you down, you know that.’

  ‘I know.’

  Tilting her face towards him, he kissed her on the mouth, holding her close, and wondering when he should break his own news to her. It wouldn’t be well received, he knew that, but she had to be told, and soon.

  When Molly glanced up, she thought he seemed uneasy. Tuned into his every mood, she asked, ‘Is everything all right, Alfie?’ She had seen the guilt in his eyes.

  He smiled, that dark boyish smile that gave her goosebumps. ‘I’ve a confession to make,’ he said.

  ‘What kind of confession?’ Nervously, she joked, ‘You’ve not fallen for another woman, have you?’

  His voice was soft, endearing. ‘There’s no other woman for me, Molly. Not now. Not ever. You should know that.’

  ‘But there is something wrong, isn’t there?’

  ‘Well, not wrong exactly, but I don’t think you’re going to like it.’

  Sitting bolt upright, she prepared herself. ‘Try me.’

  Alfie took a long, invigorating breath. ‘I’ve been offered a wonderful opportunity, and more money than we’ve ever seen.’

  Momentarily speechless, Molly reflected on his words. ‘What do you have to do for this money?’ she asked. Suspicion crept in. She knew you got nothing for nothing in this life.

  ‘All they want me to do is what I’m good at.’

  The pride in his face told her all she needed to know. ‘They want you to fight, don’t they? They want to put you up against some backstreet killer. Tell them no! Please, Alfie, for my sake, tell them no.’ Unlike Alfie, she feared the unscrupulous villains who ran the fight game.

  ‘It’s not like that,’ he said. ‘Yes, they want me to fight, but not in the back streets. Not any more.’

  ‘What are you saying, Alfie? Are you giving up the fighting game?’ In a day of upsets, that would be the best news ever.

  He dashed her hopes with a shake of his head. ‘Please, my love. Just listen.’

  Intrigued but apprehensive, she listened while he outlined the plan.

  ‘Unbeknown to me, the manager’s had an American scout watching me at every turn. Wherever I’ve fought, he’s been there, taking notes, reporting back to the big-shots in New York.’

  ‘Why?’ Molly’s fears heightened. ‘What do they want with you?’

  Clutching her shoulders, he trembled with excitement, his dark eyes afire. ‘Oh Molly, it’s every fighter’s dream! They want me in America. There’s a house, money, contacts, training and everything. It’s big-time, lass! Big-time!’

  Sensing her dismay, he lowered his voice. ‘Don’t you see? It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance, to ditch the street-boxing and go professional.’ He gave a small laugh. ‘I can’t believe it. The scout said I was the best he’d seen in a long time.’

  Overwhelmed by the news, she asked, ‘Is it what you really want?’

  Joy flooded his eyes. ‘You know it is.’

  ‘And what about me… us?’

  Gently shaking her, he chided, ‘What do you think, eh? That I’d leave you behind? I’ve already told them: you’re part of the deal. If you don’t go, then neither do I.’

  His smile was confident now. ‘I want you with me, Molly! I want us to get wed as soon as we can, and start a new life in America.’ There was no holding him back now. ‘An opportunity like this doesn’t come twice. I’m twenty-two years old, with my whole future before me. Honest to God, Moll, it’s now or never.’

  ‘I don’t know.’ She didn’t share his excitement. ‘It’s a big step, moving away from our families, from everything we know. What if it all goes wrong?’

  ‘It won’t.’ Desperate to convince her, he made a
promise. ‘Look, sweetheart. I’ll tell them we’ll give it a year. If I’m not set to make it big by then, we’ll come home again. I can’t promise more than that, so what do you say?’

  ‘He’s told you then, has he?’ Stern-faced and anxious, Rosie walked through the door. ‘I can see you’re as shocked as I am.’

  She sat down at the table and pointed behind her. ‘I found him on the doorstep.’ Looking out of place in the small doorway, stood a man the size of a mountain, with a broken nose and bristly face, much like the other old ex-boxer types who frequented the gymnasium.

  ‘Tom Grady sent me to fetch you,’ he granted. ‘He said to tell you it’s important.’

  ‘I’m on my way.’ Concerned about Molly, Alfie assured the man that he would follow on shortly.

  ‘I’ll come down to the infirmary afterwards,’ he promised Molly. ‘We’ll walk home together… give us time to talk it all through, eh?’

  Kissing her soundly, he reminded her, ‘Think on what I’ve said, though. I want you with me.’ Bolting out of the door, he called cheerio to Rosie. ‘Look after her, Mam.’ These two women, and his grandad, were everything to him.

  * * *

  After he’d gone, the two women sat together, silent for a time, Molly on the sofa, Rosie at the table. The mantel clock ticked loudly, and it seemed an age before Rosie spoke; just one word, filled with awe. ‘America!’ Her soft voice reverberated round the room, then there was silence again.

  The clock continued to tick, and still the two women sat, lost in their own thoughts, until once more, Rosie broke the silence. ‘You never know what’s round the corner, do you? Things go on the same as before and one day’s like the next, then suddenly there comes a bolt out of the blue, and things are never the same again.’

  Shaking her head, she lapsed into a trance. ‘Now it looks like I’m about to lose the pair of youse.’ Whistling through her teeth, she sat up, shaking her head in disbelief. ‘America! It’s like the other side o’ the world, so it is!’

 

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